Please No Pictures
I usually don’t like to use my posts to tell men what to do and not to do, because let’s face it, I’m just like most men. I’m no better or worse. I just have a voice through the words I write, and I always try to speak up for them by putting myself front and center.
But there is something I feel the need to talk to men about today, and though I fully understand whatever a man chooses to do is his business, there are some things I must speak out against. Not because they affect me in a direct way, but some things my brethren and I do are just stupid and someone needs to step up and say, “You know what? This is stupid. I’m not doing this anymore and you shouldn’t either.”
To emphasize how stupid I feel this particular issue really is, every now and then I’m going to break into all caps a la Kanye West. ::ahem::
QUIT SENDING OUT PICTURES OF YOUR D*CK TO THESE GIRLS!
Okay, look, I’ll admit, I’ve done it once or twice or three times in my life (apologies to my mother who is now officially embarrassed) but I stopped. You know why?
BECAUSE IT’S F*CKIN STUPID!
And you know who has told me it’s stupid?
also known as
THE ONES WHO RECEIVE THOSE PICTURES!
I have heard girls laugh at us guys because we send them these pictures and they’re not laughing about what they see, they’re laughing at the fool who sent them. They’re building a collection of them in their phone and doing a comparative analysis with their girlfriends. And I don’t know how it goes down, but I’m sure it’s something like this:
They all put their phones together and count up who suckered the most guys to send them a picture of their private part. Sort of like men used to do at school dances and clubs when it came to collecting women’s phone numbers. So one girl is like, “Girl, how many guys did you sucker?” And her girl is like, “Man, I got three fools to send me their picture. One of them even put his face in the pic and took it in the mirror. Look.” Then, they all bust up laughing and go get their nails done.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT?
Look, there is a lot of free porn out there on the Internet and a lot of free pictures of men’s private parts can be obtained without having to go through the trouble of getting an MMS. Also, there’s a reason Playgirl magazine folded a year or so ago, and it had nothing to do with the newsstand price and everything to do with the fact that there just isn’t a high demand out there for pictures of mens goods.
SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THEY WANT A PICTURE OF OURS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES?
Well, I shouldn’t say that. They do want our picture for entertainment purposes, but not of the erotic kind, it’s more like, the comedy kind. I’ve talked to numerous women about this, and they all tell me they either delete the picture or they keep it whenever they feel like getting a laugh. You know what they don’t keep it for?
THEY DON’T KEEP IT FOR THE PURPOSES OF GETTING OFF!
It’s not like a picture of a baby. They’re not going to put it up as wallpaper on their cell phone. They’re not even going to cherish it. You and your private part are just going to sit there in their phone in this folder with the following label: