Home > Dumb Things Guys Do, guys, s#x, women > Please No Pictures

Please No Pictures

I usually don’t like to use my posts to tell men what to do and not to do, because let’s face it, I’m just like most men. I’m no better or worse. I just have a voice through the words I write, and I always try to speak up for them by putting myself front and center.

But there is something I feel the need to talk to men about today, and though I fully understand whatever a man chooses to do is his business, there are some things I must speak out against. Not because they affect me in a direct way, but some things my brethren and I do are just stupid and someone needs to step up and say, “You know what? This is stupid. I’m not doing this anymore and you shouldn’t either.”

To emphasize how stupid I feel this particular issue really is, every now and then I’m going to break into all caps a la Kanye West. ::ahem::

QUIT SENDING OUT PICTURES OF YOUR D*CK TO THESE GIRLS!

DAMN IT!

Okay, look, I’ll admit, I’ve done it once or twice or three times in my life (apologies to my mother who is now officially embarrassed) but I stopped. You know why?

BECAUSE IT’S F*CKIN STUPID!

And you know who has told me it’s stupid?

GIRLS!

also known as

THE ONES WHO RECEIVE THOSE PICTURES!

I have heard girls laugh at us guys because we send them these pictures and they’re not laughing about what they see, they’re laughing at the fool who sent them. They’re building a collection of them in their phone and doing a comparative analysis with their girlfriends. And I don’t know how it goes down, but I’m sure it’s something like this:

They all put their phones together and count up who suckered the most guys to send them a picture of their private part. Sort of like men used to do at school dances and clubs when it came to collecting women’s phone numbers. So one girl is like, “Girl, how many guys did you sucker?” And her girl is like, “Man, I got three fools to send me their picture. One of them even put his face in the pic and took it in the mirror. Look.” Then, they all bust up laughing and go get their nails done.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF THAT?

Look, there is a lot of free porn out there on the Internet and a lot of free pictures of men’s private parts can be obtained without having to go through the trouble of getting an MMS. Also, there’s a reason Playgirl magazine folded a year or so ago, and it had nothing to do with the newsstand price and everything to do with the fact that there just isn’t a high demand out there for pictures of mens goods.

SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THEY WANT A PICTURE OF OURS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES?

Well, I shouldn’t say that. They do want our picture for entertainment purposes, but not of the erotic kind, it’s more like, the comedy kind. I’ve talked to numerous women about this, and they all tell me they either delete the picture or they keep it whenever they feel like getting a laugh. You know what they don’t keep it for?

THEY DON’T KEEP IT FOR THE PURPOSES OF GETTING OFF!

It’s not like a picture of a baby. They’re not going to put it up as wallpaper on their cell phone. They’re not even going to cherish it. You and your private part are just going to sit there in their phone in this folder with the following label:

DUMMIES

Categories: Dumb Things Guys Do, guys, s#x, women Tags:
  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    Jozen, this is probably the smartest post I have seen from you. It is at least the one I agree with 100%.
    Yes, we females do LAUGH at guys who send us pics of their willies. I have had a friend or two show me the pictures she’s gotten and compared them! I hope guys listen to you on this one because it’s really not cute.

  • http://www.stoopidfreshmind.com njs

    YES, yes and yes. Ever watch a talk show and find yourself embarrassed for the guest, so you HAVE to change the channel? That’s how I feel when cats send their Johnsons to my inbox, or worse — OFFER to send their Johnson to my inbox.

    I love a sexy car, but no need to send a picture of the engine. — I know it’s what gets me where I’m going, but dang, papa, if you’ve seen one engine, you’ve seen em all (for the most part). Lol

  • Meli

    OMG! I have to agree completely. My first year of college, I was dating this guy who sent me a picture of his cocker. Why!? I didn’t even ask to see it and we weren’t even on that level. Let’s just say, I did not speak to him after that and he wondered why I ignored his calls. Cocker pictures need to stop fellas!!!!

  • http://www.ihatethewayyoueatcereal.wordpress.com Silent Scorpion

    *hi five jozen* While I have never received this type of pictures I have gotten together with my girls to point and laugh. We did nothing else but chuckle at the stupid man, who most of the time sends unsolicited pics. Keep those pics to yourself.

    Oh and if we’re not in a relationship, please don’t ask me for naked pics of me. Its not happening.

  • HES

    Can I get an amen?!?

  • Danielle D

    lol I was with MY BOO one night and got a text, opened it and what was there a penis…I was like OMG…and yeah it was from a dude I knew and although i was intrigued I was also disgusted LOL…I was glad my boo was understanding about such things. Dudes can be idiots.

  • E-Dub

    THANK YOU! Dang, This needed to be said. It is MEN who are the VISUAL stimulated creatures, not us women. If you want to get a woman riled up, SAY or WRITE something, don’t show her something. On the right man, I want to love on and get to know a dick as intimately as possible, but only gay dudes want to look at pictures of them.

  • http://AssataSAYS.com Assata

    HA! I too have a stash of those pics in my phone, and not because I ask for them, but for some reason, guys like to send them. The only time I share those pics with my friends is when I happen to bump into those guys (while with my girls) and I giggle. Of course my friends will ask “What’s funny?” And then, of course, I open up my phone and say “Look.” And then we all laugh and go get our nails done.

  • afro

    real talk.true story!
    glad someone decided to warn the fellas! GREAT post Jozen!

  • Courtney

    Greg Oden had me SOOOOOOOOOOO weak when he did this. Still laughin at him.

  • TheLeoGrl

    AHHH, it’s the worst! I mean really? WTH am I going to do with that pic? I had a disastrous internet date (thanks again BlackPeopleMeet) and dude knew it was wiggity-wack as well. Did he just walk away?! No he called later that evening saying “I think we got off on the wrong foot, can we try it again?”. I told him he just had no class wasn’t my type and we said our goodbyes. Fifteen minutes later I get a text message. It’s a picture of his dick. It’s a HUGE fcukin’ dick. LOL. I immediately called him (“Don’t text me, it’s gay.” – The Hangover) and told him I’ve seen big dicks before, whatever, if you want to impress me send over your 401K information. Show me your responsible not retarded. That was end of that.
    P.S.
    (I still have the picture. Did I mention it’s a HUGE fcukin’ dick!)
    😉

  • BoomShots

    Who are these nimrods?
    Sending pics of their johnson to random women. I am older but I must have missed that whole phenomenon. Other from the legal entanglements that it could lead to, I ain’t never heard a woman say the sight of a man’s unit got her going. Stop reading all that porn it distorts reality.

    Thats some silly shit fellas and really pervy. Its like the modern day version of flasher in the park and that dude was a perv.

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  • HoneyMoney

    I’ve had grown-ass men send this type of stuff to me! No matter how hard I try, I would never take the guy seriously EVER again. Not only do I sit there and show the picture to my girl friends in the middle of a diner after the club but I will go as far as to show my gay friends at brunch…AND THEN get go our nails done. And yes, keep it forever to always remember that no matter how sweet he becomes, he will never be my boyfriend. Guys who send penis pictures are NOT forever.

  • Sunni B

    LOL! Thank you for standing up for women everywhere! This cute, super sexy guy I was dating ruined my attraction to him the second I opened up a pic of him standing in the mirror with a smile and a hard on. NEXT!!!

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  • http://www.metanotherfrog.com/blog Skye Blue

    Terrific post and so true. The only dick I ever want to see is the one I’m about to get down with in the bedroom. Otherwise keep it to yourself boys.

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    Exactly. That ish is so bizarre when dudes think we’re “getting off” to their picture. It’s a complete turn off to me. Even if you askme… or insinuate sending one. (major side-eye). Someone needs to tell them to CTS.. we don’t want that.

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    HoneyMoney : Guys who send penis pictures are NOT forever.

    They become even MORe temporary. lol!

  • Erica

    This is completely true. I get guys sending me pictures of their penis followed by a plea for a naked picture of myself. So not going to happen… Sometimes the begging comes first and than they offer up, “I’ll send you a picture of me.” Go right ahead, but I’m still not sending one of me. I remember a night at the bar when three of my girlfriends had a competition to see who could get a guy to send one faster. We shared the pictures amongst ourselves and laughed at the idiots willing to do it.

  • Tired of Losers

    OMG! My girlfriends told me to read this blog after I too recieved a penis pic this week! I met a guy on Match.com and we just talked via phone for 3 weeks occasionally. After deciding I wasn’t interested. One day…blowin up my phone, he tells me he wanted to try again and that he was going to send me a “very special picture”… First instinct told me this would be bad. Sure enough…wee willy winkie…on my screen. I told him never text or call again and he tried to tell me it was a Fwd text pic that he thought I’d find funny to break the ice between us. He tried to apologize…but yet sent a text the next day saying “you miss me? I’ve been a bad boy, huh”. I was so done…deleted my match.com acct. Fellas….not cute. GET IT TOGETHER!!!

  • Clo

    This is one of the best posts I’ve ever read!!! It’s sooo true!!! I especially can’t stand when they put a lil caption under the pic with some dumb shit like “I was thinking about u today and look how u got me” Ninja please! Not only does it make the guy look like a dumbass I get offended. What type of grown self respecting woman could appreciate something like that?Your dick does not make up for your obvious lack of personality. If you can’t stimulate me with your words what am I gonna do with a pic? And the sad part is the fools that do it probably won’t even read this blog *kanye shrug* well at least us ladies will always have something to laugh at.

  • ChgoSista

    HHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!

  • Jollyrancher!

    Ok I think it’s really funny if a guy has balls bigenough to sent a pic then he shudnt be embarassed wen I make a facebook with their penis on it and then add their family and friends so maybe next time they will think twice about it…..guys will be guys

  • Pretty Primadonna

    I thought this was something college kids did….until my thirty year-old ex offered to “refresh my memory” about what his member looks like. Really, grown-azz man…? REALLY?

  • SingleAgain42

    I am sooo glad I found this post. And yes, I did search for this topic! I would like some real answers though as to why guys do this! I am on my 4th half-way (horny, lonely) normal guy in a row who insists on sending pictres of his penis on a regular basis. (Yes…three of them are abnormally well endowed.)

    Guys out there…Please enlighten us! Why do you do this?

    Is it for attention? To hopefully arouse the woman? Fishing for compliments? Just want to let the woman know she excites you? Exibitionism? Because you feel that all you have to offer the woman is a penis? Because all you want to offer the woman is a penis? Hoping to get pictures of her in return? Are you only after sex? Are you hoping she will fall in love with your penis and therefore you?

    You have to help us guys! If we understood why you do this, maybe we wouldn’t laugh about it and shake our heads and tell you to get lost!

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  • Julie

    This is the funniest fuckin thread I’ve ever read. I’m a girl & I totally agree with everything that was said on this post!