Home > guys, women > These Guys

These Guys

September 24th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

These guys who go on and on about how they can’t find a woman? Where are they? If anyone knows them, please make sure they get this.

These guys. What’s wrong with them? A good woman is hard to find, my ass. If I hear one more guy complain about not being able to find a good woman, I’m going to open a store where men can order balls because obviously they haven’t grown a pair of their own. The idea that a man, in today’s society, actually has a problem with finding a good woman is not only ridiculous and short-sighted, it’s dare I say, a bold-faced lie men deploy to get the sympathy of more women.

These guys, who complain about not finding a good woman, just aren’t trying hard enough. Too much talking not enough action. Women are everywhere, high and low, big cities and small towns, clubs and bookstores, outside and inside. Everywhere. Unfortunately, these guys,  who say, “Man, where are all the good women at?” are probably screaming this question from their mother’s basement. They live in the same place where they grew up all their lives, and all the women they want have either left or aren’t interested anymore, because they already tried to get together in high school once and it didn’t work out.

These guys, who complain they can’t find a good woman, are lames. Yeah, I said it. Lames. Not because they can’t find a good woman, but because they can, and they have, but only have done so by lying to women about how they haven’t found any good ones. They’re lame because they want to place the blame on women as to why they aren’t in a relationship, when really it’s their own fault. Their problem is not being unable to find a good woman, their problem is finding too many good women — at the same time.

These guys need to stop sounding like these women who complain about how they can’t find a good man, because when push comes to shove, the women have a much stronger case. I have always said, there are a lot of women out there, no matter what type of woman a man likes. Asian, Black, Brown, White, it doesn’t matter, the world has more women than men, so by default, these guys shouldn’t have a problem. I’ve seen guys with one arm, one leg, one eye, walking down the street with women who have two arms, two legs, and two eyes. Half a guy with a whole woman.

These guys are just like me but want to act like they aren’t. In my lifetime, I have found good women by accident, and trust me, I’m no rock star, no athlete, no model, no Obama-like man of prestige. But I am a social animal, who has traveled the world, lived on both coasts and visited cities in between and in my travels, women have been as constant as the sky above.

But I am not writing this post to help these guys. They don’t need it. What these guys need to do is stop complaining about not being able to find a good woman, because there are more good women then they can imagine and either they know it and front like they don’t or they don’t know it and need to step up.

As a matter of fact, that’s exactly what all of these guys need to do. Step up.

Categories: guys, women Tags:
  • Josef Sawyer

    I agree.. Good column…

  • Mochamomof3

    *applause* Well said…. That men/women are hard to find nonsense is BULL SHIT! I have a friend who KEEPS a good one. If there was a shortage why does she keep getting them? GTFOHWTS If you can’t EVER find one, who is the common denominator in all of those cases? YOU! YOU are the problem! **drops the mic**

  • blackink12

    Yo, I can appreciate this post. And you’re right that, more often than not, men (and women) who complain about not being able to find a good man (or woman) simply aren’t stepping up.

    But … maybe the complaint comes from some other place. If people are truly seeking a monogamous relationship, that’s where things get hard. Finding someone that can tolerate your flaws, is comfortable with their own, gets along with your family and friends, has the same interests, has a life outside of yours, gets your silly jokes, isn’t disgusted by the sight of you in the buff, gets down in the bedroom the way you like to get down, etc. … all that can be difficult.

    The odds are against you, in fact. Not finding a good woman. But finding a good woman for YOU for the long term.

    But that’s only if, you know, you believe in the fairy tale about soulmates and other such tomfoolery. And some (lots) of people don’t.

    In that case, play on.

    Love the blog, btw.

  • checkmymelonie

    I completely agree. I came across a blogger who presented a similar situation and I immediately thought “BULLSH!T”. Either you want a woman, or you want a good woman. Not hard to find.

  • Monica

    Amen and Amen.

  • Lex

    @ mocho..funny u say “I have a friend who KEEPS a good one. If there was a shortage why does she keep getting them?” She isn’t doing much keeping if she keeps getting more…just an odd statement…i thought u find one..and keep them if they are a keeper…not throw them back and find another…

    But i agree with black ink, just because you can’t find one doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with you…it’s hard to find someone on the same page at the right time with the same intentions…there are also alot of scorned men out here who think every female is going to do what the last GF did. They ask us not to dwell in the past or judge them based on other men, but they do it so often and so well to us…

  • didi

    this blog entry is so on point…i am sending this to my guy friends so I dont have to hear this crap anymore!

  • http://squintss.vox.com Jovi

    This paragraph couldn’t be more true: “These guys, who complain they can’t find a good woman, are lames. Yeah, I said it. Lames. Not because they can’t find a good woman, but because they can, and they have, but only have done so by lying to women about how they haven’t found any good ones. They’re lame because they want to place the blame on women as to why they aren’t in a relationship, when really it’s their own fault. Their problem is not being unable to find a good woman, their problem is finding too many good women — at the same time. ” – Bravo

  • BettyButterly

    Amen, Amen. Amen. You have to be a a good person to find a good person, man or woman.

  • Izzo

    You have been so on point in your last couple of posts. It’s a pity we weren’t friends in college. You seem like someone I’d have liked to have known. Keep up the good work.

  • me-me

    i really enjoyed this and will be subcribing. i think it depends on the definition of good… i HAD a friend whose idea of a good man was a married one. yes i said married. oddly enough she said married men show that they can commit to a lifestyle.. not necessarily his vows. gotta love ho-ologies.

    since i’ve gotten my mind focus back– i’ve had no problems meeting men that are my definition of “good”.. however, i have not stumbled across the man that i’m supposed to be a “help-mate” for.

  • me-me

    sorry i spelled subscribing wrong. :(

    forgive me

  • genuinesmile

    This post has much merit but there is SO MUCH truth to what blackink is saying.

  • Kita

    Uhmmm. maybe I should invite you over when my friends are all complaining about the lack of good black men. good men are out there..but my friends tend to ignore the ones that step up and say “hello” …but love the men who step up and call them “ma”. maybe that’s the case with good men. they prefer the girls that you don’t bring home to met family.

  • http://www.this-is-my-brain.blogspot.com S

    @ Kita, I tend to disagree. There actually is a shortage of good black men. Especially in a professional degree program. I’m in optometry school and in my class there are 9 black females and only 2 black males – both in longstanding relationships from before school. The single black men that I do meet that are on my level (meaning single, childless, and working on a doctorate) for the most part are so stuck on themselves for having made it that they prefer to play the field vs being monogamous or they prefer more “exotic” looking women. I think that the argument that there is a lack of good black men is much more valid than that there are too few good black women. Like Jozen said, women really are starting to outnumber guys in some cases, and especially in higher education. Even in college my University was 65% women, 35% men (I went to an HBCU). At my school now it’s 72%, 38% (even more skewed). So, I totally agree – guys need to step up because we good women are everywhere.

  • Courtney

    Hello. I just wanted to say i think its really hard to find a good man. I often complain about this! I have been on every dating site possible trying to weed out the bad ones! But It seems they all have children, and criminal records! I actually went on a date on monday, and the man asked “if i was barren, because i had no children.” Some women dont want to put up with that mess. i find that women’s standards are much higher than men’s. I agree with you S. Finding an educated black man is a rarity.

  • blackink12

    I feel your pain, Courtney. But I might quibble a bit with your characterization of a “good” man. Having a child or even a criminal record doesn’t necessarily prevent you from being a “good” man.

    Now, sure, that might not be your thing. But educated and childless doesn’t mean “good” anymore than age means maturity.

    Also, the guy you went out with earlier this week might have been an idiot, plain and simple. Like I said earlier, there’s good guys out there. But you just haven’t met the one that’s good for you.

    And S, sounds like you’re shrinking your potential pool of partners from jump. I mean, if you’re limiting yourself to guys with doctorates, well, then I’m not surprised that you feel “aren’t on your level.”

    I think a lot of people think they or someone else is a “good” man or woman because they’re accomplished professionally or highly educated, and they’re available. But not really.

  • Harley

    Wow! All I can say is, I like everyone’s comment.

  • Malaca Jones

    First of all I would like to say to Jozen, I’m glad your writer’s block is gone. Second, you are what you attract! Think on it… How can you expect to attract a “good” man when you aren’t handling your business? What is your intent? Noone is perfect. Third, Blackink12 I am with you… If we didn’t learn anything from the Doctoral student who was raping women, etc. while living with fiancé. The many senators that cheat on their spouses with their soul mates no less. The psycho reality TV killer who cut off his wife’s fingers and pulled her teeth out so she couldn’t be identified. Oopps he forgot about the serial numbers on the breast implants. All that said, money, power, nor education make you “good.” Having too many children with too many women can be a deal breaker, especially for a female who doesn’t have any children. Noone wants an instant family, add water and stir. You know how lumpy that will be. Noone wants to be with an idiot and education doesn’t make you intelligent, but let’s keep it real men and women are wired differently and since I am a women, men are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.;-) ok our priorities are different, is that better? I ain’t no gold digger but … Love gives you such a thrill but love don’t pay the bills! World it’s easy to love me now( that I have power and influence) but can you love me if I was down and out? How “good” are you?

  • Chanel

    Love all the comments. People define “ good” as being well paid, driving a luxury car, having funds in the account, no kids if not married!! REALLY!!! I meet men who have all these things but that damn sure don’t make them a good caught. People are so shallow and Hollywood this day in age. If you don’t have the look the sex appeal and if your 5 pounds over the weight limit people tend to keep it moving. People are so pathetic!!

    I am a “good” well rounded sexy woman so I think. So when a man tell me what it is he’s looking for, here I am right in front of him but his focus is everywhere but on me. He can’t even see straight. I guess when your not giving up the booty a not so good men won’t be focus. Oh well…….

    ….Honestly, I used to be the shallow person I just spoke about. A man always had to have a certain look about him for me to even consider giving him my number. As always those type of men (for me )were JERKS! I have grown and lived a little and all that non-sense have changed. Forget a look! I want to get to know the person heart minus the material possession and what he looks like. Shoot, I can fix him up to my liking and vice versa and I am sure the heads would start turning. You know those cases. Hence, JZ. Beyonce, is saying…..Sorry ladies you could have had him but when you snooze you lose, he’s MINE now.

    Good men/women are out there for sure and I am keeping my eyes open…and currently accepting applications.

    I have a short story sorry…But I must share.
    One day I meant this guy in the NYC for blind date it was going so well. We went to a local lounge and we talked and talked for hours. It was great! I didn’t want the date to end but it was getting late. The next day he called early in the morning 9am and ASKED when can I see you again. I thought to myself this seems promising I was like prehaps, tonight. Just when I was thinking he was a “good guy” our conversation when from sugar to …. He was like so are you going to stay over my place tonight I have a few things I need you to handle for me (he was very serious). I was like WHAT?? Uh, NO!!! Then he started with the nonsense. I am not going to be spending my money on anyone who is not give me the booty. REALLY!! I hung up. Never spoke to him again. Via text/ phone. He emailed and text me saying I am sorry that will never happen again. etc….He called and called and called until I have a man answer my phone to tell him to stop calling. He knew I was a “good women” and this is why he called and called and called. But you snooze Jack….you loose! NEXT!

  • Courtney

    Black ink, i’m sorry you disagree with my definition of a “good” man. But to give you a bit of background, im currently in my second year of law school, practicing to be a Criminal Prosecutor. I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world, to sentence people on a daily basis, but go home to a felon. Do you see how twisted that would be? So perhap there are felons out there that are good men, but it’s lost on me.

  • http://twitter.com/_MissE_ _MissE_

    I love the fact that this blog speaks directly to the one that “magically replaced” your Essence article. As soon as I read Sir Whines A Lot’s article, I thought many of the things you said here. I just didn’t care enough to write it on his post. It didn’t move me: same ole story, same ole whine. No insight. *Yawn*

    Fave line: “Unfortunately, these guys, who say, “Man, where are all the good women at?” are probably screaming this question from their mother’s basement.” HA! Good women are all over. Women who’ll settle for that BS? Not so much.

  • BoomShots

    I am certain there is some validity to your point but has a man who has been out on the scene for years, I ask: “Good for what?”.

    Over the last decade and a half I have seriously evolved as a person and so 15 years ago a good woman for me would be always down for whatever, clubbing at the shot up spot, be there anytime and be GGG. I had no real concern about whether she was savvy, conscious about the world, her views on children or even if she had good credit. Afterall, i was not trying to be in a serious relationship.

    I am much more settled person now, home, life insurance and a professional standing, etc.. Pardon me if I want my woman to reflect these growths in my life. I am too far along in my life to be schooling anyone I meet on how to take care of their own business, no Captain SaveA here. I finally got my shit tight and I need me a woman who can hit the ground running. When I was younger and less focused, I would not dare step to a lady if I knew she was on a serious/settled wavelength, I was about fun and having more and worked to finance my fun seeking. So folks need to know to stay in their lane too.

    I have done the dating carousel and there are all quality of women out here and a lot of them are personable, pretty and looking good. Sadly, for some folks that is all on the surface. There are chicks out here just has busted as the dudes they be dating but they just camoflauge it real well. But when i meet a woman today, I am now older and wiser and I am looking for certain life traits that would make it possible for us to take that long walk. Meeting women is no big deal in the NYC metro but the right woman for you is always going to be hard to find, no matter what anyone tells you.

    If you are in it for the long run, always remember,”Shared values, shared goals.”

  • Malaca Jones

    … Know your worth girl. I love it!

  • Malaca Jones

    Ok I understand that you may not want to go home to a felon. Noone does! I don’t think when they ask 3rd graders what they want to be when they grow up and felon is the number profession, noteven in New Orleans. Excuse me for not knowing sports and their names so well but the football player who brought the unregistered gun to the NY night club. You know who I’m talking about? The gun went off and shot him in the thigh? Well is he no longer a “good” catch because he made a dumb a$$ decision? People make mistakes and it is easy to Monday night quarter back but in the moment maybe he thought that was a bright idea. Maybe he thought he was going to look hard in front of his boys. Just because you are 40 doesn’t mean that you are mature, especially if you are a man. Men are different. So if that was your husband would you divorce him because he made a mistake? Would you then turn your back on your children? Can someone help me out?

  • natural nubian

    it took me a while to understand this simple concept: but one does not have to pursue what one attracts. what i find is so many people are against and resist love–the ability to love and the ability to be loved. so from this resistance stems the negativity and pessimism many emit into their environments, sometimes subconciously without even knowing it. it’s sad. also, nowadays there’s always a shiner, fancier, newer (just made that a word) “toy” to “play” with. it takes some serious self-control, which is developed with maturity.

    ….just my $2 in the collection plate. and also, your blog is refreshing. great piece.

  • Malaca Jones

    Where have you been my brotha? That’s what I’m talking about.

  • natural nubian

    “I don’t think when they ask 3rd graders what they want to be when they grow up and felon is the number profession, noteven in New Orleans.”–LMAO! i love the N.O. but this was hee-lary-us!

  • Courtney

    You are taking it a bit too far. A mistake causing a divorce? I guess it would depend on the magnitude of the mistake. But it won’t come to that, because I’m not marrying someone with a record. Being stupid enough to commit a crime, knowing that you could possibly get caught? When youre at that stage you have more to think of than yourself. Like your family. You know, wife, kids, etc. And I’m sure Plaxico Burress is a good catch for someone, just not for me. I wouldn’t hang out with someone who feels the need to carry a gun, and then accidentally shoots themself. It may be for you Malaca, but not for me. I will send the felons your way.

  • http://www.52datesproject.blogspot.com Kristin

    @s, I’m just wondering why a man needs to be in a professional degree program to be “on my level”? I’ve met so many nice men, smart men, ‘good’ men, that never had a degree, shouldn’t we be open to the possibility that not every man has to have an advanced degree in order to be within our gaze. As long as a man is passionate about life, his work, and me, he can fix cars for all I care. Well, as long as he can carry a decent conversation.

  • Malaca

    Courtney :You are taking it a bit too far. A mistake causing a divorce? I guess it would depend on the magnitude of the mistake. But it won’t come to that, because I’m not marrying someone with a record. Being stupid enough to commit a crime, knowing that you could possibly get caught? When youre at that stage you have more to think of than yourself. Like your family. You know, wife, kids, etc. And I’m sure Plaxico Burress is a good catch for someone, just not for me. I wouldn’t hang out with someone who feels the need to carry a gun, and then accidentally shoots themself. It may be for you Malaca, but not for me. I will send the felons your way.

    Sorry, I am not up on the legal jargin but I thought anytime you were brought up on weapons charges that was a felony. What I was trying to say is that sometimes the best made plans don’t quite turnout the way you intended them. Some might say prepare for the worst and hope for the best. While you may not marry someone with a record, $hit happens, like it did with Burress. This was just one example of how fragile life is. He was doing well. One child and one on the way. You don’t have to marry anyone and you have the right to choose and have preferences and your laundry list of dos and don’ts and all the bitterness to boot. I am not saying that any of that was for me, you or anyone else for that matter, I was trying to get you to show some compassion for people who actually get caught being stupid. I think of a number of stupid things that I’ve done and did not get caught and I was thanking GOD that I didn’t but that’s me. BTW no need to send anything my way I am married with two kids.

  • Courtney

    I wasnt aware that knowing what you want makes me bitter. I just didnt want to waste anyones time. SILLY ME! I don’t think you understand my point of view, or ever will for that matter. So enjoy your husband and two kids.

  • Malaca

    Ok I don’t want to battle or make you feel bad or hurt your feelings in anyway. I think that we all have expressed our view points. Not that I need to validate you or you view point although I do value your view point and I hope that you continue to share and think and grow. No, knowing what you want does not make you bitter. Life can. Maybe I saw that second year law school arguing your point shining through and I thought it was bitterness. You can reevaluate that for yourself. I do understand your view point. I’ve been there. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be with a “looser”, a “low-life”, a no good for nothing… on and on. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to waste time yours or his. There is nothing wrong with you view point. There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence only while you’re on that journey don’t get lost in the fog of defining what a good man is. You may overlook your good man because you think that he is suppose to have all of these prefixes and suffixes that at the end of the day, don’t mean anything if you are not happy. Or he is laying hands on you and not in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holly Spirit. Or if he doesn’t make you laugh and smile and is good to you in a way that he should not be with anyone else. Or if he makes you feel bad for wanting things that are different from what he wants. My great-grandmother use to tell me when I was a little girl, “you want a man to love you more than you love him.” It wasn’t until I got married that I understood what she meant.

  • Malaca

    O and Courtney, sorry for insinuating that you were bitter and no you are not silly! Keep the fight Courtney you will need it :-) )Jozen it is late, right another damn blog will you before Courtney opens up a can of wup a$$ on me?? Have a good weekend see you Monday Blog family!

  • Yogee

    Shaking my head in agreement with you Kristin

  • http://www.this-is-my-brain.blogspot.com S

    I only said that because that happens to be where I am (i.e. on my level). I am just making the point that since I got out of high school (I included college in my statement as well) women have outnumbered men in all of academia. This is just a fact – across all races. I’m not saying all professional men are good or that a man who doesn’t have a professional degree can’t be good. I’ve heard Miss Independent like everyone else, but damn, is it too much to ask to be able to find someone who has worked just as hard as I have (academically) to make a life/career for themselves? What’s wrong with me wanting a man who’s passionate about life, well-spoken, AND has a degree?

  • http://www.this-is-my-brain.blogspot.com S

    No, I think I’m a good woman because I’m incredibly loving, loyal, I like to take care of people, I cook (and obviously I’m humble, lol). It just so happens that in a year and a half I will be an optometrist as well.

    Seriously though, I’m just academically minded so it helps me relate if I’m dealing with someone who shares my passion for learning. My last serious relationship was with someone who was a computer programmer, so I’m not limiting myself strictly to those with doctorates. However, when you spend 10 hours a day in school or clinic that pretty much all you come across.

    Also, my comment about “on my level” wasn’t meant to be condescending. People tend to gravitate toward people who have accomplished similar achievements. Look at Barack and Michelle, Jay-Z and Beyonce, Whitney and Bobby (lol). My mom always told me that birds of a feather flock together – just saying.

  • Kita

    I have to disagree with you. There are good men out there without college degrees and who are not in jail. I am a college graduate currently working on my masters but having a degree is not a requirement to date me. I would prefer a non-college degree man who respects not only his mother but other women, who’s kind, intelligent, and happy in his chosen path. sometimes looking outside the box you find what you didn’t think you could find.

  • Kita

    I agree that you don’t want to go home to a convicted felon. but convicted felons and non-college degree holding men are not the only two choices. at least I hope not? lol. but if a man wearing a construction hat approached you nicely and respectful, would you give him the time of day or diss him? is it okay to date someone who may not earn as much money as you but has the potential to make you happy?

  • http://www.this-is-my-brain.blogspot.com S

    Ok, I understand that you are saying that you would gladly accept a man who is perfect in all ways except that he doesn’t have a degree; but, if there were two equally great guys and one had a degree and one didn’t, you honestly wouldn’t look at them any differently? Besides, if it did work out and in the end you end up married and with kids, how would you have the talk with them about the value of education? I wouldn’t want to have my kids tell me that they don’t have to go to college because Daddy didn’t and he’s fine. Education is important – at least in my opinion.

  • http://www.this-is-my-brain.blogspot.com S

    I would never infer that a man who is not educated would end up in jail. I know that there is a very wide spectrum in between the two extremes.

  • Courtney

    Hey Malaca! I promise I’m not going to open anything on you! It’s just such a frustrating topic! I just know i dont want to date anyone that has to check in with his P.O. before we go on vacation.. I have dated someone with a criminal record, and a child, so i think he ruined it for everyone! To me it would be hypocritical to date someone with a record, and i dont want to go down that road. But just someone nice and normal, without all the issues. he doesnt even have to have a degree! Just no kids, and a job is ok with me! I was just explaining that around here its really hard to find. Thank you for discussing the topic, and offering your viewpoints. Oh and maybe you should sign up for law school! It would be fun! :)

  • Courtney

    Just saw an interesting article.. i posted the link.. all of you check it out if you get some time.. Have a good one!

    http://www.theroot.com/views/successful-and-still-unmarried?gt1=38002

  • Malaca Jones

    Courtney, where are you from and where do you currently live? Trust me, by the time your significant other has to check in with anyone (P. O., ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, momma, etc.) you are not going no where. And if it’s a P.O., you damn sure ain’t going on vacation. I am NOT telling you to lower your standards by no means just think about dating in terms of “deal breakers,” for example, cheating, lying about something that would be serious like a drug problem or not having children because you don’t want to be with him if he does. Not having a degree is not a deal breaker. Having a crimal record can be a deal breaker. Laying hands on women in past relationships is a deal breaker. Being married is a deal breaker. For you having children is a deal breaker. If you are young and you don’t have any children and you don’t want the drama I respect that! Don’t let people tell you that you are getting older and people have children,etc. Reevaluate if you need to. Enjoy law school. Enjoy your time alone, once you get married you will wish you had more time alone. I was teasing when I said that u might open up a can… Don’t let your frustrations get you off track. Practice using your frustration to dig deeper. Stay focused on the points that you are trying to make and reseach more examples that will give credence to your comments in the classroom and the courtroom. I don’t have any interest in law school. I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and good looking out!

  • Malaca Jones

    @ s. You lead by example. Since you are the mother it is you responsibility to interpret the family culture and expectations. Each generation is suppose to “do better” than the previous. When it comes to your children’s generation they will have to have a degree to dig a ditch so if they want to eat, they will have to have some type of credentials. Try not to focus on having a “degree” because they will have to have something. Talk to your children in terms of which school do you want to attend don’t give them a way out. Education is important and I think anyone that you get serious about, whether he has a degree or two or not will want his children to have an education if for no other reason, because he doesn’t have one. Parents tend to want the best for their kids. In general the mother is the one who researches the schools and activities that she wants her children to be involved in.

  • Kita

    S, I would chose the one who treats me like I prefer to be treated. A college degree don’t make a gentleman. I agree that education is important. My parents do not have college degrees. My mother never set foot on a college campus until she dropped my off my freshman year. My father joined the military at an early age,never went to college but has enough books to fill a library. I have dated men with college degrees and those without. Both have the potential of treating you like the Queen that you are. Both also have the potential of making your life a living headache. lol. at the end of the day men are men even with out a degree or initials before or after their name.

  • me-me

    i have a theory that most people have no idea how to operate in peaceful conditions. follow me on this….most of us can not sleep unless a light, tv, or radio is on-some can sleep through blasting volumes. i, for one, could never study in the library. it always creeped my out at things being so quiet that i could hear myself breath or my heart beat…

    that same mindset is carried into dating. if a woman met a man that wasn’t giving her major troubles, drama, or actually being faithful (gasp).. she’d probably think it was a set up.. and even hit him with.. ” you’re just too good for me.. i don’t want to hurt you”.. and leave the relationship. it would be easy for her friends to convince her that he’s probably cheating also.

    but give her a “no-good man”, the man that has women calling her cell phone bothering her, the man that has 4-5,6,7,8,9,10 baby’s mommas… the man that brings the chaos….she will stick by him until the sun starts orbiting planet earth. it would be hard for her friends to get her to leave him. no one wants to hear i told you so.

    i dated a man that would constantly ask me if i was paying attention to him on the phone. i said yes and wondered why. he said he’s never had a woman that wouldn’t interupt him while he was telling a story. he was so thrown off by being able to speak his mind or finish his point…. that’s sad!

  • LinZ

    great post.. there are def MORE GOOD WOMEN to go around than men…

  • CPT Callamity

    S:

    Education is important but you fail to see what Kita is saying. You are equating equality in a relationship with education and it is actually you that are limiting yourself. Your kids can get the message about the value of education, just like in past generations parents worked their tails off to put the first generations of our community through college. College is not an indicator of intelligence. There are plenty of sub-par people walking around with degrees. That degree does not determine what type of mate that person is, the condition they are in psychologically or physically and certainly not a litmus for marriage material.

    I feel you on education, but if a brotha has a high school diploma, a steady job and is handling his business, why put the unnecessary burden of being college educated on him? That is where a lot of young ladies like yourself lose. During any of these arguments, the “get on my level” mentality comes up and do you know who is usually behind it? Women. A man will marry a Dairy Queen cashier if she has her heart in the right place and makes him feel good as a man.

  • CPT Callamity

    Chanel…you probably the only one that gets it! Your Magnum Opus is:
    “People define good as being well paid, driving a luxury car, having funds in the account, no kids if not married!! REALLY!!! I meet men who have all these things but that damn sure don’t make them a good catch

    I don’t concentrate on finding “good” more than I do “compatible.” So when I’m on the hunt, I look for the person that gels best with me, and that decision is never based on how many degrees she has, or her car, or her shoe game, or her expensive and gaudy purses. Honestly I could care less. My needs as a man are pretty simple and the one thing that these lonely and highly educated women lack is trying to understand the basic needs of me. I have everything that I need. I don’t have to thump my chest and advertise in order to make myself seem like I’m so much better than the rest. A woman who has her whits about her should observe and see the type of man I am without me having to jump through hoops.

    So the question I have for so many of these “can’t find a good man”types is, what can you do to keep him? How do you make a man feel like he would want to stay? What is it about you that would make that man ignore millions of others for the chance to be with you? I’d honestly like you all to respond, but I warn you, if you start off with “I have X amount of degrees, I’m nice and I keep myself up “then you’ve already lost. We can get that anywhere!