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The Romantic vs. The Player: On First Date Sex

October 26th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments


First date, smirst date, it’s all just a formality. If I had it my way, the most we would do is meet up for some Costco samples, head back to my place, and do the dance adults do in the bedroom. But because tradition says so, I have to take her out, have to make her feel like I actually care about her with her clothes on. So I will, but I’m eating before I go out, at least that way I don’t have to break the bank on myself. Hopefully she will do the same.

Whether she does or she doesn’t, the goal is First Date Sex. The Romantic is going to say I’m too ambitious, I shouldn’t even aim for such a thing, but he’s soft. Me? I’m an animal. I keep telling the Romantic, “First Date Sex is nothing more than a testament to how much the girl is feeling me and how good of a date I was.”

If you haven’t had First Date Sex,” I continue on. “You haven’t had a great first date. At the very least, you should be making it hard for the girl to say no.”

A real player doesn’t believe in waiting for the right time. A real player feels the right time is all the time, even if it’s the first time. What’s with this whole waiting game we have going on? A woman says, “You move fast.” I say she moves slow.

The truth is, there’s no nobility in waiting, and any woman who thinks so is lying to herself. She can cite all the experiences in which making a man wait has gotten her what she wants, but if she’s single when she’s telling me all this, then what has it really done for her?

Never has a woman who has had sex with me on the first date been judged for doing so. If anything, the women who have, actually manage to stay in the picture just as long, if not longer than the women who have not. I tell myself, We do it now, so there can be a later.


Do not get me wrong, I have a little player in me, which means, if a woman chooses to have sex with me on the first date, I will gladly oblige. But the difference between me and the Player is my objective is not to have First Date Sex.

On the first date, all I really want to do is get to know the young lady. If I only have my mind focused on getting in the woman’s pants, I might miss out on her finer, more subtle qualities.

The way I see it, First Date Sex is just as much of a lie as no First Date Sex. The player says, First Date sex is the only way he knows a woman is really feeling him, and I guess that’s a good gauge. But what the Player doesn’t understand is if a woman is having sex on the first date, it has little to do with his charm or good looks.

When a woman has sex on the first date, the reason is hardly, if ever, because the man was nice, sweet, and she really likes him. She chose to have sex on the first date because she was horny and it’s been a minute. She chose to have sex on the first date because she was bored. She chose to have sex on the first date because she wanted to, and it had nothing to do with you, player.

First Date Sex is how the player gets played into believing he’s the man. Me? I’m trying to be her man.

I don’t waste my time going out on frivolous dates for frivolous reasons. I only want to go out with women I know I like before we sit down. I want to get to know the woman for who she is,  find more reasons to like her.

Because what I’m really trying to do is build something here, hence why I am pulling out all the stops. I’m talking take her to dinner at a real nice restaurant and foot the whole bill. No shortcuts. Make an impression the way one of my boy’s did on his first date with one of my closest female friend’s.

If I recall correctly, there first date was on her born day and involved a romantic dinner, where he actually got a live band to play her happy birthday. Now, years later, the two are engaged and about to get married.

See what a little romance can do? All the player is doing is spending a few dollars now, so he can make a few more later. What I am trying to do is build a relationship, and methodically hit the jackpot. I tell myself, This here is a marathon, not a sprint.

Related: The Romantic vs. The Player: A Preview

Categories: guys, s#x, the romantic vs. the player, women Tags:
  • TrueMan

    Interesting topic. I have to side with the romantic on this one. Don’t go in expecting it but if she wants to, have at it.

    Besides, the date might be so bad you might not WANT to have sex with her even if she does. Trust me, sex with a woman you don’t like usually isn’t that good.


  • Dililah

    First and foremost, I love your writing style.

    I have a couple of questions if you don’t mind.


    “Never has a woman who has had sex with me on the first date been judged for doing so.”

    Does the Romantic side of you feel the same?
    If a woman decides to engage in first date sex, which side of you is she more likely to be subjected to at the next meet-up/date? Player, Romantic, or both?

    Once the needs of the “Player” are met, do you find it difficult for the romantic side of you to come out?

  • Val

    Glad there are still some romantics out there!

  • Lilie

    I love your romantic side here. There’s never anything wrong with a little roleplay when in a relationship 😉 I’m anxious to read more.

  • Monay

    I liked how you were able to describe both sides of the fence perfectly. Now I know I will pay extra attention to the guy I’m with on the first date to see which category he falls under!

  • Jimmy

    Nice post. As a guy, I don’t like first-date sex. Don’t like them to see my small nipples this early in the relationship.

  • K.Ova

    Good questions, Dililah. Truth be told – I could live off Costco samples for a day.
    Anyway,a lot of women say that if a lady wants a guy for long-term bf material, then she’ll def hold on to that goodgood until the 4th or 5th date. That’s what I’ve HEARD. But, seriously, whether you’re the player or the romantic – when she comes along – it’ll be no contest, despite first date sex. Even a player knows when THAT lady comes along. Whether he turns into a romantic in time to keep her…

  • nicolaspeaks

    Excellent product placement… placing the “Romantic” last; leaves a pleasant after-thought in the minds of women who may have gotten a kink in their neck from reading the “Player” segment.

    Well done.

  • rita

    I feel bad for the player side because he really thinks he has accomplished something, at least the romantic is well aware that we decide if we are gonna have sex with you or not, now or later. The true power is in the PU we hold the key.
    And you never know maybe we played the player and got the free meal and the sex! Touche` pussycat.

  • Sami

    Very well done.
    As a woman, of course I side with the romantic, but a little bit of me tends to wonder who the real player is…? Both are trying to win a prize, only the player just wants the roses that fade and have to be replaced while the romantic wants the solid gold trophy. 🙂

  • Coretta

    This is actually a bit frightening and I’m not sure if I want to read any more.