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February 24th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hi or Hello. Which one’s better?

Honestly, neither. I have to think of something better to say to this woman standing at the bar. I want to meet her.  Maybe if I stare, or no, that word is too stalkerish, how about gaze? Can I gaze? Is gazing acceptable?

Okay, let me just look. Look at me, girl. Look. I need to know. Come on. Raise the head, the eyes, let them drift over here. Yep, that’s it. Over, one more person. No, you missed me girl. Too far over. A little to the left, there, hold it, hold it, hold…Damn. She looked away.

I’m still going to talk to her anyway. Let me see, what can I say?

Hi? Hello?

Hi is soft. I’m not soft.

Hello is formal. This is not a formal place.

Besides, how many times has she heard either of those things? I need a drink. Not a drink, drink. I want to be sober for this. I need a Coke. Bartender, can I get a Coke? Three dollars? Here’s a five. Keep the change. Feeling confident tonight? I better be. This girl is going to take guts.

Okay, damn, she moved from her spot. She’s walking over in my direction, but definitely not towards me. I hope she does something crazy like trip, and then, I can save her from falling flat on her face. That will make this whole meeting thing so much easier. I don’t have to say, Hi or Hello.  I can ask her if she’s okay, and she can say she is because of me, and I can say, “Well, you know, that’s what I do. My name is Superman. What’s yours?” Then she can totally dismiss me because that was the corniest thing I have ever thought of in my life. I just turned myself off.

Oh wait, here she comes. Walking. Walking in my direction. Look at me again, girl. Please. And remember me, the one who you looked at for two “Hold its” from the other end of the bar. If you look at me for one “Hold it,” I’m going to add that to the other two, and then I will approach because three “Hold Its” means you want to talk to me or me to talk to you.

There! Right there! Who saw that? Anyone else? Did anyone else see her look at me? That was two more “Hold Its” she gave me. Not just one. No? No ones paying attention to me? Fine. I guess I’m on my own here.

Watch her walk away. Oh, wow, she looks just as good when she walks away as she does walking to.

Now it’s set. I’m going to meet this girl. Just a matter of when. Timing is key here. Approach is something of an art and I can barely draw right now, but let me size this up. See where she lands.

She’s with friends now. Just a group of girls. They want to dance. She’s taking a moment. Probably cause her glass is too full and she doesn’t want to spill. I hope that’s reason. I don’t like a girl who doesn’t like to dance. A girl who doesn’t like to dance doesn’t like to have fun. I like to have fun. Let’s hope this girl likes to have fun.

She’s stirring her straw in her drink. I’m walking over there. Think of something to say. Something better than Hi or Hello. Damn it, think of SOMETHING. I only have ten paces left.

10 (“What’s up”?)

9 (That’s good)

8 (But it’s kind of man-ish too.)

7 (“What’s going on”?)

6 (Who am I Marvin Gaye?)

5 (“My name is Jozen”?)

4 (Way too formal)

3 (Wait, I know exactly what I’m going to say!)

2 (It’s perfect!)

1 (Here we go…)

“Hi.” (Fuck Jozen)

She says, “Hello.” (She’s smiling.)

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  • P.A

    Great post! Definitely makes me think about all the times that I’ve said (in my head) “No this guy didnt just come at me with this line? Why couldnt he just say hello?” You had me dying at ” I just turned myself off.” LOL!!

  • Sunkissed404

    Ohhhh…So this is what goes through your heads. I just experienced this yesterday at the local Barnes and Nobles. Funny. This guy kept looking in my direction. I could feel him looking at me, which was flattering. However, I always come off so shy in the beginning, so I was trying hard to avoid looking at him..akward. I just hoped he would eventually get up and say hello…but, he didn’t. Guess I didn’t give him the “okay” because I didn’t stare back. Oh well!

  • Mimi

    Is this why dudes seem to stare a hole in the side of your face before they speak? LMAO… damn. Men over think things. If you’re cute, just dive in. We appreciate honesty and will laugh if you sound crazy and then admit it in front of us. Boom… conversation starter. LOL

  • Sunkissed404

    LMAO @ Mimi…”If he’s cute”. Right. Too funny.

  • Starita34

    I <3 you Jozen. Too cute. 🙂

  • BrwnButterly

    Ha!! Good post Jozen. I think that men over analyze things too much. If you want to talk just come over and start talking. Alot of times we wait so long for something to be right(timing, etc) and then the moment passes. Nothing to it but to do it. Like I said good post…

  • Obi Okere

    I remember when I used to have this conversation with myself until I got to the point where I would just turn mind my off and just be more present to the environment and her. Before my current girlfriend, I had to 2 approaches that I could count on whether she was by herself or with friends

    1. Ask for her quick opinion…preferably on a friend’s relationship dilemma….woman love talking about this stuff.

    2. Say something to the respect of “Hey, quick question…Who lies more…men or women?”

    These approaches always opened the conversation so that I could lead it anywhere I wanted.

    Obi Okere

  • Paige Worthy

    Made me smile.

  • laurinsofia

    If i smile Im approachable
    Not to worry
    Come on in the water is fine
    Making us laugh though is always good

    Good post and yes You guys are really over thinking it lol

  • Alana

    Soooo glad to know I am not the only person who does this,whew!!!

  • A Fan

    You had me at hello. ;o) It’s simple but it works.

  • Ericka

    It seems like you had all your readers at “Hello”

  • Mimi

    LMAO yes! Dating rules change if you’re ugly. Lets be honest. LMAO!

  • Cicely

    It is for this very reason that I’ll happily speak with just about anyone who approaches me in a respectful manner. It clearly takes courage to approach a complete stranger!

  • *inquiring mind*

    Girl you gotta get your “hold it, hold it” game up – lol

  • Ondrea

    Wow, do men really go through all of that? I think I am pretty approachable – even if I am not interested I will still be friendly. I got a good laugh when you said you turned yourself off! This was a GREAT post.

  • *inquiring mind*

    No offense but I hate when guys ask random questions… we ain’t stooopid, we know it’s an ice-breaker. Why come ya’ll can’t just say wussup and let nature take its course?

  • *inquiring mind*

    I co-sign… even when I’m pissy(not drunk, as in anger) or not interested- it’s the right thing to do.

  • *inquiring mind*

    Yeah Jozen, this isht was pretty funny… I almost spit out my beverage twice

    AnyWHO- What is so scary? The rejection itself or the way it’s handed to you- like what are ya’ll expecting?- it’s not like we walk around with tomatoes in our pockets to throw at you… although I would love to see someone do that- THAT would be hilarious.

  • kev

    LMAO! Great post jozen!

  • Terron

    i’m a big fan of “hey”, myself…

  • Kpryssy

    Funny — But really, there’s nothing wrong with just hello or as us southerners say, “Hey!” like we’ve known each other forever. But in the South, you never meet a stranger, y’all!

  • Sunkissed404

    LMAO..I know right. “Glance and freeze”…”Glance and freeze”. SMH

  • Sunkissed404

    Wellll…Would’nt it suck to try to get a guy’s attention by “holding the glance” and thinking that you’re “In” cuz he did the same thing back to you..a few times–>and then just when you think he’s getting ready to walk up to you to meet you, he walks right past you and leaves??…This probably happens all too often. Lol- I’m just saying. There are some guys and girls who are already “boo’d up” who flirt with other people just to make sure they “still got it”…Just for the thrill or cuz they are bored…I’m just sayin’. (Just thought I’d throw that out there before someone relies heavily on Jozen’s advice and starts staring too hard at people and scaring them the f- off).

  • E

    Yes. “hey” is my fave. Oh and “hey how are you?” but no emphasis on any of the words. Not hey, how are yoooouuuu?!

  • Brittany

    Haha- this made me laugh.

  • Faerie Fyre

    That was awesome! Good job, Jozen!

  • Swfoenix11

    I started doing that and for it worked but when they asked me for the number and I respectfully decline, I got cussed out (twice). So now if I see something I like, I go get it and I stop waiting for him (especially if he is cute).

  • BrwnButterly


  • Star

    I like the detailed thought process.

  • shelbie

    Bravo! I could see this playing out in my head GENIUS!

  • Obi Okere

    Okay I understand how you feel. Many women and men have said the same thing, but when they actually went out with me and saw that it started a great conversation they realized that it wasn’t so random. Saying wassup or hi doesn’t work especially if its a pretty woman and she just had 10 other guys try to say “wassup” or “hi”. Woman stop responding to “wassup” or “hi” after a while. Then when a good man comes around and says “wassup” or “hi” you get in your own way and ignore them.

  • NyceBryce

    Go with Merry Christmas. It works. Seriously.

  • *inquiring mind**

    LOL… this probably would work on me-smh

  • Nadine

    Made me smile too!

  • NayoInc

    I just say watup! Works like a charm….

  • SH