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A Guide To A Man's Firsts

November 19th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

They say some experiences are like the first time, no matter how many times they occur. I say, no matter how many times it occurs, the first time is the one we remember the most.

First does not have to mean best and sometimes it can mean worst, but no matter the result, nothing changes its position. Before it happened again or at all, the first time was an introduction and sometimes these introductions stay with us forever and changes our lives. Other times the introductions will be all we get.

Below, a list of man’s most memorable firsts.

The first girl he ever liked.
The first girl who ever liked him back.

The first girl he ever asked to dance.
The first girl who ever said yes when he asked her to dance.

The first girl he ever kissed on the cheek.
The first girl who ever kissed him on the cheek.

The first time he ever saw a sex scene in the movie, which is usually the exact same time his parents saw a sex scene in front of their child for the first time.

The first girl he ever kissed on the lips.
The first girl he ever made out with.

The  first time he ever touched a breast.
The first time he ever put his hand between her legs.
The first time he smelled his fingers afterward (he remembers the smell too).
The first time she ever touched him between his legs…way different than the first time he ever touched himself between his legs.
The first time he kissed her in between her legs.
The first time she did the same thing in return.

The first time he ever watches an adult film with his friends or by himself. Very gross. Very cool.

The first girl he ever brought over to his parents house when his parents were home. The first girl he ever brought over to his parents house when his parents weren’t home.

The first time he put on a condom.

The first woman he ever had sex with.
(Not to be confused with the first girl who let him touch her breast or touch in between her legs or any of the other firsts I have already mentioned)

The first orgasm he ever has from having sex.
(Much different than first time he made himself have an orgasm.)

The first time he ever made a woman have an orgasm.
The first time he ever heard of women faking orgasms.
The first time a woman told him she was faking her orgasms. (What do you mean you didn’t have an orgasm?)

The first girl he ever calls his girlfriend.
The first girlfriend he ever broke up with.
The first girl who breaks up with him.
The first girl he ever cheats on.
The first girl who doesn’t take that mess and cheats on him back.

The first time the condom breaks.
The first time he forgets to bring a condom
The first time a woman lets him have sex without one.
The first time he feels so stupid and feels so good at the same time.

The first time a woman tells him she might be pregnant.
The first time he has to buy a pregnancy test, and if it’s positive,
The first time he ever visits an abortion clinic or
The first time he ever sees a sonogram of his first born child.

If the results are negative, he still must deal with the first time he ever gets tested for HIV and other STDs.
What a scary first time.

The first one night stand and the first time he had sex with a girl whose name he doesn’t remember. (Funny how he remembers that but doesn’t remember her name. )

The first time he never hears back from a girl after they had sex for the first time.
The first girl who told him the first time they had sex was going to be the only time, because it was just sex. (He didn’t know girls did that too.)

The first time he has sex with more than one woman at the same time. He definitely remembers that.

The first time he has sex with the one woman he knows he wants to have sex with for the rest of his life.

The first time he has sex with her is a lot different than the first time he had sex with any other woman, because it’s
The first time he experiences intimacy.

The first time he says “I love you” to this woman
The first time she says, “I love you too.”

The first time he gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him.
The first time she says yes.
The first time they get married.

Hopefully, it’s the last time he ever does such a thing, because from what I heard, there is nothing like the first time a man gets a divorce.

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  • jshdoff

    I don’t remember the first time I said I love you, or the first time anyone said it to me. The first time I had sex is barely worth remembering, although I do.

    The firsts I do remember are not quite as poetic.
    my first toot
    first trick
    the first suicide
    you get the picture….

  • Aviva

    great post…that ended with a thud! divorce? divorce is like a slow, painful death, but sometimes necessary!

  • http://www.metanotherfrog.com Skye Blue

    If you remember all that, you’re good.

    My memories only take me as far back as the first man I had sex with, and only because as gentle as he was it hurt like hell!

  • Dana

    You have a wonderful memory. I had no idea men remembered as much as you say they do. I don’t much think about the things you’ve recalled, so I’ll assume those memories are lost.

    I remember the first time I fell in love and my first heartbreak. I remember my first best friend. I remember the first time I realized I made a mistake about any decision (either a friendship, relationship or job). I also remember thinking that I had found “the one” and the moment I found out “the one” was indeed not that.

    And of course, the first time I ever read a blog (9/20/09)…UIGM 🙂

    Great Post!

  • http://www.theblvdmag.com Adrienne

    Wow. I didn’t know guys thought about this stuff. Ok, I did, kinda. But you told the story very well. I actually used to think guys didn’t have feelings. But I soon realized they did. Keep doing your thing. Im digging your site 😉

  • Deen

    This probably doesn’t reflect very well on me, but I don’t remember/haven’t experienced most of that stuff. Give it up for the unexamined life…

  • oc

    I clearly am the only one trippin off the fact that, he said the equated intimacy was when he had sex to his future wife.
    I just dont think that would be accurate.

    And then the first time he gets tested for HIV is after the girl comes back not pregnant, as opposed to after the first time he has sex w/o a condom.

    If these are in order, these two things are really disturbing.

  • http://nicolaspeaks.wordpress.com nicolaspeaks

    Whew! That was a serious emotional rollercoaster… thanks for the ride!

  • http://manamongboys.com TrueMan

    Very good post…but the divorce part kind of killed me. Still can’t stand her ass.

  • http://themochacafe.wordpress.com mstryst

    very pleasant read!

  • Tila

    The Ugly Truth!

  • http://www.paigeworthy.com Paige Worthy

    Fucking awesome, Jozen. Thank you.

  • Leah J

    Yeah, I don’t think it was in order, nor was it “his” list as it was a list of a “man’s” first, not “a list of Jozen’s firsts.”

  • Cristiana

    I’ve recently started to read your stuff and it’s one of the best blogs I’ve read in some time. You’re relatable, witty, insightful… I promise I’m not coming on to you. The point is…being a writer, sorta, I began to really appreciate your blogs. You actually inspire me to start writing again.