Warning: Read Fine Print Before Dating My Unemployed A**
Three months ago when I started this blog, one of the first posts I ever wrote was an entry entitled, “Women, Unemployment and Me” (click here to read). In it, I wrote a promise to my readers, and to myself that until I found a job, I would not take out any women I met while unemployed.
Yeah, about that promise…
Who was I kidding? At the time, unemployment was still a new thing to me and nothing I was used to, thus I presumed dating was out of the question. The way I saw it, the ladies were an expense I couldn’t afford, and besides, I went from being the fly editor at a fly music magazine living in the big city to a FORMER fly editor at a FORMER fly music magazine living in the big city.
Suffice to say, while I have remained fly, the promise I made to myself has been broken so many times, it’s beyond repair. I have dated since the day after I wrote that post, and while the women I have met have all been great, I, on the other hand, have been mediocre at best.
To be clear, this is not a pity party I am throwing myself. I have always cared about being a better person with or without a job, but with or without a job, I’ve always been a handful. Just ask any woman who dated me then.
Three months into my unemployed life, I am somebody totally different. I don’t know if I’m better or worse, but I know now I am a lot heavier than a handful. Am I still dateable? I’d like to think so, but there is a lot more fine print than their used to be. But since nobody reads the fine print because it’s so small, I have decided to write it a little bit bigger and put it on display.
I’M NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM
No man should let their career dictate who they are as a person, after all with or without a job, I’m still a man. But for five years — from the first month after I graduated college up until June of this year — I woke up most Mondays-Fridays ready, willing, and able to go into the office and work. That sort of consistency will get into the fabric of anybody’s being, so when I say I am not myself, it’s only because I am not doing what I have been used to doing for approximately 1,825 days. This guy who wakes up every morning and doesn’t go to the office, who doesn’t get a check every 1st and 15th is new. So excuse me while we get to know one another a little better.
YOU’RE SECOND PLACE UNTIL I GET A JOB
The great rapper Tupac Shakur once famously proclaimed, “money over bitches.” Poor language aside, this man had his priorities in order. As much as I love to hang out with women, there’s only so much time I can give them before I want to break away and get back on my computer to write, email, and research. And that urge can strike at a moment’s notice, which leads me to the third thing.
MY BLACKBERRY GETS TOUCHED MORE THAN YOU
This has been said to me by more than one woman. Very unfortunate. Also, very true.
THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS ANYTHING THAT COSTS MONEY
Just think about anything that costs money and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be involved. These days I barely want to turn on a light in my apartment.
NOTHING I DO IS AS GOOD AS I USED TO DO IT
If what you just read made you think, Does that mean sex too? You’re gross and you’re right. But I also mean other things like, you know, having fun. I’m horrible at that, unless your idea of fun is playing games like Uno at the local community center.
As a fellow funemployed person (yes, its become enjoyable), I feel you on this. Its made me a lot more creative. This includes date ideas, clipping coupons, girls nights in, etc. I hope unemployment ends soon, but I also hope that I’ll never quit having the fun I’m having now.
LOVE the self-deprecating side of Jozen.
Love the honesty and the total lack of pretense. Way to go. This is a great post with a refreshing lack of braggadocio.
LOL I knew that wouldn’t last Jozen. It’s ok these are extraordinary circumstances and times, aint no one judging you for a few months out of commission. Females are used to facing A LOT worse.
There are tons of women in your position that can relate. I myself prefer doing next to cost free activities. Its probably the best way to get to know a person and if anything, makes the bond stronger if there was one to begin with. A good woman will realize what you can offer without having to spend a dollar.
You’ll be good. I know, its easy for someone on the outside to say something like that, but you still have a roof over your head and are still writing. What would be worst, unemployment or writers block?
You have a gift and passion for writing that is capturing and entertaining (even when you do write b******t). I have never followed a blog in my life until I came across yours and plan on continuing to do so for whatever magazine, newspaper, or journal you will end up working for. No one can deny your talent and true talent is not easy to come by. You’ll get something soon.
Damn…don’t even know you, but just realized how much I believe in you and your work. Hmmmm….is that weird? Nah.
Isn’t it funny how the hardest of times, situations, whatever can makes you realize your true self, and what is really important.
Oh and in response to Dililah no I think its beautiful to have compassion for someone you have no ties to, if more of us were like that or just thought that way, I think the world would be much better place.
As a former unemployed person I feel you on this one. I started working at 15 and went into the Navy at 18 so after seperating in September of 04 I was jobless for about 9 months and as time went by the more depressed I got and the more I ate! I never realized that so much of my self-esteem was wrapped up in me ability to get a job and keep it. Things change and they change for the better I am working my way back to myself now. 2009 has been a hell of a year.
Love your honesty and ability to reflect in the moment. Makes you better than most. And when things become more cash-friendly, you’ll appreciate who you’re seeing and what you’re doing even more.
Thank you!
I SO love this post!
I can truly relate to what you are saying. Wayyyy back when I engaged my fiance` lost his job and he turned into someone I didn’t know. Of course he was still the same person but he someone couldn’t accept that even without a job I was still there. AND if I mentioned anything like going to dinner or out for fun he suddenly got a headache. Anything that involved spending money was out of the picture.
I really didn’t understand it. I know that being unemployed is no joke, but you definitely gave me a better understanding by writing this.
In all honesty, I think EVERYONE needs to get in the frame of mind of spending time with folks instead of spending money on THINGS. Living in NYC, it’s so easy to want to “go out,” but really, I hate large crowds and would rather be with the folks I care about, so essentially, I end up paying money for something I could’ve done for free — hang with my peeps. Yeah, it’s fun to experience new restaurants and such every once in awhile, but we need to learn how to enjoy each other’s company without all the background noise.
Your dating scenario reminds me of the friends I have who live with their parents and always want to do something “scene-y.” (But now that I think about it, if I still lived with my mother I would want to get the hell out as much as possible, too.)
I am employed, but I have been impacted by the recession and I can’t “make it rain” or anything right now, so I’m creative. Dude, you can buy 3 BOTTLES OF WINE in Trader Joe’s for the cost of ONE GLASS OF WINE in most bars. C’MON! That’s not just being frugal; it’s practical. Martinis taste just as good on my couch as they do up in *insert flashy bar here*, and sometimes better. Recognize.
Great post. I can completely relate to this since I’ve been unemployed since December (but by grace start a new job tomorrow) and I can say that I completely turned into someone I did NOT know over the past ten months. Now as the first comment said there’s definitely fun to be had while unemployed.
Maybe because I am a woman I was happy to date around (A LOT) during this period of unemployment and I will say I have been able to have more lunch dates, dinner dates, coffee dates, club dates and late nights than EVER before…
But I have to say I think this is because I am a woman. I swear up and down if I were a man it could NOT happen that way… but fun & cheap are good themes!
that explains a lot…
or maybe i just fall into 3. but thats ok too im not mad at ya pce