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Things I Shouldn't Have Said to Women

September 1st, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

I’ve always known what to say to a woman to make her smile, laugh, turn her on, or make her feel good. Call it, the gift of gab.

But there have been times where I wish my best ability was to shut the hell up and not say anything at all. These are some of those times.

Girl, congratulations!

Context: Said to a girl who I thought was pregnant. Turns out, she wasn’t.

I always go for girls most guys aren’t into.

Context: Said to a girl I was out on a date with.

I was walking by a Weight Watchers and I thought about you.

Context: Said to a girl I was dating who dieted unnecessarily and insisted she needed to be on Weight Watchers.

That’s it! Oprah!

Context: Said to a woman after I finally figured out what celebrity she looked like.

I didn’t think you were going to be able to finish that!

Context: Said on a dinner date.

You look good, today

Context: Said to women all the time, and yeah, there’s always a hissing sound when they say, “Thanks”.

Oh, look at that! It still fits!

Context: Said to a woman who wasn’t sure if she could go one dress size down.

Huh?

Context: Said to any woman who is talking to me longer than five minutes.

I saw your friend today. Yeah, it was crazy. I was  walking down the street and I see this girl and I’m like, “Dang, who is that?” Then when I tapped her on the shoulder, I realized it was your girl.

Context: Said to a girl I was dating.

Oh girl, I always love when you wear those panties

Context: Said to a girl I was dating, who apparently bought them that day. She showed me the receipt as proof.

I apologize.

Context: Said after I said everyone of these things.


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  • http://www.twitter.com/project29 Nadine

    hahaha, ouch @ a lot of those. who wants to look like Oprah? Yes offense.

  • 05girl

    This was great.

  • http://squintss.vox.com Jovi

    hahahahaha. Boy you just be living huh? Gotta say though, I don’t believe you’ve said all that stuff to girls. Just can’t. You might have gotten some john stocktons (assists) from your boys- but this all can’t come for you Jozey. Not the weightwatchers.

  • Belle

    LOL! i was out with a guy once at dinner, he looked at my plate, which still had food on it, and said “dang, you were hungry, huh?” i put my fork down, didn’t finish my plate, and decided then i would never answer another call.

    there was another guy who said, just after I’d ordered guacamole at my favorite Mexican spot, “you know avocados are high in fat and calories, right? I’m just saying.” I ate all the guacamole and damn near licked the bowl.

    There was also the guy, a friend, who very recently said to me, “i can see why you’re still single. I think men are afraid of your likelihood to blow up once you get pregnant.” we are currently not speaking over that one. (he got mad when I spoke to him about his insensitivity.)

  • Madam

    LMAO… i worry about you sometimes! I do believe you said those things, lol!

  • RtG

    Jozen, a few of these you’ve said to me! Sucka.

  • MissBridge

    I never comment but this post was high comedy. I totally know you’ve said all of this. I’ve heard the food comment a million times and my brother did the are u expecting thing…my dad told me he did that one too. Men are comedy. xoxo

  • http://www.thedlife.wordpress.com Ms. Dee

    Another one for the books, lol. I’ve heard a few of these lines before, but that panty line is a classic!! I know she wanted to slap you for that one!

  • ms.boo

    Lol you are a nut….I’m really digging your blog though

  • Supergirl*thatswho.

    LOL! this was funny! I love the panty one! Hilarious with the reciept! I once dated a guy who told me that the reason I was single is because I think I have a penis and that I can’t just let a man be a man. Ha! His bitchass. Just for that I make him buy me a drink EACH time I see him out, since he wants to be a “man” so bad.

  • http://di-zahyn.blogspot.com/ Paris

    I can’t believe you came out your mouth with the “I always go for girls most guys aren’t into.” Daymn gina! I think the thing isn’t that you can’t say these to women in general…you just can’t say them to women you’re dating. Except the Oprah comment. I love me some Oprah but I’d probably smack someone for telling me I look like her. Sorry Oprah 🙂

  • Delishia

    Hilarious as always! lol Some of that stuff would have really hurt my feelings! Tapping a girl on the shoulder and you and you already got a girl…I know she was thinking dang what he be doing when I’m not around!

  • Tia

    Ouch Belle that hurts…

  • Tia

    Ouch Bella that hurts.

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  • msjjohnson1

    LMAO…that was hilarious! sorry i’m commenting in the year 2010…