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Women, Unemployment and Me

Yesterday, at the end of my post about the deal I made with women (scroll down to read, “The Deal I Made With Women”), I mentioned that I put myself on a dating sabbatical until I found a job. (I lost my job as an editor at VIBE on June 30, the day the company shut its doors, and that’s all I will say about that.) The rule is as follows:

Jozen will not take any woman he meets while unemployed out on a date until his ass gets a job. Women who knew him when he had a job will still, on rare occasion, be taken out to eat or something.

As I type, I’m explaining this to a girl I met recently who I planned to see upon her arrival back in town. Unfortunately I forgot the rule and though she isn’t upset that I’m canceling whatever previous plans we had, her initial reply was I didn’t have to worry about not having a job to take her out because her career is filled with extended periods of time spent between gigs and she understands.

What she doesn’t understand (but I kindly explained) is my not taking a woman out on a date has less to do with my own hubris and more to do with my pocketbook.

Maybe it’s because we’re seeing the highest unemployment rate in 26 years at 9.5 percent, but for the past couple of months, I’ve met a lot of women who aren’t getting too caught up in whether or not a man has a job. Ladies know even the best of men are losing their jobs in these tough economic times, so that “Must Have Job” item on their “Things A Guy Must Have” list is probably written in pencil as opposed to the others written in pen, such as “Must Have All his Teeth.” And while it’s great to know a woman isn’t going to write me off just because I’m living off the government, I never instated this rule because I have issues with a woman making more than me or working when I’m not. Lord knows I don’t have a problem with either of those things, word to Stedman Graham.

The reason I put myself on a dating hiatus until I find gainful employment is the same reason I’m going to cancel my HBO On Demand subscription. Both of them are luxuries I currently cannot afford. I love new women. I love HBO On Demand. But both cost me money I don’t have, so for the sake of being frugal, HBO On Demand and new women must go. I wish I could say there are some deeper reasons for this rule, but there really aren’t any.

There is, however, a loophole. After all, no rule I put on myself would be complete without a loophole and my no-dating-until-I-get-a-job condition does have one. It goes as follows:

If Jozen should meet a woman during his time of unemployment who wants to take him out on her dime, he is not only allowed to go, he must go. Mama ain’t raise no fool.

Categories: dating, unemployment Tags: ,
  • 05girl

    cute ending.

  • Ms. Dee

    Mama ain’t raise no fool indeed! You go on those dates and make sure you order the lobster too! I completely feel you on watching your pockets during this time. Even if you were still employed, I don’t think it’s too much to ask your lady to pick up the check every once in a while….or at the very least offer. Keep an eye on the ladies who treat you to a meal during this time in your life. One of them could very well be “meet the parents” material.

  • Goodie

    I love it.

  • Danielle

    LOL can’t even be mad at that

  • clovito

    I can respect this; takes a lot of self control and totally makes sense. but when you meet the right girl all reason goes out the window sometimes. good luck

  • Moya

    Nice. Never turn down a free meal, but technically you are paying, lol


    Been there, doing that, but…

    Uhm, why does Jozen have a “pocketbook” and not a wallet?!?!

    Be sure to put a wallet on your shopping list when you do retain to the world fo gainful employment, it’ll work wonders with the ladies

  • GVG

    It’s so crazy that you posted this today, just a couple of days ago I posed the question below to my circle

    “To the guys,

    If due to finances, your only two options for a first date (with someone who has made it very clear with their words and actions that they are into you and you feel the same) was to either allow her to pay or you not go at all, which would you do and why?”

    99% of the guys decided to run with a third non included option of a cheap “creative” date. However, when forced to only select one of the two options provided, all chose not to go out at all. I chose the same. The reason for me is one parts pride and one part man law, I believe with all my heart while courting that for at least the first four dates you are responsible for paying (Tip and all). Small exceptions for things like her purchasing some movie tix because she arrived before you or surprising you with an activity that you mentioned in passing you were interested in aren’t bad. Brownie points for taking notes. Don’t get me wrong I think the financial burden shouldn’t be yours alone forever, when in a relationship I’m perfectly fine with her “getting it this time” and later on in dating with the rule of “the person who asks pays”, but those first few dates are about your position as the man, the provider, and hunter. You are courting her, showing her your worthiness as a potential suitor. Not the other way around and I think if you mess with that dynamic you are always doomed to be stuck in the new reality you’ve created. If I expect you to be the woman in the relationship and handle all the things that come with that role, I should expect no less of myself and my duties as the man in the relationship. As one of my guys who responded to my query said “If you broke, you shouldn’t be dating “or the dad in house party 3 “No romance without finance!”

  • Tia

    I agree with GVG. I think with the 1st date the man should always pay. Even if he don’t have no money. The 1st date don’t always have to be expensive. You guys can go for coffee, a light brunch, a walk in the park with a bottle of wine and fruit. In this recession you have to think of other things to do besides spending over $100 on the 1st meal just to impress her. Cook her a meal and invite her over for dinner instead. She just might appericate this a lot more. I just had an ole’ school movie date with a guy I meant he brought take out, wine and movies and I actaully did enjoy it and he’s still employed and could have took me out. Our second date will be this Friday and we will actually being heading out!

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