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For The Good Guys Who Lose To The Bad Guys: A Resolution

December 11th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

I didn’t title this post Shaky Dating Advice, but I did file it under the category, because it is, well…read on.

A couple of days ago, I was talking to a female friend of mine. She, a well-educated, very successful young professional, was telling me about some guy she was dating. This guy had his own car, which in New York City is somewhat of a remarkable feat, and took her to the finest restaurants, plays, and other expensive activities. This guy paid for everything. But now this guy is in jail. Why? He dealt drugs.

“So you’re still doing that,” I asked rhetorically. “Still dating them bad boys?”

I was shocked not because she was dating a thug but because she was over-25 dating a thug. And even though I don’t want the girl myself it irritated me to think  some good guy out there was losing to guys like the one she was dating.

In college, I was one of those good guys who despised the bad boys because every girl I liked seemed to like them. To me, it didn’t make sense that a woman who either wasn’t from the streets or removed herself from the streets, would go back to the streets to find her Prince Charming.

But I have outgrown such petty jealousy. Women should date who they want, bad boys included, and though it doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever, no thug is leaving me hurting. Let’s not forget, even a woman who dates a bad boy can see the appeal in a man like me.

It took me years before I finally stopped tripping over high-quality, take-them-home-to-mom type women who wouldn’t choose me over the type of guy whose  career goals include getting furloughed. The sad thing is, I know the battle between good boys and bad boys is still being waged out there. And as someone who has always fought on the side of good, I must continue to stand up for all the men who lose a woman to the bad boys, and for them, I have a resolution.

Before I lay my resolution out, let me just say this: I know a lot of these guys I’m calling bad boys personally. Some are my friends, some are in my family, and I have nothing against them. They are, for better or worse, good guys to their women, or at the very least, no worse than the self-proclaimed good men who don’t break the law, but do break some hearts. So please spare me the whole bad-boys-can-treat-their-women-good-too lectures. I’ve seen them do it, I know they can.

What this really is about is getting the good guys to understand they don’t need to be pre-occupied with finding their female equivalent. If you’re a good guy who is always losing the good girl to a bad boy, date a bad girl. And when I say a bad girl, I don’t mean a woman who is in the streets. I mean a woman who is on the pole.

Yep, that’s right, I’m suggesting all the men out there who are tired of losing their good women to thugs start fighting back by dating an exotic dancer or two. If a well-educated, high-class woman with a promising career wants to date a man who goes to school on street corners, then you, as a man, are entitled to date a woman who takes dance lessons at clubs with the word “Lace” in their name.

Not only is it fair, but it makes way more sense for a man to date a stripper than it does a woman to date a bad boy because stripping is 100 percent legal. Being a bad boy, for the most part, isn’t.

Other positives of dating a stripper include: financially independent; works late hours so you can always hang out with your boys; they’re generally nice women. If a man can find a way to get over the fact that one of her job requirements is to get naked in a room full of strangers night after night after night, he’s in a good place.

Of course, I would never do such a thing, but that’s only because I have found a way to not care so much about the women who want to date bad boys over me. I’m just saying, for those men out there who having trouble coming to grips with the good women who want to date the bad boys, take my advice: Date the strippers. They’re bad, but in a good way.

  • Dililah

    LOL! Brought much needed laughter on this very cold and stressful day. Thank you!

  • expectedvictory

    Great post. Too funny! I’ll never understand why any woman would want a “Bad Guy”, “Thug”, etc. I prefer my men to have the ability to vote (lol).

    Men, be careful if you date a stripper could she could potentially be a “bad girl”. We don’t know what really goes on in the Champaign room (lol).

  • *inquiring mind*

    no sex… duh- LOL

  • Succubus29


  • BoomShots

    Since you are a young cat I am gonna fill in a few holes in your proposal. If you keep getting locked up repeatedly, your chances of getting shot, assaulted or killed are quite high or you running up into a whole bunch of different women indiscrimately, I can assure you that you are not treating your woman well. I know those cats too and most of the times in the end they left someone else to pick up the pieces of the wrecked lives of their women and children.

    Bad girls love bad boys also too is why they are in such demand. So even if the stripper is breaking you off some better understand she is probably breaking off Pookie too. Very likely he is not going to be paying for anything and you will be.

    But since you probably wrote the whole thing in jest, i am adding that disclaimer for antyone who may seriously considered what you wrote.

  • LumbarPuncture

    lol! You really had my sitting on the edge of my seat getting ready for you to drop some knowledge…..and then you just had to go there. You had me cracking up though….nice 🙂

  • Melissa Sanchez

    Great Post!! Hilarious…I myself never understood why so called “Good Girls” would date these “Bad Boys” but then again, maybe it’s a woman’s mothering nature that would make them date these “Bad Boy”. Women want to nurture and help them grow into “Good Boys”.

  • ChellBellz

    Oh man! this is on POINT! I love a good guy. Here in D.C. men drop like flies, so if i get a hint or feel like I’m dating one of these so called “thugs” then I’m out. I don’t want to get a phone call one day because my man elects to stand on the corner rather then do something productive LOL. Good Guys Holla hahah

  • Nadira Rae

    LMAO!!! HI-LARIOUS…but damn, if all the good guys start dating bad girls…where the hell does that leave me??? I was really never into the bad guy thing…I always found FREEDOM to be extremely sexy, and seriously…is it still 1987??? Does this mean I need to go find a pole to find a good man? I have a couple moves, I guess LOL

  • Whitney

    I have noticed that a some of the post have labeled so called “bad guys” as thugs that stand on street corners, selling drugs, etc… I don’t date thugs, but have met a few in my day, but my “bad guy” experience has been w/ordinary, everyday professional men. I don’t go for the typical description you have posted on here. I am not attracted to those types of men, but find that I still run into “bad guys” in the professional arena. I don’t think that women necessarily want a bad guy, but those are the ones that are more aggressive, offer a bit of excitement, but not the stability that a nice guy can offer you, but I believe some women get to a point in life when that bad boy image is a turn off.

    I have found that men are the same way when it comes to women, they don’t want the “nice girl”, they prefer the big booty, do whatever type of girl, women that “have it going on” or as the song states a 5 star chick (LOL) gets passed up too.

  • Dana

    “And when I say a bad girl, I don’t mean a woman who is in the streets. I mean a woman who is on the pole.”

    LMAO. Classic!

  • Amirh

    Very funny you mention this, because me and my girlfriends have ALWAYZ dated bad boys and the end up dead or going to the FEDS for a very long that we are in our 30’s wondering why none of us r married we’re like why weren’t we paying attentionto the nerds!!

  • Jamila J

    Okay this was my first time coming on here, but this was so funny! I’ll take the good clean cut guy over the thug from the street any day. I don’t wanna worry about getting shot up on a date.

  • E

    I agree, being over 25 should required that you hang up the lust for a bad boy. I did and got a good guy…years into the relationship I realized that our ways in which we communicated was not the same, so no more good guy. But I am a grown @$$ woman, why do I want to worry about getting shot in a drive by, by accident lol

  • Pimpin

    ninja…ALL of your friends are “bad boys”! lmbao. And referring to Whitney’s comment, “they don’t want the “nice girl”, they prefer the big booty, do whatever type of girl, women that “have it going on” or as the song states a 5 star chick…” Ahh big booty do whatever is only 2 stars. Cooking ability, agreeable, and coolness make up the other 3 stars. But yeah dawg, I feel you. Everytime I go into a strip joint they always seek me out and want to be saved b/c I don’t look like the other fitted cap wears in the establishment which adds to your theory, “bad girls” do want to be saved by the “good guy” or what looks like a “good guy”

  • robminx

    Too funny Jozen!!! Good Guys like Good Girlz have to step up to the plate and play a little “Naughty” sometimes to keep the Goodie Group from straying. Great Blog. Keep writing the world needs to hear your voice.

  • DiggDeepr


  • me-me

    although i’ve never known a “GOOD” man to lose a woman to a “Bad” man…

    i do understand the appeal that some women have to bad men (insert your definition of bad and good).

    Bad men are predictable.. you know “he aint shit”, you know you are not the only one (possibly), you know he doesn’t come home every night… you know he doesn’t (insert something you associate with being good)…

    but a GOOD man is deceiving.. a good man says things like.. i’m a family man… i want to be married.. will you be my girlfriend… etc.. and then cheats on you with 15 women, including one porn star. he also didn’t come to your son’s baptism cause he was walking on grass, carrying a metal stick to hit a ball– also known as golf.

    i said all that to say.. the only GOOD man, in my opinion, is the one whose WALK matches his TALK.

    whether he’s in a business suit, some saggy jeans, or a contruction hat– DOESN’T MATTER.

    **side bar- just because we think we’re good.. doesn’t mean the other person will**
    **side bar number 2- i laugh at women who have a list of standards that are 4 pages long.. but if you list their good qualities, you may only get 3 college rule sized lines on the paper completed. **

    Question for the reading audience– have you all noticed that you all have an image of a bad man… which includes “thugs, being shot, jail birds”.. but none of those images include a regular guy wearing a baseball cap, a man wearing regular fitting jeans, what we call a square, husbands, doctors, lawyers, etc?

    maybe that’s how we get fooled.. we walk by the man that LOOKS like he’s bad.. and right into the arms of a well dressed, educated, good job, came from a good family.. but some how ended up being a loser.

  • me-me

    So you’re still doing that,” I asked rhetorically. “Still dating them bad boys?”

    this statement alone let’s me know that the woman (your friend) has not grown mentally in YEARS. thus making her NOT good in my opinion.. so shouldn’t that make them a match made in heaven? what she looks for in a man is superficial instead of looking at his character. instead she turned a blind eye to dope dealing because he was feeding her lobster and skrimps. 🙂

    “It took me years before I finally stopped tripping over high-quality, take-them-home-to-mom type women who wouldn’t choose me over the type of guy whose career goals include getting furloughed”

    ^^^^–HIGH QUALITY women do not choose obvious thugs (sometimes it’s hard to recognize white collar ones). what DECENT woman wants a jailbird (a guilty one.. not the innocent ones who got locked up (ish happens))? you are looking at someone’s credentials vs their character. Her credentials scream she should be smarter than this.. but her character and actions.. well.. it doesn’t match. As i said previously.. i understand why women do go with the obvious vs feeling setup and played when the “good ” man disses her.. but it’s all deeply rooted in low self-esteem. i hear tons of women saying.. HE’S JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.. or TOO NICE TO ME.. they sound ridiculous, but they are all waiting for the rug to be pulled from underneath them.. so instead they pull it themselves and jump ship.

    like it or not.. many people, men and women, function better in chaos than peace.. I can sleep with the lights on, tv blasting, radio blasting and a dripping sink.. but the minute you turn that off, i wake up. why?

    Same to be said for relationships and the partners we choose… sadly we get used to bull crap, fighting, and arguing and then when someone who wants to uplift us comes along.. we do our best to pick him apart and wake up from our fairy tale.