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The Ultimate Compliment

Sex.

That right there is the ultimate compliment.

For far too long, we have glorified the age-old adage, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts.” The only people to whom that applies are the people who have already established they have a mutual attraction to what’s on the outside, so much so they’re willing to give the ultimate compliment to no one else but each other.

I have heard a lot of nice things said to me. As a matter of fact, I once wrote a post about some of the most memorable compliments I ever received. But when I think about all the compliments women have said to me over the years, none of them come close to the feeling I get when a woman wants to have sex with me.

Maybe it’s because I still remember my virgin days like they were yesterday. Back then, I used to think women only have sex with the best looking guys because that’s all I saw on TV. I thought, In order for a woman to have sex with me, she has to like me enough and think I’m cute enough. It took me 17 years before I met a girl who thought I was both of those things at the same time, which says a lot about my teenage years, but I digress.

After I lost my virginity, I got hip to the game, and realized sometimes I don’t even need to be that cute to the girl, I just have to be there. Or, sometimes, I can be a complete jerk and a woman will be so turned on by my jerk-ish ways, she actually will want to sleep with me more than the nice guy buying her drinks.

But even in those instances, when a woman has decided it is I she will be making faces with solely because she feels like it and not because I look like her crush, there is a compliment being paid to me. I may not be all that, but I’m good enough, and there are a lot of people in the world who are good enough, but not more good enough than me. Add on to that the vulnerability of sex, how it involves our most covered up areas, ones we don’t show to the world, but only a precious few, and the entire experience makes for one big giant compliment.

It’s an act of pleasure, of course, but it’s also an act that says, “I want to feel good with you and you with me.” No matter how casual or mindless the affair, and no matter how many people we exchange this compliment with, when one thinks about all the people we meet with whom we don’t want to have sex, people we don’t even want to see in sweaters and jeans let alone t-shirts and underwear, the fact that someone wants to have sex with any of us is mighty nice of them.

And yet, women still want to question a man’s motives whenever he asks her to come over or he’s trying to get her alone. A woman will tell a man there is more to them than just sex, and if he cannot keep his hands to himself while they’re watching a movie, he isn’t being respectful of her. How dare he want more than just her company while watching this movie. How dare he try to take her into his bedroom where there is no television and no movies can be seen. Doesn’t he know she is a complete being, filled with feelings, emotions, and intelligent thoughts? Why can’t he see what’s on the inside, instead of trying to get in the inside?

Okay, I totally get that. A woman has so much more to offer me than just her body and I respect women more than anyone will give me credit for, but when I want to have sex with her, I actually am respecting her, in the form of a compliment. Just follow me here…

If I just want to talk to a woman about things like the weather and Obama’s health care plan, it is a fool proof sign that I don’t want to have sex with her. And why wouldn’t I want to have sex with her?

Exactly.

She’s not cute enough for me to want to have sex with her.

How uncomfortable does that make any of us feel? Even if the woman wasn’t ever thinking about having sex with me, I’m pretty sure she would like to believe I would want to have sex with her given the opportunity. But I don’t. I don’t because I don’t want to see what’s underneath her clothes, and there is honestly, nothing respectful about that. Or maybe there is, but really it’s just respect by default. There’s nothing on it.

In my opinion, true respect is both complimentary and understanding. True respect is when I make a move on a woman and when she tells me to slow my roll, I slow my roll. It is not when I treat a woman like my sister or my mother, because I have never felt good when a woman tells me she sees me as a big brother. Sure, such praise is a testament to how nice of a guy I am, but it’s also a testament to the fact that she will never, ever, in a million years, want to see or feel me naked.

Categories: dating, game, guys, s#x, women Tags:
  • SassyNoLA

    I wasn’t feeling you until this sentence: True respect is when I make a move on a woman and when she tells me to slow my roll, I slow my roll. Finally understood your point, and I agree. Respect isn’t about not wanting to have sex with a woman or making moves, it’s about honoring boundaries without throwing tantrums.

  • K.Ova

    So if I’m following you here, by your definition it’s safe to say I ‘respect’ 17.46% of the males I encounter and 1.3% of females. I can get behind that.

  • http://alishawritinglife.wordpress.com Alisha

    Hmmm, never heard it (read it) explained that way. As a woman, when I have sex with a guy it’s a major compliment, simply because I’m very selective. Some women will smash just because he’s hot, has money, etc. Has to be something more than that for. Generally, I think women believe that a woman’s pulse is the requirement for the guy to have sex with her. I know of some guys who had sex with girls they would never peak at in the daylight. I’ll blame it on the alcohol, or maybe they, too, were just outright disrespectful. I need some more males opinions on this one. Good post, as usual.

  • Danielle D

    I think this is a retarded post. I am a big fan of this blog but all I hear is a manipulative way to sleep with someone or make it ok to sleep with someone…but I guess it is whatever your definition of sex is…me personally would never sleep with you if we weren’t in some sort of relationship in which I love you or feel that the relationship will flurish into something more than sex….maybe I am the retarded one here (sometimes I wonder) and maybe I will go back and read this blog over. I mean I understand you the whole…would you be pissed if you thought someone didn’t want to have sex with you…sure if your an arrogant person though…has anyone ever meant a person who gets pissed when a guy doesn’t look her way…I do and this person is also the person who gets in every mans face too. ARGH…but this is leading into my own ideas for a blog. It seems like you are saying having sex with someone is like saying you are beautiful…LOL! I guess I can’t understand this blog because I am the woman who doesn’t have one night stands, or sex with a guy after just meeting…not that is bad its just not my thing…I dunno. I guess I’m a prude….and I accept that role in life…LOL!

  • jahnesta

    Here’s the article: http://www.esquire.com/features/how-to-compliment-1009

    He has some really good pieces…

  • Afro

    it’s whats inside that counts is a phrase typically uttered by unattractive people with bad bodies.
    word to the wise-a woman knows if she wants to sleep with you off top! and in regards to all that motive questioning when you invite her over for a movie, etc… well didnt you just say that you aren’t trying to see what’s on her inside because if you were you don’t want to hit it? so what else is she supposed to think?

    u dudes kill me…u talk yourself out of getting it most times!

  • Ariana

    At first I was intrigued and I thought you were going to give a new perspective on sex and how it can be a compliment, but it seems at times you actually argued against yourself: “I don’t even need to be that cute to the girl, I just have to be there. Or, sometimes, I can be a complete jerk and a woman will be so turned on by my jerk-ish ways, she actually will want to sleep with me”

    And

    “hen a woman has decided it is I she will be making faces with solely because she feels like it and not because I look like her crush, there is a compliment being paid to me.”

    You’re basically saying: most of the time it has nothing to do with you, but when it’s not all the most common reasons a woman has sex with a man, it’s a compliment.

    It was hard to follow your point logically when at times you contradicted yourself. Sounds like you were just honestly trying to say, in kind of a flowery way for entertainment purposes, “I really like sex, and it makes me feel good when a girl wants to have sex with me, for whatever reason.”

    Just wasn’t feeling this one.

  • Deen

    It’s an act of pleasure, of course, but it’s also an act that says, “I want to feel good with you and you with me.”

    What about hate sex? Anyone else or am I just a sick perv?

  • P Hugo

    Sex is a compliment; however, one needs to be careful not to fully accept all of them. Sometimes its cool to say thank you and keep moving on.

  • HeadMistress

    Sex is definitely the ultimate compliment – you had me at the opening but you quickly lost me – especially those last few paragraphs…

    @ “Even if the woman wasn’t ever thinking about having sex with me, I’m pretty sure she would like to believe I would want to have sex with her given the opportunity.” Or Not! LOL – that is easily in the Top 5 of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard a man say.

    @ “I have never felt good when a woman tells me she sees me as a big brother. Sure, such praise is a testament to how nice of a guy I am, but it’s also a testament to the fact that she will never, ever, in a million years, want to see or feel me naked.” – Also not always true, many women find their greatest loves and/or lovers in the men who started out as good “like their brother” friends

    Like Afro said dudes talk themselves out of getting it most times!

  • Realistically Speaking

    Dude, this is like way ummm, strange. Sex is indeed the ultimate compliment only when “they’re willing to give the ultimate compliment to no one else but each other.” Other than that, it’s just something your giving to anyone you find worthy of attraction, sexual attraction if you will. Umm, I’ve come across many of those, but that does not mean I’m going to share my sex with you. That’s cheap.

  • In the epic words of Blaine Edwards and Antoine Marryweather (In Living Colour’s Men on Film): hated it.

    *finger snaps*

    Like Drake on his latest submitted verses–you phoned this one in sweetheart. I say this with l-o-v-e because I usually fucks with your shit.

    Wait. Did I just give you a compliment…?

  • What????

    Its a compliment my foot. I actually like your blog but what in the name of unwanted pregnancies and STDs is this post about?

  • Nicole

    Sex has been so detached from intimacy these days that it is faaaaar from a compliment until you have made a vow to someone…

    I can see where you were going with this one, but I’ll have to disagree.

  • http://metanotherfrog.com/category/sam-sharpe/ Sam Sharpe

    Interesting.

    Women often interpret a man’s open sexual interest in them as degrading or demeaning. I felt this post offered an alternative perspective; nothing less, nothing more.

  • desiresinspiration

    I can dig this! LOVE IT!

  • Conscience

    Honestly ladies cut the man some slack. All he is trying to say is that men know how much most women link the act of sex to much more than just pleasure. So he is flattered when he is chosen amongst the multitude of men that could have taken his place. Usually when a woman decides to have sex with a man she has a laundry list more reasons than he will ever have. It’s just the nature of the fairer sex. Even a loose woman doesn’t have sex with EVERY man she meets, the ones she chooses to have sex with (regardless of it being quite a few) are still chosen at the end of the day. Meaning someone was not chosen hence he was not payed that compliment for one reason or another. Honestly almost everything a man does in his lifetime is to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. We place our value on a good job(to provide for women who will later bear our children, hence a family),cars (to be noticed by those women, or at least get then from point a-b), a residence (you don’t want the guy living in his mom’s basement), fly gear (you’re not talking to the guy in the ripped cross color t-shirt and the hammer pants), etc. All women have to do is be cute enough to get the attention of the man that has these “must haves”. So you’re all cute and you want us to see you for who you are inside, but what we really see first is, that’s a woman I would like to sleep with. Anything we learn later about you is after we have already established that fact. It’s all very simple ladies.

  • LumbarPuncture

    I’m not 100% on the boat with this one but I can see where you’re coming from. I’ve always thought it was a compliment when a guy tried to go there with me but it doesn’t mean I always felt great about it.

  • Realistically Speaking

    Well damn… that makes much more sense… I get it. *snaps*

  • http://metanotherfrog.com/?cat=14 Skye Blue

    Well said.

  • Christina

    No. You’re not a prude..everyone else that agrees with having sex with random people just because they’re ‘hot’- is just waayyy too free.

  • Ondrea

    I could see where you were going with this even if the delivery was a bit confusing. Good post.

  • http://naturibeauty.com/blog Naturi Beauty/Shelley Chapman

    Sex is a gift intimately shared. I believe the West has a “repressive” view of sex, thus the discomfort of being willing to share it with whomever without the “formalities” of marriage, relationship, etc. It IS a compliment to know that you and your partner chose each other, even if for a moment, day, night, month or lifetime, to experience an act that not only bonds your bodies but your spirits, and allows you to enter realms that reveal your higher and truer self. Each experience should be regarded as sacred AND I think you should be selective about your partners. Because IT is a major compliment to be willing to share (not give) yourself and allow another to revel in your light.

  • Cupcake

    What does it mean when a guy is not trying to have sex with you, but says he has very strong feelings for you? I would hate to think that the only way he can show his true feelings is to try to have sex with you. I’m jus sayin…

  • http://www.twitter.com/annaleishamae Annaleisha

    As another poster mentioned, sex is only the ultimate compliment if you are not willing to share that experience with another.
    People have become less and less selective of their sexual partners (part of the reason why HIV/ AIDS is still spreading in pandemic proportions) so it may nt always say what you think it says…. Catch my drift?
    I defo feel that sex should be shared between 2 ppl who are married…. But, that’s jus my thing. I don’t see how having multiple sexual encounters with different ppl is a gd thing… **shrugs shoulders**

    Also as sum1 else said sex an intamacy no longer go hand in hand. So ppl have sex w/ others purely b’cos they get to trigger a reflex reaction that sends waves of sensations through their bodies.. They r only doin it for their own selfish reasons. (Though this may not always be the case)

    My two pence. 🙂

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