Until I Get Married

Today is a bad day for men. Today, women are mad at men for some improper transgressions a famous man committed behind his wife’s back. Today, I’m hearing all sorts of bad things about men from women.

But today, I have learned a valuable lesson: Women don’t cheat enough.

Don’t tell me they do and men just don’t know about it because women better at keeping it under wraps. Women don’t cheat enough and they need to start doing more of it, maybe this way we can actually start getting into some honest discussions about, you know, things like honesty, faithfulness. How are men supposed to have a conversation with women when they’re stuck up on their high horses? Come down from there, get in the dirt, and play with the big boys.

Now I believe it is messed up when men cheat on their wives, their girlfriends, their whatever she is. I believe it’s wrong for a man to partake in certain types of “transgressions”. I believe it’s a horrible thing to do, to cheat.

But I don’t believe things will change anytime soon and therefore, some women need to just get with the program and get their Connie Summer on.

In my post about Tiger Woods and Cheating I said cheating “sometimes, it’s a woman thing, although, men hate to hear that sort of thing.” Well, I hate to hear women complaining about how wrong men are all because, for better or for worse, a man stepped out on his woman. Will someone please sing me a new song? This one I keep hearing  about men doing what they shouldn’t be doing is getting old and tired and instead of waiting for men to sing a different one, women should just remix it. Flip the script.

To the women who have already started singing the song, bravo, but a little louder please? Let’s just throw away the idea of a fairer sex, because there is no fairer sex. The best we can do is treat each other fairly, and ladies, if that means seeing more than one guy at the same time, so be it.

I have completely resigned myself to the possibility that once in my life a woman  might cheat on me for whatever reason. Maybe I will have deserved it. Maybe it’s already happened. Who knows? What I  do know is if it does happen to me or it already did and I hear about it much later, I’d be able to handle it. And that is not to say I would know what to do, it’s just to say I know what I wouldn’t do, and that’s go completely crazy, which is more than I can say for a lot of other men.

No man ever wants to come to grips with the idea of a woman cheating on them, doesn’t even want to imagine such a thing. Unfortunately most men (not all, as I may have implied in the post I wrote  earlier this week) don’t treat a woman the way they would want their woman to treat them. Most men interact with some women who is not theirs in a way the woman who is theirs would frown upon and there is nothing we could do about it.

I know cheating is dead wrong. There’s no ifs ands or buts about it, no right way to spin it. But any woman who wants to get all up in arms over every act of infidelity they hear or read about should just go ahead and join the cheaters party too. Get it in and often. If for no other reason but to see why men do it. Then tell a few people about it, send out some text messages, and come back to the fidelity conversation. Us men will be waiting.

I don’t really do relationship advice because well, honestly, what do I know about maintaining a healthy relationship with any woman? My blog is about being a bachelor, not being a boyfriend.

But, in spite of all my mess-ups in past relationships, no matter how they ended, there has always been a take-away of sorts. We may not have worked, but there were parts of us, small moments, that did. From those moments, I have learned the importance of details, something people often forget the longer they stay together. So whenever a friend of mine who is in a relationship comes to me for advice because their relationship is trending downward, I look back on my own history, and think about what worked for me.

Today, I begin my first installment of Shaky Relationship Advice. I say “shaky” because I don’t really know if it’s going to work or not, but I do believe it’s worth a shot. Just remember I’m no expert, I’m just experienced. Let’s begin the session.

EMBRACE THE POWER OF TELEVISION

In any relationship, people have arguments — disagreements, over an extend period of time. Your partner doesn’t want to let go of what you did or said and he or she is beefing the minute you walk through the door. Next thing you know, you’re throwing up your arms talking about, “I’m out of here!”

You go back to your place plop down on the couch, take off your shoes, and turn on the TV. On your cable box, you see it’s 8:00 p.m., one more hour before you and your partner’s favorite show, “Modern Family” is about to come on ABC. It’s a comedy you two have watched since the first episode, and it’s only a half hour, but it’s a funny half hour. Every week after you two watch it, you’re quoting lines from the latest episode, and laughing about certain scenes together.

Now, for the first time since the show began, you two are about to watch the show alone and for what? Why? What was so big of a deal that you two can’t watch your favorite show together? I’m pretty sure whatever it was, it wasn’t so severe that you have to break this weekly tradition of watching “Modern Family”. So you call up your partner and say, “Hey, look. Why are we fighting?” Your partner is sure to launch into another tirade about why you two are beefing. My advice is let them talk, or yell, until their blue in the face. When your partner winds down, and turns it back to you for a response, say this:

“Okay, I understand. It sounds serious, and you’re right we should talk about it. How about I come back over, bring some take out from our favorite spot, eat, watch our show together, then discuss.”

I don’t know one person who wouldn’t agree with this plan. In my previous relationships, no matter how severe the argument, a good television show usually was the best mediator. Not only did it put an argument on ice for the amount of time it was on, but it also calmed waters to the point where once the show was finished, and we picked up the argument where we left off, cooler heads prevailed and it wasn’t so much an argument anymore as much as it was a conversation. If the argument is forgotten by the time the show ends, than it was never too serious to begin with.

To take it one step further, try and be open to watching a show your partner enjoys more than you. This is about compromise. If you’re a man who has a woman who loves a show like “Gossip Girl”, well, get into it, man. But don’t let her run the DVR, you have to put your foot down and say, “Hey, if I have to watch “Gossip Girl”, you have to watch “Curb Your Enthusiasm”.” Any woman worth her salt will agree to those terms.

I understand suggesting good television shows will help dead arguments or couples get a long better is a lot like saying feed a whale two Tylenol if they have a headache. It’s a very basic approach, but when you think about it, the longer we’re with people, the more often we forget about that very thing: The basics.

Turn on the TV. Let me know how it goes.