Poppin’ The Questions 2
So my first installment of “Poppin’ The Questions” garnered what is I believe my lowest comment total ever. Normally, I would take that as a sign to not continue, but I’m going to continue this ongoing series of answering Formspring questions. Not only is it a time saver (the reader’s questions practically write half the post), but because I think it’s important to answer the small percentage of my readers who take the time to ask me a question.
Before we get into the latest installment, a quick reminder:
For all those in New York City on June 3rd, come check me out along with other esteemed relationship writers as we discuss matters of the heart at The Modern Day Matchmaker event. Look to the right of this post, tickets are $20 if you buy them through this site.
Now, time for the questions.
How do you feel about ‘open relationships’?
The same way I feel about skydiving. It looks fun and absolutely amazing, but the chances are, I’d probably never do it.
I think grieving as a single is different than grieving with a significant other. How did you work through grief as a single person?
When I’ve grieved, I’ve usually concentrated on the people who were there for me, rather than the people who were not. But I will say, when the smoke clears, and things get back to normal, and it’s just you standing there, the feeling is a little jarring, but that’s when I look within and talk with God. I know some people will say I should be doing that all the time, but I do, it’s just a different conversation we’re having.
Do you believe in setting timetables for your life? Like, “In 5 yrs, 10 yrs I want to be doing XYZ?”
No. I’m goal oriented, but not deadline oriented. I believe things will happen exactly when they should and not a moment before.
A friend was telling me that a guy just knows when the woman he’s with is the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with; as in, it’s a simple yes or no answer. Do you agree?
Yeah, that’s how it worked for me, but what your friend didn’t tell you is he’s running into a lot of other girls he wants to spend one night with. So there’s the dilemma. He may see the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life, but he doesn’t know how to commit just that.
What’s the difference between dating “exclusively” and being a boyfriend/girlfriend?
This is easy. Dating “exclusively” is just a fancy way of saying we don’t really have time to date anyone else or no on really wants to date us, so we just date the one person we’re dating out of sheer circumstances beyond our control. Boyfriend/girlfriend situations are willing commitments.
I notice you like to list things in fives. Can you give your top 5 list of how you know you’re over someone?
I’ll get into this in a more extensive post sometime in the near future but here’s an abbreviated list.
- They call while you’re in the middle of something and instead of trying to pick it up, you just let it go to voicemail.
- You start thinking of the good memories more than the bad ones.
- You change one thing about your look they used to love. For example: My ex liked my hair grown out, I kept it that way for a while after we broke up. When I was ready to move on, I cut it.
- You can give your ex some sound relationship advice without hating.
- You’re more concerned with how they’re doing than what they’re doing or who they’re doing.
Please, act as if you’re a “career coach.” How do I know what I’m destined to do or what career to pursue?
Just do whatever you’re best at, trust me. If you’re doing something you’re not too good at, you’re going to make less or advanced at a much slower rate than those who you’re working alongside, the people who were destined to do your job. What gets you the most compliments after you’re done doing it is always a good indicator of this. If no one is complimenting you on your cooking skills, might not want to be a chef.
Female junior in college, dating older man; he has kids, I have deadlines to attend to. We’ve been dating, no title, but what seems as official as possible; is it safe to say if he was going to make things ‘legit’, he woulda done so by now?
I don’t see what the first part of your question had to do with the second part, but let me see what I can do. If you have deadlines to attend to, then do it and don’t let anyone stop you. He clearly has a different deadline, and that more than anything is probably why he hasn’t made things “legit”. He’s working on his own schedule, so if that doesn’t coincide with yours, you know what you have to do.
What is it about black women that makes you exclusive to them or why do you care for black women so much?
I get this question a lot. A whole lot. And I’m beginning to think it’s because I’m mixed and therefore, it’s puzzling to some why I’m not into Japanese women or Puerto Rican women, because I’m of those groups of people too. Now I can get into a lengthy diatribe about this, but I’ll save that for another time. My short answer is this: Everyone has a type and my type is black women. It’s no different than the guy whose type is white girls. It’s not a race thing. It’s a type thing.
Would you date a virgin?
Absolutely! I just wouldn’t sleep with her, so I don’t know how long we’d be dating.
Who was the last girl you met that you liked/in to?
She knows exactly who she is because she’s smiling now that she’s reading it.
Why do men enjoy the thrill of the chase so much?
Because it feels so good when we catch whatever it is we’re chasing. But I would go so far as to say, chasing can be overrated or abused, so if you like a guy don’t keep him chasing because you think you’re going to keep him. You’re not.
What’s your favorite candy?
Sour anything, Payday’s, peanut M&M’s, and Skor.
As I read your post and blogs, I wonder if you would be a good date and great mate, do you think you are there yet?
I’m going to be there in 20 minutes. Wait up.
Oh, before I sign off a quick request to my commenters:
Comments for these posts are encouraged Many of my readers tell me my comment section is just as entertaining as my post, so please know not only are the people who asked me a question reading my answers, they’d probably love to read yours as well.