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Trying To Figure It Out

February 1st, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

This past weekend, my boys and I lost our best friend, Enoch “Trey” Tims III, in a tragic car accident. All of us received the news on Saturday and all of us are still trying to make sense of it in our own way. I know personally, I have been in an emotional stupor since I received the news, trying to figure out just, everything, man.

Originally, I had this idea to do something on male friendship. How important it is to all men, how important it is to me, but so far, I can’t do anything but think about the fact that my boy is no longer with the rest of my boys. There’s one less of us, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. I want to write through it, like I do most of my life, but I can’t, not right at this moment.

Sometime today  (or maybe tomorrow), I’m going to get it together, and write something. It might be about him, it might be about something else, but right now, I have nothing to say except for this:

People who found out about my loss have emailed me, texted me, DM’d me and whenever they have, they always preface it by saying, “Sorry for reaching out to you like this, but…” DON’T BE SORRY. Never ever underestimate what the power of words can do.

I am not one of those people who separates the way a message was delivered from the message itself. I appreciate all the condolences given no matter where they come from. Others may feel differently about this, but I don’t. Shit, I need the words. I need the love. They’re all I got right now.

So thank you to all who have reached out. Your texts, emails, direct messages, Facebook wall posts, and BBMs, are all appreciated, kept, and read repeatedly.

As for my boys and I, we’re going to make it through this the way we’ve made it through the past ten years of our friendship. Together.

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  • Andie

    That’s terrible news. Very, very sorry to hear it. My sincerest condolences to you, your friends and your friend’s family.

    Hang in there, kid.

  • Danielle D

    Sorry to hear of your lose. Take care and if you can write today great, if you can’t then just take that time to go over memories good and bad about your friend. Thanks for getting this message out and when you gather the words from your pain I’ll be sure to read and support your skill. Blessings and Prayers with you, your crew and your friend’s family.

  • Lisa

    I’m so sorry for you loss. We love you man & we appreciate you. You are in our thoughts.

  • HES

    So sorry for your loss. May God grant you, your friends, and your friend’s family comfort and peace.

  • Whitney

    so sorry about your lost, I don’t know what I would do if I lost a lifelong friend. You are in my thought and prayers. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
    Stay Strong

  • Debra Beevers

    My sincere sympathy in the loss of your dear friend. I ran across your article while trying to find information on Trey’s accident. I am friends with Enoch, Trey’s dad and knew Trey only thru Enoch and myspace. Please write about Trey. His dad was so proud of him and I used to love to hear the funny “Trey” stories.

  • luvtheshoes

    So sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your friends.

  • nikki

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. *hugs*

  • Lisa

    I’m so sorry for you loss, I will be thinking about you, love ya & take your time getting back to the blog!

  • Marie

    I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t pretend to understand the feeling. May God grant you, your friends and his family peace. I will keep you all lifted in prayer.


    I know what its like to lose a best friend. Take your time to heal and get back to the Blog when you can.. No rush. You and your friends will be in my prayers..

  • LinZ

    sorry for your loss…

  • Ondrea

    My condolences to his family and to you and his other friends.

  • *inquiring mind*

    Dang Jo, that really does suck. I’m so sorry to hear that. I pray you all find the strength to move forward with him in your hearts. At this point, all you can do is take it one day at a time and know that when it’s your time to go it just is… it’s no one’s fault in the matter, just fact. I’ll say from my own experiences and you prolly already know from some of your own that you’ll never stop thinking about them, never stop loving them or missing them but eventually you’ll accept it and realize we all gotta go… we all will go… so stay strong bruh and be blessed.

    Much love my dear to you all in mourning right now.

  • E-Dub

    So sorry about your loss Jozen. I hope you find some comfort in your memories of your friend. God bless you, your boys, and Trey’s family.

  • AFRO

    i’m sorry for your loss.

  • Trisha

    My deepest condolences. Take as much time as you need to grieve. Understand that if you ever need to write out any fustrations or stories of the great memories that you two had together we are here….

  • Drea

    Love and time relieve the pain. Be patient with your self and do not rush getting it togather as you said in your post, 10 years is a lifetime of friendship. Let you heart take the time to travel back through all your memories. God is Love! Your Blog is getting me through in a time when I hate being single! Be blessed!

  • Natasha

    Jozen – I am very sorry to hear of your loss, my condolences to you and the rest of your friends. Friends become our families as adults especially when you live away from home. I pray for your strength in this very difficult time.

  • zora Hahn

    From someone who knows what it feels like to lose someone you love, my heart goes out to you. There will never be a time that you completely get over losing your friend, but I assure you IT WILL GET EASIER. So sorry for your loss…..

  • me-me

    My prayers go out to the Tims family and friends in their time of bereavement.

    This is another reminder to stop wasting time worrying about yesterday and invest it with those you love now!

  • Nik

    Sorry for your blessed

  • Christine

    Someone showed me this quote when a loved one of mine died. “You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different. Everyday… Grief puts on a new face….” -Wendy Feireisen
    Sorry for your loss.

  • A.

    I’m sorry Jozen. Take your time and we’ll see you when you’re ready.

  • Dom

    I am sorry for your loss. Its always hardest when you lose a friend in your age group, especially in such a tragic manner. It reminds you that the next minute is promised to none of us. All you can do is try to appreciate the ones you love and show them while on this earth. You and his family will be in my prayers.

  • ellegirl

    I’m sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your friends in my prayers. Come back when you’re ready. I know I’ll be here ready to read whatever you have to write.

  • What Lola Wants…

    I’m sorry for your loss, Jozen.

  • Teach It

    Jozen, my condolences go out to you and your friend’s family. It’s so tragic to lose the ones we are close to.

  • Kady

    So sorry to here about your lost. I hope you get the support you need to get through this tough time. Your readers will be here so take care of yourself first. God bless!

  • LumbarPuncture

    Sorry for your loss Jozen…my prayers are with you and Trey’s family and loved ones

  • Jason

    I am so sad, it is devastating. Trey and I were great friends in ATL and also had an incredible group of friends to share adventures with. I always thought that we would all get together again and catch up on our lives. It’s so unfortunate. He was “Someone Great.”

  • Nadine

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. May peace be with you, your friends and his fams. Keep your head up.

  • babeblue

    so sorry for your loss. you and the rest of his family and friends are in my thoughts.

  • Sunny

    I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your friends and family.

    *e hugs*

  • victoria

    Trey is a friend of ours from Atlanta. We hadn’t seen him in a while and then we got the same very sad news as you Saturday morning. I didn’t know him nearly as long and I would think not as well, but man in the 2 years I knew him and saw him weekly, I fell in love with that kid’s lust for life. His smile could actually lift your mood,and his laugh was infectious. Sometimes we didn’t know why we were still laughing and he’d bust out a “Wait, why are we laughing” and we’d lose it all over again. I’m sorry for anyone who didn’t get the chance to meet him, and even more sorry for those of us who did. I’ll be thinking about you.

  • Jill

    I’m sorry for your loss as well. I can’t say I knew Trey that well, but I’ve known him for a good long while now. Since high school, in fact, when my girl E met him through her job at Turner. Trey’s ATL crew met up this Wednesday night downtown, had some PBR’s while we thought about him and considered how our worlds will be different without him. Like Jason, I always thought we would get together again. And soon. My best memory of Trey is from an M.I.A. show we saw together a few Halloweens ago – you know what a Music Nazi he could be, I’m sure. We danced like crazy people. He was always so there, in the moment, so full of life. He made that night easily one of the most fun nights of my life. He will be deeply missed.

  • Arkay

    I did not know Trey, but I saw/read of his tragic accident and felt the need to offer my condolences. I had to tell you how amazing it is that you, his friends, have had the blessing of someone so special in your life. I know his light has left you in the physical sense, but the gift of his friendship has taught you all the immense capacity that you have to love another. Now go, just as he would want, and love somemore.

    Blessings, comfort, and big hugs,


  • Leah J

    Oh, Jozen. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  • Dawn

    Hi. You don’t know me, but I wanted to share some words and condolences. I went to high school with Trey, and I just found out about this tragedy (on FB of all places). I Googled him and ran across your blog. I’m still in shock, and I’m sure you are still struggling with the loss. Trey was a good dude, and I regret not staying in better touch with him…and not letting him know about the huuuge crush I had on him.

    For whatever it’s worth, I send you thoughts of comfort as I pray for the Tims family. I am glad he’s in a better place and done with the troubles of the world.