Home > dating, guys, little things, on something, women > I Never Stopped Caring

I Never Stopped Caring

The rules are the rules.

No talking. No checking in. Maybe a holiday and a birthday, but never a phone call, only a text. There’s no Facebook. No Twitter. No online chatting. No emailing.

Day-to-day business, I don’t need to know. Week in, week out, what are you up to? None of my concern. The rules are the rules. I understand them. I follow them. But the other day, I was thinking, what if something big, good or bad, happens? Am I to know? Won’t you tell me?

Probably not and that’s fine. I understand. The rules. I remember.

But please remember this:

I still hope you’re doing well, and that is what I always assume, that you’re doing okay for yourself and you don’t need me for anything at all. But sometimes I wonder about you. What if you weren’t doing well, and things weren’t working out quite the way you planned, would you call me? Probably not.  I know there’s someone new and they’re the one getting the call when you need someone the most.

That’s fine. Let him have that, but hey, just so you know, I care too. Put me down on that list of people who give a damn when your life is changing in the most beautiful or most ugly ways. I want to know. Not because I’m nosy, but because I care.

I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped caring about, you know, your life. We just broke up and decided not to be each other’s other. We stopped working at it, but my heart never stopped working.

What I’m trying to say is…we never talk, but I still care. I need you to know that.

Yeah, I know, I said I missed you. But nobody’s talking about missing anybody today. That’s a fleeting feeling. It comes. It goes. It has nothing to do with what I’m writing today.

Today, I’m talking about caring and how I still do that thing for you. From the moment I started I never stopped. The caring never fled.

I care about you, and not just one you. All of you, who have ever been in my life long enough for me to care in the first place. I still care in this new place, the one that exists without you right by my side. I know we don’t talk anymore. I know we don’t text or email. I know…the rules.

I just needed you to know, all of you to know, I still care. I never stopped. And I sincerely hope, you never did either.

Categories: dating, guys, little things, on something, women Tags:
  • http://moxie-b.blogspot.com/ moxie_b

    *teardrop* …love it..sums up how i feel about certain individuals perfectly…

  • http://wearyourluvlikeheaven.tumblr.com/ Melissa

    I really hope this is true! I really hope that you, he, every guy feels this way. Because as it stands right now this hurts like hell!

  • Violet

    Fantabulous!

  • phinet

    This is remarkably beautiful!!! I’m sooo teary eyed at the moment…

  • Tihawkins

    Flawless

  • http://www.iamfeedmekicks.com Audrey

    this post was great! I can understand completely.

  • http://soulfuldelight.wordpress.com Hana

    i am really almost in tears. How you put your emotion in words that people can feel, are just beautiful to me. Thanks.

  • char

    amazing. just wow.

  • ali

    I needed to read this and so does someone else… Thanx Jozen

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  • Naomi

    Whew Jozen..took the words right out of my mouth. Didn’t wanna admit that I still care, but shit..I do. Damn.
    Great post..as always.

    Naomi

  • Tammie

    Wow I can so relate to this,its nice to know men feel the same way.

  • …loveme

    In the midst of me reading this my chest got tight, my breathing became labored, and I felt the tears forming… And I allowed myself to think about HIM and wonder if he feels the same way…. because i do….
    Damn you Jozen; as incredible and powerful as this piece is I didn’t want to start my day off with thoughts of HIM…..
    *sigh*

  • Maria

    Beautiful. Now I’m all emotional and its not even noon.

  • HES

    Just lovely

  • Sunkissed404

    NOt fair :( Not fair that you made me think about him…Again. I can only hope he feels this way. I know DC/ B-More is full of beautiful women, but what about me? I wonder if he still thinks about me. (You on yo ish again Jozen…nice)

  • http://yahoo namia

    wow..this is deep! only started reading your blog two weeks a go but am hooked….u sure do write

  • **inquiring mind**

    alright, alright, alright… enough with the damn pity party- y’all not together for a reason- MOVE ON!

    well written tho *dodging stones*

  • Erica

    I like these posts!!!!!! Much better than the sex sex sex ones! :)

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    This was everything.

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    –>Watch out… I just threw a tomatoe (but I feel bad, so I warned you) lmao <–

  • goalawal

    Is it raining in Harlem!

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com doowaditty

    this reminded me of that quote “it’s sad when people you know become people you knew.” and then it reminded me again of your post where you talked about how saying nothing at all is saying so much. *sigh* love this post :)

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    this post is the truth. i follow these same rules. i still care about most of my exes. don’t really know how most feel about me except for one. don’t keep in contact with any of them these days.

    i was just thinking about this the other week. one ex in particular is dating someone else now. apparently he went up beside her head. the only reason i knew was because my line brother’s knew about it and called me. i was tempted to call her and ask if she was ok but i figured if she wanted me to know then she would have told me.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @MadScientist7 o_O… da phuck!!!

  • BoomShots

    Just because we broke up, don’t mean I stopped loving you!!

  • **inquiring mind**

    Hold on… what the hell is everybody on today? Where is all this sensitivity (no Ralph Tresvant) coming from… especially Boom! Boom… Really son? You too?- smh… I can’t do this isht today- pull y’allselves together… it’s too pretty outside for this bullisht!

    *drops the mic*

  • BoomShots

    @**inquiring mind**
    Got to be real with the feelings. I don’t spend all that time getting close to another person, even figuring out what side of my bed they prefer and offering to them. Then dismiss all consideration because the relationship no longer works.

    If I was like that I would not have the good friends I now have and I would definitely be worst for the situation.

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    Ahem….Sheesh! I see you’re on your Rihanna in relationships, huh? “So hard”. It’s okay to let people you care about know how you really feel…gotta be transparent sometimes. Like Boom said, I wouldn’t spent time trippin’ over a person I didn’t care about.

    I bet tha dudes you date be trippin’ cuz they don’t know which way to go.

    *Speak into the mike inquiring mind*lol

  • Sunkissed404

    @MadScientist7

    That’s crazy!! That’s a tough one to call…. That is utterly humiliating!! You reaching out to her would definitely put you in a position to be “her savior”, but she needs to come to terms with some things on her own. Hopefully that ain’t the first time that happened.. Mos Definitely a sticky situation.

  • E-Dub

    (sigh)

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Sunkissed404 “testing 1, 1, 2″

    whatever homey… y’all can :( and throw tomatoes all day- it don’t change the fact that you can’t change the past. If you care pick up the phone and tell them otherwise you’re just a hypocrit… all talk- no walk! Da phuck you telling us for “you ain’t break my heart Jozen” ya’ feel me? No instead, tell me how it felt when you tried to tell her to her face but got sent to voicemail… that’s a story I could get behind- but no more pity parties. I’m done feeling sorry for y’all feeling sorry for ya’selves.

    @ Boom
    I have feelings Love… I’m not a robot, but I don’t phuck with regret… it tends to be the glue that holds repeated bad decisions and self-loathing together … and it sounds like a WHOLE LOTTA regret up in here.

  • JoJo

    i almost feel like forwarding this to him!!

  • RJ

    wow – this is writing…. damn you.

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    Okay wait, why is everybody talking about their exes? I think Jozen meant this to more than his past lover(s)

  • BoomShots

    @**inquiring mind**

    No regrets here. Every relationship is not meant to be forever and I know that I am better to have been with everyone I was wit no matter how it ended. Because I learned something more about myself. One of those things is that I can still care about them as a friend long after we parted ways as lovers. Primarily because we started out as lovers but we also became friends.

    Not everyone now. Some folks were bad mistakes and the best thing I can do for me is keep them very far and away. But even those folks thought me about myself, once told an ex the best thing she ever did was break up with me because it spurred me to do something different.

  • Dontchasethem

    Jozen, I felt kind of sad reading this. My ex and I have been through this and is going through this and he tells me occasionaly I STILL CARE. I felt I loved him & still to this day love him & honestly feel the way to get over him is to let him go. Even if I do have good or bad news to share. Prolonging the issue knowing we can’t be together only hurts me. I enjoyed this piece of writting and the one about, “the women They hold me down, man”.

  • nancy b.

    1st time poster, long time reader. That.Was.Beautiful. Wow.

  • http://the-write-girl.blogspot.com hols

    Really well written. Is it true, though? Because when I stop loving someone, I stop caring too. Is that just me???!

  • lily

    I wonder how many of your exes are reading this thinking its about them…

  • The Smartest Leo

    I still miss her. I would do a lot over and she knows that…but hopefully she’ll take me up on the offer.

  • udee

    I totally tweeted about this the other day. Hm. Sometimes you just wanna email and say ‘hey, I care.’ And that’s it. No expectations. Just that…oh well.

  • monique

    I know u read these comments, so I’ll make this as brief as I can.

    I don’t consider myself much of a writer, but after my breakup with him I took to the pen (errr-the blog) much in the same way u have…which is why I guess its only natural that I’ve grown to really enjoy reading about your perspective on things. I can admit that last week I was glued to my computer and read nearly every entry u’ve posted since your blog’s inception.

    And while I am a fan of all your entries and the way u r able to humbly and candidly express your emotions, I connected the most with this entry. I think I needed to read this in order to help me start to forgive him and what he did….because throughout this whole long process of healing myself that part has been the most difficult….difficult mostly because I was mad at myself for still caring about him even after he hurt me. Even after he disconnected from me and abided strictly by the rules during the most painful heartbreak of my life.

    But this post presented the other side and helped me to really understand the great chasm that can exist between one’s feelings and actions. I get now that the discomfort I experience by sticking to these rules is probably felt on his end too…and that behind all the calls never made and concerns never expressed, he probably still cares just as I do.

    Thanks jozen, I’m gonna start writing again tonight.

  • http://www.loudblast.net/ Adam

    I totally tweeted about this the other day. Hm. Sometimes you just wanna email and say ‘hey, I care.’ And that’s it. No expectations. Just that…oh well.

  • AVG

    Simply Beautiful!

  • sweet tea

    wow…moved to tears.

  • SHA

    This was outstanding. I love your everyday pieces as well as the music stuff, but this and then one when you talked about the guy you called Dad….Loooooooved them.

  • http://www.ihatethewayyoueatcereal.wordpress.com Silent Scorpion

    Reading my mind as usual ::sigh::

  • ChiCity

    I stopped reading your blog for a minute (life happened) funny how the first thing I read was EXACTLY what I’m feeling. Thanks Joze, I really needed to read this as it is so on point with where I am right now (almost cried, and actually couldn’t breath for a minute thinking about him)

    I care…and always will.

    Everyone is someone’s ex for a reason…sometimes I just wonder was it the right reason…

  • http://www.bulletstrategy.com/ Christopher

    This was outstanding. I love your everyday pieces as well as the music stuff, but this and then one when you talked about the guy you called Dad….Loooooooved them.