Until I Get Married

One of my favorite bloggers, Ta-Nehisi Coates does this thing on his own blog over at Theatlantic.com. Basically, every day, one of his entries is an Open Thread where he allows his readers to drive the conversation. People go to the Comments section and pretty much discuss whatever it is that’s on their minds.

I find it to be such a great idea, I’ve decided to jack it (forgive me, Ta-Nehisi). The floor is all yours people. Head to the c-section and leave a comment. Let’s take the weekend to discuss whatever we’d like, and if I find something interesting, perhaps I’ll jump in there too, but no promises.

P.S.

To all my readers who are saying right now, “Oh this is some bullshit.” I’m sorry. I know. But I promise, I’ll be back Monday with my fresh on.

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Comments on this post have been turned off, but don’t let that stop you from commenting on the others. Today, two new items I scribbled over at VIBE.

The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog: Will Someone Please Call a Doctor?

A Short Convo With…Corinne Bailey Rae

As always, thanks for reading!

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Every man has their thing, something we do that doesn’t fit into society’s typical idea of what a man does. Like in the movie Meet The Parents, where Greg Focker works as a nurse and throughout the film, his fiancee’s family takes little jabs at his chosen line of work because it’s not considered manly.

Sometimes these things are slightly more subtle, less overt than a whole profession. They’re little things men do, but in a woman’s mind, they’re big enough to raise her suspicion, causing her to ponder, “Is this guy playing for a different team?” And with down-low behavior still an issue, a lot of suspicions are valid.

But sometimes men don’t deserve the eyebrow raise. Sometimes, these things we do are just our thing or they serve a purpose. We shouldn’t have to stop doing them just because a woman has never seen a man do them before or they don’t fit into some dogmatic scheme of manhood she has conjured up in her mind. As comfortable as I am with my manhood, as comfortable as most men are, many men keep quiet certain things they do or want for the sake of appearances. In a weird way, I actually think such a balancing act is part of a man’s uniform.

Below, a list of five things I should be able to do without my manhood being question.

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The other day, someone took to my Formspring account and asked me the following question:

Have you done online dating? Would you?

In my original reply, I said I have never done online dating, but online courting is acceptable, which some might say is only half answering the question. I didn’t really answer the second question, whether or not I would do online dating, but here’s my answer.

No. Not right now.

Here’s my reason.

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Men, when’s the last time you slow danced with a woman?

I’m trying to remember myself. Maybe it was at my friend’s New Year’s wedding. But before then, I have no recollection of the last time I took a woman’s right hand, put it in mine; took my left arm, wrapped it around her waist, and together, we shuffled our feet in a slow clockwise circle.

The first time I slow danced was in 6th grade, and it was definitely a big deal. I had no idea what I was doing, and the entire Boyz II Men song the girl and I danced to sounded like mush to my ears. All I cared about was not stepping on the girls feet, and to prevent such a catastrophe, I put both my hands around her waist, and kept her arms length away from me. The way I danced with her it was as though she had cooties.

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The women hold me down, man.

The women hold me down in ways I sometimes just shake my head at. No title is necessary, no promises of a future  required. The women, man, they hold me down, even when I don’t ask them to. Like the woman who after only two dates with me, came to my hospital bed four nights in a row, sneaking in food. Like my old female roommate, who, after I found out my uncle was killed, wrote me a beautiful card and left it on my dresser, only an hour after I received the news. Like the women who read this blog, comment, and email me.

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Anyone used to watch the show Blind Date? Roger Lodge was the MAN, wasn’t he? I bring this up not because I’m watching television at 2 a.m. and nothing else is on, but because I’m thinking about first dates. Good ones. And nobody had better, more creative dates, than Roger Lodge and his team.

Blind Date proved dating is an art form. Inspired by my memory of this classic show, I present the downsides and upsides of two different dating genres I plan to incorporate into my own dating life.

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I once had an ex-girlfriend who insisted I do not hold doors open for her. Rather, she preferred I went through a door before her and led the way. Her logic was a man should lead and a woman should follow closely behind, also, theoretically, by being the first to walk inside or outside , I would be the first to notice something wrong.

Made sense to me, but sometimes, it didn’t make sense to people who were on the outside looking in. As a matter of fact, even after the two of us broke up, I developed a habit of going through doors first, and when the next girl called me out for it, I explained to her I would change but why I was doing it in the first place.

Chivalry isn’t dead, not even close. But it does need to be updated, remixed if we will. Not only should a man never ever have to lay down his coat in a puddle for a woman to step on, he should also pay more attention to a situation where chivalry is called for. Below, five new ways to be chivalrous.

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I’m going to start throwing up a link in a separate post from here to my weekly post at VIBE.com. Scroll down to read today’s UIGM post, but go to VIBE.com to read my weekly post on “The Eldrick Woods Relationship Blog”.

Oh, and please try to keep all comments on my VIBE.com posts over at VIBE.com.

Thank you all!

Click here to read this week’s post: “Getting Past The Kardashian”

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As I was leaving church, the girl in front of me fell walking down the stairs. Not with grace, but with a thud. Her Bible came with, smacking the ground upon landing. One would think she caught the Holy Ghost.

But this girl who fell made falling look good. I noticed her all service, and as we were being ushered into the chapel, I deliberately sat right next to her, you know, just in case she forgot her Bible and needed one to share.

It turns out, she didn’t need a Bible, she had her own, but when she fell, and her Bible came down with her, right at my feet, I saw my opportunity. I helped her up, trying not to laugh, but definitely smiling, and what I liked about her was, she was smiling too. Smiling like someone else fell, not her.

“Here you go,” I said, handing her the Bible.

“Oh, thank you,” she said.

“Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”

“Oh it happens to me all the time,” she replied.

“Well, then that must mean you’re better than everybody.”

It was a corny thing to say. She knew it, and I knew it, but we kept walking and chatted briefly about the service.

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