Five Things I Can Only Do With Women
Some things in life I prefer to do with women more than men. I’m not talking about the obvious things like, sex. I’m talking about other, less intimate activities we wouldn’t immediately think about.
I’ve been pondering this a lot lately, largely because in less than a month, I will be attending the wedding of two very good friends of mine and I have no date. Now of course I can go by myself. As one of the groomsmen, I’m going to be busy anyway. But this wedding is different.
For one, the wedding and reception is taking place on New Year’s Eve, with the reception doubling as a traditional NYE party. The second issue is, from what my friends tell me, every female in attendance is already coming with a date, which only makes sense considering it’s on the backdrop of NYE. So now here I am, less than a month away from the wedding and I have no one to take back to my hotel room kiss. Any other day of the year, and I’d probably have my boy roll with me. We can get our Wedding Crashers on `a la Vince Vaughn and Owen Willson, but with the added romance of New Year’s Eve, some female company would be ideal.
But a New Year’s Eve wedding isn’t the only thing I’d prefer to do with women. Below, a list of five other activities I could do with one of my boys, but never would. Men, feel free to add your own activities to the list in the comments, and ladies, I’d love to hear what activities females feel they would prefer to do with men over women.
ATTEND AN R&B CONCERT
No matter the city, an R&B concert is the ultimate ladies night. But even with a sea of fine women in attendance, and even if bringing a woman to the concert is akin to bringing sand to the beach, I still can’t find it in me to ask one of male friends if they want to roll with me to the Maxwell concert. I’ll sooner take my own mother. I’ll just tell my boy to meet me at the after-party. The show itself, that’s for the ladies.
Since I’ve lived in New York, I have been to about six or seven different Broadway plays, all of them with women. Not once have I ever left a theatre after a show and thought, You know, I think my boy would’ve really enjoyed that.
Who doesn’t love a good milkshake? That’s totally a gender neutral thing. But if I ever get the urge to have one and want some company to join me, my boy will never get that call. Women are much preferred. Nothing like looking a woman in her eyes while she’s sucking a straw like it held antibodies.
I like to cook and bake. The last thing I put in the oven was some green tea muffins, and folks can judge me all they want, I enjoyed them thoroughly. I didn’t even share them. But if I did share them, it would be with someone who helped make them, and they probably wouldn’t be a guy friend of mine cause I don’t think I can picture a time where I would feel comfortable with my boy asking me if he could lick the spoon. The way i see it, if it’s a grill, let my brethren gather around, but if it’s an oven, and I’m wearing mitts with flowers on them, women only.
When it comes to dinner, I have no problem going with my boy or going with my woman. It’s 2009, all men should be able to get some time in with their best friend over a good meal at a nice restaurant. But when it comes time for dessert, only bring me the menu if the person I’m having dinner with has breasts. If they have facial hair, don’t even ask if we want dessert. I think I speak for the table when I say, we don’t.