This post is not about that whole Tiger Woods dust up we saw a couple of hours ago, it’s only inspired by it. For anyone interested in hearing my thoughts on it at length, look out for the post I wrote on The Root about it, in a couple of hours. It should be there.
(Although let me say this: Tiger Woods sucks at apologizing. He may be a pro on the golf course, but man, when it comes to apologizing to a woman, Tiger Woods can’t see me. I’m way better than him!. I should be his caddy for apologies.)
Apologizing, especially for doing something as frowned upon as cheating, is an art, and while I may not be a Picasso at it, I might qualify as a Thomas Kinkade. I mean, if anyone is paying attention to this blog, it’s obvious I have a way with words, so wouldn’t it only make sense I was good at apologizing? Of course it would.
But what makes me skilled at the art of the apology is not my ability to string together some words to make lovely sentences, or my ability to shed a tear or two (emergency tears!). It’s the fact that over the years and the apologies I made within them, I have realized that for some things, an apology no matter how well said or sincere will mean nothing.
Men spend half their life doing things they shouldn’t do, and the other half of their life apologizing for them. Women spend their whole life forgiving. This is what I absolutely believe.
If what they say is true, that true love really does mean never having to say you’re sorry, then the next time a man messes up on a Tiger Woods level, I suggest he just walk away. Don’t apologize or beg or cop a plea to a woman for all that you’ve done wrong. Just walk away, and maybe, leave a note that says, “I messed up and I don’t deserve you. So let me leave.”
Forgiveness, true forgiveness, does not need to come in the form of reconciliation. As I used to tell my ex who would beat me up over my transgressions (no Elin), If a person wants out of the relationship they should be out because they don’t need to be with someone to forgive them. And I don’t need to stay with someone to be sorry. If what I did is so bad it is cause for a breakup, then, let’s just break up. I’ll apologize now, and I’ll be sorry later, but the only way to learn anything from wrong doing is by suffering some sort of consequence, and sometimes the greatest consequence of all is losing whatever it is we betrayed upon.
Now this is not to say anybody is a fool for forgiving. I’ve done some things I shouldn’t have done and I’m eternally grateful for the acceptance of my apologies and the forgiveness those people have shown me. So if one wants to forgive, forgive until your hearts content. But apologizing over and over? I’m sorry, there won’t be any need for all that.
I’m sorry. I apologize. My bad. That’s my fault. No matter which way we spin it, no matter how many times we say it, the words are hollow. A true apology is demonstrated through actions, not spoken in words, and this we all know, yet we continue to say, I’m sorry. The men especially.
My mother once told me that if I meet a woman I really love, get her flowers once a month. So when I did meet a woman I really loved, I got her flowers once a month. But when I messed up, when I did things I shouldn’t of done and said things I shouldn’t have said, I always cursed myself for getting those flowers. Had I not gotten her anything, the flowers would be a perfect way to apologize and show just how sorry I truly was, right?
It takes more than flowers, words, tears, and groveling to be forgiven. As a matter of fact, we can even put those things all together in one nice Apology Package, and it still won’t be enough.
For anything we ever did wrong, the only way forgiveness is to be had is by taking the time to attain it. And if you already knew all of this. I’m sorry. I apologize. My bad. That’s my fault, for taking up your time.