On Persistence
A week ago, I was watching the movie, Love Jones for what is probably the 1,000th time. For those who haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and Netflix it immediately (here, I’ll even give you the link to its Netflix page).
The most fascinating part of the film is near the end of the first act when Darius is pursuing Nina. Darius asks Nina for her contact information, to which she flat out rejects. Since the film takes place in the mid-90′s when having a cell phone was still only for rich people, and AOL chat rooms were considered the most sophisticated form of social networking media, Darius steals her information off a personal check. Then, instead of calling the phone number (assuming Nina left one on the check), he shows up at her front door.
All of this takes place after Darius and Nina have only met twice: once at a poetry lounge a couple nights prior, and the coincidental run-in at the record store where Darius was rejected and Nina left the check.
When Darius shows up at Nina’s doorstep, she is shocked, but scared? Nope. She reluctantly invites him, in spite of his illegal and intrusive behavior, and to top things off, agrees to go out with Darius on a date that is nothing more than a friendly gathering.
If all of this sounds absolutely, 100 percent crazy, that’s because it is absolutely, 100 percent crazy.
I have always felt there needed to be a ticker running along the bottom of the screen that said “MEN DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME” the minute Darius shows up at Nina’s apartment because if I ever did this sort of thing in real life, I deserve to be arrested and so does any other man who tries to do the same thing.
While I can tip a hat to Darius’s efforts, I know better than to resort to his level in real life.
In real life, persistence is chasing a woman who wants to be caught, not wearing a woman down to the point where all her no’s turn to yes’s. What I want to work on is getting a woman to like me more, not getting a woman to like me at all. A woman with warm feelings towards me is only going to make me chase her for so long, and in my pursuit, she will always do just enough to keep me in the chase, something I like to call, “encouraging the ego.”
But what happens if I am pursuing a woman who doesn’t like me?
Well, imagine if Nina was not into Darius at all. He would probably get the door shut in his face followed by a squadron of cop cars surrounding him and police barking out orders for Darius to put his hands where they could see them.
To me the difference between being persistent and being taken for the run-around is easily distinguished by one thing: a smiling face.
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