There are some things we can never undo, and yet, people love to think differently.
How noble of an idea, but honestly, a ridiculous one too.
What makes us think words, or even actions, are enough to change a person’s mind or a person’s heart. What is this? The movies? Reality is best experienced with a heavy dose of practicality and rationality, which is something I learned not from Mary Poppins, but from experience.
What experience has taught me is sometimes, a feeling does not a reality make. I was reminded of this after reading the comments from yesterday’s post (for the record, I always read the comments) and seeing all the encouraging words from people. In their own way, a lot of people said to me, “You should just tell her how you feel.” And anytime we start pouring our hearts to other people about another person, that is usually the party line: “You should tell them how you feel.”
Here’s my question: What makes us think the person hasn’t already tried that?
I had the privilege of talking to Chef Marcus Samuelsson who is going to be on this season of one of my favorite shows, Top Chef. I’ve seen him around in Harlem from time to time, but never had the gull to say something to him. Now, the next time I see him, I can say, “I’m that guy who interviewed you from the Wall Street Journal.”
Before I go into today’s post, just know, I’m fine, which is usually the first thing people say when they aren’t fine, but trust me. It’s just the rain out here in NYC has me in a different zone. Got me feeling a little melancholy, and since I usually stay indoors by myself when there’s a monsoon outside, my mind is slightly more pensive.
But really, I’m fine, I’m cool, and I’m just trying some new forms of writing. Enjoy the words.
Please read and as always, enjoy!
I sometimes wonder how we got here when we were once way all the way over there. Sure the place and time were different, but now it feels like the cast of characters are also in stark contrast to the ones today.
Back then, I was the guy who liked you, and you were the girl who didn’t like me back. Rather, you just liked to be liked by me. So I had to get you on my page, catch you up to where I was at in our story, and then, once you got there, once we were on the same page, all seemed cool.
Now nothing is cool between us anymore. Not even us. It’s just real hot, or real cold. Real hot. Real cold.
When I was 20-years-old, I dated a 28-year-old woman. She was an attorney with her own house and car, a living incarnate of who we say we want to be when we grow up. (Except for the fact that she was also a single mother, which was by no means a handicap on her part, just I’m sure, not part of any woman’s plans.)
We were together for a year-and-a-half, and when I say together, I mean, meet-the-parents, meet-the-child together. And yes, the arrangement was every bit as unusual as it sounds, with me playing the role of lightweight step-daddy at such a young age, and her, years removed from college, coming by to visit me in my dorm room every now and then. Though I think one of the reasons we were able to last for as long as we did was because we took our age difference in stride, and enjoyed the good parts of each other.
Of course, I also learned or rather, developed, an appreciation for older women.
My thoughts on Tyler Perry’s new baby, Why Did I Get Married Too?
I usually don’t like to use my posts to tell men what to do and not to do, because let’s face it, I’m just like most men. I’m no better or worse. I just have a voice through the words I write, and I always try to speak up for them by putting myself front and center.
But there is something I feel the need to talk to men about today, and though I fully understand whatever a man chooses to do is his business, there are some things I must speak out against. Not because they affect me in a direct way, but some things my brethren and I do are just stupid and someone needs to step up and say, “You know what? This is stupid. I’m not doing this anymore and you shouldn’t either.”
To emphasize how stupid I feel this particular issue really is, every now and then I’m going to break into all caps a la Kanye West. ::ahem::
When hanging out with my boys, there always comes a moment where to a casual outsider, our buddy-buddy camaraderie can be mistaken for something it isn’t. I should say here, I have no issues with gay people, I just have an issue with being mislabeled as gay, and that’s only because I’m not. These days, a lot of women are very cautious of male bonds because of the down low behavior that runs ramped in our society, so I always am somewhat aware of the impressions I give off to the opposite sex.
This is not to say I’m some extroverted, chauvinistic pig beating his chest at an establishment, talking about “I AM MAN. HEAR ME ROAR!” This is just to say, when me and my boy go get a bite to eat, and he orders the apple pie because he has a “sweet tooth” (his words not mine), I must speak up. And yes, this actually happened to me a week ago.
“Man, c’mon,” I told my boy. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Man, what?” he asked rhetorically. “This is what I want!”
“You can’t order dessert with your boy,” I protested. “Everyone knows that!”
“Whatever man,” he turned to the waiter. “Get me the apple pie.”
I said no more. The last thing I wanted to do is perpetuate the possibility that we were together together by arguing like we were together. But that’s just one example.
Below, five things I can’t do with my boy besides the obvious.