There are these conversations I have with female friends of mine and the other men they deal with. They sometimes talk to me about why a man won’t call them back or won’t invite them over or take some time to get together with them. This is not to say they’re unaccustomed to rejection. Most people understand it quite well, and some are even quite used to it.
What some women aren’t used to is when they’re rejected for the very reason they thought they would be accepted. These women have a hard time understanding why this man won’t come over when all the woman really wants to do, all she ever wanted to do with this man, was to have sex with him. She didn’t want a relationship. She didn’t want a friendship. She didn’t even want a conversation about other things. She just wanted to hit. And yet, this guy she wants to hit is ducking and dodging her. What gives?
I’ll tell you what gives.
I was one of the lucky ones.
Most parents don’t handle the news of their kids losing their virginity too well. I can’t imagine it’s music to their ears, but my mom took the news in stride. There were no punishments handed out, no sighs of disappointment. The way she found out (a way I won’t get into today, but maybe another day) was through happenstance, and thus, she decided not to go off the deep end.
My girlfriend in high school on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.
When I was younger, I had all sorts of theories and ideas about the opposite sex. Now a little older, I’d like to think I am a little wiser in my ways.
This is not to say I know more than I used to know, because while I generally do have a larger pool of knowledge than I did when I was say 22 or 23, it doesn’t make a difference. The most important piece of information a man can learn about women is that he will never ever learn them entirely. He may know his woman, to a degree, but he won’t know the entire gender, and the sooner he understands that, the sooner he can rid his mind of silly thoughts like this one I admit to having when I was younger.
I truly despise going to a movie on a first date because as far as first dates go, the movies demonstrate as much originality as a white wall. There’s no thought process beyond scheduling a time to go and what movie to see, and for about two hours, you and the date are doing pretty much the same thing you two could be doing by yourselves.
But, then again, anyone in a relationship knows good and well the joys of going to see a movie together. Want to get out of the house even though it’s raining outside? Go to the movies. Not ready to go home after a long day of running errands? Go to the movies? You and your partner find yourself in a sleepy town where there is not much to do? Go to the movies.
Yes, like it or not, the movies, are a cure-all for those of us who want to do something with someone but don’t know what to do. Even I, the man who just said he despises first date movie dates have gone on my fair share of them. As unoriginal as they may be, there are ways to make a movie date, a great date. Here are five of them.
For whatever reason, I always seem to date women who go to the gym. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me why. It’s not like I have a preference for a woman who walks on treadmills. I don’t even have a gym membership, so it’s not like I am there recruiting. This just seems to be a pattern with me, one that doesn’t necessarily appeal to me.
I am not saying I prefer a woman who doesn’t go to the gym. All I’m saying is a woman who goes to the gym doesn’t get extra points for going. It doesn’t turn me on, if anything, it slightly concerns me if only because since I don’t go to the gym, I feel like a woman who does passes judgment on me.
They assume I don’t take pride in my body or I have no desire to stay healthy, when in reality, neither of these things couldn’t be further from the truth. I just don’t go to the gym. I prefer to work out sporadically from my home. The old prison work out my uncle taught me. And yet, for some women I dated, this eventually became an issue.
In the two years I have been single, I have learned a lot about the opposite sex. Dare I say, I have probably learned more about women being single than being in a relationship.
Before this extended time of single living, I don’t think I was as privy to some of the things about women I see now, largely because I was focused on finding one particular girl who I can call my girlfriend. When you’re on that journey, it’s all about learning about the woman, not the women. But now, two years into this journey, something about women is starting to become very clear to me and it is this:
Women don’t want a relationship any more than men do.
When I was the online editor at VIBE, we did a Masthead question every month. This is how it worked: Usually there was one question asked to the editors, we would send in our answers, where they would appear next to our names in the Masthead. Standard, quirky magazine stuff really, but always fun.
One month (I forgot what issue it was exactly), the Masthead question revolved around our biggest turn-on’s and our biggest turn-offs. I think I listed a variety of them, because, well, frankly, a variety of things women do turn me on. But there was one quirky turn on that elicited a lot of laughs from my co-workers.
No social activity causes more drama in our lives more than dating. Try as we may to remain friction-free, at some point, most of us who actively date and live healthy social lives, are bound to get wrapped up in a mildly precarious situation once or twice.
This holds true for those of us who keep our social circles small and choose to date within them. If I had to guess, I would have to say between the amount of people I know and the amount of people who know me, 60 percent know each other. For most people, such a high number probably doesn’t apply to them, but having graduated from a fairly popular school (Howard) and ultimately settling down in a very popular city (New York), years of socializing have made my circles smaller and smaller. So what’s bound to happen as a result?
Last night on Twitter, I noticed a dichotomy between genders via my feed. At around 10 p.m., majority of the men I follow were tuning into the series premier of Treme, David Simon’s brand new series about life in New Orleans three months after Hurricane Katrina.
Meanwhile, at the same time, most of the women (again, I stress, most, MOST, MOST!) I follow were tuning into VH1’s brand new series, Basketball Wives, a reality show about exactly what the title says for 30 minutes. Then, the second half hour, they were watching some show about Chili formerly of TLC.
The whole thing made me laugh a little bit. I thought it funny not because women were indulging in such a simple-minded show while the men were taking in something a little more high brow. As a matter of fact, in defense of the women tuning into VH1, I think they all agreed at least one of the two shows they watched was degrading and pretty bad. What made me chuckle is how I know if I had a woman in my life, at some point, I would be watching a show like Basketball Wives, if not Basketball Wives itself.
Every woman I have ever dated for an extended amount of time has put me on to some television show I watched long after we ended our time together. Some of them are high-quality entertainment, some of them scrape the barrel. But either way, I appreciate these shows and the women who introduced me to them. Below are five of them, and as always, feel free to contribute your own list of shows significant others put you on to.