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The Five Things I Lost When She Moved Out

In the months leading up to my ex-girlfriend moving in with me, my boy gave me one piece of advice I never forgot. He said, “Just know if you two break up, it’s not like a normal break up. When you break up with the girl you live with, it’s on a totally different level.”

Boy was he right.

Without getting into the back story of our break up (I’m saving that for another time), today I want to share all the things lost when my ex-girlfriend moved out of my place. Initially, we decided it would be best to live separately as a way to save the relationship, but soon after, we realized it was best to break up all together. Thing is, she still had the key to my apartment to come get her stuff as she pleased. To my surprise, these are the things she took that were ours.

Oh and just so we’re clear, all of these things have been replaced, and I’m only sharing this as a laugh. Lesson’s been learned, so don’t even try to give me one in the comments.

THE TRASH CAN

Together, the two of us bought this cool garbage can. Actually, it was this one.

We both loved it so much, every time we had guests over, we expected them to say things to us like, “Nice trash can.” I don’t know why we liked it so much, but we did, and it hung by its screws on the inside of the cabinet door under the sink. One day, I came home, opened up the cabinet door, and watched a piece of trash I was throwing away fall to the floor. “She took the trash can!” I yelled to myself. I decided to take action and immediately marched down to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to buy myself a new one. The exact same one. There it hangs to this day. My trash can.

THE COMFORTER

It was a burnt orange Nicole Miller down comforter. Another thing we got from an epic Bed, Bath, and Beyond trip. And yeah, it was definitely fly. My thing was, we had to get a color that wasn’t too girly. I’ll be damned if I let a woman’s touch invade what was once a bachelor pad. We decided on the Nicole Miller piece, and when she moved out she decided to take it. All good, I had my own blankets, but months later, I bought a new one I use to this day, as well as a new bed to go with it. For those who have ever lived with someone and shared a bed with them, they understand the impact of sharing a mattress. As a matter of fact, during the few weeks my ex and I stayed together as she moved into her other place, she didn’t even let me sleep in her new bed. If we were staying the night with each other, it was always at my our my place.

SOME CHEESE GRATER

It was months before I realized one of my favorite kitchen tools was no longer in my drawer of gadgets and I found out the cold way. I just came back from a long solo exodus to Whole Foods, where I picked up a fat block of parmagiano reggiano cheese. A couple days later, I hooked up some shrimp pasta, took out my block of cheese, and was more than excited to get my grate on. I looked in my gadget drawer, and nothing. Looked up in the cupboards, nothing. And then from there, I tore into my kitchen. It was one of those searches where the person gets so frustrated they begin to look for an item in places they know good and well they wouldn’t be. How else can I explain looking in my medicine cabinet for the cheese grater? I texted my ex, “DID YOU TAKE  THE CHEESE GRATER TOO?” Her reply: “LOL, YOU JUST NOW REALIZED THAT…LOL!”. That was only funny to her.

A TICKET TO PICK UP A TAILORED SUIT

For Christmas, my ex took the measurements from another one of my tailored suits, gave them to the tailor, along with my gray pinstripe suit, paid for it in advance, and wrapped up the pick-up ticket in a box. It was a great gift. Classic, even. Too bad I never got to pick it up. Perhaps this one was my fault, as I probably should have picked it up weeks before my ex moved out, but that’s not the point. I was going to pick it up. A couple weeks after she moved out, I went down to the tailor and tried in vain to pick up my suit with no ticket. The tailor looked around his store filled with orders of suits in black garment bags, then looked at me, and laughed. That was only funny to him.

MY (I REPEAT) MY BIBLE

Okay, this was the last draw. All the things my ex took, were fine with me, but my Bible was crossing the line. In her defense, my Bible was actually given to me by her mother. It was a leather bound King James version, with my inscribed in gold leaf on the front; a beautiful gift to say the least. Her mom gave it to me after one of our first visits, and I took great care of it because, well, it meant the world to me. I had a Bible before hand, but not one with my name on it. I just loved it.

At the time I realized it was gone, my ex and I weren’t talking at all. So I called up her mother and explained to her calmly that I understand why she took the other things, but the Bible? My Bible? I know I could have bought another one, but that wasn’t the point, there are just some things, some gifts, we shouldn’t take back. Her mom understood and said she would talk to her daughter. Two days later, I was coming home from work, and when I got to my door, there on the doormat was my Bible. I don’t know how long it was there, but I noticed nobody touched it while it lay there. You know why? Because we don’t take people’s Bibles.

Categories: dating, guys, Stupid Arguments, women Tags:
  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com doowaditty

    lol. i’m just laughing ‘cuz you said you was about to “get my grate on”. i will never grate cheese the same way again.

  • jonessy

    I just busted out laughing at work so loud that heads turned, “she took the trash can!”

  • Theryl

    Lol! She strategically took those things to force you to call her. Lol. Lmao! Yeah, that’s definitely a girl trick. Lol. But I’m really lol-ing at the cheese grater!! That is priceless!!!

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    Before I even finish reading I just have to say I love this line lol

    “Lesson’s been learned, so don’t even try to give me one in the comments.”

  • Sunkissed404

    lol…Dang, she took your bible too?! She musta been really hurt, and wanted you to hurt baaad. But taking the bible was just wrong….At least she gave it back. But dayuuum. Can a brother at least read a scripture to bring healing to the situation? lol My best reasoning for her doing such a thing is because SHE WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN. Because if she really wanted to cut it off wit you, she woulda left EVERYTHING belonging to you (y’all). Ha!

    I always say I will never move in with my significant other. I’ve only had one ex suggest that we move in together (ummm, well 2). He was so serious about it, because the apartment rent in Maryland/DC is off tha damn chain… But anyway, I pondered the thought, and had a very unsettling feeling, and just had to stick with my gut. I can see myself tryna find something to take of his (ours) just to piss him off.lol

  • James

    My ex was packing I took a shower to get ready for work, and she took the towels before I got out the shower and left. Wet slacks are not the business.

  • Sunkissed404

    @Theryl
    Lol…Theryl, you are so in my head. I was typing my comment while you put yours in. Yeah, that’s a girl trick.

  • Kady

    When I left my ex, I took pretty much everything, but I paid for it all, so it was only fair, especially since he didn’t want to return my part of the security on the apartment (he was going to get it back when the lease is up anyway).
    I took the Bedroom set, Living room set, Kitchen table, so the apartment was pretty empty. I ended up giving most of it to my parents because it had to many bad memories. This post was hilarious “MY (I REPEAT) MY BIBLE” Dying!!!!

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    I definitely burst out laughing through this one! Homegirl was bugging to take that stuff but at least it made for a good story for your readers

  • http://jusconversating.blogspot.com Babygurrl

    The funniest thing about this is taht your trash can has a 5 year warrenty…it is quite cool tho

  • **inquiring mind**

    Uh yeah, there’s definitely something unholy about taking someone’s Bible, with THEIR NAME INSCRIBED at that but… in her defense, it ain’t like you read it *shrug*… lol (I kid)

  • dbaby11

    lol my coworkers and i are sitting here naming all the unusual items we have taken from our ex homes…. when i got divorced i took all of my ex husbands socks!!! why i dont know but it made me feel good that the first day he was going to be without me he was going to have to be late to work and stop and buy a pair of socks…. lol i wanted to inconvience him like he did my life!!!lmao.

  • Miss. Riss

    Way toooo funny! These are the kind of posts that made me start reading this… You definitely have a way with words and storytelling.

  • monique

    dang….the bible? really? thats grimey.

    even PRISONERS are allowed to keep their bibles.

  • Miss. Riss

    I think I have some coupons..I might need to pick up that garbage can. lol

  • the1girl

    OMG! Hilarious post but is that all she took. When I left my husband, I left him with nothing but the stuff he had in his man cave. Lets just say when he walked into our old condo everything was cleared out. Since I moved out literally a day after our whole situation, he never expected to walk into a empty condo. Hahaha! I wish I was a fly on the wall that day.

  • BoomShots

    Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned?
    Be grateful that all she took were possesions whose loss were mere inconvenience at best. Based on what some of the women here are saying, it makes me wonder if that is part of their thought pattern when they attempt to make you get rid of all your stuff when you move in together?

    One of my boys was sleeping on the floor and then my folding bed for a few weeks when his ex left, she had him throwout his perfectly fine bed (not store it) throw it out on her moving in. Boy was he cleaned out, it was better if he had gotten robbed because maybe he could have filed an insurance claim. He was not even left with kitchen supplies, we still laugh about it today but everytime we do we can a slight pain in his face.

    Next time file a police report and inconvenience her!!

  • http://www.pinchmycheekie.blogspot.com Cheekie

    This post had me effing dying. Especially the part where you yelled out loud to yourself “she took the trash can!”. I can so picture myself (as well as a lot of other people…lots of people do it!) doing that.

  • Top5WitnessProtection

    Another good post…

    My situation when my Ex moved out was the Brita Water filter… I went Ape Shit over that… I was like the water filter… really… the effin water filter.

  • Violet

    I don’t know what you did, but it had to be REALLY BAD if she didn’t even think the Bible could help you! LLLLLLOOOOOLLLLL!

  • http://sleep-is-the-cousin-of-death.blogspot.com/ MadScientist7

    damn the bible son? smh

  • Girl Politik

    OMG!! I laughed out loud when I saw the picture of the trash can and fell out!

  • http://satcpsychology.wordpress.com Vivienne

    When I saw the heading for the Bible, I literally laughed out loud. Wow…funnier still is that you made a stand for the Bible. Okay…I’ll buy another cool trash can, but my Bible? Oh hell…well heck… naw!

  • http://pastthevelvetrope.wordpress.com mimi

    Shes very corny and petty for taking back a gift. SMH

  • OC

    WOW! lol. Wow. @James

  • psssshhh

    This is hilarious!!!! The Bible too tho? DANG!!! You must have pissed her off something terrible!

    The cheese grater LOL…

  • tisha

    Comedy!

  • http://www.tiffsfannypack.wordpress.com The Fanny Pack

    OMG, I snorted! LOL.
    Well, at least you can have a good laugh about it all now (and the trash can, cheese grater, and Bible were all laugh worthy)!

  • L. Dejean

    iHOLLERED at this line: How else can I explain looking in my medicine cabinet for the cheese grater?

    I don’t think i could take things like that…i would, more than likely, ask first if it is just that important to me but if it is of minor importance & i can afford to, i’d just get another one.

    That was foul that she took your bible, i’m glad you got it back. There was no excuse for her to take it, regardless, cause it was a gift to you that was personalized for you. If she needed the word of God that bad, she could’ve brought one for herself or ask her mom to get her one similar to yours as a gift.

    I had neutral colors in my Apartment but my favorite color is blue so i don’t really get overly girly decorated places. (I’m not a real girly girl though).

  • http://twitter.com/Lena Lena

    That does look like a really cool garbage can! I understand why you were upset to find it gone.

    I also understand about the Bible. You can buy Bibles anywhere, but I kind of feel like Bibles should be gifts. It is more convenient to buy your own, especially since there are a ton of different translations and sizes, but it is more meaningful when they are received as gifts. 🙂

  • Gigi

    When I left my ex I took things that didnt even belong to me. It was petty. We have since laughed about it, and I’m sorry.

    lmao

  • Gigi

    @the1girl

    Amen sister! You did your job!

  • bethany

    My mother’s ex-husband was absolutely horrible and it did NOT end well. Still, for some reason, he trusted us to pack up his stuff when he finally moved out (well, we forced him out).

    Needless to say, he got everything we *wanted* him to have. Which included NONE of the wedding gifts (six-month marriage, ftw) and we conveniently forgot the main sail to his dingy of a sailboat was stored in the closet during the off season. Using their Waterford wine glasses when I’m at my mom’s still makes me smile.

  • Casandra

    Hilarious. Really? Who takes back the bible? smh.

  • http://twitter.com/stjbLocs Positive Innergy

    beyond freakin’ hilarious  — wow —

  • Gregory Harris

    i cant even begin 2 explain how funny this is, the cheese grater and the bible were epic…utterly hilarious.

  • http://www.bonitakeme.com/ Keme

     lol. this was funyy. The bible part was kind of pushing things. But this reminds me of my friend and her boyfriend!

  • Guest

    lol breakups are always funny in retrospect but when you’re going through it…..aint nothing funny…at all.  the bible was was a bit overboard though….and your name was on it so …why? great post though. lol