Unclehood
Some good news to share today.
My sister called to tell me she’s going to have a baby, and not exactly in those words. What she actually said was, “You’re going to be an uncle.”
For 28 years, I have lived my life being one of the three things: Older brother, son, grandson. I have embraced all of them and wear them proudly, but I would be lying if I said I was ready to be an uncle.
Uncle Jozen sounds so grown to me, more grown than I care to admit. Even though my sister is three years my junior, she along with her boyfriend are more ready than I am to bring a child in the world. Honestly, my idea of helping out with babysitting duties is making phone calls to try and find a babysitter.
But ready or not, this child is coming, and I am going to be its uncle. A few people say to me, “Jozen, you will make a great uncle” but I honestly don’t even know what that means.
Apologies For Yesterday and Today
Posting will be light, and when I say light, I mean pretty much non-existent. I’m in Little Rock for our best friend’s funeral. It’s going to be a joyous and sad occasion all at once, but we, along with the family of Trey Tims, will pull through this.
Thank you to all for the prayers and condolences. It means the world to me and I share them with my boys, it means the world to them too.
See you all on Monday.
Via VIBE.com
Today’s post on The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog: “Jay-Z and Beyoncé Still Not Like Us”
Five Other Ways To Tell I Really Like Her
Remember the movie, The Brothers? I recall there being some pearl of wisdom being disseminated in the film about how if a man gives a woman the last piece of food on his plate, he loves her or he wants to hit that. I can’t remember which, but I do remember watching it and thinking “That is some bullshit.”
All men and women analyze the beginning stages of a relationship with one another. We pick apart the little things they do or say so we can try and get a sense of how they really feel about us. But the old last-piece-of-food-on-the-plate is one of those tired tropes women are still relying on to this day. The most it means when I give a woman the last piece of food on my plate is I’m not hungry anymore. Nothing more, nothing less.
Thank God for me and my idiosyncratic mind. Allow me to break down the five ways a woman would be able to tell I really like her. All five may not apply to all men, but I’m pretty sure they might agree with one or two.
When Tears Hurt
Cry if you must, men. Tears hurt when we hold them back.
This crying thing is not a woman thing; it’s a human thing. We can believe real men cry. We can believe real men don’t. What’s absolute is real men go through some heavy, heavy stuff, man. So let us not be machines here. Let us be men and if we are men who cry, I suggest some company. Tears hurt when we shed them by ourselves.
To any man who can’t remember the last time they cried, keep the streak alive as long as you can. Be blessed in the pursuit. Tears hurt when they’re unfamiliar. Take it from me, a self-admitted crier who has seen other men of the age of facial hair and being addressed as Mr. cry, the tears of grown men shock and awe. Those tears are the maps to the foreign places of a man’s heart and when we see them, we know we have never been there before and he probably hasn’t either.
Still we can’t be afraid to go where the maps say. Nor can we be too prideful to ask for directions on how to get out. Just let the tears go. Crying is not a gauge to measure one’s manhood it’s a gauge to measure the magnitude of what just happened. And if what happened moved us to tears, let us not dodge. Just let the tears go.
Men are taught not to cry, never taught how to deal with life’s greatest joys and greatest pains. Men are taught tears don’t bring people back and they don’t make people stay, just asked why even cry about it in the first place?
Well, I cry because I’m not a machine.
I’m a man.
Tears hurt when I hold them back.
Trying To Figure It Out
This past weekend, my boys and I lost our best friend, Enoch “Trey” Tims III, in a tragic car accident. All of us received the news on Saturday and all of us are still trying to make sense of it in our own way. I know personally, I have been in an emotional stupor since I received the news, trying to figure out just, everything, man.
Originally, I had this idea to do something on male friendship. How important it is to all men, how important it is to me, but so far, I can’t do anything but think about the fact that my boy is no longer with the rest of my boys. There’s one less of us, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. I want to write through it, like I do most of my life, but I can’t, not right at this moment.
Sometime today (or maybe tomorrow), I’m going to get it together, and write something. It might be about him, it might be about something else, but right now, I have nothing to say except for this:
People who found out about my loss have emailed me, texted me, DM’d me and whenever they have, they always preface it by saying, “Sorry for reaching out to you like this, but…” DON’T BE SORRY. Never ever underestimate what the power of words can do.
I am not one of those people who separates the way a message was delivered from the message itself. I appreciate all the condolences given no matter where they come from. Others may feel differently about this, but I don’t. Shit, I need the words. I need the love. They’re all I got right now.
So thank you to all who have reached out. Your texts, emails, direct messages, Facebook wall posts, and BBMs, are all appreciated, kept, and read repeatedly.
As for my boys and I, we’re going to make it through this the way we’ve made it through the past ten years of our friendship. Together.
So What Do You All Want To Talk About?
One of my favorite bloggers, Ta-Nehisi Coates does this thing on his own blog over at Theatlantic.com. Basically, every day, one of his entries is an Open Thread where he allows his readers to drive the conversation. People go to the Comments section and pretty much discuss whatever it is that’s on their minds.
I find it to be such a great idea, I’ve decided to jack it (forgive me, Ta-Nehisi). The floor is all yours people. Head to the c-section and leave a comment. Let’s take the weekend to discuss whatever we’d like, and if I find something interesting, perhaps I’ll jump in there too, but no promises.
P.S.
To all my readers who are saying right now, “Oh this is some bullshit.” I’m sorry. I know. But I promise, I’ll be back Monday with my fresh on.
Via VIBE.com
Comments on this post have been turned off, but don’t let that stop you from commenting on the others. Today, two new items I scribbled over at VIBE.
The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog: Will Someone Please Call a Doctor?
A Short Convo With…Corinne Bailey Rae
As always, thanks for reading!
5 Things I Should Be Able To Do Without My Manhood Being Questioned
Every man has their thing, something we do that doesn’t fit into society’s typical idea of what a man does. Like in the movie Meet The Parents, where Greg Focker works as a nurse and throughout the film, his fiancee’s family takes little jabs at his chosen line of work because it’s not considered manly.
Sometimes these things are slightly more subtle, less overt than a whole profession. They’re little things men do, but in a woman’s mind, they’re big enough to raise her suspicion, causing her to ponder, “Is this guy playing for a different team?” And with down-low behavior still an issue, a lot of suspicions are valid.
But sometimes men don’t deserve the eyebrow raise. Sometimes, these things we do are just our thing or they serve a purpose. We shouldn’t have to stop doing them just because a woman has never seen a man do them before or they don’t fit into some dogmatic scheme of manhood she has conjured up in her mind. As comfortable as I am with my manhood, as comfortable as most men are, many men keep quiet certain things they do or want for the sake of appearances. In a weird way, I actually think such a balancing act is part of a man’s uniform.
Below, a list of five things I should be able to do without my manhood being question.
Jozen
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