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The Romantic vs. The Player: Walking Dogs

October 27th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

This post isn’t really about walking dogs, as much as it is about doing little things for a woman who you’re not in a relationship with. Walking dogs is just a metaphor for all those things we do for the ones we care about the most. Today, The Romantic in me and The Player in me face off about when, if ever, a man should draw the line on doing little things for a woman they’re not in a relationship with.

THE ROMANTIC

It’s really simple: Just because I’m not in a relationship with a woman doesn’t mean I can’t do things as though I am in a relationship with her. Isn’t that what we do every time we have sex? Of course it is. So if we can have sex even though we’re not in a formal relationship, what’s wrong with walking her dog?

The only reason I would say no is because I wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea. I am not quite ready for a relationship, and she knows that. If I walk her dog for her while she works overtime, the gray area we exist can possibly get even more foggy. But, that’s not a really good reason to say no. Or rather, it’s not a better reason than the one I have for saying yes.

This girl and I may not be together,  but we are definitely involved with one another, and I shouldn’t need a title to be a nice guy to her. Saying no to walking the dog would only be to save face, and my face is just fine. For this girl who I am not in a relationship with, I am going to walk her dog because I like her, and more importantly she likes me, which means she would do the same thing.

THE PLAYER

She wants me to do what? Walk the dog? My response to that is…hmmm…what’s the words I’m looking for? Oh yeah, that’s it, HELL NO!

This is exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about. We have a good thing going on, it’s a little thing called just sex. We have just sex and we’re happy. Doing anything more than that is a slippery slope. One minute I’m walking her dog, the next minute, I’m like Owen Wilson‘s character in Marley and Me, writing a column about the joys of raising a dog with my lovely wife.

No thanks.

All this talk of how if she can sleep with me, I can walk her dog is bull. You know what she gets for sleeping with me? My A game. If that’s not enough, and I need to start walking dogs to show my appreciation, than either I need to do a better job in the bedroom or she needs to fire me. And about that nice guy logic? I am a nice guy, I’m just not a nice guy who walks dogs. But I’m sure there are plenty of those types out there. She should find one if she doesn’t have one already.

If I start doing all these little things like walking the dog or fixing something that’s broke around her crib, she’s going to think I want to do more than what we’re already doing when the truth is I don’t. Our relationship is based on two things: Enjoying each other’s company and not doing any favors to do so.

Do I like the girl? Yeah, I do, but not to this extent, so I am going to tell her no, and explain to her the reason. Because contrary to popular belief, a real player tells a woman the truth, even if it hurts; as a matter of fact, especially if it hurts.

  • Tia

    Truth to my popular belief, when a man tells me NO he mind as well consider us done even if he’s are putting it down and putting me to bed. If I asked a man to do something after our deed is done. I expect it to be done! As 85% of the time I would do whatever it is for him within reason.I can’t take rejection. It’s like a slap in the face to me. That is a major stumble block I am trying to work on, as I know it, in life this in fact happens. So in turn, I love to tell a man to stop calling when I don’t get my way.

  • Dia

    That last part is true. A player WILL HURT you and WILL look for ways in which he can tell the truth but a truth that hurts. Its his way of saying, well, I did tell you the truth, you know. Man, it sucks being a woman. lol.

  • Tia

    No Dia it acutally sucks being a male. We actaully have all the power! The ball is always in our court. We just always loose control. 😉

  • Dililah

    First, I want to make clear that I will always act like a lady, but sometimes I need to let my hair down when pushed to the limits!

    After reading this submission, the first thought that came to my mind is that this is SOME B******T! Whatever happened to genuine good people doing genuine good things for others? Why does it always have to be that someone is looking for a relationship when small favors are asked? Since when is, “can you help me change my light bulb?” translated to I want to marry you and have your baby? What is the difference between the little old lady who needs help carrying her groceries to her home and doing the same for the woman you are sleeping with? I mean…really?

    I think of it like this, any guy who would not even remotely consider doing the most mundane task because the request just so happen to come from the woman he was sleeping with is not a “Player.” In actuality, it would make him a “Dickhead!”
    It says a great deal about a person’s level of maturity. At my age (I’m 30) we should act a bit more grown with situations like this.

    Me (as I put my hair back up), I refuse to treat people in such a manner. No es mi estilo (translation: not my style). [Spanish lesson for the day]

    I make sure I take care of myself and don’t need to depend on people for much. But I’d be damned if the man I’m sleeping with refuses to help me with a small favor because he believes I would be asking too much. Small acts of kind deeds can go a long way for both individuals.

    Fix ya Face, Wake up, and Pay attention!

  • leah

    “a real player will tell the truth.”

    I disagree with that. a “player” (whatever that really means) is the ulitimate politician and could win elections with the bullshit that he feeds women. He may not lie, but he will present the truth in such a way that the lie may have actually been more truthful. The truth (in its purest form) would make any sane and self-respecting woman fall back, or at least seriously consider her steps before going forward. So the “player” circumvents the truth but gives himself credit for being in its vicinity. fail.

    the player is just scared to walk the dog. scared of losing control of his feelings. scared of getting in too deep. scared of commitment. scared of missing out. scared of taking a risk in the most riskiest of businesses…but no risk = no reward.

    just my humble!

    peace.

  • Courtney

    I AM NOT A FAN OF THE ROMANTIC VERSUS THE PLAYER. NEXT PLEASE

  • rita

    A real woman knows which one she can ask to walk the dog. The other won’t be around for very long!

  • Lilie

    i-i-i-i-wish i could fuck every girl in the worrrrld. your blog is perfect to read while listening to drake and weezy :/

  • http://www.paigeworthy.com Paige

    I’m with Courtney. Not your strongest.
    Especially because the supposed opposites are just near-identical flip sides of the same asinine coin.

  • Leah J

    I half agree and half disagree with this. The first paragraph is where we differ. I agree that is the case most of the time, but in situations where “the player” has an agenda of “FWB,” that can be stipulated up front, thus being the truth. But it must be stated up front before anything goes down or else, I totally agree with you.

    Wordy McWordPants on this second part, and not just because we share a name. You and Dillah hit the nail on the head. It’s all about wanting to keep control and keep your own feelings in check. And I have to fully admit to having done the same under similar circumstances. You create these ridiculous boundaries in these situations because they WILL lead down the “slippery slope” of “catching feelings” (I refer to mine as the ToA or “Terms of Agreement”). To not catch feelings, one must play games — not with the other person — but with oneself.