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Poppin’ The Questions 2

So my first installment of “Poppin’ The Questions” garnered what is I believe my lowest comment total ever. Normally, I would take that as a sign to not continue, but I’m going to continue this ongoing series of answering Formspring questions. Not only is it a time saver (the reader’s questions practically write half the post), but because I think it’s important to answer  the small percentage of my readers who take the time to ask me a question.

Before we get into the latest installment, a quick reminder:

For all those in New York City on June 3rd, come check me out along with other esteemed relationship writers as we discuss matters of the heart at The Modern Day Matchmaker event. Look to the right of this post, tickets are $20 if you buy them through this site.

Now, time for the questions.

How do you feel about ‘open relationships’?

The same way I feel about skydiving. It looks fun and absolutely amazing, but the chances are, I’d probably never do it.

I think grieving as a single is different than grieving with a significant other. How did you work through grief as a single person?

When I’ve grieved, I’ve usually concentrated on the people who were there for me, rather than the people who were not. But I will say, when the smoke clears, and things get back to normal, and it’s just you standing there, the feeling is a little jarring, but that’s when I look within and talk with God. I know some people will say I should be doing that all the time, but I do, it’s just a different conversation we’re having.

Do you believe in setting timetables for your life? Like, “In 5 yrs, 10 yrs I want to be doing XYZ?”

No. I’m goal oriented, but not deadline oriented. I believe things will happen exactly when they should and not a moment before.

A friend was telling me that a guy just knows when the woman he’s with is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with; as in, it’s a simple yes or no answer. Do you agree?

Yeah, that’s how it worked for me, but what your friend didn’t tell you is he’s running into a lot of other girls he wants to spend one night with. So there’s the dilemma. He may see the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life, but he doesn’t know how to commit just that.

What’s the difference between dating “exclusively” and being a boyfriend/girlfriend?

This is easy. Dating “exclusively” is  just a fancy way of saying we don’t really have time to date anyone else or no on really wants to date us, so we just date the one person we’re dating out of sheer circumstances beyond our control. Boyfriend/girlfriend situations are willing commitments.

I notice you like to list things in fives. Can you give your top 5 list of how you know you’re over someone?

I’ll get into this in a more extensive post sometime in the near future but here’s an abbreviated list.

  1. They call while you’re in the middle of something and instead of trying to pick it up, you just let it go to voicemail.
  2. You start thinking of the good memories more than the bad ones.
  3. You change one thing about your look they used to love. For example: My ex liked my hair grown out, I kept it that way for a while after we broke up. When I was ready to move on, I cut it.
  4. You can give your ex some sound relationship advice without hating.
  5. You’re more concerned with how they’re doing than what they’re doing or who they’re doing.

Please, act as if you’re a “career coach.” How do I know what I’m destined to do or what career to pursue?

Just do whatever you’re best at, trust me. If you’re doing something you’re not too good at, you’re going to make less or advanced at a much slower rate than those who you’re working alongside, the people who were destined to do your job. What gets you the most compliments after you’re done doing it is always a good indicator of this. If no one is complimenting you on your cooking skills, might not want to be a chef.

Female junior in college, dating older man; he has kids, I have deadlines to attend to. We’ve been dating, no title, but what seems as official as possible; is it safe to say if he was going to make things ‘legit’, he woulda done so by now?

I don’t see what the first part of your question had to do with the second part, but let me see what I can do. If you have deadlines to attend to, then do it and don’t let anyone stop you. He clearly has a different deadline, and that more than anything is probably why he hasn’t made things “legit”. He’s working on his own schedule, so if that doesn’t coincide with yours, you know what you have to do.

What is it about black women that makes you exclusive to them or why do you care for black women so much?

I get this question a lot. A whole lot. And I’m beginning to think it’s because I’m mixed and therefore, it’s puzzling to some why I’m not into Japanese women or Puerto Rican women, because I’m of those groups of people too. Now I can get into a lengthy diatribe about this, but I’ll save that for another time. My short answer is this: Everyone has a type and my type is black women. It’s no different than the guy whose type is white girls. It’s not a race thing. It’s a type thing.

Would you date a virgin?

Absolutely! I just wouldn’t sleep with her, so I don’t know how long we’d be dating.

Who was the last girl you met that you liked/in to?

She knows exactly who she is because she’s smiling now that she’s reading it.

Why do men enjoy the thrill of the chase so much?

Because it feels so good when we catch whatever it is we’re chasing. But I would go so far as to say, chasing can be overrated or abused, so if you like a guy don’t keep him chasing because you think you’re going to keep him. You’re not.

What’s your favorite candy?

Sour anything, Payday’s, peanut M&M’s, and Skor.

As I read your post and blogs, I wonder if you would be a good date and great mate, do you think you are there yet?

I’m going to be there in 20 minutes. Wait up.

Oh, before I sign off a quick request to my commenters:

Comments for these posts are encouraged Many of my readers tell me my comment section is just as entertaining as my post, so please know not only are the people who asked me a question reading my answers, they’d probably love to read yours as well.

Categories: c-section, poppin' questions Tags:
  • http://blackgirlunlost.wordpress.com Jubilance

    I read your blog everyday, but I never comment….but I’m commenting today because you said you didnt get any comments the last time you did the questions post.

    Keep it! I like this feature….its another view into your world & how your mind works.

  • Syren

    This is me…commenting…like you asked. 🙂 Thanks for your honest (and brutal) opinions, its refreshing.

  • B

    Who was the last girl you met that you liked/in to?
    She knows exactly who she is because she’s smiling now that she’s reading it.

    – im not the person you like/in to. but the fact that i smiled just because i thought ur answer was cute truly shows how in tune u are with women!

  • J!

    First time reading this portion of your blog, it’s awesome and a definite keeper. Would love to pose a few questions of my own in the future.
    Continued success,
    J!

  • Erica

    Ditto to B!

    I sooo smiled. Then was like…Wait….its def not me! haha. Cute.

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    I think you didn’t get many comments on your last “Poppin’ The Questions” because we can’t exactly comment on your answers..we mostly debate on your stories and give our opinions and even share some tidbits of our lives. Here though, you are being asked questions and we are not.

  • Teach It

    Okay okay. I’ll admit I am starting to like your formspring entries.

  • MsPrincessKey

    I love this new section that you added. My homegirl and I read the first one together and we had a good laugh as well as provoked some thought about a few things that were asked.

  • http://twitter.com/freeyourheart freeyourheart

    Thank you for doing this.
    It’s good to see your POV with randomness.
    it’s sort of like A Belle in BK’s Formspring.me Fridays,
    but twice a week.

  • Dom

    Wait a minute, why my question gotta be all unbloded and in gray? Thats question racism! Question discrimination!

  • Dom

    damn, that should say “un-bolded.” so much for my english degree.

  • Sunkissed404

    @B
    Chiiile, that’s game! He’s in tune, alright! Say her name Jozen…I dare you. lol

  • Avril

    I like this segment! Keep it up!

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    I love the formspring entries! I bet a the same people are reading, just not commenting so don’t get too paranoid about your fans not wanting these.

  • Sunkissed404

    Your response to ” What’s the difference between dating “exclusively” and being a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

    I don’t know about that Jozen.. I thought the two were equivalent myself.. (shrug)

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Sunkissed404

    LOL… right- Your response reminds me of Destiny Child’s “Say My name”… Mmmhmm Jozen, we ain’t stupid- can’t pick one huh? LMAO- I’m not hatin

  • Violet

    Checking in with you has become a regular part of my M-F. After a long 2-day break, I’m ready for more of your humor and hubris. I was shocked on Monday, even felt cheated, when you popped your questions!

    While I appreciated your answering a few of our inquiries, I sincerely missed the normal comprehensive nature of your novelas. When you undertake one topic at a time or offer a window into a single event in your life, I get the opportunity to agree or disagree with you at length, to watch you develop your argument from beginning to end, to empathize with or criminalize you completely. I can’t really do that when you report liking “sour anything, Payday’s, peanut M&M’s, and Skor.”

    I do like this segment, but hate that you formsprung it on us. And who told you to shoot for two? Over the weekend??? Thursday-Tuesday is a long time to go without one of your exposés. I DID NOT like having to start my week this way! Please consider moving your interrogation to later in the week. I recommend hump day. 🙂

    As always, thanks for writing!

  • http://www.avenue8.com MissMina

    @Sunkissed404 and @**Inquiring mind**

    See, because I like this blog so much I wasn’t gonna call him out. But yes, that’s sounds like game. Just like on the Drake song “Best I Ever Had”: “So many girls ask me who my song is about, make no mistake, this one is for you! You know who you are!”

    Yea ok….

  • http://www.medorwat.wordpress.com Melissa

    @B
    Why did I smile too and I am not the girl. It was just a really fly answer!

  • Dedan

    I know when I’m over someone when something great happens and she’s no longer the first person I want to tell. Conversely, when I’m dating someone and she’s not the first person I want to share good news with, its a bad sign.

  • K. Pryssy

    Always love your formspring! I too love Paydays & sours. Keep up the great work, Tiger:)

  • TheLeoGrl

    She knows exactly who she is because she’s smiling now that she’s reading it.—-awww good post definitely keep it up!

  • http://www.ihatethewayyoueatcereal.wordpress.com Silent Scorpion

    I love your blog so I hope you don’t make this a weekly thing.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    Exxxactly! Too many people let that response get by. lol

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404

    @MissMina
    I know right…lol We let him get away with too much stuff sometimes, just cuz his blog is dope. But, I couldn’t let some of these responses slide…Game coming right through the computer screen…I know it when I see it!lol

    To you and Inquiring Mind… “Game always recognize game” 😉 Ya dig?

  • Miss.Riss

    This segment is a cool idea, I’d say keep it up. Some questions are a lil boring, maybe you should be more selective. LOL

    Wanted to say one of the ways I know I’ve over someone…I never notice important dates anymore..birthdays…anniversaries…first dates.

  • http://www.nicolen275.blogspot.com Nicole

    I enjoy this feature, just suggest once a week instead of twice. I like the randomness.

    I have always felt that a special kind of person can be in an open relationship. There are not that many. It takes a special kind of detachment that is hard to achieve and maintain.

    I agree with you on the time frame response. Things will happen in the time that they are meant to. The trick is paying attention to the signs that something needs to change or you will set yourself back.

    I love the 5 item lists. Skor used to be my favorite!

  • The Smartest Leo

    i miss her.

  • Laura

    “What’s the difference between dating “exclusively” and being a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

    >> To me, “dating exclusively” means you’re not quite ready to commit yet, either because that person is a commitment-phobe or that person is thinking “ah, what the heck? I got nothin’ else goin’ on.”

    Btw, thanks for answering both of my questions so quickly. I meet 2 out of the top 5 you listed on how I know I’m over someone, so at least I know I’m getting there (using your list, anyway). I also still don’t get how a guy can just know the girl they’re seeing is one they want to spend the rest of his life with. Explain sometime, please?

  • Cyt_grl

    Love popping questions… patiently waiting for mine!

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    The how you can tell when you’re over someone is soooo dead on!!! WOWWWW!!! I read the answer like 5 times.

    Good post. Siempre.

  • http://sweetilocks.blogspot.com Sweetilocks

    Jozen, I really wanna know why you wouldn’t do a virgin? Is it because you’re nervous about being responsible for her first time?