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The Man Who Always Knew Exactly What To Say

They call me a smart ass. Of all the names I’ve been called throughout my life, “smart ass” has been the one most often used. But I never pay it any mind as a knock on me because usually it is said after I made the point I was trying to make and the point was usually correct.

Although, these days, I will admit, the whole “smart ass” tag and whether or not it’s an actual diss or a backhanded compliment has made me evaluate what it is about me that often provokes people to say such things. And over the last few months of taking the time to really get to the source of this whole “smart ass” thing I have finally come to one conclusion…

My problem is I always know exactly what to say.

Just yesterday I wrote on my Facebook status and Twitter that instead of being nice to women, I was just going to start being a jerk simply because anytime I do have something nice to say, it gets misconstrued as me running game.

Some people misunderstood this as some sort of “aw-shucks-nice-guys-like-me-always-finish-last” sort of cry for help. But one of my friends who knows me in real life had the type of response I have to expect from anyone who has dealt with me in any sort of capacity beyond this blog. She said, “But you’re always a jerk, Jozen.”

See? She knows what I was saying in my original message, but perhaps I wasn’t clear enough, so allow me to do that right now.

There are two kinds of jerks out there. The first is the kind of guy who doesn’t know how to talk to anyone, who lacks tact, and cooth. They say whatever’s on the mind and spare no feelings. They just want to keep it real, and if by doing so they hurt some feelings or make people uncomfortable, so be it. I’m not this guy. I’m the other one.

The other jerk is the guy who knows exactly what to say and how to say it. He picks not his words, but his spots to say those words so they have a maximum effect. He too will speak his mind, but not to stir up controversy for controversy’s sake. He’s just trying to express himself in a way so eloquent, even the most outlandish of ideas will sound pleasant. But his main issue is this: He always knows what to say, never exactly what to do.

Always knowing what to say is a gift I learned I had a long time ago. Not knowing when to shut up or when to start backing those words up with some real actions, are, on the other hand, things I’m still working on. I’ve always been able to talk a good game, but when it comes playing one, mediocre at best.

I say all this not to clear up some Facebook message or Tweet I sent out earlier, but because I really do have to find a way to say not what sounds good, but what is right. Lately, everything I say that does sound good in my head, ends up sounding like game in the head of the recipient. And I’m beginning to wonder, is that my fault or is that her fault? Because when I tell a girl, “I miss you” and I really do mean that, she doesn’t respond with any note of flattery or surprise. Instead she says, “That’s just game you’re running.” Then I’m stuck in this back and forth, trying to get her to believe it’s true, I do miss her, because it’s true, I do miss her. The problem is, she either doesn’t believe me because I’ve said similar things in the past and acted totally different, or she is very well aware I said the exact same thing to another girl and meant it all the same, which, for the record, doesn’t make my words any less genuine, just less exclusive.

But who am I kidding? This ability of mine to know exactly what to say and how to say it, isn’t going anywhere. I know there tends to be this high premium placed on the man who says nothing, but that man isn’t me. I’m the type of guy who just wrote over 700 words on knowing exactly what to say (and probably misspelled a word or two or used a word or two wrong, in the process).

We always say actions speak louder than words, but what if my words really mean something and they’re all I have? A person once asked me if I really do mean what I say when I write certain things because, you know, it all sounds so good. Still, they wanted to know, do I really mean all the pretty words I say? And the answer I gave then is the same one I will give now.

I mean every word of what I write or say, the only problem is, if it sounds too good to be true, that’s probably because a lot of what I say is not true yet. I’m still working on it.

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  • http://www.levelheadedchick.blogspot.com/ Level Headed Chick

    “I miss you”- This is game unless your actions are lining up with your words….

    I’ve been accused of being a smart ass also, but I know and you probably know this too…that there is a thin line between the two “jerks” described above. The gift is really in knowing how to walk that line 🙂 Because clearly, when need be, I can identify with being both.

  • http://www.medorwat.wordpress.com Melissa

    I get the “smart – ass” comment all the time, followed by “You think you know everything” followed by everyone pulling out their phones to validate a comment (via google) I may have said. Eh, I know alot of stuff, I observe alot, and I am confident in my answers. It is what it is. My fam and true friends understand this fact. Other people, who get their feelings hurt, can kick rocks.

  • **inquiring mind**

    From one asshole to another:

    I mean every word of what I write or say, the only problem is, if it sounds too good to be true, that’s probably because a lot of what I say is not true yet. burr? Jozen what are you talking about?

    Anyway, I can tell you what the problem is… the women you’re saying “I miss you” to don’t believe you because YES you’re not following through with your actions. I liked this guy for the longest who would always say how much he missed me, but would be ghost for like 3 months at a time before reaching out to me again *blank stare*. He would never call me back (da fuk?) and never answer my texts or phone calls (burr?), but be like “I miss you”- GTFOH… dat don’t make sense- You’re sending mix signals. Obviously, you’re lying to yourself- you don’t really miss her you just like the thought of her being into you and you’re too proud to admit it (I don’t blame you, that sh!t is hella gay)… try being honest for a change.

    Another thang you should consider Jozen and all y’all other dudes that THINK you know what to say (when you prolly really don’t, you just like the sound of your own voice/thoughts)… What good is it in knowing what to say when NO ONE BELIEVES YOU?… let that marinate.

  • **inquiring mind**

    oops I meant smart-ass… but aren’t they one in the same?- let’s not split hairs.

  • http://alana-supperclub.blogspot.com Alana

    When you tell a woman u miss her and she says “your full of shit” she may not be responding just to you.She maybe responding to you and other men in her life who have lately done her wrong.I apologize for us..but thats just how it is.

  • http://simplymerenee.wordpress.com SimplyMeRenee

    I love how out of the entire post the “I miss you” line is the one getting the comments. I’m the observant type who likes to wait and see if a man’s statements are supported by his actions. No need in letting him know that I doubt him. If he proves to me that he is “full of shit” I will respond accordingly by taking nothing he says seriously. It’s that simple.

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    Lol..Couldn’t have said it better myself. Let the church say Amen!

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    i know your plight. i’ve been called a smart ass a lot more than i would care for. knowing what to say is something that you should take pride in. i do. if others don’t understand then that’s on them. if i told a woman that i missed her and she said i was just running game i probably would have responded with: “you know what? you’re right, i don’t.”

  • BoomShots

    Having been called a smart ass, all my life, I see it as no less of a compliment. Because I love being acknowledged as smart no matter what the context!! I always have something to say and depending on my mood it maybe the right thing or the worng thing. Sometimes I choose to say the wrong thing because, I am just not feeling the other party at the time and will say the best thing to get rid of them.

    As for telling a woman I miss her, if I don’t I will probably not say it, so when women do hear that from me they damn sure know I mean it. I keep being told I should say it in order to make them feel good but then it would just be line now wouldn’t it.

    I find it to be a waste of time censoring your words and your thoughts for mass appeal because truth be told you will never be liked by everyone. Some folks wil think you are greatly entertaining and others will deem you an insufferable boor or an asshole. Not because you necessarily are as likeable or dislikeable but because that is just how you struck them.

    You only have to worry if you really have no true friends and people can barely tolerate you even family, then you are probably unlikeable because 6+ billion people and no one likes you speaks volume.

  • Patty

    I swear your blog is the guy version of Sex and The City. Very refreshing and honest point of view. I may not agree with everything you say, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t so. If anything, I have learn so much about the male brain, thought process, and outlook on life. I have gain respect for the so called playas that have come in and out of my life because they too have feelings, they too have a voice, regardless of where I stand. You’ve opened up my eyes, Jozen. We’re not perfect, life isn’t perfect and we are definitely wasting our time if we are searching for perfection. Cannot wait ’til you sell the rights and they make a TV show out of these stories. I’ll b watching and b a fan for life.

  • BrwnButterfly
  • ChiCity

    Jozen,

    I don’t think it’s a matter of knowing EXACTLY what to say. It’s are you conveying the right message to the recipient. Depending upon the situation, I can say one thing and mean another (only because I may not be able to communicate effectively what I really am trying to say). It’s a known fact that people are ready to respond before they even process what’s either been said or written (I myself am guilty of this). Sometimes, yes the message can get lost in translation by the person who is receiving the message. This is why we are told communication is not just talking, but listening (hearing)
    I know you’re listening, but can you hear me?
    I know you’re reading the words, but do you really comprehend?
    And why are there so many comments about the ‘I miss you’. If I don’t believe you do I really need to tell you that I don’t believe you? Instead of being consumed with thinking every man is running game because he opens himself up, enjoy the moment of him saying he misses you (or he loves you). If you miss him, tell him that you miss him.

    SN: Before your friend took what you said in a different context that what you meant she should have asked, did you mean for you statement to sound like —because that’s how I took it. That opens up the dialogue of understanding where you could have explained what you meant.

  • ChiCity

    I don’t think it’s a matter of knowing EXACTLY what to say. It’s are you conveying the right message to the recipient. Depending upon the situation, I can say one thing and mean another (only because I may not be able to communicate effectively what I really am trying to say). It’s a known fact that people are ready to respond before they even process what’s either been said or written (I myself am guilty of this). Sometimes, yes the message can get lost in translation by the person who is receiving the message. This is why we are told communication is not just talking, but listening (hearing)

    I know you’re listening, but can you hear me?

    I know you’re reading the words, but do you really comprehend?

    And why are there so many comments about the ‘I miss you’. If I don’t believe you do I really need to tell you that I don’t believe you? Instead of being consumed with thinking every man is running game because he opens himself up, enjoy the moment of him saying he misses you (or he loves you). If you miss him, tell him that you miss him.

    SN: Before your friend took what you said in a different context than what you meant she should have asked, did you mean for your statement to sound like —because that’s how I took it. That opens up the dialogue of understanding where you could have explained what you meant.

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    I’m the type of guy who just wrote over 700 words on knowing exactly what to say …

    …So I just want to know if you used word count before filling in that number? **giggles** This was cute. However you have no problem outlining your problems on this blog. However, you never really write about a coarse of actiong you’re taking or planning to take to fix those issues. I guess that’s what this blog was about huh? LOL. Good luck with that.

  • Sunkissed404

    @ChiCity
    I know that’s right ChiCity… Do you charge? lol Yeah, yea, a lot of people are commenting on the “I miss you”… In my defense, I have heard the phrase “I miss you” used loosely and out of context. For example, there was this one guy I was talking to, who would throw in an “I miss you” whenever he wanted some “cookies”.lol (rolling eyes) He missed me alright, but not in the way that I wanted him to. So, it’s a Catch 22. I am attached to the words I say, in more ways than just the physical, so I have a hard time even “mouthing” words with so much “weight”. I’m the person who knows what to say, but never says it. This could be fear of putting myself out there. But, who knows? Besides, actions speak louder.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @SimplyMeRenee and @SimplyMeRenee

    I wasn’t gonna respond but since Kissed did… “keep the party going”… “I miss you” was Jozen’s example he used when posing the question I’m beginning to wonder, is that my fault or is that her fault?… therefore when I’m explaining a point that answers a question Jozen asked, I personally like to use the same example that he used (“I Miss You”)… just makes it easier for people to understand (well some anyway)… carry on.

  • **inquiring mind**

    Well now that I think about… he wasn’t really asking us now was he? hmmm… eh well, I don’t give a fuk… I do what I want.

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    I definitely get called a smart-ass all the time. I smirk and/or roll my eyes, which is true smart-ass form.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404
  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

    Yeah “smart ass” is common phrase amongst my friends and I. I get it a little too frequently because I am always joking and stating the obvious that no one else wants to say. Now to think of it my high school teacher use to call me a “wise ass”. Is there any difference? Doubtful so I will answer to them both.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • Leo knows best.

    story of my MF-ing life.

  • Sami

    Sometimes it may be better to keep working on it without spending all the energy on talking about how you’re working on it. Save your strength for the climb up and reminisce afterwards.
    One foot in front of the other, and repeat….. it’s not as hard as 700+ words when you just take a step at a time. You believe in your words, now believe in your feet. 🙂

  • HoneyMoney

    Actions do speak louder than words, but its nice to have both. Words are sometimes weightless. When your actions don’t match your words, you just look bad. I am sure “words are all i have” is not a true statement. I personally believe the first kind of jerk is better. He/She maybe tactless but atleast he’s honest. I will take genuine honesty over being a good talker any day! It’ll come to you when you want it to.

  • ChiCity

    @Sunkissed404

    I’m the same way, won’t say something out of fear of opening up (I need to work on that because I know I’m missing out). Yes some people do say words just to say them, but we can’t lump everyone in the same category ;-). It’s hard, trust me I know (I do this without even realizing I’m doing it).

    My fee, free food is always a plus hahahaha!

    The phrase I’ve heard the most was I love you…needless to say I’m always on guard because of someone who just used the term so losely (they thought it got them what they wanted). But I do believe that there will be someone who will say those words to me and mean it (already has been someone, and I’m sure I drove him crazy because of that particular issue).

  • Sunkissed404

    @ChiCity
    Lol…Okay. Free food, huh? I gotchu.

    “But I do believe that there will be someone who will say those words to me and mean it.”

    So true…I’m ready to embrace that feeling.

  • http://www.chuckcity.vox.com Chuck

    “I miss you” is definitely not game if the guys says, because men are not always known for showing true emotions. So if a guys verbally expresses his feelings in words or down on email/text then there is a high percentage that he really means.

    Chuckcity@Level Headed Chick

  • http://MiSoSlic64552.blogspot.com Milla

    WOW…as a fellow smart ass, I can definitely relate. Nice things I do or say (in lots of contexts including this one) aren’t always taken seriously cuz I’m so sarcastic and have LOTS of opinions. Life goes on…