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Five Things I Use That Belong To Her

Only the best of men will be able to relate to today’s post. A man gets around enough, he knows what the spontaneous sleepover feels like the next morning. It’s kind of like a hangover: Proof of a great night, with a side of slight inconvenience.

What was supposed to be a quick visit or run to go pick something up, can turn into an adult slumber party. The next morning we come home in the same clothes we wore the night before, to a television that’s still on and a half glass of orange juice. Sometimes we feel ashamed, sometimes we’re proud, all of that really depends on the girl whose place we were at.

But sometimes, the inconvenience of rising early in the morning to get home is passed in favor of other inconveniences. We’d rather stay a while, if she doesn’t mind; especially if she’s cooking breakfast. But in order to do so, sacrifices must be made. We weren’t planning on spending the night, and frankly, she wasn’t planning on having us, but things happen, and so here I am, chilling at her place. But umm, first, five things of hers I might need to use.

HER EX MAN’S OLD T-SHIRT

If anyone thinks I listed this item because I need something to wear, they clearly do not know me very well. The only reason why I need her ex-boyfriend’s t-shirt is because I was taught a long time ago if I make a mess I need to clean it up, so to appease, I will use her ex-boyfriends old t-shirt and clean up any mess or spills I cause. And when I say any mess, I do mean any mess.

HER SECRET

Those old Secret Deodorant commercials weren’t lying when they said, “Strong enough for a man.” I have used tons of different deodorants over my lifetime, and the only one that has ever been picked up by someone walking by is Secret. All my men out there who have ever used the deodorant PH balanced for a woman know exactly what I’m talking about. Old Spice’s high endurance test has nothing on Secret. That stuff lasts for two days, at least.

HER SLIPPERS, YES THE FUZZY ONES

I can’t even front and act like this hasn’t happened to me. Call it laziness on my part, but if ever she asks me to take out the trash for her, I may just squeeze my feet in her slippers and shuffle to the garbage chute. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Is it sometimes more convenient than putting on my socks and lacing up my shoes? Absolutely. Is it embarrassing? Only if the cute girl who lives down the hall or nearby catches me in them.

HER FOOD

I’m not talking big ticket items like steaks and chicken. I’m talking about delicious snacks like Thin Mint girl scout cookies and pistachios or cashews. If she doesn’t want me eating her out of house and home, she needs to hide her snacks. I don’t care if she has children and the gummy bears are for her child’s lunch. I will house two bags of them and leave 75 cents on the counter.

HER LEAVE-IN CONDITIONER

Currently, I’m growing out my yearly ‘fro-hawk thing, which means, I’m starting to incorporate some product into my mess. Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner and Mixed Chicks Leave-In Conditioner are two of my favorites. And the only reason I know this is because accidents happen and sometimes we wake up in places we didn’t expect.

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  • Lilie

    cute.

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    i agree with all of these. especially the food. i already have a sweet tooth as it is. i remember one time i crushed my girl’s 5 pound jar of jelly belly jelly beans in one weekend. i’ve used deodorant as well as well. good post dude.

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  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    LMAO!!!!! This is soooo cute!! I don’t care if she has children and the gummy bears are for her child’s lunch. This is so rude yet hilarious. LOLOL!!! And SECRET IS strong… but when u see chick with dark ass underarm pits… its because theyre using a strong deodorant and its burning their skin… which most chicks ignore and many use secret who have those ugly pits. LOL @ the hair product. SMH… now which of these have u actually went and brought for urself after sampling her’s?

  • http://rashadiscrazy.blogspot.com Rashad

    Damn good list. I’d add one thing to the list. Soccer/Mesh shorts. Women seem to magically have these shorts because they like the comfort, but damn if they don’t come in handy for men during unexpected sleepovers.

  • Belle

    what is it with men refusing to wear the ex’s t-shirt? ya’ll would rather freeze. say we came from an event. no plans to crash. you got on a suit. you would rather sit around in the winter in the flimsy hanes shirt from under the suit than put on a real t-shirt and be warm? why?

    the man ain’t worn that shirt in YEARS. almost a decade, and ya’ll would rather freeze.

    men. lol!

  • **inquiring mind**

    Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-In Conditioner?… you’re such a snob!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404

    @mimi
    LMAO..I’ll be damned if I haven’t seen that before on a female…I had no idea what caused ugly arm pits. I just assumed they had eczema or somethin’. SMH Fuh-Nee

  • blakladyj

    @Belle
    Nah, a man cant wear anther man’s shirt like that…esp if he dont even know the dude…I rather he wear my snug t shirts than some other dude’s i used to smash, lol

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404

    @Rashad
    I have a pair of the basketball shorts..I also have a pair of the mesh basketball shorts from back in the day. You would definitely not be able to walk out her house in a pair of soccer shorts…strictly for lounging. Anything with “soccer” is extremely short…

  • http://acceptonlythebest.blogspot.com Tierra

    I’m so thrilled you use Mixed Chix, LOL.

  • E-Dub

    Damn fool! LOL!

  • http://metanotherfrog.com Sam Sharpe

    @Belle

    Women always say that, but all you ladies can get back to me when you all are winning to put on something that used to belong to my ex….

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    I definitely LOL’d at the first one and thanks for the advice on the leave-in conditioner!

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    @Belle Excuse my digression but why is the ex’s shirt still around if he hasn’t been around for years? And I agree with Sam Sharpe, I aint putting something on that belonged to the ex, that’s uncomfortable.

  • 05girl

    fro hawk? what does that look like?

  • http://alishawritinglife.wordpress.com Alisha

    Funny. As long you didn’t say her razor, we’re good.

  • http://www.chuckcity.vox.com Chuck

    Hahaha.. yeah, my boy Jo is ridic. And i was wondering why shorties had those dark spots under their armpits.. Either way u look at that, its nasty as hell.. lol.. Hard to justify that shit. I’m sorry ladies. @mimi

  • http://jovianzayne.wordpress.com/ Jovi

    Cute – really cute. Especially the secret & shampoo. I can relate for sure. I’ve definitely shared mine.

    ……

    although – gotta say no to the ex man’s shirt. Just had a convo with my love about this and he reminded/reassured me that having another dude’s shirt, sweatpants or the like around is a major NO-NO. Of course I feel him. I mean – even if he had to use it to clean up his ‘mess’ it STILL wouldn’t be a good look. Guys are too visual, and all he needs is a reminder of me and someone else. That reminder’s all you need to block a good ‘mess’ from happening in the first place.

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com doowaditty

    every single one of my ex’s used womens deodorant and i will be the first to say it smells better than any axe/old spice shit they ever used lol. i ain’t mad.

  • Deen

    I used her bodywash once. I was glittering for an entire day. Not the best look…

  • Esqin

    Maybe I’m just a perv… but your #1, “any mess”, my mind went straight to the gutter

  • Kristin

    Great post, now I know to have extras on hand so that I don’t run out.

  • LP

    @Esqin
    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I definitely thought the same thing. but the sad part about it, i think he really is talking about one of those “messes”.

  • W

    The thing I took away from this is you mess with girls with natural hair…love it!

  • Tracey

    You would get cut if you used my Mixed Chicks, but hey at least your hair will be free of fizz

  • SoCalBelle

    I don’t care if she has children and the gummy bears are for her child’s lunch. I will house two bags of them and leave 75 cents on the counter.
    Cheeky bugger…..!