I’ve been slipping as of late on giving you all the work I do elsewhere, so for those who are into those kinds of pieces, my bad. Here are the links to some pieces I did within the last couple of weeks. Thanks for all the support. Enjoy!
“Young Jeezy Returns With New, Free Mixtape ‘Trap or Die 2′” (via/WSJ)
“Poly-Hyphenate Ice Cube On His ESPN Documentary about the Late, Lamented L.A. Raiders” (via/GQ.com)
“Live: Francis and The Lights Hypnotize Minds at the Bowery Ballroom” (via/Village Voice)
So my first installment of “Poppin’ The Questions” garnered what is I believe my lowest comment total ever. Normally, I would take that as a sign to not continue, but I’m going to continue this ongoing series of answering Formspring questions. Not only is it a time saver (the reader’s questions practically write half the post), but because I think it’s important to answer the small percentage of my readers who take the time to ask me a question.
Before we get into the latest installment, a quick reminder:
For all those in New York City on June 3rd, come check me out along with other esteemed relationship writers as we discuss matters of the heart at The Modern Day Matchmaker event. Look to the right of this post, tickets are $20 if you buy them through this site.
Now, time for the questions.
My ex had game. That’s how she got me.
She was taller than the rest of the girls she came into the club with, so it was easy for me to stay focused on her. As my group and her group crossed paths, my eyes were firmly locked on her. She noticed, smiled, and as she walked by, she ran her hand across my stomach, said, “Hey” and then kept walking. She didn’t stop to talk. Just kept walking. Meanwhile I was stuck for what felt like forever but probably only two minutes. Later, I introduced myself to her.
The most advanced women, free thinkers not bound by traditionalism, understand the fine art of approaching a man and that doing so is not only acceptable, but it’s appreciated. Still, some women remain shy. They’re tired of standing around looking cute, and want to take matters into their own hand, but don’t quite know how to do so without coming off looking fast or desperate.
For these women, I have devised the following: Five ways to approach a man based on how I would like a woman to approach me. Read it, then come here.
The first time I told my mom I had a girlfriend was in kindergarten and she told me I was too young for such things, focus on school. As I grew older, and more girls would come in and out of my life, my mother remained on message, “Girls are a distraction.”
As much of a distraction as they were, my mom knew her son wasn’t going to stop chasing after them, and so I jumped from one girl to the next. Up until my last relationship, two years ago, I was a serial monogamist from like seventh grade on.
But ever since then, I’ve remained single, though not unattached, and while I do enjoy bachelorhood as much as any one man could whose name is not George Clooney, I have discovered there is a myth about the single life and it is time it gets debunked.
Men are never raised to believe they’re capable of being a good man to a woman. This isn’t an excuse for our behavior, as far as I see, this is just a fact of life.
The men I know who don’t want to get into relationships refuse not because they don’t feel like doing it, but because they feel like they can’t. And the ones who do get into relationships, well, the confidence they have to make such a step is fragile.
Maybe even too fragile.
So when a woman is shaking it up with more cries of woe, telling her man he isn’t cut out to be in a relationship, he internalizes that, starts believing it applies to every woman he meets afterward. When a man is doing right, she calls him a man, but when he’s doing wrong, she calls him a boy. If he hears it enough times from a woman — that he’s a boy, that he’s not ready to be a man — he starts believing it, and so he decides to remain single, because he doesn’t need a woman to determine his manhood. On his own two, he’s a man.
Dedicated to no woman in particular, just experiences with many, today’s post is for all the men out there who have ever tried to make it work and got beat up in the process. Let us not cheat. Let us not yell. Let us leave before things get any worse than they already are.
Some may have noticed that on the right margin of this blog, I have a Formspring account (See: “Ask Jozen Anything”), allowing readers the opportunity to ask me questions anonymously. Unfortunately, I haven’t been as prompt with my responses as I should be, so starting today I’m going to answer most of these questions via my daily posts every Monday and Friday. To those who think they’re going to be reading some dry questionnaire, give me more credit. I’m still going to be answering these questions with the hopes of entertaining in a thought-provoking way.
Also on the right hand margin of this blog, you will notice a new widget promoting an event I’m going to be a part of in New York City on June 2. It’s a relationships panel/music performance/party, and it should be a great time for everyone who comes. I, of course, am going to be on the relationships panel, and I sincerely hope all of you who are in the NYC area will (PAY TO!) come out.
Now, I’m already expecting most people who know me in real life to ask me for a hookup of Free.99, in which I will politely say “hell no,” but I do have an exclusive discount code (“Bachelor”) for five dollars off for anyone interested. To those who have never met me in person or heard me speak about the things I discuss here, this is your chance. Hopefully with this blog I’ve given you enough incentive, but if you still need some convincing, consider this post in which I share more of myself, to be my attempt at giving you a preview of who you’re coming to see. Enjoy.
Treat her the way you would want a man to treat your mother, your sister, or any woman you love unconditionally. If men subscribed to this motto, and actually chose to live by it, how much better off would we be? It’s a question I have asked myself time and time again.
A girl once told me she can tell I’m a good man because of how much I love my mother. Back then, I didn’t really see how my abilities as a son tied into my abilities as a boyfriend, but if this girl saw it, I was going to run with it. And then at some point, I think ran with it too far.
I always joke that I come from a proud tradition of divorce. It’s kind of my way of laughing at what is honestly a very painful part of my personal history.
Even before I was born, members of my family were getting divorced. My grandparents are divorced. My mom and dad are divorced. My uncles got divorces.
For better or worse, the loving, broken home, is not an exception in my family, but the norm. So the question is, what’s that mean for me?
Before I jump into this subject, I want to make it perfectly clear that none of what I am about to write is for the ladies.
This is not for the females who have been hurt by a cheating boyfriend or husband. This is not about how I used to cheat, later realized it was wrong, and went on a journey in search of self discipline and the ability to make good decisions. Today’s post is about none of that and kind of, sort of, not for women, though I would never say they should not read. I just want it to be clear, today I’m not talking to them, and I’m not really talking about me, but since we are talking about cheating, let me get this much out of the way:
Yes, I have cheated before and yes I have been caught before, so I know a little something about the bad and ugly of infidelity (there is no good). But this isn’t about me. This is about the married men who cheat and why I have absolutely no respect for them.
I’m superficial. There is no use in even lying about it. I care about how a girl looks, how she talks, what kind of place she lives in; the list is endless. I know none of it really matters at all, has no connection to what’s truly important, but first impressions are also important to me. They’re important to everybody, so it is why we remain sticklers for the surface level stuff.
Outside of personal interaction, no place helps us gauge the superficial qualities of a person more than Facebook. We get to see photos, their favorite quotes, television shows, and maybe, if they’re frequent status updaters, their wit. Facebook, for me, has kind of become the Cliff Notes to a woman and I’m not even going to lie, sometimes, these Cliff Notes are so good, I want to read more. But sometimes, every once in a while, I come up on a woman’s profile that makes me want to pass on getting to know her beyond her page. These are the five reasons why: