example- i TOTALLY SUCKED AT COOKING… i mean i couldn’t boil noodles. i had to have been the only woman from louisiana who couldn’t cook. i said what most women say.. well my man isn’t gonna marry me for my cooking.. that may be true, but i don’t want him getting his “belly fed” elsewhere. so i taught myself.. burned myself with grease..burnt some rice and everything else until i made one of the best meals i’ve ever had.

i was not in a relationship at the time, so i wasn’t cooking just to “catch a man”. that may not mean anything to most.. but i saw the value added in learning that. while i know my man could pick up a burger on the way home.. it makes me feel good that he asks me.. what’s for dinner and that I can feed HIM.

the biggest lesson learned from that was that i realized that i was selfish and spoiled. i was treating myself like a boogie princess.. eating prepared meals everyday.. and selfish cause i refused to cook when i was in relationships in the past. i didnt even care to learn. the message i was sending was that i didn’t care and wasn’t going to change!

I don’t concentrate on finding “good” more than I do “compatible.” So when I’m on the hunt, I look for the person that gels best with me, and that decision is never based on how many degrees she has, or her car, or her shoe game, or her expensive and gaudy purses. Honestly I could care less. My needs as a man are pretty simple and the one thing that these lonely and highly educated women lack is trying to understand the basic needs of me. I have everything that I need. I don’t have to thump my chest and advertise in order to make myself seem like I’m so much better than the rest. A woman who has her whits about her should observe and see the type of man I am without me having to jump through hoops.

So the question I have for so many of these “can’t find a good man”types is, what can you do to keep him? How do you make a man feel like he would want to stay? What is it about you that would make that man ignore millions of others for the chance to be with you? I’d honestly like you all to respond, but I warn you, if you start off with “I have X amount of degrees, I’m nice and I keep myself up “then you’ve already lost. We can get that anywhere!

Education is important but you fail to see what Kita is saying. You are equating equality in a relationship with education and it is actually you that are limiting yourself. Your kids can get the message about the value of education, just like in past generations parents worked their tails off to put the first generations of our community through college. College is not an indicator of intelligence. There are plenty of sub-par people walking around with degrees. That degree does not determine what type of mate that person is, the condition they are in psychologically or physically and certainly not a litmus for marriage material.

I feel you on education, but if a brotha has a high school diploma, a steady job and is handling his business, why put the unnecessary burden of being college educated on him? That is where a lot of young ladies like yourself lose. During any of these arguments, the “get on my level” mentality comes up and do you know who is usually behind it? Women. A man will marry a Dairy Queen cashier if she has her heart in the right place and makes him feel good as a man.

that same mindset is carried into dating. if a woman met a man that wasn’t giving her major troubles, drama, or actually being faithful (gasp).. she’d probably think it was a set up.. and even hit him with.. ” you’re just too good for me.. i don’t want to hurt you”.. and leave the relationship. it would be easy for her friends to convince her that he’s probably cheating also.

but give her a “no-good man”, the man that has women calling her cell phone bothering her, the man that has 4-5,6,7,8,9,10 baby’s mommas… the man that brings the chaos….she will stick by him until the sun starts orbiting planet earth. it would be hard for her friends to get her to leave him. no one wants to hear i told you so.

i dated a man that would constantly ask me if i was paying attention to him on the phone. i said yes and wondered why. he said he’s never had a woman that wouldn’t interupt him while he was telling a story. he was so thrown off by being able to speak his mind or finish his point…. that’s sad!