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Five Ways To Approach Me(n)

My ex had game. That’s how she got me.

She was taller than the rest of the girls she came into the club with, so it was easy for me to stay focused on her. As my group and her group crossed paths, my eyes were firmly locked on her. She noticed, smiled, and as she walked by, she ran her hand across my stomach, said, “Hey” and then kept walking. She didn’t stop to talk. Just kept walking. Meanwhile I was stuck for what felt like forever but probably only two minutes. Later, I introduced myself to her.

The most advanced women, free thinkers not bound by traditionalism, understand the fine art of approaching a man and that doing so is not only acceptable, but it’s appreciated. Still, some women remain shy. They’re tired of standing around looking cute, and want to take matters into their own hand, but don’t quite know how to do so without coming off looking fast or desperate.

For these women, I have devised the following: Five ways to approach a man based on how I would like a woman to approach me. Read it, then come here.


Unless the girl is going to run her hand across my stomach to add some spice to an otherwise vanilla phrase, I don’t want to hear a simple, “Hi” or “Hey.” I want something more along the lines of, “Hi, I have a question…” This gets me interested and it keeps me on my toes instead of letting my mind and eyes wander to places it shouldn’t. A woman who says, “Hi” is simply going to get a “Hi” back. A woman who says, “Hi, I have a question…” has me thinking and anticipating already. I put down my drink for her.


Some men are sensitive. I’m one of them. But if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s masking my sensitivity in humor. Okay, so I wore a shirt that looks like my mom made it in a sewing class she took at the YMCA. Just say that, please! Any woman quick with a joke is going to get my full attention. That whole personality-trumps-looks-thing may not work over an extended period of time, but trust me, for one night, the funny girl will always beat the pretty one.


These two things fall under the same umbrella because they basically have the same affect. No explanation necessary, just do one of these two things, or if you’re feeling frisky, do both. They work, very, very, very well. Do them once and watch what happens. Thank me later.


The gesture worth more than a thousand words. This is an approach without approaching, kind of like a magic trick. Now maybe it’s just me (I really hope it isn’t because if  it is something is wrong with me), but I feel like we are living in a generation of girls whose mamas did not teach them how to wink.

Get it down pat ladies and just do it. Wink at me from across the room and trust me, I’ll handle the rest. It’s better than a smile (too unassuming), it’s better than a wave (too desperate), and it’s definitely better than a crooked finger (too stripper-ish). The wink is friendly but not desperate, classy, not trashy, and above all, the most subtle approach a woman can come up with.

Oh, and here’s a quick tip: Don’t do it standing there looking cute, walk by him and as you’re making your way, wink, then as you were. If he’s the type of man who likes women and knows what to do with them, he’s going to handle the rest.


A few years ago, I was on the subway coming home and I saw a cute girl get on, so I went to sit by her. Before I could even an utter a word, the girl said, “Nice shoes.” I forgot what shoes I was wearing, but clearly they were my lucky ones.

Her compliment disarmed me completely. I had a whole approach already worked out in my head, but what the compliment did was it neutralized the situation. She wasn’t going to get gamed into my charm, if anything, she was going to game me into hers. Now I had to think of a way to follow up without sounding conceited and the best I could come up with was, “Thank you.” Then, for a moment I was stuck on what to say next. Eventually I did say something, and to this day, we remain friends who have yet to sleep together. Thus, her game continues to work while mine continues to fail.

Categories: dating, guys, things a woman should do, women Tags:
  • goalawal

    lets just saying i’m quoting you on face book…

  • **inquiring mind**

    Wait!… Jozen you’re sensitive? GTFOH bwahahahaha- nice post… now I gotta come up wit some new isht- thanks for nothing!

  • Lola

    I like this post!!! Now a days I feel like a woman should approach the men, specially if there are the “signs” there. But I have to say though, I’ve used the “hey *rub hand on their chest/stomach* and walking away while still saying something to them and it has back fired on me. What’s up with that!? Lol. Maybe I intimidated him for coming on too aggressive? I’ve been told several times that I am intimidating. So maybe that could be it? *kanye shrug*


  • Theryl

    Wow Jozen. Are u reading my convos with ppl? I had this exact conversation with some homies today. Lol. Gotta put these tips in the aresenal. Now if I get shot down, I’m blaming u! Lol.

  • Alana

    Thank u Jozen I needed this,I’m incredibly shy and ppl have been asking me since I was 6 why I look so mean.Its just my look,maybe some of these will work for me!

  • Casual Reader

    I like the post, just one thing: just because you slept with someone does not mean you have game (at least not all the time). You just happened to be the lucky guy in the right place at the right time–she needed some and decided that you would do. She could have been running game on you the whole time, just to get what she wanted w/o looking slutty 😉

  • Angela

    Okay…I do these things and don’t mind asking the man out to dinner…why am I still single?????

  • LFC

    I’m with you Jozen! I have 3 weapons in my arsenal: 1) a wink works. period. 2) I will walk near a man act like I need to get something that is placed in his area say, “excuse me” and make sure to gently move him by his hip, stomach, arm. At that point they will usually start convo. 3) clown ’em, not to the point they wanna go crying to their mama or think you are a b. Just pinch that ego a little bit and they will be intrigued!

  • suga

    Our mothers were supposed to teach us how to wink?! I’m bringing this to her attention immediately, and prefacing it with, “You’d have grandchildren by now if only you had…” lol

    I’m one of those shy girls who miraculously knows how to approach men. Who would have thunk it? Asking a man a question definitely does the trick. Women do have to be mindful though, to observe the guy before asking him something completely ridiculous. I dont know how or why I’ve been luckily but I usually approach a guy asking if I know him from a particular school, church, or other social setting and for some reason, I’m always on the mark, even though I dont know the man from Adam. *shrug*

    Great advice, though I doubt I’d ever approach a guy and fiddle with his tie or hat. That might make him uncomfortable and just seems kind of odd, depending on the guy.

  • Top5WitnessProtection

    We can make some money just teaching some courses Jozen.

    Dating workshops… for Professionals.

  • 05girl

    Great post! Shall try some of those this weekend.
    I would be uncomfortable touching a stranger, or taking your hat.. I wouldn’t want a random man all up in my personal space right off the bat so I would treat you as I would want to be treated.

  • Cheekie

    Ooh, love this post. I’m feelin’ extra-confident lately so I gotta try some of these! I really like that “run hand across stomach” exchange. Hot!

  • silentScorpion

    You had me until you said wink…wink? Really? I thought this was 2010 not the 50s.

  • Tunde

    “for one night, the funny girl will always beat the pretty one.”

    this right here is the absolute truth. a pretty girl comes a dime, a dozen. a really nice personality and down to earth woman will have my attention. not saying that she can be unattractive and still have my attention with a stellar persaonality but if she has both, she’s a winner in my book.

  • Tunde

    oh yeah that touch the stomach thing, say hi and keep walking happens to me all the time. not knocking the hustle though.

  • Kristina

    Are you kidding me? Some of these suggestions will most likely have the opposite of the desired effect if women actually use them (i.e., take my hat, crack a joke on me). I’m a confident person, and if a man is not strong enough to approach me I don’t need him. Take note women – must read Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”

  • Trueman

    This is a really good read. Ladies need to realize that playing that shy role will leave you really lonely.

  • sunkissed404

    Exactly.. I would definitely not wink at anybody…I blink alot and I hate it. Most guys think I’m flirting with them with my eyes anyway..but winking??? lol Nooo buddy!

    Jozen is getting ready to set a lot of ladies on this post up for a rude awakening, if they think results will turn out favorable all the time. lmao Ladies, please listen to Boom…. Don’t just go up to a guy that you noticed, who didn’t notice you and be like “Hey! I saw you see me..”. Em-Mfing- Barassing. (sidenote:Celtics Won!!)

  • Stalllion

    Thank You!

  • moxie_b

    <– i'm a mack (do people still say that?! LOL)

    but the wining would SO not work for me….i'm one of the few people in the world who cannot wink w/o looking like stroke victim..LMBO

  • sunkissed404

    LMAO.. Hilarious!

  • Ava

    LMAO @ “her game continues to work while mine continues to fail.”

    NICE! Check and mate.

  • maytwocents

    Love this post.

  • Lilie

    love that last one

  • Man-shopper

    This post was the best thing that could ever happen to me. As someone who is sadly clueless about the nuts and bolts of female game, I need some guidance. I’m going to take these pointers and start practicing. Buckets of thanks from Paris, France. In a city of surly, half-starved, unapproachable bitcherinas, these guys won’t know what hit ’em.

  • Big Al

    This post is so good that I’m pimpin’ it to all my single female friends on twitter.

  • mimi

    This was so cute! And so true! Who says women can’t approach men?? I hate when people think that way. I’ve done it, in most of these ways…. a few of them i could weight why they would or wouldnt work for me. For instance, playing with a hat or tie… you’d better be “his type” or be on your absolute a-game because that can go either way. 🙂 Energy has to be perfect. Now other ways… those are basically any situation kinda things.

    I loved it.

  • mimi

    oh yeah… “I feel like we are living in a generation of girls whose mamas did not teach them how to wink.” had me lmaooooo… my BFF cant wink to save her life. We’re grown as hell and she’s still trying to get it. lmao. My boy taught his daughter to wink. He has pix all over facebook of her progress. It’s so hilarious. She is gorgeous too (the little girl)… she finally learned after like a year and a half.

  • vk

    lols, this made me smile hellah. i can’t wait to get to know you better through your posts. you give it right and straight <3

  • Michelle

    i do have to vouch that this is true. i’ve tried to be the shy girl and wait for the guy to approach me, but after many weekends of going out and making myself pretty for nothing, i gained enough courage (or maybe it was the alcohol) to finally approach a guy if i wanted to talk to him. i’m more of a person who would crack a joke or clown on him as an icebreaker, which works, but after that night i don’t hear from him again. so maybe that doesn’t work?

  • spchrist3

    Great post and I agree with all the suggestions.

  • Beloved

    so, most definitely aware that this reply is (kinda?) late but oh well, fcuk it. Chanced acroos your blog today- at about 1 pm and I’ve been on it ever since (with mini breaks for an it’s always sunny mar. *double fist punch for the gang* and for food. BUt besides that Ive been on you blog the whole time- I promise. Though I agree with some of the ladies above about the hat no-no the other ones seem to be right up my alley -score for jozen!
    keep ’em coming playa

  • SoCalBelle

    ….off to practice my wink in the mirror ;=)

  • The Relationship Company

    This can be a really well thought out post. I certainly enjoyed reading it. Thanks