What ABOUT the Condom?
Whenever I hear or am a part of conversations about sex, I can always count on one person who feels the need to be the conversation’s Public Service Announcer.
Everyone knows this person: They always reveal themselves by chiming into the sex conversation or or any other conversation regarding relationships with an unnecessary reminder of STD rates or the importance of using condoms. On this blog here, I see such people frequently in the c-section, and I am taking no shots against my commenters, because I love and cherish everyone of them, but whenever someone wants to preach on how something like infidelity leads to STDs I start to tune out.
It’s not that I don’t care about the importance of safe sex or the STD rates. It’s not like I think I’m immune from anything or against protecting myself. It’s more like, we need to speak to each other about sex like adults who have some common sense, at least when we’re talking amongst friends. We need to talk about sex like we’ve all had some before and we’ve been through some things before.
The lengths people go to to insert a safe sex caveat are sometimes so ridiculous I have to laugh. Everyone is familiar with that friend who always wants to jump into sex conversations with something like, “I hope everyone here is protecting themselves.” I always want to throw something at that friend. If I’m having phone sex with my long distance girlfriend, and right when we’re about to get to the good part she says, “Put the condom on, baby,” I’m going to hang up on her. In movies*, when two people are about to go at it, and the scene doesn’t include a reach for some protection, the last thing I want to hear somebody in the audience say is, “Why didn’t they use a condom?”
Such questions, such details are all just unnecessary semantics. Not only that, but the putting on of a condom is the least sexiest part in any sex scene or story. Seriously, how does one even sound sexy when they say something like, “I take the wrapper and open it with my teeth.” What? I have fillings, if I open the condom wrapper with my teeth, that’s going to hurt.
But I digress…
We should be able to have fun, lighthearted conversations about sex without the preaching, unless, of course, Magic Johnson is involved. When I talk about cheating or I talk about a one-night stand or I talk about jump-offs and casual sex relations, I’m not trying to bog down the stories with lessons on the importance of safe sex. For one, I am telling these stories to an adult audience or my adult friends who are already educated about safe sex. If I were talking to children, than of course the condom would play a starring role, but in the R-Rated version of my tales and experiences, assume I’m exercising some common sense because I am. Let’s try to elevate the conversation about sexual relationships beyond the basics and talk about sex like, you know, people who are actually having sex and people who know right from wrong.
I care very much about protecting myself, of having sex the right way because even though I have experienced the joys of what I call organic sex, I also know the peace of mind that comes with protected sex is priceless, and I think it’s safe to say many of my peers are also familiar with the risks/rewards of both. But the next time one of them wants to tell me about a night of passionate lovemaking, I’m not going to even ask about the condom, and I hope nobody asks me the question either because asking me if I wore a condom is like asking me if I enjoyed myself. Of course I enjoyed myself. Of course I wore a condom.
* For anyone who does want to see a movie where safe sex is discussed honestly, I suggest Booty Call, if for no other reason, all the comic relief was tied into Tommy Davidson’s character trying to get all the necessary contraceptives.
