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A Guide To Staying Away From Your Ex

So apparently, Chris Brown was sentenced in court yesterday after being found guilty of beating his ex-girlfriend Rihanna. One of the conditions mandated by the judge was a stay-away order. Under this condition, Brown must remain 100 yards away from Rihanna at all times, with the exception of music industry events, where the permissible distance is 10 yards. The order is to be carried out for five years, and if Brown violates it, the singer goes to sing-sing.

When I read about this yesterday, I thought to myself, If I had one of those after my last break-up, things would’ve gone a lot smoother. Initially, after my ex and I broke up, we couldn’t stay away from each other for five days. We thought when one of us said, “Never call me again” what she or I really meant was “Never call me in two days.” But eventually, we found a way to move on and though the order isn’t appointed by the courts, we do a good job of staying away from one another to this day.

That being said, I decided to give all the others who are having trouble staying away from an ex a list of five things they can do to make it easier. Even if the punishment for violating the rules isn’t hard time, the only thing better than getting into a relationship with someone, is getting over them when you break up, and nothing helps more than some good ‘ol fashioned space. Here’s how to get it:

  1. Find Somebody New
  2. Find Somebody New
  3. Find Somebody New
  4. Find Somebody New
  5. Find Somebody New

What? You got a better plan?

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  • http://iamgvg.blogspot.com GVG

    LOL

  • Alana

    LOL!!! So true.

  • La

    Hahhahaa.. true.

  • trace

    la ha! that’s the damn truth!

  • Delishia

    So what happens if Ri Ri decides she wants to see Chris? If she shows up at his door…then what?

  • DeeMarie

    No arguments there

  • http://fashionbombdaily.com Claire

    You never stay far from your exes Jozen!

  • Jamminontheone

    That is hilarious and so true. I feel bad for him. Granted you should never put your hands on a woman, but he had to be provoked and she get to do videos, keep her endorsements, and be the victor in this soap opera. He will not be the last one who she will do this to. I am sorry…as a female, I know that I provoked the hell of out my man. Even when he told me to stop, I kept on. When I finally got hurt, that is when it dawn on me that I should have just left him alone. We get so wrapped into the heat of the moment, that things go too damn far. Now Chris Brown has to walk on egg shells for the next 5 years and do everything in God’s name not to end up in prison. Life is a bitch.

  • danyasteele

    This is really funny.

    And no – not a good idea. :-)

    If too sudden, the ‘somebody new’ is often literally, your ex in a new body and you’re just prolonging whatever problem existed in the first place. 😉

  • http://kandeezie.com Kandeezie

    Cute!! That does work, doesn’t it.

  • Malaca Jones

    Before you find someone new, work on yourself! Those same issues will follow you to the next relationship.

  • Malaca Jones

    I’m sorry that you got hurt in a past relationship and yes maybe you shouldn’t push people’s buttons but it is NEVER ok for a man to beat a woman ever. When you get a chance to think check your family history for the cycle of abuse and think about what you can do to stop attracting those relationships into your life.

  • Malaca Jones

    As for Chris, maybe he can get the help that he needs so that he doesn’t continue to respond inappropriately when he gets caught cheating. He saw his stepfather beat his mother so he thinks that it is ok to beat women. It’s not a good look. Yes this a costly lesson but ignorance cost you more! Look at the bright side, most men convicted of domestic violence go to jail and they become someone else’s girlfriend; he can sleep in his own bed and he can drop his soap and simply pick it up. He should count his blessings.

  • http://paigeworthy.com Paige

    Amen, Malaca.

  • lexus garcia

    finding someone new is selfish and not fair.

  • Christina

    Uhhh… I used to totally espouse this method of moving on. Even counselled my ex to get a new girl in order to help him get over me. Total disaster! He got a new woman, moved her in, then began calling me to get back during work hours.. So his new girl wouldn’t know. After awhile it became soooo predictable. Getting a new partner before you’ve gotten over your ex can be a recipe for disaster.. Plus the new persons insecure cause they know they’re being constantly compared to the last..

  • http://renrexx.blogspot.com Ren

    I tried to find somebody new and get over the ex, but because the ex was still a constant presense in my life. I couldn’t really get under a new one as easily and comfortably. And with time, just shifted back to that comfort zone and started dating the ex…. again. I have to say i’m a bit disappointed because nothing was ever resolved. nothing changed.

  • *inquiring mind*

    I never could get why people go back to the ex… as if things will be better the 2nd time.

  • Anonymous

     Somebody new is good for distraction’s sake, but giving yourself time to be completely over one relationship before getting involved with someone new – to whatever degree – is always a better idea. It’s not easy, but you want to know that you’d’ve been able to stay away from x with or without the new candy in your hands.