September 2nd, 2010
Jozen
Everyone in the comments section has been telling me to take a break because all I’ve been doing is writing about how busy I am. To show I do read the comments and I do take some of what they say to heart, I will follow the advice given by most and take a break until Tuesday, September 7. Originally I wanted to start today off like every other day, but when I noticed I was at my 300th post, and thought about the awards I won (again thank you all for that), I figured I can take a break, right?
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September 1st, 2010
Jozen
It was just announced today, Until I Get Married won the popular vote in the category of Best Sex and Relationships Blog, Best Personal Blog (an honor shared with my friend and career girlfriend, Demetria Lucas for ABelleinBrooklyn.com), and what is probably the most flattering honor, Best Writing in a Blog.
All three wins were through popular vote, meaning I literally could not have done it without you all. They should have a category for Best Readers of A Blog so I can find a way to pay you all back. You all are the best, and so my first thank you, goes to everyone of you.
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Here we go again, another post about how busy I am. But this isn’t some cry for help, so much as it is a cry to help myself and if you can relate to any of this, great. Glad you can be a part of the struggle.
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I absolutely agree with anyone who believes technology has ruined the traditional lines of communication. With social media, the advent of text messaging, email, and online chatting, things like hand-written letters and regular phone calls seem to be archaic.
As a result, all of us have developed our own form of communication etiquette. I know of BlackBerry users who treat their BBM like its some sort of key to their heart and will make a person work for their pin number. There was a girl I once dated who chatted online during the day, and knew I did the same, but when we decided to open up the flood gates and chat with each other, we thought it a pretty big deal, for whatever reason.
But the form of communication I have noticed is becoming prized and put on a pedestal higher than the others is the classic phone call. Maybe it’s just the women I’m talking to these days, but from what I’m seeing, it’s like, phone calls are the new flowers. Give a girl a call, all of a sudden we know how to treat a lady.
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When my mom and her man of 11-years were going through their break up and he was moving out the last of his things, we decided to go out one night as a family. I remember how sad my Mom was as we were leaving the house and how heavy the tension was in the car between my Mom and Pop. They weren’t really mad at each other; more like mad that after 11 years, it was all ending.
My sister and I rode in silence, mad too.
Then we got to the restaurant, a pizzeria in a neighboring town, and were taken to our table. It was as if the chairs we sat in held the cure for unhappy families, because from the moment we sat down, the four of us didn’t stop laughing and smiling with each other. Like, we were a family, and probably the happiest one in the restaurant. It was as though we had just begun, rather than ending, our time together as a family. To this day, that remains one of the happiest nights of my life.
A few days later, my Pop moved the rest of his things.
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Girls night out is every guy’s nightmare. Trust me when I tell you. No man likes it when his woman is getting all dressed up to go and hang out with her girlfriends surrounded by a bunch of other guys who are not us.
I know we may act like we want our girl to hang out with her girlfriends, but really, it makes us nervous. Especially for men like me who know if they haven’t already gotten what’s coming to them for our trifling past, it soon come. Yes, we will encourage a woman to go out and have a good time and try to act like we can use the space too, but honestly, we’d much rather her go take a walk to anywhere but a bar or a lounge.
So now that I have divulged this little secret, allow me to suggest a solution as to how to make girls night out a comfortable night for the man in her life. Actually, make that five suggestions.
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I used to be good at doing the little things to make a woman smile, and looking back on those days, I think it was because the little things were all I had. Yes, I had a career from the moment I graduated from college. And even in college, I was busy juggling two or three different things at a time, but back then, I think what also helped me focus on these “smaller things” was a lack of focus on the bigger things.
I think from a very early age, I understood the risks of the career I have chosen for myself. I knew I wasn’t going to be some hot shot lawyer making six figures and I knew I didn’t want to be a doctor who could afford to have a summer home. I just wanted to be a writer who was ambitious in his pursuits, and maybe one day make it to the top of a masthead or become so in demand, my talent would be handsomely compensated.
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So maybe it’s the week of the exes.
I don’t know, but whatever it is, I’m hoping this is the last ex-girlfriend related post I have because, umm, I really hate talking about my exes. I was out with a girl the other night and she asked me these questions about my past relationships, and she wasn’t annoying me, but at some point I just had to dead them because I thought, there’s so much more to me than my ex-girlfriends.
Still, right now, there isn’t much more I’m thinking about other than my last ex and I’m not thinking about her back when we were together. There hasn’t been any reminiscing of the days from our time we lived with each other. I’m thinking about her now, and I’ve been wanting to reach out to her, this month in particular, because, well, she either has or she is about to have her baby.
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Before I even get into today’s post, some clarification on the title. I in no way mean to insinuate I have plans on marrying anyone, but I do believe that we never know what the future holds and so it is very possible the woman I marry can be a woman from my past or a woman I’ve never met. I won’t know until I ask her!
So now that we have clarified the title, let’s move onto today’s post about a girl who I call a friend first, but was indeed my girlfriend. I don’t want to get into too much of our relationship’s back story, so I will just say we dated back in 2006 for an intense 9 months. She knows exactly who she is and some of my friends know too, but I wanted to write about her today because, well, this past weekend, she reminded me that some people in our lives are meant to be in them forever, regardless of their status. She is one such person in my life, and I in hers.
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There is an unfortunate stigma attached to women and seemingly not attached to men. That stigma is vulnerability and it’s unfortunate because it’s one-sided.
A woman can’t be alone with a man she barely knows. She can’t accept a drink from a man she just met. Hell, sometimes, she shouldn’t even be giving her phone number to a man she just met. Email might be best.
These are all unwritten rules when it comes to socializing, and a big reason why they’re in place is because a violation of any of these rules can possibly leave a woman vulnerable to some unfortunate consequence. And trust me, I get it. All of these rules I just mentioned above are for the well-being of women, and I would encourage all women to follow them. Sure I may be baffled at times when a woman with whom I vibe says she can’t go home with me, but I certainly understand her declining on the grounds of personal safety.
But today I want to talk about when a woman accepts my invitation or sometimes gets up the gumption to invite me without even knowing so much as my last name. Of course, she’s vulnerable to me, but hey, what about me? Aren’t I vulnerable too?
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What The People Are Saying