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5 Things I Should Be Able To Do Without My Manhood Being Questioned

January 28th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Every man has their thing, something we do that doesn’t fit into society’s typical idea of what a man does. Like in the movie Meet The Parents, where Greg Focker works as a nurse and throughout the film, his fiancee’s family takes little jabs at his chosen line of work because it’s not considered manly.

Sometimes these things are slightly more subtle, less overt than a whole profession. They’re little things men do, but in a woman’s mind, they’re big enough to raise her suspicion, causing her to ponder, “Is this guy playing for a different team?” And with down-low behavior still an issue, a lot of suspicions are valid.

But sometimes men don’t deserve the eyebrow raise. Sometimes, these things we do are just our thing or they serve a purpose. We shouldn’t have to stop doing them just because a woman has never seen a man do them before or they don’t fit into some dogmatic scheme of manhood she has conjured up in her mind. As comfortable as I am with my manhood, as comfortable as most men are, many men keep quiet certain things they do or want for the sake of appearances. In a weird way, I actually think such a balancing act is part of a man’s uniform.

Below, a list of five things I should be able to do without my manhood being question.

SENDING A SMILEY FACE IN A TEXT OR CHAT

I will say this much about the smiley face emoticon: It’s a tricky thing. Sometimes I send it out without a second thought and sometimes, I’m trying to find a way to not include it, and never would I just send a text or instant message that looked like this.

🙂

But why must I even have to think about such things?  Most times, a smiley face is there to denote a message I would like to be interpreted as playful or lighthearted so what I’m saying isn’t misconstrued as a serious statement. That’s all. It’s kind of like LOL, which used to mean “Laugh Out Loud” but now means, “I have no response to that.” The smiley face doesn’t mean I’m giddy or happy, it just means, “It’s all good. Really. It’s absolutely all good.”

SING ALONG TO THE FOLLOWING THREE SONGS

“[You Make Me Feel Like] A Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin

“Greatest Love of All” by Whitney Houston

“Strong Enough” by Sheryl Crow

Why can’t I sing along to these three songs? They’re only like three of the best songs ever written. Maybe we can compromise? What if I change the line in Franklin’s song from “natural woman” to “natural man”, the line in Crow’s song from “strong enough to be my man” to “strong enough to be my girl”, and sing Houston’s entire song in a husky baritone? If I do that, is it okay, because these songs are really, really catchy, and if it’s any constellation, I only know the choruses, I don’t even all the words.

Every year, man must deal with at least one song that is distinctly woman, but also catchy as hell. And every year, he must do all he can to not sing along.

WASH UP  WITH A LOOFAH

Look, at least it’s black, and the body wash I’m using is Old Spice. Leave me alone.

HER HOLD ME

I had a rough day. I’m tired. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. I don’t want to have sex. I don’t even want her to even go down on me right now. I just want to be held. Just hold me. Can I get that? Can any man get that? Hold me, for five minutes. Then, then we can have sex.

HAVE A LEGITIMATE FEAR

I hate roller coasters. There is nothing about them that seems natural or fun. So I don’t ride them. My sister does though. Back in the day, when me, my dad and sister would go to amusement parks, I always waited for them while they went on all the roller coasters. My dad of course would always call me a wimp, but I didn’t care, I sat on the bench anyway and talked to the girl who didn’t like roller coasters either because there was always one.

Men aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything, but all men have little fears. Some men hate roller coasters. Some men hate spiders and rats. We should be able to own these fears without any ridicule. So long as we’re willing to kill a spider, trap a rat, and yes, even ride a roller coaster on occasion, all for the sake of a woman we love, the fears of men, just like all of our other unusual tics, habits, and ways, should be respected. 🙂

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  • http://www.jonestheclark.com clark

    Appreciate the list. I would add Beyonce’s “me, myself and I” even though she shouts out ladies on the intro. Its an amazing record for any gender.

    blessings

  • P.A

    “and sing Houston’s entire song in a husky baritone?” LOL (and I am LOL’ing) I love it! Truth be told so long as he didnt do it in public, I’d probably be singing along with him. This list is dead on, great job.

  • http://lefthandscribble.blogspot.com Brittany

    There’s nothing wrong with having a fear, most men should admit to being afraid of something. Men try to act as if they’re Greek Gods and fear nothing when in reality you have your Achilles heel just like everyone else.

  • Lisa

    I don’t think your manhood is in question for those 5 things, you’re still a man!

  • http://valstyleonline.com Val

    hilarious! and fabulous! yes you can have all those things Jozen! and i love the black loofah. nice work 🙂

  • afro

    fresh as usual…but old spice jozen? i guess you have to back the using a loofah thing up with a “manly” color & “manly” soap…but if you are using the loofah-might as well lather up with oil of olay…dove…im just saying!;)

  • http://www.twitter.com/luvleighliz Leigh Ann

    Loved the smiley face at the end!

  • http://web.me.com/ubmaftnyc Cali

    Yep, the results are in…… and yes, you are still a man! A clean one too! Good job Jozen.
    (keep the black loofah) 😉

  • shellie

    LOL I’m laughing way too hard at the loofah and being held. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  • Netreia

    OLD SPICE, oldie but goodie! Fabulous, good list.

  • http://www.sistersoundoff.blogspot.com Cheekie

    So tell me, your woman eating spicy foods or slapping your booty would emasculate you, but you singing the lyrics, “You make me feel like a naturalllll womaaannnn!” wouldn’t? 😉

    Just playin’ with ya. I agree. Men should definitely be able to do things against the gender norm without their masculinity being questioned. After all, gender is what we make it, right?

  • Marc.Of.Excellence

    If any dude is SECURE ENOUGH IN HIMSELF, it shouldn’t matter what anybody’s opinion of him is (unless it’s just extremely pause-worthy)… I’ve been given the “hi-brow” for owning Dickey and Zane books by some women, and that “I’m impressed look from others, guess it depends on the company you’re in more than anything

  • Madeleine

    come on Jozen, fix your typos!

  • babeblue

    i’m sorry, but you can’t send a smiley face in your texts without the manhood being questioned. ditto for excessive “LOL”ing. the reason is just what you stated in your post: it conveys an air of “giddiness” that is not very masculine.

    i had to unfriend someone on facebook for that. it seemed like every single status update from dude randomly ended with LOL. as in: “that which doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger, lol”.

    i was like WTH?

    i think the rest of your items were fine, though. the loofah was a bit borderline, but as long as it’s not accompanied by a pumice stone or one of those big poufs, i’ll let you make it…LOL!

  • What Lola Wants…

    I agree with you on most of the list but the loofah thing gets a slight eyebrow raise <:-/

    Could "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce be added to that song list? Saw a guy at a gas station jamming to it and I DIED on the spot! LOL

  • justhelpignout

    any consolation…as in consolation prize..not any constellation as in star.
    funny article, nonetheless. I think you should be able to cry one tear in a movei as well…just one.

  • justhelpignout

    any consolation…as in consolation prize..not any constellation as in star.
    funny article, nonetheless. I think you should be able to cry one tear in a movie as well…just one.

  • justhelpingout

    whoops! lol

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  • Leah J

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

    My favorite part of this post was this line: “It’s kind of like LOL, which used to mean “Laugh Out Loud” but now means, “I have no response to that.” ”

    It’s funny because it’s TRUE. And it just became my status on Google Talk. Properly credited, of course.

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    Nothing wrong with that list to me.