Frankly Ladies, Some Men Just Don’t Want To Sleep With You
There are these conversations I have with female friends of mine and the other men they deal with. They sometimes talk to me about why a man won’t call them back or won’t invite them over or take some time to get together with them. This is not to say they’re unaccustomed to rejection. Most people understand it quite well, and some are even quite used to it.
What some women aren’t used to is when they’re rejected for the very reason they thought they would be accepted. These women have a hard time understanding why this man won’t come over when all the woman really wants to do, all she ever wanted to do with this man, was to have sex with him. She didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t want a friendship. She didn’t even want a conversation about other things. She just wanted to hit. And yet, this guy she wants to hit is ducking and dodging her. What gives?
I’ll tell you what gives.
Ladies, we don’t want to sleep with all of you.
No, this isn’t a temporary thing. It’s not that we don’t feel like it this week. We don’t feel like it right now and we don’t see ourselves feeling like it ever.
We don’t want to sleep with you.
No that does not make us gay. No that does not mean we have some “situation” going on. No that does not mean we have some issues with our instrument.
We don’t want to sleep with you.
No that does not mean you’re ugly. No that does not mean you’re fat. No that does not mean you have bad breath.
We don’t want to sleep with you.
That could mean we’re busy. That could mean we don’t care. That could mean we’re tired. But none of those reasons mean in their opposite form, something will change, and we will want to sleep with you.
Women like to think there’s something wrong with a man who won’t accept some hot sex on a platter. They are right there, completely available, a body ready to be used in the most indulgent ways possible. And here is this man, a being whose nature it is to pounce all over such opportunities, and he’s not taking it. What’s wrong with her?
Absolutely nothing.
It boggles my mind when a woman assumes my ability to restrain my sexual desires around her is a testament to how much I respect her. As though, my not wanting to sleep with her is because I think more highly of her than the other women who I do want to sleep with.
I have written before about how sometimes sex is the ultimate compliment (you can read that here), and how some women have a tendency to overvalue their sexual worth. This is not to say their bodies and the pleasure of them are not worth whatever it takes to get access to them, because as far as I’m concerned, if a man really wants to be with a woman, he’ll stop at nothing. And thus, women should have their rules and their standards.
The problem comes into focus when women begin over-thinking why a man doesn’t want to have sex with her. They come up with all of these reasons and treat it like a problem they can solve, when really there is nothing they can do now or later to fix it.
Trust me, if there’s one thing I have gotten used to, if there’s one thing most men are used to, it’s rejection from the opposite sex for what seems to be no reason whatsoever. Even when a woman tries to convince me the problem lies with her, not me, I don’t accept such rhetoric.
Quite the contrary.
I do think the problem is me, and as a matter of fact, I know what the problem is. The problem is, I tried to sleep with a woman who as it turns out doesn’t want to sleep with me.
Maybe a woman should think the same thing the next time she’s wondering what a man’s problem is when he says he doesn’t want to sleep with her.
I don’t get it… so doesn’t he want to sleep with her again?
I@**inquiring mind**
oops… this could help a bit
“so WHY doesn’t he want…”
“It boggles my mind when a woman assumes my ability to restrain my sexual desires around her is a testament to how much I respect her. As though, my not wanting to sleep with her is because I think more highly of her than the other women who I do want to sleep with.”
Well damn… I don’t think I’ve met a man who didn’t want to sleep with me yet. But if I did, and he was not making passes at me, I would think something he respected to some degree where he was willing to wait…(Because I’m just that hot
lol Otherwise, I would think he was on the same team I’m on.
@**inquiring mind**
LMAO…Right.
Ahhhh! I get it! Thanks for clarifying!
& LMAO at “Hot Sex on a Platter”
NN
Men have preferences too…they don’t just stick it in anything contrary to what your mama told you.
A similar situation happened to me a couple of weeks ago. A woman whom I’ve hung out with 2-3 times invited herself over (completely disturbed me as I was watching Judge Judy) and sat there waiting for me to make a move. I didn’t. After leaving she sent a text that read “After you really that shy!” I replied “Nah, I was just relaxing.”
I then logged on to Redtube and found the company of dirty video clips to be much more enjoyable. But I haven’t heard from that girl since.
Hmmm…I don’t think I’ve ever had a man not want to have sex with me. But I’m also not in the practice of stopping by unannounced or inviting myself over to some mans home.
Ladies, ladies…. The whole “No means No” motto goes both ways! NO, I don’t want to have sex with you, and, NO, I don’t want to explain as to why I don’t want to have sex with you– I just don’t! And, no, there’s “nothing wrong with me.” Do YOU want to have sex with EVERY guy that asks, and have sex ALL the time?!
Even after reading this article, I do believe that SOME women still won’t “get it.”Maybe I’m just not in the mood. And maybe, just maybe, I would rather rub one out, eat a sandwich, and watch old re-runs of Lost.
Oh, and being thirsty doesn’t help, either! If anything, it only makes things worse. If I didn’t want to 10 minutes ago, I def. don’t want to now.
Ladies- please pass this along to your girls when they call and say “I think something is wrong with him; he doesn’t want to have sex.”
Jozen– thanks for posting this!
I think the same way you had myths about women a few years ago, so do many women have myths about who men are…Some are just as stereotypical and one dimensional. I have dated a few women in the past who I believed on the most basic level did not believe men had feelings or was not only about satisfying our sexual needs.
I knew one woman who offered me sex every time I mentioned to her that something was not going well, whether it was personal or professional. That did not last too long because if that is how you saw me then damn why do we even talk or go out.
I have probably turned down more offers for sex than I ever thought possible as a teenager when my every thought was consumed by the topic, but primarily because I really saw no upside to those encounters. Plus the truth is there are many women who are really not that exciting in bed and you can only go through the motions one/two time at most before you no longer desire to…
Well just like a woman has men she don’t wanna sleep with a man has women he don’t wanna sleep with..it’s just that us women aren’t as used to rejection when it comes to that area.
@Dewan W. Gibson
I mean really? You had a willing chick and then you beat off to porn instead? Is this normal fellas, because, I think I’d really wonder about a dude who would rather watch porn than hit some real life tail
@Yesi Jukebox
True, true…
real talk son. i think the main underlying problem is that most women aren’t used to rejection. sometimes a woman can be just as brazen as men when it comes to get rejected. i don’t understand why a dude has to be gay or in a relationship because he doesn’t want you. a lot of women actually give themselves or their yoni’s a lot more credit than they deserve.
I think the MadScientist hit it right on…
I’m a driven man, yet sex isn’t on my mind 24/7. There are quite a few times where I just want to chill, relax, have stimulating conversation and not have sex with you…
Maybe, just maybe that man has reached a point in his life where he isn’t trying to ‘whore’ himself out (not saying that she is if she offered)…
Good Stuff Jozen!
Great read!!! I had to laugh at the title, since my older brother would repeatedly say to me “all men want to sleep with you..” & I would say “thats just ridiculous!”
I don’t participate in the smash & dash…LOL However I am all too familiar with my dear friend “rejection.” And it sucks! & being an analytical type personality, you touched upon so many of the questions I ask myself, so it made me chuckle.
)
@MadScientist7
Okay, okay…Let me say this, cuz I wasn’t being too serious in my earlier post and don’t want to be slighted. I highly respect a man who knows he has options and is choosy, because I’m choosy. I’m choosy in the sense that I hold myself to a high enough regard to be able to have attractive male friends and not even entertain the thought of wanting to sleep with him. I’ve been called “uptight”, “stuck up”, “scary”, (everything but a child of God) because I have passed on some men’s advances.
I totally get that men feel the same way. Unfortunately, men have the attachment of “homo..” when they react the same way women do when turning down advances. It’s unfortunate for both parties, but the public does put out there that men are attracted to the physical (and disregard other characteristics), but I know this is not true for every male because my parents didn’t raise foolish men.
I really needed to hear this right now. I’ve been friends (with benefits) with a guy for a few months now, and suddenly he doesn’t want the benefits. This makes me think I should consider whether I want the benefits anymore.
Thanks.
@Ed (@DJEdNice) there have been times where i’ve invited a woman over my crib just to chill and relax. at the end of the night she looks at me perplexed why i didn’t try anything with her. i learn this later on after we become friends. she was like “i just placed you in the friend zone.” my response: “umm that’s where i wanted to be in the first place.” *shrug*
@Sunkissed404
i’m glad that you can seriously grasp the idea that men can and do have the right to be choosy. i consider myself a catch and what i got (and can deliver) is not something that i should be giving away carefree. #onmycockyshit lol
@MadScientist7
Right. I liked that blog, btw. I feel you. It’s good when a guy knows his worth “off tops”. There are some females who thrive on the success of “just being” based on their looks alone. I have known for some time now that there are guys who decline to have sex with females just as often as she may to others.
I have been hella cool with dudes before and had friends ask me if we ever “took it there” and I’m like “there’s no need to”. “I’m not into him like that”.
“There have been times where i’ve invited a woman over my crib just to chill and relax.”
-I feel like this shows a certain level of maturity that many people don’t have. Some people think that the way to show interest to someone is by having sex with them. That’s why I’m confused about the way Jozen(and others) say :” sex is the ultimate compliment (you can read that here) “.
That’s where the confusion lies. Because women want to know that they can be appreciated/complimented, by a man before “going there”. This is partly the reason some of us believe “that a man’s ability to restrain his sexual desires around her is a testament to how much I respect her. As though, my not wanting to sleep with her is because I think more highly of her than the other women who I do want to sleep with.”
If sex is the ultimate compliment, why can’t refraining from wanting to have sex (at the time)be the same?
*Am I missing something here?*
@Sunkissed404
appreciate it.
you’d be surprised how many thirsty women are out there. i’ve been groped plenty of times and had offers to leave clubs with women. #notagoodlook
i think that sex can be the ultimate compliment based on the level of respect and the intentions a man has for the woman he is having sex with. here are two examples:
let’s say that a man wants to sleep with a woman but he has no plans on ever calling her again then i doubt that is him paying her a compliment.
on the flip side lets say a man wants to sleep with his female friend who he has known for say 6 years. he loves her not only as a friend but he is in love with her. they sleep together but he wants so much more than that. he wants to have her heart then that is paying her a big compliment. he not only wants her body but he wants her as a whole.
@MadScientist7
Ha.. Thank you for going further. That’s probably what Jozen was getting at. I’ll marinate on that.
@HU Girl
Yes, occasionally choosing porn over a real life woman is normal (damn that does sound crazy lol).
I’ve reached the point where porn and a moist hand is better than a woman I’m not that interested in. Especially considering sex with the woman who does NOT spark my interest would require foreplay, a condom, obligatory cuddling, answering a follow-up phone call and shaking her off without seeming like an ass.
But that’s just me. I tend to attract relationship oriented mates so I’m somewhat careful about the women I bed. Though maybe things are different for the cool, muscular guys who can wear shades in the club and meet women that just want to bone.
He doesn’t want to sleep with me? !!! …who the fcuk is this guy? John Meyer? I’m with Silent Scorpion on this one!
Meyer = Mayer (YOU know who I mean!)
@Dewan W. Gibson
Gosh man… At least you’re honest. :/
This is earth shattering… yet one of the truths of life.
@MadScientist7
Ha.. Thank you for going further. That’s probably what Jozen was getting at. I’ll marinate on that.
@MadScientist7
Right. I liked that blog, btw. I feel you. It’s good when a guy knows his worth “off tops”. There are some females who thrive on the success of “just being” based on their looks alone. I have known for some time now that there are guys who decline to have sex with females just as often as she may to others.
I have been hella cool with dudes before and had friends ask me if we ever “took it there” and I’m like “there’s no need to”. “I’m not into him like that”.
“There have been times where i’ve invited a woman over my crib just to chill and relax.”
-I feel like this shows a certain level of maturity that many people don’t have. Some people think that the way to show interest to someone is by having sex with them. That’s why I’m confused about the way Jozen(and others) say :” sex is the ultimate compliment (you can read that here) “.
That’s where the confusion lies. Because women want to know that they can be appreciated/complimented, by a man before “going there”. This is partly the reason some of us believe “that a man’s ability to restrain his sexual desires around her is a testament to how much I respect her. As though, my not wanting to sleep with her is because I think more highly of her than the other women who I do want to sleep with.”
If sex is the ultimate compliment, why can’t refraining from wanting to have sex (at the time)be the same?
*Am I missing something here?*
@Ed (@DJEdNice) there have been times where i’ve invited a woman over my crib just to chill and relax. at the end of the night she looks at me perplexed why i didn’t try anything with her. i learn this later on after we become friends. she was like “i just placed you in the friend zone.” my response: “umm that’s where i wanted to be in the first place.” *shrug*
He doesn’t want to sleep with me? !!! …who the fcuk is this guy? John Meyer? I’m with Silent Scorpion on this one!
He doesn’t want to sleep with me? !!! …who the fcuk is this guy? John Meyer? I’m with Silent Scorpion on this one!
This is earth shattering… yet one of the truths of life.
@Dewan W. Gibson
Gosh man… At least you’re honest. :/
@Ed (@DJEdNice) there have been times where i’ve invited a woman over my crib just to chill and relax. at the end of the night she looks at me perplexed why i didn’t try anything with her. i learn this later on after we become friends. she was like “i just placed you in the friend zone.” my response: “umm that’s where i wanted to be in the first place.” *shrug*