The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Pt. 1
As singular as my blog is, as much as it is about me, I know the best posts I write are the ones everyone can relate to in some form or fashion, which is why I have decided to start what is going to be an ongoing list of gripes I hear from other men about women.
Some of them will be very specific, some of them will be very broad, and if I’m doing it right, all of them will be unique. In other words, this is not going to be a list about women who can’t cook or who talk too much. It’s 2009, time to step up our complaining and get specific, act like we have seen some things more than once.
To kick things off, I am only going to start with three complaints I received from three different male readers. In the future, I will feature more and I encourage any readers who would like me to voice a complaint about women to email me their complaint to UNTILIGETMARRIED@GMAIL.COM. If you know me personally, are a Facebook friend or follow me on Twitter, you can also reach out to me via those sites as well. No identities will be revealed and all complaints will be completely confidential.
Be clear, I have no intention of solving any of the issues I list, largely because I am not God nor am I Dr. Phil. I am merely a vessel, a communicator on behalf of the men who have trouble voicing their issues to the women who have trouble listening to them.
Speaking of women: Ladies, if you’re wondering why I will not be running a list of things men love about women it is because it’s impossible to create a wholly unique list of reasons men love women. I also can’t speak on behalf of women the same way I can for men largely because I am not a woman. Far too often, we forget how different women and men are, which is how we end up giving bad advice to each other, so I don’t want to continue the vicious cycle. Besides, as is the case for most things in life, we learn more from criticism than we do from praise. Just know my intent is not to be misogynistic or chauvinistic, but rather insightful and encouraging, hence the title of this post. Any man involved with a woman is probably, beautiful, smart, and wonderful. Why else would he be involved with her? But perfect she is not.
So here it is, the first part of what is sure to be an exhaustive, authoritative list, from which men can relate and women can learn. Just remember, these are not my thoughts (at least, not exclusively), only my words.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is….
Nipple Hair
A male reader of mine told me about this fine woman he was excited to hook up with and by the way he described her, I could have sworn he got Beyoncé to cheat on Jay-Z. So when he told me to guess why he almost stopped everything (he didn’t) and left her apartment, a nipple hair was not even going to be in my Top 5 guesses.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t felt one or two hairs in my years of sucking on a woman’s breasts, and to say it’s uncomfortable is an understatement. But even more than uncomfortable, it’s baffling because we wonder why it’s there in the first place. In a back and forth with the reader we volleyed reasons why women who have a nipple hair don’t cut it off and here they are:
- They don’t know it exists, much like I don’t notice a random hair that grows out of my forehead sporadically (this is absolutely true about me, not the reader).
- The nipple hair is connected to vital organs and snipping it off would be life threatening.
- They know it exists but think it’s sexy because no man has ever been brave enough to complain.
If there’s a fourth reason, I’d be interested to know, but I think this list covers the broader ones.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is…
Low Sex Self Esteem
We all know how uncool it is for a man to brag about his skills in bed (even though I do it frequently, because I’m just uncool like that), but as a reader pointed out to me, since when has it ever been uncool for a woman to do the same?
A man’s desire to sleep with a woman is innate, needs no pretense, but as a male reader voiced to me, pretense can be sexy. In other words, any woman who has plans to sleep with a man should build anticipation by bragging just a little bit about what she can do and what she is going to do. I know some folks will say it’s un-lady like, and it should be noted all of these folks who say such a thing are ladies. What they don’t understand is it’s only un-lady like if done in an inappropriate place like church or something. But if it’s just me and her talking on the phone and making plans to hook up or in the moments before clothes come off, a little trash-talk is not only appropriate, but encouraged.
The Problem With Beautiful, Smart, Wonderful Women Is…
Their Underwear Never Matches
This is somewhat of a classic complaint, but that’s the problem. It’s only classic because it’s gone on for far too long.
Let’s be clear, just like I would never turn down a home given to me on the condition I could not paint over the ugly wall paper, I would never turn down what a woman is offering me after she takes off her underwear, even if they don’t match. But like a reader asked me, Wouldn’t it be nice if more women cared about matching their underwear? To which I said, It absolutely would be.
If ladies looked at underwear the same way they look at gift wrapping paper, we probably wouldn’t have this problem. I know just because it’s all pretty on the outside, doesn’t mean I am going to like what’s on the inside. But the gifts wrapped in the high-quality paper are so much more fun to open than the ones wrapped in left over newspaper.
No real man will ever call things off just because the bra is red, the panties are tan, and the woman looks like Target is having an Employees-Wear-Their-Underwear Day, but as the reader pointed out to me, whenever a woman does wear matching underwear and a man goes back to tell his friends, he gets way more high-fives. Way more.
To the first point, I’ve been told they think if they cut one hair, two more will grow back in its place thicker and meaner. LOL. That was a real statement from a chick with said affliction.
The things we never imagine men will give a shit about.
The second my man offers to buy me matching bras to all my wild underwear will be the moment I start matching all my unmentionables. But not before.
If I feel hair in my mouth while eating I GAG. I did the same thing when you admitted to feeling a hair or two while sucking on a womans breast.
I don’t know about vital organs, but for anything else, there should be no reason why women do not keep themselves groomed. That goes for eyebrows, upper lip, chin, happy trails, legs, and of course the va-jay-jay! Nipple hair is a BIG NO!
I’m also all about matching underwear, but shit gets expensive…
LMAO. Hot. Hilarious. Mess.
The hair thing- I mean I can imagine that’s a bit unsettling but what I will say is- please reciprocate as best as you can. And y’all know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.
And the underwear thing- lol I definitely feel what Paige is saying. I used to work for VS so I have all sorts of free things from them & got into a poor habit of buying their stuff. That goes to say- I definitely have sets for cute time and sets for grown up time. But I don’t just bust that out right away. A guy has to show that he has some longevity/something to deserve that. So while I may not egregiously mis-match all the time I’m not going to pull out all the stops for just anyone anytime.
I was rolling with you Jozen. Nipple hair irks me. Low self-esteem irks me tremendously. But non-matching underwear? IDGAF if it is neon green panties and a solid tan bra. I. Don’t. Give. A. F**k. Period. Doesn’t even come up in conversation with my dawgs. I’ll email something 10 times more troubling than that in a min.
*shrugs shoulders, drops mic, walks off.*
Haven’t come into contact with nipple hair yet, so I don’t have anything to say on that bruh, and I COMPLETELY AGREE
Haven’t come into contact with nipple hair yet, so I don’t have anything to say on that bruh; however, I COMPLETELY AGREE with you on the sex self esteem. Nothing sounds better than a woman telling me how bad she wants to “google my yahoo all over her facebook” before, during, or after (preferably all three) said act, as long as it’s said erotically… But matching draws…MAT-CHING DRAWS?!?!?!? Unless its one of those occasions where she is intentionally trying to be sexy/cute (and I do take note/appreciate on such occasions), I could really give a less of a damn, they’ll be on a pile on the floor no later than halfway through foreplay…
@marc-google my yahoo all over her facebook
what in sam hell ran thru your mind when you made that up-too funny
on each-
Im assuming nipple hair is like real hair that stands up not the fine hair that covers every inch of your body that u cant really taste right (checks nipples) yeah cause I can see it but I know u cant taste it-I digress
Im happy to know that my cocky sex attitude is A-OK to the guys. I thought every girl exclaimed that she had that good good to a potential suitor? No? -guess there goes my lady-likeness
matching panties-katt williams dont give a fuck either fyi-I have always done this cause I thought it was the law-you know how they say always wear clean underwear in case something bad happens to you-I always wear good looking underwear in case something good (wink wink) happens to me
Shit I been on point all this time-thanks for the re-affirmation
(sits back on throne)
The more smart & beautiful => the higher the self esteem => the better the sex. Ex. Samantha in Sex & the City. Are you sure that maybe you’re three friends aren’t just bad in bed? They may have felt inferior… All I’m saying is, sexual energy is purely kinetic. It takes two, not one. The matching underwear comment – this involves factors unrelated to beauty & intelligence. Women, gorgeous or not, have different breasts & body structure. Not all bras fit the same way. The bras we need won’t always match those special pair of undies. Yes, that means even an unattractive women may not wear matching underwear.
Hhmmm, though I try to keep my hairs to a minimum, I’ve rarely thought about them from a male perspective.
And about the matching undies: First, VS sizes their bras so that chicks with little girls think they’re bigger than they are, which means that those of us with real chests (and I’m talking 36-38 C) can’t find anything that really fits. So, we’re left with the more expensive shit and most times we’re picking up panties (or, for me, thongs) more often than bras, so that’s why most of my underwear, when I wear them, don’t match.
I’m assuming you’re talking about matching sets but my bad if you’re not.
On matching underwear:
1) It’s expensive. I’m one of those young women who prefer to purchase quality bras that come in a wider range of sizes and are constructed better than what’s sold in Target and Victoria’s Secret. This includes lingerie from Intimacy and fine department stores -Nordstroms, Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus. Those bras are $70 and up. The matching panties, $35 and up. Sometimes over $100 (see: La Perla)
2) While I love the bras these stores sell, I don’t care for the matching panties or thongs because they’re usually satin or silk. Rarely cotton. On most days, I prefer cotton. It’s healthier.
If you’re not talking about matching sets, just matching colors, I’d say a lot of women do that, anyway. But like “Soula Powa,” implied: it’s not that deep. IDGAF, indeed.
I would prefer matching panty sets but it’s rarely an option for me.
It’s not just women w/ big chest who are frustrated with VS. I’m 5’5. I wear XS/S tops and size 0/2 pants. My real bra size is like 30/32 C, according to the women who did my bra fitting at Intimacy.
Most common retailers including Victoria Secret do NOT carry that size. They usually sell 34C and up, e.g., 36C, 38C, 40C. The assumption is that someone of my statue would never wear a C or D cup, only a A or B cup. The few stores that do sell 32C bras (Dillards, Macys) only carry two brands (Calvin Klein and DKNY) and those companies don’t make the best bras b/c lingerie really isn’t their specialty. *shrugs shoulders*.
First of all, true story, the first time I decided to have sex with my boyfriend I went to Vickie’s and got this cute overly priced matching panty and bra set, with frills and ribbons and lace and everything. When we finally got down to the undressing in bed, I don’t think he looked at the matching bra and panties that I probably spent over $50 for twice. They were off so quick, I was kind of pissed. In fact, I’m still pissed. So trust, the next time I’m blowing money like that on something I probably won’t wear everyday or to work, will be because it’s my honeymoon.
Jozen,
I normally find your articles funny but this one was more crazy then anything else. your list of the problem with smart beautiful wonderful women included nipple hair, low sex esteem and mismatched underwear?? Where did you find the men to get information for this article? and dont use them again for any future list. lol. maybe she had nipple hair because she missed a waxing appointment. low sex esteem because she is more interested in doing it then talking about it..I think that saying “talk is cheap” would apply to this one. Men brag about skills that some only have in their heads. and the mismatched underwear..well that could have been because she was not trying to impress him or have him stay longer then needed. mismatched underwear could have been her version of a booty call..no need to impress just take care of business
this was pure hilarity.
I’m going to have to co-sign with the young women before me on the matching underwear…..GTFOH. When you start purchasing them, feel free to have a preference. quite simple. otherwise, deal with it…you said that won’t stop you from removing said cookie from said jar….if the cookie is warm and freshly baked, does it matter than it may be slightly breaking into two pieces? still tastes the same I think…..
Yes… I’m quoting myself, but it definitely pertained to your situation sweetheart (heed the advice of a bachelor)
“MAT-CHING DRAWS?!?!?!? Unless its one of those occasions where she is intentionally trying to be sexy/cute (and I do take note/appreciate on such occasions), I could really give a less of a damn, they’ll be on a pile on the floor no later than halfway through foreplay…”
Super sad that I keep getting here so late…
Anyways, the first one is kinda funny in that since women are human we indeed happen to have some degree or the other of hair EVERYWHERE…
If in fact, you find a flawlessly hairless woman she has put a lot of money into being that way and in some degrees becomes fake… like hair you can’t pull or a nail you have to pay for ….I digress
As for the low sex self-esteem I agree… you gotta have some chick swag.
Third, matching underwear could happen for me everyday I have that many sets but I’m lazy and I prefer to just grab something and something and put it on…
I’ve never had a complaint and can think of ONE time where a dude has mentioned them matching and that was only because he could see both with me sitting on the couch next to him…
I just don’t think men care that much, but I’m a woman with an AWESOME VAGINA so what do I know?
LOL! I must say, I am genuinely shocked that these things matter to men. Especially the underwear thing… I mean I really wouldn’t give a damn what your undergarments look like granted they are clean and not rainbow colored…lol. And as for the nipple hair…lmao… I’ve recently noticed a few hairs and I can’t help but remove them but I really don’t want them to grow out because right now their barely visible and removing them will only make it worse.
Entertaining blog, however,i’m not sure about these male “opinions” !? I was just reading an article in recent Glamour magazine (First Lady on the cover p267) about why ‘Guys Love You As Is’… and underwear seems NOT to be the focus. Girls, it can be cotton Target brand and they don’t care (but to your point, i guess if they match, it’s all good?) lol. What IS a girl to believe? hahaha. In your next blog can you talk about women who intimidate men?
As long as my socks match I’m happy!
If you can’t stand to see my non matching bra and panties fling them in opposite directions of the room.
I probably wouldn’t have found this so amusing if I didn’t know someone who has nipple hair…and I know this from the guy that joked he could floss with it! As disgusting as it was, I also found it to be just a little funny. On the outside this woman is very beautiful and has her career on a very fast track going up…she’s on point. I want to tell her, but how does another woman tell another she has nipple hair that is offsetting to the opposite sex?
#2 doesn’t apply to me….that’s why my man is here now…4 years later.
#3 well I agree with the rest of the women. It can get expensive, but I do it the best I can. I have found that buying bras with designs of some kind…offering more than one color allows you more options. One bra can have 3 panties that match it…you gotta be creative.
Oh Jozen, who knew back at HU when we had class together that you were this damn funny. You were always quiet, or maybe I just wasn’t really paying attention.
Unless she has more hair on her nipple than her lady parts, it really doesn’t matter.
Unless she gives the impression that her sex game is slop, it really doesn’t matter.
Unless she owns ALL black underwear, there are gonna be days that she doesn’t match.
Are you picking up on a theme here…ANAL dudes gets NO loving. I agree with he cookie analogy. As long as it feels, tastes and smells good, it really doesn’t matter.
Loving the way you think! The last sentense is right on point…..
I think nipple hair is disconcerting the first time you see it unexpectedly but it is really no big deal. Coming from a brotha with hair in more places than some people have places, I got very little standing to complain. As for the matching undies, I think the view on that is one of those things we can get caught up with if we allow it. It really is a prissy criticism, because most dudes wear there underwear way too long anyways and if you are spending that much mental energy on your ladies underwear (as long as it is clean) you need to really re-think the whole relationship.
The poor sex esteem to me is cautionary. I once dated this woman with a high sex esteem who named her vagina the ill nana…she in my mind was way too pre-occupied with her sex performance, so much so we would watch pornos and she would talk about how she wanted to re-create the moves of the starlets or when she introduced me to weights she planned to get to strengthen her vagina. Sex was the only thing she had to offer at all and that was not good enough to sustain a long term relationship. On the other hand I have also dated the really gorgous girl who was so sexually uptight and her performance so uninspiring that it was more a chore to have sex with her than the unabashed fun it should be. All my attempts to open a dialogue about her sexuality and her fantasies were rebuffed yet she claimed it was something she really enjoyed.
It takes all kinds though, SMDH!!
After reading this I am starting to wonder who would be good enough for a man and who would be good enough for a woman we all have our prefences and we all have our short comings and when we get involved with someone and take it to a relationship then that means we accept their short comings and they accept ours. Maybe this isn’t about a relationship but this gripe thing bothers me a little. I mean what if a woman was like Babe: Your Balls smell like sh*t could you do the figure 8 around that area like 10 more times when you’re in the shower. I mean you would fix the problem but then that would be another insecurites on your mind.
About Low sex esteem…I think that men who talk about how good they are must not be that great. I mean maybe you are but maybe you aren’t and so a woman who says all that “Im bout to rock your world” and then FAILs well it lets you down. I would prefer to not say a word and rock so hard you knock the sheets off the bed.
About nipple hair also: would you shave your balls? or the hairs around the base of your penis? HMMM?
But thanks for this entry it actually adds to my gripes about life and how we all have so many things we complain about we’ll never be happy because we won’t be good enough and neither will anyone else.
As a female i under the importance of the underwear statement cause i love to see a man in nice boxers or boxers briefs. We all know not all you guys wear your best underwear, for those of you that still sag like its 94 i am talking to you. So fellas we ladies like to see y’all in a nice set of drawers too, so match them boxers with the beater…..
LMAO @ “The nipple hair is connected to vital organs and snipping it off would be life threatening”
I am one of those ppl who hate hair in places it shouldn’t be so if I were to notice even the tiniest hair it would be GONE ASAP.
And men need to be the LAST TO COMPLAIN when it comes to matching underwear because everybody knows that once a man gets comfortable around his lady, after a while he could care less about his underwear. I have seen some pretty pathetic draws on men in my lifetime lol
Whoa. Kita. Do women get their nips WAXED? That’s nuts. Get a freakin’ tweezer and take care of that business.
Damn.
Ok, I really feel this because I did the EXACT same thing when I first met my boyfriend 3 years ago. I was even brazen enought to ask him about it later and he was like baby, I’d much rather you just be naked. He was like, I dont care about what you wear because all I’m trying to do is take it off anyway. Money wasted.
That time anyway. However, for special occasions and holdiay sex, I do bring out the expensive, lacy stuff that HE BOUGHT ME!
Note to the ladies, after polling most of my friends, married, single, lesbian, and attached somehow, they all said their partners would rather them take more care to have soft, smooth, hair free(nod to the nipple hair) , lightly scented NAKED skin. Save your money and (surprise) treat them to breakfast the next morning. Bet you get some even better sex after that. Beautiful, smart and wondeful, so he says…
Paige,
I have no idea. I didn’t even know it existed until this article but since Jozen brought up nipple hair…maybe he can ask his panel of experts what is the best removal process. I dont think a girl would have to many options…waxing, shaving, or tweezing.it all has the possiblity of taking of a nipple.
“google my yahoo all over her facebook” FTW!
and that will happen regardless!
Humph… I for one refuse to justify ANYTHING I do, BUT… if my under garments (matching or not) are on long enough for you to actually take notice and remember later… You ain’t doin something right: stay focused on the important things- ya feel me? LOL!
I loved this blog with the exception of the matching bra and underwear. I match my clothes that people can see very well. Matching my undergarments doesn’t matter…as long as they are clean (and they are!) then others need to get over it.
I am relieved to read that most men do not care about matching underwear. I do agree that the first two are big no no’s, but matching underwear? Do you have any idea what that actually means for us?
It is not a matter of merely opening the underwear draw in the morning and say oh, here is my red panty, and oh, here is my red bra.
No! Because more often than none, there is a red bra, but no red panty in sight, because the panty is in the washing machine!
You see we do not wash bra and pants/g strings/tanga at the same frequency. For the latter it’s every day. For the first, it’s after wearing it say three times.
And do you know what happens after a while?
The panty and bra do not have the exact same color anymore because one is washed more often that the other.
The only alternative to that is to have three matching panty for one bra, and handwash everything when it is dirty.
Now how many women are willing to do that?
I hope you find your perfect match!
OMG! I wasn’t ready for nipple hair! LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO
Was this a joke though? LOL! 1. I dont think its cute for a woman to brag about her sex in mixed company. However, amongst each other and under certain circumstances we def do. However… I’ve found male bragging to be baseless. WHY? Because a female will know when she has wack puhh because men can’t mask that shit. WE however tend not to let u know that yeahhhh u may have the right tools… but ur stroke game is sickening and your ass could use some practice—- just not with me.
And lastly…. who wears underwear anymore????? **shrugs**