Home > dating, on something, women > On Dining Out

On Dining Out

October 7th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Last week, my Top 5 Email crew and I were coming up with a list of the biggest turn-offs a man or woman can commit on the first date. One foul the men kept calling women out on was ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.

Apparently, it’s a common occurrence, this ordering of such things as Surf & Turf or Foie Gras. But as I explained, it’s only this way if  we make it so.  If a man takes a woman to McCormick & Schmick’s on the first date, what is she supposed to order? The chicken salad?

The reason no woman orders an item like Surf & Turf with me is because I never take her to a place where Surf & Turf is available. Wendy’s doesn’t serve Surf & Turf.

But I don’t really take a woman out to eat at Wendy’s. Matter of fact, I don’t take a woman out to eat at all on the first date, because if you ask me, making plans to take a woman out to eat on the first date shows a lack of imagination.

We have done this thing before, her and I, just with other people, and the only reason we’re doing it with each other is because we’re bound by tradition? Nonsense. The menus, the candlelight, the risk of food poisoning all peppered with superficial conversation; for the first date, I try to avoid it like the plague.

To be honest, there have been times where taking a woman out to eat on the first date was unavoidable. When those rare occasions occur, I keep it simple and when I say simple, I mean affordable.

For instance, Thai restaurants are a perfect inexpensive first date meal. The food is good, cheap, and they usually use linen napkins instead of paper ones. Always a nice touch.

The other alternative to a nice, inexpensive restaurant is dessert on the first date, which means making plans for no earlier than 9:00 p.m. If the woman hasn’t eaten by then, it’s clear she was depending on me for a free meal. Meanwhile I arrive on a full stomach. At the most, I only pay for her meal and because she can’t seem to eat something as simple as a grilled cheese before 9:00 I know I won’t be seeing her again. To avoid the added costs of drinks, I will show up on the date a little tipsy or even drunk. Once a woman sees I got a head start, she either wants to catch up or suggest we take a rain check. I’m fine with either one.

If I have it my way, I will not take a woman out to eat until date number three. As for date number one, I don’t know what we do. Just don’t show up hungry.

Categories: dating, on something, women Tags:
  • jshdoff

    I thought this was going to be a thoughtful and sensitive piece about creative thinking for first dates, doing something out of the ordinary, but it sounds more like you’re just worried about the money. I get it. Dating is expensive, which is why I think walk and talk first dates are the best. Flea markets, zoos, coney island. Any activity that provides constant stimulation and a chance to chit-chat. Dinner, you’re just there. With food in your mouth and no way out, no distractions for the awkward moments, nothing to spark conversation if it doesn’t come natural at first.

    If a person, male or female, orders the most expensive thing on the menu on someone else’s dime, someone else they just met? That’s just effing crass and self serving, but dude, showing up half in the bag to avoid buying drinks when you’ve asked a girl out – about equal on the crass meter. Sorry.

  • ss

    I agree with the first post. This doesn’t spell creativity, this spells cheap. Sorry :)

  • Mochamomof3

    LOL! I personally think it all depends on the person. I tend to open up and talk freely over a meal and a bottle of wine. I teach the girls that I mentor not to order anything that they cannot afford to pay for themselves. So I don’t care if you are at Houston’s if all you can afford is a salad… dammit order a salad. At least on the first date. Coffee is a good first date… *shrug*

  • Teach It

    Sounds like you’re just cheap. Plain and simple. You don’t have to break the bank for a nice date. If you’re so worried about how much you spend on women, however, then don’t plan on courting a real woman.

    *I have a feeling this “untiligetmarried” blog will be around for a long time–much longer than we expect.

  • MissBridge

    between this post and the list of turnoffs (like chipolte) im SMDH at you Hoooooozzeeenn :(

  • MissBridge

    Re first date…dont take her to expensive place if u cant afford period. you shouldnt be mad at anything a girl orders on first date because she may just like to eat and quality food and be used to that. im ordering whatever i want whether i buy it or someone else does. Granny says life is too short not to get the food you want. She orders lobster EVERY TIME we go out.

  • thedlife

    Sorry Jozen, I’m going to have to agree with MissBridge on this one. If you know funds are tight don’t go somewhere that serves $40 entrees and $10 drinks. Suggest a nice, but cheap alternative or get creative and plan a first date that doesn’t take much money because just like MissBridge’s granny…I’m ordering the lobster:-)

  • http://tutusandpearls.wordpress.com Something Like Beautiful

    I, for one, applaud this entry. Bullsh!t is as bullsh!t does…and if a woman allows any man to get away with such shenanigans, i.e. showing up tipsy? Then kudos to that man for being innovative!

    Me personally? I don’t allow how much a man spends on a date to validate me. Hell, all I’m owed is a good time!

    And it is just plain tacky to order lobster or any thing super expensive on somebody’s else tab just “because you can”. As my brother says…lobster on the first date? That’s on the “fugging” side of the menu!

  • http://www.babsinblogland.com Babs

    I agree that dinner for a first date is unimaginative, but I hate to hear you base it all on money. Every woman is not out for surf and turf. Personally, I like ice cream for a a first date because I might not like the guy. I prefer to do something quick and simple, that way if he isn’t my type I don’t feel guilty for the investment he has made.

  • Teach It

    Thank you! If I am use to going to a certain type of restaurant and ordering quality food, that’s what I am going to order. Like you said, if the guy can’t afford it, then he shouldn’t take the woman to that restaurant.

  • http://theloudprotestant.wordpress.com/ loudmouthprotestant

    I also wouldn’t necessarily say dinner is unimaginative. Sure, everyone does it, but it does create a space for dialogue and will allow you to see how your date communicates which can’t necessarily be discerned in other situations–and if you are concerned about it looking too romantic don’t go to a French spot or anywhere that depends on the light of candles or red lighting rather than soft or hard halogen lights, sheesh.

    Really, it’s not as deep as you’re making it. Dinner is not so unimaginative. There’s nothing wrong with a woman who doesn’t eat before 9PM, that’s called a woman with stuff to do and so maybe after a busy day she does want to share a meal with you–read share, not freeload–because a woman on her grind until 9 most likely would buy you dinner but she, like you, is seeing if you are worth her time.

    Finally, I think you’re bluffing about showing up to dates tipsy. That’s all.

  • BoomShots

    Me thinks they protest a bit too much…SMHOLOL!!

  • http://www.corettaselegantevents.blogspot.com Coretta

    Foolishness.

  • Nichole

    When men say they don’t want to take a woman out to dinner on a first date because it’s not creative or because it shows a “lack of imagination” I think that’s bull. Men don’t want to spend the money. Period, point, blank. Dinner is the perfect first date because you are sitting 2 feet from a person, maintaining eye contact, and talking. Choosing a place to dine is not only a great way to show a lady your creative side, but it gives her a piece of you. Choose a soul food restaurant to show your Southern roots. Choose a place with an amazing wine selection to share your wine tasting hobby. Choose your neighborhood dive and then take a walking tour of your ‘hood to show her where you live. If you are concerned about money, don’t toss out the dinner idea, just use your “imagination”.

  • BabyImAStar

    Surely this post must be in jest. If you cannot afford to date, then don’t until you are not in such financial dire straits that you have to resort to the tactics mentioned. I am all for creativity on the first date and dinner and a movie is not ncessarily the most creative outing, if you don’t put the effort in to finding an appopriate restaurant. However, if a man wants to just go for a nice moonlit stroll and split a Twix bar simply because he needs that last $50.00 in his pocket for gas in the car or the light bill.. we or shall I say HE has bigger issues than a lack of dating creativity.

  • Mochamomof3

    I have the sneaky suspicion that Jozen be buuuuullshitn. LOL! thatsall

  • Dana

    Admittedly, when on a date with a guy (esp. the first one), I’m a cheap date. When I’m out alone or with my girls, the sky is the limit. When I was a teen and first started dating, my mom told me to always have money and offer to pay for my own movie, meal, etc. (granted, we were 14/15 y.o. so this is understandable.) Going on dinner dates as an adult, I have never intentionally looked to get the most expensive item on the menu, but I do get whatever I want. This is usually preceded by my date saying “get whatever you want.” If I feel like a salad, then I get one, if I feel like steak, lobster, I get that too. A woman order the most expensive thing just to do so is dead wrong. I always know I can pay for my own meal.

    Jozen, you may have meant well, but your delivery here is all wrong – you are coming off like a jerk. Instead of showing up tipsy homie, why not go wine tasting on a first date? I’ve never done it in NYC, but I have in Cali and it’s a great time and cheap. Why not a cooking class or food tasting? Museums are always great as are matinees.

  • me-me

    a few of my guys friends “don’t feed the fish”. there are tons of women who set dinner dates with women when just cause they don’t feel like cooking or if THEIR bank account is low.. they don’t even like the guy, but they know he’ll “feed um”.

    i am a non-traditional dater myself. i hate going to the movies– you can’t talk and get to know each other. i hate going to restaurants because i always feel like something is stuck in my teeth. i travel with a tooth brush kit at all times.. but i always mess up and waste toothpaste on my shirt and look like monica lewinsky.

    let’s walk and talk.. and if we get hugry on a date.. let’s grab a bite to each. i had a 12 hour date once: we decided to do an early morning date (we had met weeks before but never connected)… chatted and walked.. decided to grab breakfast.. when that was done.. we chatted and talked.. decided to grab lunch.. then i came back and watched movies at his house later that night.

    a year later and we’re still kicking it.

  • me-me

    i’m not getting the vibe that he can’t afford the date.. i don’t see it..

    but eerrr.. um, not to sound like a guy, it cost 20 dollars to see a movie after 4 pm (at AMC in chicago) it’s gonna cost 15 bucks for snacks for ONE PERSON. um, that’s like 50 bucks.. i see why men wanna hit it after they take us there. lmao

  • http://www.passmeashovel.com The Lioness

    Ok I see nothing wrong with going to a Thai place on a first date- that part I can agree with. BUT, that purposefully being drunk part- where they do that at? Fail.
    If you don’t want to buy her a drink, don’t take her to a place where alcohol is served. The other posts had some good suggestions: walk in the park, zoo, hell- even rock climbing at the YMCA, a salsa dancing class, anything where I get to learn something new is an enjoyable and a memorable first date. I remember this one guy started talking to me by offering to wash my car. Of course, I agreed and he came over and I fixed him lunch and we conversed while he washed it. We dated for 3 years after that.

  • BMI

    Everyone’s missing the point: You have a Top 5 Email crew?

  • leah

    “It’s a recession. everybody broke.” young jeezy

    if you show up, you’re sincere, you’re funny, you’re insightful, we can trade life theories, philosophies and favorite rapper convos, you make me smile, i make you smile, we have a good time. these are requirements/expectations. everything else is lagniappe.

    i interpreted the “showing up drunk” as a slight embellishment (hopefully).

  • http://www.derarwilliams.blogspot.com Dera

    I kind of have to disagree with most of the posters. Just because your date takes you to a nice restaurant doesn’t mean you should order one of the most expensive items. Go for the middle of the road; if the relationshop continues and you know about that person, then go for it, every once in a while.

    I would like you to tackle the issue that is the elephant in the middle of the room. Black me dating outside of their race. I want to hear what a guy like you, my daughter’s age, has to say.

  • http://www.52datesproject.blogspot.com Kristin

    I’ve been on a few very cool first dates in the last couple of months and let me tell you, they had nothing to do with how expensive the food was. In fact, on my best first date, we ate at In N Out Burger, but the date was so creative and we have a chance to talk and just be in each others presence. You seem so creative in these posts, Jozen, surely this is in jest.

  • kS

    i read the first 2 comments and i dont think its like that at all.
    i dont know if my interpretation to me having a similar sense of humor as you, or just the way my sense of humor took the tone of this post, but i feel like this post is just a good idea served with a side of ignorant humor:

    To avoid the added costs of drinks, I will show up on the date a little tipsy or even drunk.

    lmao! i would so say that but obviously not mean any of it. thats just uncouth.

    is the recession an issue? yes.
    is it that serious? yes or maybe no. either way, who the eff cares? the point of this entry was just to remind folks to change things up! all that extra commentary, from my pov, was just to make you laugh while you read and convey the good-natured, easygoing type of guy jozen is. plus, he ended the post saying he has no problem taking girl out to eat. he’s just being smart about the when.

    ppl who took this post more, in my pov, seriously (“you’re just cheap”), quit tripp’n.

  • kS

    interpretation is* me

  • kS

    hahaha good point!
    re: your grandmother – i love it!

  • Pingback: Admitting My Deficit « The Loudmouth Protestant

  • http://missjourneysblog.blogspot.com/ Miss Journey

    I agree with you to a certain extent. I personally prefer something more fun and creative, like Dave and Buster’s as a first date. Dinner can some off as too intimate for a first date. Dessert is a great alternative though. Anyone in NYC should try Max Brenner! Great date spot!

  • leah

    KS- are you Jozen’s publicist? *joke*

  • Intrigued

    “To avoid the added costs of drinks, I will show up on the date a little tipsy or even drunk. Once a woman sees I got a head start, she either wants to catch up or suggest we take a rain check. I’m fine with either one.”

    Interesting you will get drunk BEFORE you see the female but you have a previous blog telling us the reasons why you won’t drink with women. Silly boy…

    The blog is real…hate on it or not. Guys (even ladies) think just like this. If you want to eat high quality food find a guy/girl who is willing to pay for it. On the first date…Jozen is not your guy obviously. Quit crying about it…he isn’t asking YOU out right?

  • kS

    @leah: i go hard; i love it or i hate it (: & i def enjoy jozen’s writing voice

  • me-me

    @ ks- i agree with you. i purposely show up to the club with drank already in my system. those damn drinks are HIGH as hell. i refuse to pay 15 dollars for a long island. lol

    i’m from Louisiana..home of the drive through daquari shop.. i aint spending 40 dollars on drinks in the club!

    anyone on here from new orleans knows you can “feel good” off 20 bucks!