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On Passion

December 17th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

Passion, that thing right there is a doozy. For men especially.

It’s different from love, different from strong feelings for someone or thing. It isn’t shown through textbook phrases, because nobody ever says, “I feel passionate for you.” Passion is a show-me type of thing, a look-what-I-did-for-you type of thing; never expressed in words, only in actions.

Before a man has any type of passion for a woman, he desires her, he likes her a lot. He may even love her. But passion comes later, often times last, because when a man is passionate about a woman it means he’s had her all and he doesn’t want any of that to leave. Not ever.

Passion makes men do stupid things that at the time seem like the smartest things in the world. Things like, looking online to buy a $600 airplane ticket just so you can patch things up with the woman you feel most passionate about. She doesn’t ask you to do it, tries to discourage you from doing it, but you think, Maybe if I do this, you will understand that I don’t just love you. I don’t just have strong feelings for you. I am passionate about you and keeping you in my life. Oh yeah, passion also makes us do things like type emails in all italic letters just so we can emphasize our feelings.

What’s the difference between passion and love? I think love can be extended no matter the distance. Like I always told my ex, “We don’t have to be together to love each other.” But passion? Passion is about doing whatever it takes to stay with the person we love. Whatever. It. Takes. Passion kills. Think O.J. Simpson. Think Bengals Wide Receiver, Chris Henry. Men, think about you and the lengths you’ve gone to keep a woman in your life. Go into debt, get into trouble, act a fool, all of that. Passion.

Men are passionate about becoming men first, loving a woman, second. So what they do is they concentrate on things that don’t entirely have to do with loving a woman. They’re passionate about things like sports, establishing a career for themselves, making money and becoming caretakers. Then, when they find a woman they do love, the same mentality they took to something like establishing their career is the same mentality they have in making her happy. And with the same passion they exhibited when it came time to fix a mistake they made on the job, they will exhibit when it comes time to fix whatever needs to be fixed in the relationship.

Passion is messy, out of control, and it’s understood to be those things. When people say they love someone, but mess up, the victim of said person’s mistake always says, “But I thought you loved me.” Because we think love means right, never means wrong. But passion? Passion means being wrong and trying over and over and over again to be right.

Love is quite simply love. It’s complicated, sure, but only like Algebra is complicated. Even a few idiots are able to understand Algebra. Passion, on the other hand,  is straight calculus because it’s more than love. It’s love, hate, happiness, sadness, anger, and joy all wrapped into one. Fools need not apply to it.

Even as I sit here typing this, I’m wondering if any of these words about passion are making sense  and coming out the way I want them too. But I’m not quite sure, I just know this morning, I saw the story about Chris Henry, who died after falling out of the back of the truck his fiancee was driving. According to the news reports, they were in a domestic dispute, and as  she was driving away, Henry hopped into the back of the truck, in what I can only assume was his attempt at making her stay. As a result, he lost his life.

And I don’t know that man, as a matter of fact, he played for the team that I, as a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, am raised to hate. But when I saw the news and I saw how it came to this – a man running after a car as though he could actually catch it with his bare hands and hold it in his arms – I understood what he was doing. He was doing what all men do when they feel passionate about anything; he risked his life to go after it. That’s deeper than love, that’s passion, and that thing right there is a doozy.

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  • @danamo

    good writing, JC.

  • Conscience

    Man that’s deep. Two questions I will never be able to put into words enough to describe what they really are: What is love? and What is it to feel passionate about a person? These are things in my opinion that have to be shown rather than told. I would much rather my girl friend, fiance to be, future mother of my children not tell me she loves me (even though it is nice to hear) but show me she does and just how much. (which she does) 😉

  • Conscience

    R.I.P. Chris Henry

  • BabyImAStar

    Me likey.. I hope one day I can feel this way about somebody (I think)

  • dbaham

    Jozen – this is like “realest ish you ever wrote.” It makes me think of that song, AT THIS MOMENT, and how the guy at the end is just like, “If you’d stay, I’d subtract 20 years from my life…” That’s some passionate stuff right there.

  • Jess

    Wow…That was deep, and so true…I’ve been thinking alot about this passion/love/lust thing lately and I dont believe everyone has the ability to love passionately…But yeah, I agree with everything you wrote…

  • Teach It

    “It’s love, hate, happiness, sadness, anger, and joy all wrapped into one.”
    “But passion? Passion means being wrong and trying over and over and over again to be right.”

    Bingo! Well written post, Jozen.

  • b

    Amazing Post!

  • Jamila J

    This is so true

  • I dont know it all

    This is a very touchy subject and although I am a woman, I don’t really know the difference either. I love and love HARD… I strive to great lengths to make the other person happy even if it compromises me. (Excluding morals, beliefs and religion)I believe that all men affiliate love and passion as the same or know love yet, have no idea of what “passion” is. I love my dog but, not like my man; I love my sister but, not like my mom. Love is a very strong word that can be put in different categories. Some men not in tuned and knowledgeable will mix those categories up….so saying I love you becomes a possession, a title, a chore. Like when you were young and you and your first (partner) had that conversation about S-E-X! When you said “of course I love you (fill in your name here) but, I want to wait a little more.” and he replied “Well if you love me you’ll do it!.” which then changed the whole situation, something so important and precious was lost after his words because we (meaning woman) felt the need to conform to what a man (our man) wanted. Was that really love? Maybe to us being young and naive but, as adults and thru our many mistakes I think we should have a solid definition of the word. It’s rare to see a man love or have that type of passion for a woman and show it. Some very restlessly say “its over” when yesterday they said “I love you”… Why is that you think? Does love really mean as much as we make it out to be or is it just as flexible as saying hello to a perfect stranger? What defines that difference?

  • *inquiring mind*

    Very very very well done… I’m speechless.

  • Afro


  • Slim Jackson

    This post is a beast. Very well-written…as is everything else on this site. I’d have more to say if it weren’t going on 4pm and my brain wasn’t in mush

  • E

    Snaps to this. Preach on…

  • Whitney

    As I was reading this post I came to a sad realization that I can’t relate to love/passion. I have been in love, but it was not a love that could be reciprocated back to me. Passion, I am passionate about other aspects of my life, but have not felt that way for a man. Strong like and lush, but not passion. My trust level is low. I see so much domestic violence that it gets kind of scary @ times meeting new people, I understand the concept of loving someone so much you will die for them, but don’t love me (or is it love?) that you will hurt/kill me. I believe some people get so caught up and the threat of not being w/that person makes a person snap out because they don’t understand the difference between passion and love. Passion is a deep thing and when someone touches your soul it is a hard thing to let go of.

    I am still waiting to meet my soul mate, which I believe will come all in God’s time.

  • Luvvie

    This post is so awesome that I wanna write it a love song and serenade it under the moonlights.

  • I dont know it all

    Now, passion (well….) that’s tough! Passion is that iris table, I can’t live without you, and I will die for you type feeling. (Hence, crimes of passion) where either party has that undoubted feeling and longing of being accepted and accounted for “worthy of the other party.” Every woman knows this feeling…it’s that feeling when you break up with your ex and for a second (maybe a little longer) you ponder what was it that he treasured most? So that you may find it and destroy it! His car? Nah… His autographed football his grandmother gave him? Nah… (Lol) His house? NAH! (Too far, lol) The more mature woman knows how to handle this feeling yet, well all get it. That’s passion! As a woman, we give our all, 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and all the times we forgive your petty “I’m sorries” or “baby I can do better” or “I love you girl, I just had a weak moment” excuses. Then one day it’s our turn… (Because we were not humans yesterday) and we (meaning woman) can make a mistake. ALL OUT HELL BRAKES LOOSE! That same petty man becomes big and bold like a saint and ain’t never do nothing then our little “well you never do anything” mistake turns into a Mountain! What is the end result you ask?…of course Break UP! What! I know the extreme, right? Who would have thought, after all you did. You were everything to that boy, just short of being his mama and now…. You’re single! Whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyy?
    (Because he “loved” (with a “D” you, RIGHT?) One day the world, the next not even attached. Why is that men?

    Please keep in mind, this is all in fun 😉

  • Sunni B

    I’m waiting for the day you publish a book!

  • Christine

    For me passion does not happen without love. One doesn’t happen without the other. The passion may take the form of anger or desperation when the relationship is ending. I know I’ve felt that..especially if I’m being dumped…which I have been.

  • DiggDeepr

    This post is epic. Thank you.

  • AP


  • Bam

    I appreciated this post coming from a man. Not a boy, or a female of any stage of maturity, but a man. I (a woman) felt the same way when I read about Chris Henry this morning. I felt the passion he had to attempt to hold onto something with every ounce of his being.

    I have often told men as I left them that our relationship had to end because it wasn’t enough. I didn’t feel it. It has been best described by me in those conversations as I love him against my will. I want to despise you. I want to enjoy my single and being cute, but I must. breathe. him.

    I have had a couple people I was passionate for. A couple who were passionate about me. And recognizing what that looks like is important for a woman because it helps us identify the man “for us.” He has to want you and not know why. He has to need you when withing all stretches of the imagination it isn’t the most sensible choice. And the real magic occurs when you and he feel the same way and decide you can coexist without needing to hurt one another knowing how volatile and unsafe that passion can be unleashed, (think Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats or Jazmine Sullivan, Bust Your Windows)…

    I appreciate that a man can admit, recognize and appreciate that this is a natural step in mate selection, in a man’s life.. And it is necessary: For you to chase after, almost foolishly, a woman whose scent, personality, and quirky ways you absolutely can not live without.


  • Coco

    Thanks for breaking that down b/c I was at a loss for how jumping on the back of a truck made sense. After reading this post I know it didn’t have to make sense. I can’t relate to passion but it at least makes some sense now.

  • sugarae215

    Excellent post (as always)….that one definitely is, a doozy (perfect word to describe it). The analogy between love & algebra to passion & calculus was CLASSIC!!! I took AP calculus back in the day….I should know lol.

  • E-Dub

    “Passion makes the world go round. Love makes it safe”. – Ice T

  • me-me

    for me.. passion is an extension of love.

    love is natural for me.. i have a loving heart and spirit.. but i am not passionate about every one or thing i love.. or shall i say enjoy deeply.

    when i have been passionate.. i have been enraged, cried for long periods of time.. and anything else that makes pretty women look ugly.the thought of losing someone you are passionate about creates a pit in your stomach …

    as a matter of fact.. i am a notorious bachelorette. i laugh at people who get into relationships with people who they don’t like.. just so they don’t have to be alone.. and then they spend years trying to become the person that the other desires so they don’t leave them.. idiots.

    but i met someone and i can’t shake him.. i refuse to leave him alone.. he won’t leave me alone.. i can’t stand him because he’s that person. i have a desire to always know that he is ok and safe and it drives me crazy. i’m getting ready to move for a new job.. but i know if he asks me to stay… i would.. but i’m not telling him that.

    i hate being a human being.

  • Capricorn

    woooow. Beautifully written!

  • Monay

    I know this feeling. I’ve felt this before for a man. On more than one occasion. Passion is a very intense feeling. This is something you can only feel with “the one”. Love is the first step to getting to passion. I want a man to be crazy about me. Not just like me, or love me, but feel that he CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT ME. I want to have that same feeling about a guy as well.

    Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want to truly CRAVE a man & want him to CRAVE me & not know or understand why. I’ve only felt that for one person. This is how I know he’s the one.

    God. I need to call him. Calling my boo now. lol

  • Kev

    This has to be one of the most well thought out and articulately crafted expressions of passion and love I’ve ever read NOT written by a woman.

  • Trisha

    Passion is the reason for our existence. Once that passion is extinguished the thought of living is also eradicated. Working with people who have mental issues and those who have attempted on many occasions to kill themselves. I have seen what passion (or lack there of) can do. They have lost their passion for life, partaking in activities that interests them, and overall just living. Without passion we might as well be dead men walking. All of us has a passion for something; dig deep find your calling and put your all into living. R.I.P Chris Henry Wonderful piece Jozen!

  • Adrienne

    between reading this and having an in depth convo w/ some old guy friends about the same topic, I think I kind understand u fellas a little bit more. I’m digging ur perspective. Very interesting.

  • Gentleman

    Amazing thoughts, well put. This post really puts some things in perspective.
    Keep up the great blog!

  • Leah J

    This post was deep. I wonder, though, if passion as you described the same as obsession. I tend to think of obsession as passion gone too far.

  • Joseph Sunga

    Well done. Definitely an epic post in my book. I could see this done in spoken word, the words jumps off the page with emotion.

  • soulaesthetic

    I love this blog, but as far as this post is concerned, I think we’re missing something here people- Everyone wants to be loved, adored, and passionately desired, but nobody wants to be stalked, beat, or murdered. It’s not passion that drives a woman’s husband to kill her- It’s obsession paired with the desire to control another person that leads to violence and tragedy. Your examples, Chris Henry, OJ Simpson? Really? I think the downfall of this post is lumping ardent behavior for the purpose of expressing love with violent behavior for the purpose of controlling someone else.


    A good movie to sum this up is Love Jones. Especially the scene in the 1st 15 minutes where Darius explains the difference between Romance, and exhausting the possibility. See we as men do dumb things, outta love, outta spite, anger, etc. But when it comes to the woman we love, we melt. When the passion is there, and a side of romance is present, everything is cool. but when the chips are down and u feel like theres nothing left, is not that the love had died. You may have just exhausted the possibility to rekindle what was once there.

  • SDoat

    This ish right here…dayum.

  • jazzistuff

    Passion, I know this feeling. I’ve felt it b4 for my ex-husband of 20 yrs. I craved him & wanted him to truly crave me. I believe he loved me to a certain degree but never to the level that I felt for him. I was bitter at 1st but I look forward to the day when I have a man, my man, not only love me as I do him but ache for me as well.

    Very deep thought and very well written.

  • Sunny

    This post is moving as hell….. I seriously just think it gave me chiils. 😉

  • Anonymous

    Absolutely love this, Jozen.