Until I Get Married

I was always hesitant to start a blog about my dating life, largely because I wasn’t quite sure of a way to make it true-to-life without being anonymous and as a person who writes by profession, I care very much about using my name. I tried the whole pen name thing once, back when I was blogging at KING Magazine’s website (RIP), under the alias of Huey P. Langston. But the burden of carrying on the alias was too much, so I decided to claim my words.

After KING, I went to VIBE (RIP), where I also blogged using my real name. I even put a picture of myself on display! But when I was there, I didn’t feel it was the type of place to host a blog about dating or relationships, so I attempted to focus on music related posts only.

Now I’m on my own, and I’m finally able to do the blog I want to do, though there was one dilemma. How was I going to be able to talk about the women who are probably going to have roles in a lot of my future posts without getting them offended or upset?

What I came up with were four basic rules I promised the lady friends in my life I would abide by. They were as follows.

1. No Real Names: I know a lot of guys (myself included) who have this weird unwritten rule where they will never refer to a woman they’re seeing by her real name unless they really, really like her. Usually I just refer to a woman by some kind of association like where she’s from, what she does for a living, or where I met her. Other times we may reference a physical feature or verbal tick she does. So if she’s the type to scream really loud in bed, I’d say to my boy, “Yeah, so the other night, I was hanging out with Screamer.” And he knows exactly who I’m talking about. For the sake of this blog and a woman’s privacy, I will be employing this same technique, but now it will be applied to every woman I refer to, even the ones I would take home to my mother.
2. No Intimate Details: Just because I call her Screamer doesn’t mean I have to tell people why I’ve named her such. Because I’m a gentleman, the intimate details I share with a woman, no matter much comedic fodder they might provide, will not be divulged.
3. She Knows First: It’s quite simple. I tell a woman how I feel about her and our situation before I say anything about it on this blog. I’ve promised every girl I am dating or seeing in some capacity that if I have anything to say about her or us, she will hear it from me first. THEN, she might read about it on the blog.
4. I Must Man Up and Tell Her The Truth: I’m not above telling a white lie here and there in order to avoid the drama honesty can sometimes cause. But if I want the women I’m involved with to read my blog (and I do) than I have no choice to be up front with them about everything and everyone else. It took me a long time to man up and start telling women that I’m not into tennis and our situation isn’t just about me-and-her. It’s more like football, baseball, basketball, and any other team sport. She’s on the team, but there are others too. I’m not cruel about this, and I don’t say such things with a little man standing behind me to make sure my mink doesn’t hit the floor. I just tell them the truth because I have found if a woman wants to play with you, she’ll join the team, no matter the sport.

So there it is, people; the four conditions under which I will abide by toward any and all women I involve myself with while we’re dating. Fortunately, I won’t be putting much of this into practice, seeing as I’m currently unemployed and have refused to go out on a date with any woman I’ve met post-unemployment until I find a new job, for reasons I will discuss in my next post. Until then, these are the rules.

Thoughts?