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More About Going To This Wedding With No Date

December 15th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Tomorrow, I will be headed back home to Seaside, California for the holidays, but equally important is tomorrow brings me one day closer to New Year’s Eve, when I see two of my best friends getting married.

I’ve talked about this a couple of times, including yesterday’s post, which was largely about how I navigate being a sharefriend to both the Bride and the Groom. There is also, of course, the issue of going date-less, and the gravitas of the occasion being on New Year’s Eve, which is a prime-time holiday for couples already.

Since the post I did about going to the wedding date-less, a couple of women have kindly offered their company on the grand occasion. Some of them I don’t know or have never met, others are good friends of mine. When I began to actually entertain the idea of going with one friend of mine, I found out that because I RSVP’d for myself only, it would be too difficult to accommodate another person at this point in time.

Then, my mom shocked me by suggesting I should take my younger sister with me to the wedding. She claims this was my sister’s idea, and my sister said that it would be a good way for her and I to spend New Year’s together, something we haven’t done in years. And I don’t know what I was more shocked by, the suggestion, or the fact that my mom was giving me the suggestion with no hint of irony in her voice.

Now before everyone starts making the ewww face, a brief story. In high school, there was a classmate of mine who actually took his older sister to prom with him. He was perfectly capable of bringing his own date, but because his sister never got to go to her prom (for reasons I don’t know), my classmate took his older sibling, who was only one or two years our senior. I later found out, taking a cousin or a sibling to prom isn’t as incestuous as one might believe. It’s not as common as say going stag, but I would rank it right up there with same-sex couples who attend prom, though way less controversial.

Weddings, in turn, are just proms for adults, and I didn’t go with my sister then, so I can’t go with my sister now.

When I went to prom my junior year, I went with my girlfriend at the time, so I knew things were going to have a happy ending. My senior year, I went with a girl who I had been friends with since first grade. Some would say she was sister-like, but she wasn’t sister-like-for-real, so there was the possibility anything could happen at the end of the night. And even though nothing happened at all, that wasn’t the point. The point was, even with no date on deck for my senior prom, I still wanted to go with someone who might, just maybe be down for a happy ending.

The wedding date, like the prom date, is what I like to call a sex-date. You either take someone you know you can have sex with, or you take someone you really want to have sex with, but haven’t had the chance to yet. All guys have them, whether it’s tickets to something like a Sade concert, or an open ticket to some trip, every guy has come up or will come up on some great date that presents a grand opportunity to get some from a woman. At the very least, it might increase some chances that might otherwise be slim.

Of course, not all dates are about getting some at the end of the night, but things like a wedding date are. There is a huge difference between being denied after dinner and a movie and being denied in a tuxedo at a wedding with a reception and champagne galore. The fall from grace is a lot greater.

So what do I do? Keep it down to earth and go solo, which might be what a guy like me deserves. Sometimes, when I go for the gold, I come up with nothing but rocks and dirt.

What I am sitting on over here is a golden ticket to my personal light-skinned chocolate factory, and of course it’s a shame I’ll be that one guy who came by himself, but the truth is, sometimes we’re all too picky for our own good and that’s how we end up on these solo missions.  As for the suggestion that there will be plenty of single women in the wedding party for me to choose from, trust me, I’ve already asked the Groom to give me a rundown, and it sounded like a Seattle weather report: Cloudy and gloomy because most women will already have dates on their own. Besides, does anyone think a bachelor like me wouldn’t inquire about such a thing before entertaining the idea of taking a date of my own? Let’s not be silly.

But all is not lost. There is still one more opportunity for me to find the perfect wedding date, and that is the bachelor party.

Happy ending indeed.

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  • zawadigallery

    Just a thought. Bridesmaids, maybe? I mean, have you not seen Wedding Crashers?

  • Sunni B

    You’re such a jerk, but you are one of the few people that totally makes it work for you (along with Kanye)! LMBO @ “golden ticket to my personal light-skinned chocolate factory”! I love it!

  • @NyceBryce

    Have you asked about the guest list. I brought my GF to my moms wedding and I felt like Tupac, All Eyez on Me. Minus my mom and sister she was by far the best looking woman there but there were wins to be had ranging from ages, to body styles to professional titles. I think going solo might be a hidden gem for you.
    DO NOT bring your sister. Not only can you obviously not end the night the way he’d hope you then have to keep an eye on her and nobody wants those types of distractions when our eyes are on the prize.

  • Lex

    I thought weddings were a single man/woman’s ideal place to “meet” someone?!

  • Nadira Rae

    LMAO @ “eyes on the prize”…when did this become a PBS special???

    Jozen, you might be on to something with that last statement….remember what happened in the “Best Man”…just like candyyyyyy! lol

  • Teach It

    Goodness, and I thought I was the only one who could analyze the ish out of something. LOL Jozen…go and enjoy yourself. Put your light “skint” best out there and see what happens. Focus on enjoying the event. If you meet someone great, if not, you still won’t be let down because your first priority was to have fun.

  • Jamila J

    Jozen, I would not recommend finding your date at the Bachelor Party. Unless ya’ll are going to some nice restaurant {which I highly doubt} all the guys who were at the Bachelor Party will be whispering about how this was one of the chicks from last night and by the end of the night all the guest will know. Plus if I were the Bride and you brought just anything up into my wedding I’d be pissed. There will be plenty of women there that too will be dateless and I’m sure you can find at least one.

  • Nikki

    ummm honey did you not read the 2nd to last paragraph? most of the females in the wedding party are coming with dates …”wedding party” = “bridesmaids” smh

  • Jeans4Life

    Over the past few weeks I have been living this dilemna right by your side. Everytime I see there is a new post, I start biting my fingernails waiting to see the recent development. It seems as though you will be solo at this NYE wedding, but that doesn’t mean you can’t slip someone thru the cracks right after midnight…maybe she can enjoy a night out with her friends, get all drunk and crazy, leave her inhibitions behind and slide thru the reception when having a seat doesn’t matter anymore. However, I have been to enough weddings to let you know that there will be single women at the wedding. Maybe not in the wedding party, but they will be there…trying to catch the eye of every man that tickles their fancy (get a feather). As someone who has shown up to weddings with my man and watched the girls eye him and talk to him when they think he’s there solo..I’m gonna go ahead and say, sex holiday or not, there will be single women at this wedding. Please continue to keep us posted!

  • Neechie

    Jozen, I won’t have a date either since my Boo had New year’s Eve plans set up before we became official. If you’d like, I’ll keep my ear to the streets and let you know what ladies attending are looking to mingle. I’ll be ur unofficial wingman (err, woman) if you’d like… I’m all about helping out the homies =)

  • so you telling us YOU mas like lucy in a charlie brown christmas special than us women are?

    p.s. light skin chocolate factory? como? OHHHHH–you “leaking” the title of R Kelly’s next album for us. Niiiiiice.

  • Jinx Moneypenny

    LOL I was wondering when you were gonna mention them offers that I figured would’ve come up.


  • Delishia

    I’ll be dateless too so don’t feel bad! lolMaybe you’ll find a single chick in the crowd…its always lots at weddings. I’ll keep an eye out on the girls for you and you keep an eye out on the guys for me…deal?

  • HG

    You totally should’ve taken me Jozen. I haven’t seen you in ages, I live an hour away from Seaside, haven’t been to a wedding since I was 6, and I look damn good in a dress.

  • Monster Beats

    I figured that the more I read, the more intelligent I get. You might desire to include it to your post!