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The Women Hold Me Down, Man (Part 1)

January 25th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

The women hold me down, man.

The women hold me down in ways I sometimes just shake my head at. No title is necessary, no promises of a future  required. The women, man, they hold me down, even when I don’t ask them to. Like the woman who after only two dates with me, came to my hospital bed four nights in a row, sneaking in food. Like my old female roommate, who, after I found out my uncle was killed, wrote me a beautiful card and left it on my dresser, only an hour after I received the news. Like the women who read this blog, comment, and email me.

The women hold me down, man.

Today, I’m thinking about all those women and the women in my life right now. Something, a good thing, is going on, but it is changing my life. One of those things that make me wish it wasn’t the women who held me down. One of those things that makes me wish it was a woman, just one, holding me down.

The morning my father died. I remember picking up the phone and when my brother told me the news, how alone I felt. My one bedroom apartment expanded to feel even more empty than it already was. And it was 6 in the morning, a time when if you’re going to call anyone, it better be for a good reason. Unless of course that anyone is your girl. Then you can call her just to tell her you’re thinking about her. But I didn’t have a girl. I had women. Women I knew would hold me down. So I called them, and they were kind, understanding, and thoughtful. But after those calls were made, I cried to myself because it hit me.

My father died alone, but only by his doing. I received the news alone, but only by my doing. If my father just would have loved one woman in his life like she loved him, he wouldn’t have died alone. If I would have loved one woman in my life the way they loved me, I wouldn’t have received the news alone.

The women in my father’s life held him down for years, man. The mothers of his sons, raised them and loved his boys in ways he never did, but those women loved their son’s father like he was always around. Other women loved him too, some he married, some he didn’t. Those women held him down, man. Until they couldn’t hold him down anymore. They were always going to love him, but from a safe distance, the exact same distance the women in my life put between them and me.

Now as my life changes again, albeit for a much better reason, it is clear to me I haven’t learned my lesson from last year because it’s still the women, not the woman, holding me down. This is not to say I don’t enjoy my single status. Dare I say, it’s more of a blessing than a curse. Something I embrace and yes, at times, celebrate. But when life changes before my very eyes, in ways I never imagined or saw coming, that’s when being single is hardest. I have my friends, they have my back, and of course, I have the women. Like I said, they have my back too, but sometimes, I just wish it was one woman who had to bear that responsibility.

I have a laundry list of women who have held me down, but it looks mighty similar to the list of women who I have let down, and very similar to the list of women I don’t talk to anymore. It’s as though, the other list I have, the list of women who I slept with and never talked to again, are better off because I don’t just get women to sleep with me. I get women to get into me. I get women to hold me down, man.

To be continued…

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  • P A

    Really though, how many times does he have to say that this is about his views on dating and his perception about relationships (insert snapshot links to the million posts where he has done this)? stop reading (and commenting) if your that concerned by Jozen’s “selfishness and lack of growth”…or maybe you could stop being judgemental…

  • sehsi

    Utter lack of respect. I thoughts blogs were for people to assess themselves. NOT anyone else. I HATE when people go on other folks blogs and try to dictate. Be blessed.

  • sehsi

    It is soooooooo refreshing to see someone sit back and analyze his/her journey through life and relationships. It truly is a process and glad to see you’ve looked at where you’ve been and want to get even better.

    Your blog is amazing. It’s brave of you to put you flaws, good attributes and all on here. You’ll do nothing but grow.

  • babeblue

    very insightful! i definitely sense your growth and that you are not in the same place as last year. there’s nothing wrong with being single, but from your post, i can tell that you’re the type that would one day like to have just one woman to hold you down. i wish there were more men out there that realized what a valuable thing that is.

  • BrwnButterly

    Hmmm are we reading the same blog here?? The title of this blog is called Until I(meaning him not you) get married. You don’t like it start a blog of your own and rant all you want. Meanwhile stop peeing in his flower garden, sit back and enjoy the post like everyone else. Sheesh!!!

  • jazzistuff

    Great writing and very insightful. I too have often wondered what thoughts went through a mans mind with regards to this topic. I am looking forward to Part II.

  • SassyNoLA

    so i think the first comment reminding her of the obvious (i.e. that this blog is about HIM so being on the ME wagon kinda makes sense), but the 3 that followed? what was the point? all saying basically the same thing about not commenting/reading if she doesn’t like it. a comments section has been enabled on this blog. it’s not a “praise section,” it’s a “comments” section. <– another obvious point that seems to need pointing out. why are you spending energy policing a comment section on SOMEONE ELSE'S blog? i'm genuinely curious, especially after seeing that someone else (and multiple people) had already posted a comment w/ the same exact sentiments?

  • me-me

    i’m digging this!

  • Beautifully Complex

    Adjust, adapt, overcome and grow. Nice work Jozen. I see you !

  • samara

    I love reading your blog…such great insight. It makes me hopeful!

  • afro


  • Jalona

    Selfish, foolish, and quite immature. You have the right to grow up in your own time though – here’s to hoping you’ll get there!

  • Vay

    I really loved this post!!! It was really touching..The one thing that would say is do not rush into a monogomous relationship until you can quit. There is no point in having some Woman hold you down if you can’t do the same! Keep Writing!!

  • ksoul

    Wonderfully written!

  • Touched

    I just want to start off by saying I am literally in tears at the moment. A friend of mine posted this link and attached me to it…I have been one of those women time and time again. I was taught beauty is vain, so you need more to hang on. Being kind and loyal have always been consistent qualities, in hopes that one will catch glimpse. In turn, then comes the let down spoken of. I particularly recall someone I held dear, that never seem to realize it, but did in someone else. He reminds of the person in this blog. I think we are part to blame at times for not setting standards, and or sticking to them. We do give the easy pass lots of times. You are very much so on point with saying we love/care from a distance…These words have enlightened my heart…

  • Theodore Jakubowsky

    Man, how true. If only the women on those lists knew. I think I’ll share this post with a few on my list. Thanks.

  • Barbara

    Thank you for allowing us to travel on this journey of growth with you. I enjoy your blog very much. I laugh, question and sometimes, like today tear up a little. This piece was moving and thought provoking. Thank you again for sharing.

  • Qiana Elise

    I’m in the process of reading all of your blogs. I just felt the need to comment this one….it’s beautiful.

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  • dreams

    wow. as i lie here at nearly 2 am in the morning, i find myself touched by your post. it was like you were speaking directly to me, in the form of many other guys i’ve held down in the past. thanks for offering this piece of you… it is delicate and poetic. continue to share gifts like this with the world. 🙂

  • Rae

    I loved this! My father has often times told me that it’s the women in his life, the friends and the sisters who have looked out for him, that helped him get where he is today and be all that he is.  Thank you for writing this!