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On Faking Orgasms

March 17th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

What I’m about to say is going to shock many of my female readers, so let me be blunt.

Men fake orgasms.

Now I’m sure some women have heard of this phenomenon that is the fake male orgasm, while others are surely rolling their eyes and would also like to sell me a piece of property called The Statue of Liberty for cheap. Those women think I’m lying, while the rest of the women are upset I have just reminded them of a very sad truth. Meanwhile, my male readers are probably hoping and praying I don’t reveal the methods we utilize to fake an orgasm.

Don’t worry men, I won’t.

Trust me, the first time I felt a fake orgasm coming on (no pun intended) I was  shocked. This was back in high school, and honestly, it was relatively early in my sexual life. Actually, not relatively early, it was the very beginning. The first time I had sex was not the first time I had an orgasm. The first time I had an orgasm was my fourth time having sex.

I think.

Yeah, definitely the fourth time.

Now in my partner’s defense, she too was a virgin (I know, right? How lucky am I to get the oh-so-rare she’s-a-virgin-too combination. Nothing eases the process of learning how to have sex properly more than a partner who doesn’t know what they’re doing either, but I digress.) so she was adjusting to this new experience just as much as I was. But see, women go into sex with a totally different mentality than men do. Whereas men enter sex with the same optimism we had the first time we ever went into a Toys R’ Us, women tip-toe in, skeptical and sometimes cynical. Do they want to do it, of course? Do they expect fireworks? Eh, maybe, it depends on what kind of information they were being fed in their virgin years. But one thing they do expect is for the man to enjoy himself. In her mind, he is getting everything he wants, orgasms included.

Wrong.

I had to deliver my first fake-0ut around the second or third time I had sex. Not only was I bummed, I was shocked because my girlfriend at the time asked me if I did, and she didn’t even ask me straight up. She said, “What’s it feel like when you finish?” The question blew my mind. A little presumptuous, are we? I didn’t even act like I reached a peak of any kind, but because my girlfriend assumed I did, I couldn’t let her down, so I had to answer with a lie. “It’s incredible,” I replied. (Yes, I actually used the word incredible). Unfortunately, I could  tell it wouldn’t be the last time I would have to lie about such a thing or use the word “incredible” when I did.

As a man, there are two things I learned very early on. I wasn’t always going to get mine, and she wasn’t always going to get hers. Now, of course I always do my best to be a woman’s best, but hey, even Michael Jordan missed a shot or two in his lifetime. I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist. So I know not every woman I sleep with is going to have an orgasm because, well, frankly, not every woman I slept with has.

Most men know this. But why don’t most women know men fake too? Or if they do know, why does a woman think a man has never faked with her.

Ladies, deal with it. You’re not batting a 1,000 either. Sometimes, for any number of reasons, men just aren’t feeling it, and we’re going to have to act out the O for the same reasons women act out the O: To either get it over and done with, to satisfy a woman’s sexual ego, or the best reason of all, because we care too.

I always try to tell the woman I’m sleeping with to not fake with me, that if she actually cared about my happiness she wouldn’t act like I’m knocking it out the park when I’m not. Rather, she would take the time to tell me and communicate what works for her and what doesn’t. Don’t do me any favors and act like I’m killing it when I’m merely giving it wrist slaps. Yet, I find it so surprising that a woman never makes the same request. She just goes along assuming I climaxed, and you know how I know this?

BECAUSE NO WOMAN HAS EVER ASKED ME IF I HAD AN ORGASM!

They either assume I did or they don’t care if I did.

So let’s just clear the air right here and now.

I faked.

So did he.

And he did too.

All men have faked. Period.

Are we clear?

Good. Now that we know this, I’m closing out with a couple of questions.

For the male readers, just one: Am I right or am I right?

For the female readers, a couple:

How important is it to a woman that a man have a real orgasm? Or is it not important at all when we consider women pretty much have to spend most of their sexual lives acting out an orgasm like they were trying to win the Starlight of the Year Award at the AVNs? And last but not least: If a  man doesn’t have an orgasm, whose fault is it, mine or hers? I’d say hers, but, I cannot wait to hear from the women all the reasons why it is not.

Categories: c-section, guys, s#x, women Tags:
  • S.Lauren

    Men say it’s the woman’s fault if she doesn’t get hers because she didn’t make it clear what she needed to happen. So, I’m gonna go with if a man doesn’t get his, it’s his fault for the same reason.

  • http://blog.mox-box.com Brittany

    Eh.. I mean I’m not going to act like this isn’t right. It’s your experience, and also it’s true. But in terms of the “whose fault it is” area I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s just her fault. I feel like it can be circumstantial. When I don’t it’s partly him but a lot me/my own physical make-up- and I’ve known (through discussions or actual encounters) a guy or two who are also like this.

  • http://www.luvsdetriment.blogspot.com Shelbie

    You got questions I got answers:
    It is not that important for the man to have a real orgasm because of the answer to the second part of the question, it is HIS fault!
    The woman is responsible for getting you aroused, hard, putting the wind in the sails, whatever you want to call it, after that, it’s all on you. We don’t have to hit anything right, or find a particular spot. You’re the one with the magic wand, create some magic.
    I must say I am interested to know exactly how it is possible for a man to fake an orgasm and the woman not know. It seems to me it would be pretty obvious, but maybe I just answered my own question.

  • confused

    I’m trying to figure out how a woman would miss if a man had an orgasm or not. Are you suggesting that having and orgasm and ejaculating don’t occur simultaneously for men?

  • laurinsofia

    Men dont fake O’s lol I refuse to believe they do I dont think a man will get his everytime But fake it, no Yall staying strong long enough to let us finish Is what I call caring lol Sorry I just dont think yall are that good And like you said there could be a million reasons why you didnt But it aint me lol

  • http://alana-supperclub.blogspot.com Alana

    It really is close to impossible to say whom the fault belongs to.There are so many other things that are mental,emotional going on during sex.If either partner is unable to reach their peak,it really may not have much to do with the actual sex.It has to do with,how you feel about your partner;how you feel about the relationship…are they doing most of the things u love in bed,and that one thing you hate them to do combined.Good sex is alot less physical than folks think it is.

  • **inquiring mind**

    Well well… I think it depends… if you’re just trying to bustoff then it’s definitely your own fault when you don’t get your’s- period (male or female). In other instances hitting your peek per se is somewhat a team effort. I mean Jo, what made your 1st time any different from your 4th?- I’ll bet the comfort level- her ability to make you feel comfortable/relaxed and your knowing how to take it (no pun) from there- see? teamwork.

    To the other question:
    My ego definitely would get bruised if I felt like I didn’t “wreck shop” and leave you ready to stalk me later… it’s so important. It speaks to my teammateship(?) abilities. Not to mention, I’m definitely one to bask in the power of having someone “stuck on stupid”… seriously, if you’re not getting sprung, where’s the fun in that? *shrug*

  • **inquiring mind**

    yeah that had me confrused too… someone explain please

  • Quinton

    In my 25 years of living (9 yrs after losing my virginity) I have only reached climax 3 times in my adult life.

    But I have never really faked it per se…. The unsettling part to a lot of women think that all of us will blow in less than 5 mins because the Almighty Cooch has that power. Never really had problem making the “o” happen for her.

    It just seems that the focus is primarily on the female. But even with communication its not often done with the same type of diligence.

    I’ve said what I needed and gotten some of the worst efforts to meet my needs with the same effort and/or passion I put into yours. So if a man does fake let’s do what’s normally done to us blame the other party.

  • Starita34

    I need clarity on the difference between a male orgasming and ejaculating too…are they not one in the same? Cause if they’re not – you definitely taught me something new today. And I’ll have to rethink my batting average – but there has been ejaculation. Every. Time.

    How important is it to a woman that a man have a real orgasm? Very. I’d be hella salty if a dude did not cum. Pull out every trick. Let him know he ain’t leaving til I get it up outta him. Now if he’s had a major life event or it’s the fourth time we’ve done it today, that’s cool. But there is no way we’re having a session with no finale. None. I’d internalize that to my deathbed. Even though my following answer completely contradicts this…but I’m a woman, that’s my prerogative. :-)

    Or is it not important at all when we consider women pretty much have to spend most of their sexual lives acting out an orgasm like they were trying to win the Starlight of the Year Award at the AVNs? LOL, I don’t fake, I don’t think I ever will, but we’ll see what life brings me. I won’t lie and tell you that you broke my back if you didn’t, I will let you know how good you made me feel and “feeling good” is not always the big O. I don’t think that an orgasm is essential to good sex, on the flip side – just because I came doesn’t mean that it was “good” either. They are not connected for me. Orgasms are icing on the cake, always, they are great. But they aren’t always the goal and certainly don’t make sex “good” or “bad” TO ME. Obviously I have a double standard on this though, cause as I stated above…he better be getting his. I have a batting average to maintain. ;-)

    And last but not least: If a man doesn’t have an orgasm, whose fault is it, mine or hers? I’d say the ladies…unless like I stated above he has something serious on his mind or the tank is just empty…which personally, I take as a job well done. :-D But it’s sex, are we really placing blame? You enjoyed yourself, I enjoyed myself and if that’s not true for either party then we just weren’t doing it right and didn’t communicate very well. In which case, do the world a favor and stop having sex til you’re grown enough to talk about it like an adult.

  • BoomShots

    Yeah ladies, you are right, Jozen is just making it up. Boy must have been pressed to come up with this piece. Excuse the interruption and keep it moving, “men faking orgasm”. What a CROCK!!

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Jukebox Yesi

    Just like a woman can get wet and not have an orgasm, a guy can ejaculate and not have an orgasm.. Orgasms are a tricky thing to understand sometimes.

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Jukebox Yesi

    In response to you Jozen:

    I think its important to a woman for a man to have an orgasm if she really cares about the man..if she just wanted to get her some then it doesn’t really matter if has an orgasm. If a man doesn’t have an orgasm though, it’s not necessarily his or her fault. Maybe they don’t have that chemistry, maybe something tragic happened in his life, maybe homegirl was boring..there are a number of reasons why it may be her, his, both, or none of their fault.

  • http://www.sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    that’s the attitude that can lead to men faking it or bad sex period. yes a man has the “magic wand” but once he is aroused and sex starts your job is not over by any means. sex is a two way streets. expecting a man to put for all the effort for the orgasm because he has the “equipment” just reads like a lazy lay.

  • http://www.sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    to the women who want to know how its possible that a man can fake a orgasm. if a man ejaculates it doesn’t mean he had an orgasm or that it felt good. its as simple as that.

  • http://musicmakesmehigh.wordpress.com Reecie

    “Good sex is alot less physical than folks think it is.”

    exactly. there are several mental aspects and I for one understand that the O may not come and go around with every single encounter.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @ Jukebox Yesi- This has completely blown my mind… I can’t evn focus right now- I swear you better be playing!

  • **inquiring mind**

    you’re all a bunch of liars!!!! hmph!

  • J.Delicious

    How important is it to a woman that a man have a real orgasm? – I aim to please so very. blame it on the Raheem DeVaghn School of Thought that “the ultimate pleasure is giving pleasure.”

    If a man doesn’t have an orgasm, whose fault is it, mine or hers? – It’s his, at any moment he could’ve told me that it wasn’t working for him and either I or him could’ve introduced a new/different something to make it happen. But if you act like all is well I’m gonna proceed like all is well… you can’t receive something you don’t ask for…

  • Conscience

    I have to side with my counterparts on this one. Ejaculation does not = orgasm. Not all pu$$y is created equal, and while it does hold some power when applied correctly, with great power comes great responsibility lol. Good sex is not solely our responsibility.

  • http://silentscorpion.blogspot.com Silent Scorpion

    If a man doesn’t have an orgasm, whose fault is it, mine or hers?

    Its both, just like if a woman doesn’t get hers. If the sex is bad for her and she’s not gonna arrive, its her fault for not letting you know she aint feelin it. Its also your responsibility to speak up when you’re not enjoying the sex(which I do when I know I aint gonna get mine) and hers to pay attention to your body. Work together and we can both benefit. Selfishness on either end will not be rewarded.

  • Christine

    I have only had one man in my life ask me if I had an orgasm. Funny that he’s the only man that didn’t have to worry because I always had one with him.

  • Renee

    Okay, WHY am I about to contact every single man I’ve slept with and find out if he’s ever faked an orgasm with me? AND I need to know if he concurs that there is a difference between ejaculations and orgasms.

    NOT FUNNY JOZEN… NOT FEELING DIS BLINDSIDE TODAY… roflmao

  • Teach It

    Thanks, Boom. I kinda agree with you here. Maybe some men just have problems rising to the occasion (pun intended) . lol

  • A

    J! If either me or man don’t finish we say it STRAIGHT UP because in the next hour or so we’d be jumping on the next round haha. Nothing gets me off more than knowing my man finished but hey – you should know exactly what YOU want to get yourself there!

  • http://www.sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ Tunde

    what reason would i have to lie? i know the idea may sound foreign or may be difficult to wrap your mind around but it happens.

  • Deen

    I’m a man. I’ve faked it more than once. Reasons range from too much booze, to too much sex, to realizing that I was in the process of making a bad decision mid-coitus.

    But for the most part, I’d rather not if I can help it. Orgasms are effin’ great.

  • http://Tauservices.webs.com Theresa A. Utsey

    How is it the fault of the woman? As you stated above, you would like for a woman to tell you instead of faking it with you. Well I feel it’s the man’s responsibility to let her know rather than faking it with her. And if he decides not to let her know, how is it then her problem because he failed to communicate?

    We are all adults and should be able to have these discussions in the bedroom so that both parties are pleased….literally.

  • oc

    YES! I agree.

  • http://tinakubala.com Tina Kubala

    My rule on faking applies to men as well as women. Never fake in a long term relationship. I have no problem with no climax, but I’m not going to lie or be lied to with my life partner. In my marriage, it’s never been an issue. Hell, we don’t lie to each other about anything. If it’s a one night stand or a fling, it’s just for fun anyway, so lying is all part of the passionate play. Lie to your heart’s content.

  • channa

    hmmm….. interesting post.

    that really gives me something to think about.

  • HES

    Ahhh, to be young with young people issues. This is not a problem for grown-ups. Adults know how to talk about intimacy and sexuality and faking ceases to be an issue for any party.

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    OMG!!!!! LMAO
    I think it is important that BOTH aim for the stars. However, I’d be rediculously insulted if the guy I was with didn’t. Why? Because it seems so much easier for men to have one then women. I know mine don’t come easy or freqently. I’ve faked it more times than I’ve had it. Especially if homie was super duper confident and I got bored and just wanted to exit stage left. “Oh let me fake it and act drained. Lay here for 10 minutes— if I can stand it and then teleport out of here.” OR “Let me fake it… should I insult him and throw a hint by hopping up and jetting out of here right away. Or should I tremble a little and stroke his ego…” LOL…

    But the men!!! If my man didn’t. WOW. IDK. I dont think I’ve ever had that issue. Not have I had that many chances to have that issue. But this post was funny nonethless. Oh yeah, and to your question, MOST TIMES its no ones fault. The “O” is very mental as much as physical… but sometimes the other person just sucks. Soooo… in that case, blame can be placed. LOL

  • Words&Wisdom

    This is my first time ever commenting on this blog, and Alana, I agree with you 100%

  • J. Edouard

    Quote of the day: “Don’t do me any favors and act like I’m killing it when I’m merely giving it wrist slaps.”….LOL! You know it never dawned on me that this was a possibility. Thanks for schooling me out of my ignorance. I just assumed a guy was going to keep going until the “Big O”, but I guess not. I’m not big on faking so guys don’t fake me out. Good job Jozen….another good one

  • Wendy A

    Tunde :
    what reason would i have to lie? i know the idea may sound foreign or may be difficult to wrap your mind around but it happens.

    I asked a guy friend about if it’s possible to not orgasm but ejaculate and he looked at me like I was crazy. He refuted this completely….i don’t know what to think…

  • Confused

    I totally agree. And like you, I don’t have time or energy to fake…being super selective helps imo. Now, in my 7 years of sexual activity, there has been ejaculate eveeerrrytime too, so if that don’t mean he orgasmed, then I’m learning something new too. lol.

    If ejaculation and orgasm are the same then how the hell are folks being tricked into thinking a dude came?

  • Confused

    LOL at some comments. Idk about this one…

    Maybe for some dudes, ejaculate = orgasm

    and for some dudes it doesn’t cause the guys I asked are not confirming. Some have said that not all cooch is good though and just cause they bust don’t mean it was great sex.

  • RF

    I think the ladies on who can’t imagine the possibility that a man has ever faked it need to answer one question… Have you ever checked the condom?

    I think dude’s have an easier time faking it. Just grunt and pull out. The girl assumes she must have just made your day and you move on.

    Dunno if I let the big secret out but take it for what it is.

  • Scoop

    He sure isn’t lying. Ladies, accept it.

    Since most women don’t ask us if we cum, we never have to lie about it.

    Men DO fake orgasms…for the same reasons women do.

  • Scoop

    Ladies, for the ejaculation vs orgasm argument

    Ladies have you ever given a guy head and he jerks, shakes and has to grab a pillow? Like a woman does? Well have you seen that SAME dude say he came, but did not have that reaction? He just stopped?

    Ding ding!

    An orgasm is a full-body ejaculation. If you really orgasm, as a man, you are done for a while, but you can ejaculate and go for round 2.

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  • TooKool

    There’s no such word as alot. It’s a lot.

  • Starita34

    This post made me go out and do my own on the streets reporting that it seems a few of the other ladies did as well…and I’ve come to terms with the fact that
    a) some men, I’m sure, have faked, for all the reasons listed above (they’ve got something on their mind, they’ve made a mistake sleeping with said girl to begin with, they’ve drank too much, they’re tired, they want to protect their girl’s feelings, they want to get it over with for WHATEVER reason, etc…);
    b) the men that *I* talked to do not differentiate between ejaculation and orgasming;
    c) personally I believe that there are different levels of orgasm and this is throwing some people off due to our differing definitions of the big O. Like for a woman, we have at least three different kinds of orgasm: the clitoral orgasm, the g-spot orgasm, and the ever elusive penetrative orgasm. For me a clitoral orgasm is MUCH different than a g-spot orgasm…they are both orgasms and grrrrrreat. But the g-spot orgasm, the one that’s got you shaking and squirting and you feel much deeper (for me at least) is where it’s AT. But just because it’s a more intense O, that doesn’t mean that a clitoral orgasm isn’t an orgasm…I have to wonder if the men with Scoop’s argument are perhaps not happy with the “regular” orgasms and think only the screaming from the rafters orgasms “count”. If so, I hope he never gets a prostate orgasm or he’ll never climax another way again :-)
    No shots Scoop…just my two cents. See a), I have no doubt that some men do fake at times. Bottom line we’re all completely individual, and so is each orgasm. So Jo could tell me that he cums 10 times a day or has never in his life and I’d have to take him at this word – cuz guaranteed, there is SOMEONE out there that those statements are true for. (AND cause it’s a blog…meant for entertainment – if you’re worried that your man isn’t reaching his peak – ask YOUR MAN!)
    *drops the mic*

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    Tunde :what reason would i have to lie? i know the idea may sound foreign or may be difficult to wrap your mind around but it happens.

    I asked my friend and he said you can’t fake it. But maybe you’re right… ejaculating is not orgasm for you guys. **shrugs**

  • http://www.teaandsuch.blogspot.com Tea

    I’m late, but I’m feeling everything Starita is talking about AND my street reports are the same as hers.

  • Dio

    its pretty easy for a guy to fake an orgasm…well easy if he can make his dick pulsate…I had to do it once…the pussy wasn’t as good as advertised and I was ready for her to leave…so while hitting it from the back…I leaned in deep…made my dick pulsate a few times…she laid down on her stomach…I turned around…went to the bathroom and took the condom off…never slept with her again…we cool but never attempted to do anything sexual again…so yeah ladies its extremely possible and it had nothing to do with maturity…I didn’t want to hurt her feelings…but physically we weren’t on the same page…so instead of stopping and explaining my emotions I just took option 2 lol that was the only time though..every other time ive orgasm’d to some degree

  • cj

    You are so right. Women are feed this dream that they are doing us a favor when we have sex, no it is a equally pleasurable exchange. Women want us to be inside of them as much as we do. If pussy makes the world turn than the dick is the axis it sits and turns on.