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Five Other Things Women Can Do Like Guys

November 23rd, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

“I’m going to start dating like a man.”

“I’m like a guy when it comes to sex.”

The two quotes above are not from any one or two specific women, but rather, from a variety of women I have talked to over the years. This idea of dating or hooking up with the attitude of a man amuses me because when women say this, they do so with an air of liberation. It’s the thing they say right before they start hooking up and not taking names.

Of course, I have no problem with this attitude adjustment. No matter how brief or long women embrace the behavior of a man, I bank on the benefits. Nothing like a woman who doesn’t care more than I don’t care.

But why must women limit their new man-like attitude to just dating and hooking up? The fairer sex should think beyond such surface level things and adopt other ways they can act like a man. To help them, I have created a list of five more things they can do like a guy, in addition to the dating/hooking up like a guy.

Ladies, not only will the five things I list here help men like me better deal with you, but they will help you as well. Choose not to embrace any of these, and I wish you continued success in doing things the hard way.

THE FIVE OTHER THINGS A WOMAN CAN DO LIKE A GUY

Watch TV Like A Guy: Not only does this mean no longer watching marathons of the Real Housewives of ANYWHERE and The Hills. It means replacing those marathons with ESPN SportsCenter marathons.

Daily.

Even if it’s the same one for four hours, and muted the entire time. Don’t change the channel.

Pick Up The Check Like A Guy: To all the ladies who want to date like a guy, don’t do it halfway. Do it all the way and pay for the first date. THAT IS dating like a guy.

Call Me Like A Guy: And when I say call me like a guy, I essentially mean don’t call me at all.

Fight Like A Guy: Whenever a man sees his woman talking to another man, he doesn’t care who initiated the conversation, the first person he’s handling is the man. If it comes to a fisticuffs, so be it. The man must always be checked. But when a woman catches her man talking to another woman, she usually blames the man and wants to go off on him.

Cut that out, ladies. It makes too much sense, and part of acting like a man, is letting our ego get in the way of common sense from time to time. Develop the ability to fight like a guy and start checking these women who are talking to your man. Ask questions later. If it comes to fisticuffs, so be it.

Exterminate Like A Guy: Ladies, the next time a pigeon has flown into your crib or there’s a spider in the bathroom, handle it yourself. Google “How to catch a Pigeon” or take your slipper to the spider. No screaming, no calling my name. Guy up.

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  • Teach It

    Interesting post. I think your entry highlights just how different men and women are. Women may think they can do things “like a guy” but we can’t. Simply put…we’re women and are inherently different. Whenever we start thinking we can do the same things guys can, problems arise. We are the fairer and more delicate sex and doing things “like a man” goes against our very nature, not all things, just some.

    It also leads to men becoming….chickified. They seem to become less responsible, less like leaders, and aren’t chivalrous towards women. But what can you expect? When women have the attitude “anything you can do I can do better” men simply retreat and ask themselves “Why should I do ________? She got it.”

  • Danielle D

    I feel like I am almost forced into #1 and #3. When I am at my man’s place he usually has NBA tv on or playstation so no Degrassi for me 🙁 He doesn’t usually call me unless he doesn’t understand my text. For the most part we a texting champs, and here I go with that “Stay talking about my ex”…my ex and I texted throughout our long distance relationship, but not in a good way…not Hey babe, How are you, thats good, ttyl, I love you. More like when you coming here so i can…you know where that is going (but at that time I accepted that and I shouldn’t have and I am glad I said enough is enough) that’s why I don’t mind texting my current BF cause its not ignorant retarded stuff. As for #2 when I got doe in the pocket…sure I don’t mind and I have done that a few times, unfortunately it has been very few. #4 well I think a woman is grown and with a good head on her shoulders would walk away from the both the boyfriend and girl. A scuffle is unnecessary unless the other broad is trippin’ then yeah I would go toe to toe…I would argue with dude cause it will easy making him feel dumb anyway… I can kill anything…except CRICKETS I am sure terrified of Crickets…oh and this one time a bat got into my BF’s apartment and he had to handle that….That was a funny night!

  • LumbarPuncture

    Haha…you had me cracking up with some of these. My opinion is that no matter how hard we try, we won’t ever be able to do things like a man. A large part of it is due to hormones wiring us differently. My experience is that women who say they want to date like a man or hook-up like a man are lying. It’s just a defense mechanism. They’re secretly yearning for closeness/affection but don’t want to risk getting hurt so they mask it with “meaningless” hook-ups.

    #2: I have no problem picking up the check if I’M the one who asked him out or if he has footed the bill a couple times already….but if he asked first, hell yeah he should pay.
    #3: PERFECT!…cause I’m horrible with making phone calls anyway. Buuuut, if a guy/chick is really feeling you, I think they’ll put in the effort to make a call
    #5: I distinctly remember the moment I became afraid of insects. Sitting in the backseat of a car when I was reaallllly young, I felt this stinging burning sensation on my shoulder. When I reached up to figure out what the HELL just happened, a green spider ran down my arm. I flipped out and tried to kill it but couldn’t find it. The whole car ride had me flinching and thinking that it was stuck in my clothing just waiting to bite me again. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to get close enough to those tiny critters.

    Doing things like a man? I’ll pass. I don’t want to do things like a man because frankly, I love being a woman and being treated like one.

  • http://www.metanotherfrog.com Skye Blue

    LOL!
    As good as your advice is, I think I’ll be among the many women who continue doing things the hard way.

  • E-Dub

    “Women who seek equality with men lack ambition.” — Anonymous

  • frehug

    I must be of a different species or the first of new breed because I already do most of these things, or at least what I think is the best version. I watch SportsCenter and can have a conversation about most sports like the big boys. I pick up the tab, especially if I was the one who invited you. I call him as much as he calls me, no less, no more. I will not fight over you…if you need to talk to someone else, go be with them. If it was a harmless conversation, then as I am leaving, you’ll follow. I will kill small things, everything else deserves a professional. Strong enough to be a man, but I’m a woman.

  • http://blog.mox-box.com Brittany

    Which of these is serious?
    I am not afraid to murk a bug. A bird flew into my house once. That was startling.

  • uhn huh

    I’m a fan BUT… seriously?- someone woke-up on the passive-aggressive side of the bed this morning… lol!

  • http://nicolaspeaks.wordpress.com nicolaspeaks

    I was riding smooth reading this post til I came across #3 like a bump in the road. My gut reaction nearly took me by surprise as one word somehow escaped my lips… “Daayumm” (you know, “Damn” but with a bit more “ouch” to it). I mean, my goodness, you don’t want to talk to the girl? C’mon! That sounds more like some neanderthal-type relationship to me. What, are y’all gruntin’ & drawing on the walls and sh*t?

    But I digress… I enjoyed the post. Really. I had a female

  • http://nicolaspeaks.wordpress.com nicolaspeaks

    … as I was saying… 🙂

    I had a female version of that list once, until a guy said, “So basically you want a woman with facial hair?” {Sigh} Yep, the list died that day when he put it that way.

  • http://jovianzayne.wordpress.com Jovi

    Of course you do FREE! You’re a UNC girl. 🙂

  • http://metanotherfrog.com Sam Sharpe

    Hilarious. I personally love points 2 and 3.

    @ Skye

    Maybe if you stopped doing things the “hard way” you might get different (better?) results.

  • http://naturibeauty.com/blog Naturi Beauty/Shelley Chapman

    I just discovered your site (I was led to it by an article you wrote on Jay-Z/Marriage on The Root.com) and I am amused! I love that you write so candidly about your relationships. This piece deserved a comment because #1 – I do hope that it’s a joke and #2 I truly believe that men and women are necessarily different. Our balance is in our Yin and Yang. Your list is cute, however I rarely see that play out well in the long run in any relationship. Men want WOMEN and Women want MEN- period. Your list is what your boy’s are for not for your woman to impersonate a man. I am completely with what @Teach It and @Nicolaspeaks said. And by the way, I don’t think that I do things the “hard way”, I find my femininity and natural receptivity to masculinity quite easy and divine.
    Keep writing….your male perspective is necessary 🙂 Peace

  • http://www.corettaselegantevents.blogspot.com Coretta

    I do enjoy my SportsCenter.

  • Leah J

    LumbarPuncture :
    My experience is that women who say they want to date like a man or hook-up like a man are lying. It’s just a defense mechanism. They’re secretly yearning for closeness/affection but don’t want to risk getting hurt so they mask it with “meaningless” hook-ups.

    And this is different from why men do it, how?!