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Five Reasons I Don’t Want To Have Sex With You, Girl

Ladies, sit down. I have some news to share with you.

Are you sitting? Good.

I know this is going to come as a shock to some of you, and to those who already know, apologies for preaching to the choir. But for those who don’t, or haven’t heard the news, I do not want to have sex with all of you. Not all the time. Not even some of the time.

Now, calm down ladies. Stop crying. Don’t roll your eyes. Stay calm. Yes, I know what Lil Wayne, Drake, and the rest of Young Money said. Yes, I like the song too. No, I don’t live by it.

Allow me to explain my reasons. Keep in mind, I don’t speak for all men, but I ask that if any men read this and agree, please co-sign in the comments or, if you have your own reasons share them. Ladies need to know that sometimes, we just don’t want any.


I know I talk about this a lot on my blog but I only do it because I’m not rich. In any case, yes, my financial state can have an effect on my libido. Nothing kills my sex drive like overdraft fees.


Girl, I just had a huge steak, baked potato, and a side of creamed spinach, which is the magic recipe for a nap.


Aunt Flow’s things are at the door and she’s about to leave. I understand, but I’m not going back inside until she’s left entirely. Put the towels back.


Girl, what are you doing? Seriously.


Earlier today, you did something ugly. It was this face you made when you were trying to get the remote to work. I can’t really explain what it looked like, but I have been trying to get it out of my head all day and until I do, I’m sorry, I just can’t.

So there you have it ladies, five reasons why I’m telling you no while your clothes are off. But don’t worry, these things never last long. Sooner than later, I will have some money in my pocket, your Aunt flow will be gone, my food will digest, the game will come to an end, and instead of remembering that face you made while you were trying to get the remote to work, I will remember the face you made the last time I said yes, when your clothes were off.

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  • @trgriff

    bwhahaha…”put the towels back”… accurate

  • thedlife

    Love this post! The funny thing is I think many women have the same reasons for saying no to men…I know I do!

  • kimfrye

    quality post

  • Paige

    Don’t worry, we don’t want to have sex with you either 😉

  • Jovi

    Number 5 is hilarious, but I’ve noted from other dudes that it’s true. Guys can’t deal with poor visuals.

  • DBO


  • Kandeezie


    I agree @thedlife! Women probably have the same five reasons too, more or less!

  • Blakladyj

    You aint that broke if you eating a ruth’s chris steakhouse meal lol

  • Natalie Naomi

    #5 made me laugh the hardest! HA!! The Aunt Flow joint was funny too!! Good Post!!

  • Nitha

    Hey…great blog…couple week lurker, first time commenter. Ewww @ #3…if Aunt Flow’s not all the way gone yet I don’t want any either. I’m still in don’t-touch-me-unless-you-have-chocolate mode. #5-hilarious yet true…I find that men do need recovery time from bad visuals lol

  • Ava Carter

    “The Game Is On: Girl, what are you doing? Seriously.” Classic! LMAO!

  • bizzybee

    hahhahahhahahhah!!! love that!

  • ZM Wright

    6). I just beat off like ehhh…an hour ago, catch me in half. But until then don’t say sh*t to me.

  • clovito

    # You Did Something Ugly: Earlier today, you did something ugly. It was this face you made when you were trying to get the remote to work.

    LOL, you a fool

  • b.collins

    3rd quarter. (re:#4)

  • Nic-nic

    LOLLLL – Ahhh, you so funny!!! {sigh} Keen observation – 🙂

  • LadyArrington

    All except for the Aunt Flow thing, and if you sub The Soaps in for the Game, we feel the exact same way!

  • Nicki

    Wow!!! Jozen thanks for #3. I had to break up with a boyfriend because he wanted to “hit it” (his words) during that time. Soooooo Nasty, beyond freak nasty lol.

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