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I Could Have No Idea What I’m Talking About + Oprah Radio Appearance

So as most people who read this site know, last night, I participated in the Modern Day Matchmaker Live event at Providence in New York City. My role was as one of six people sitting on a panel to have, what the event billed as, “Real talk about real relationships.” Overall, I’d say I enjoyed myself, and for the people who were in attendance, I hope they enjoyed it too.

At the end of the panel, all of us was asked to give our own advice on what people can do right now to increase their chances of meeting that special someone. When it was my time to talk, I gave the men one piece of advice, and the women another. Here they are, feel free to discuss in the comments, and maybe I will elaborate more next week.

P.S. Sorry for the light post today, I’m just mentally exhausted. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

P.S.S. I will be on the Oprah Radio Network tomorrow at 1 p.m. Sirius Channel 195, XM Channel 156. The show is The Derrick Ashong Experience. If you don’t have satellite radio, go to, and I think you’ll be able to stream from there. Of course, we’ll be talking about Until I Get Married.


Approach women you have no business approaching

This was a piece of advice given to me by a friend of mine, which was given to him by the father of a friend of his. Today, it’s a motto I live by because I feel if put into practice, a man can gain confidence from a failed attempt, and demonstrates confidence from a successful one. If I go up to a woman who is seemingly out of my league, and I strike out, I can always say at least I wasn’t afraid. Like a bad song, the word “No” gets easier to hear after repeat listens. If I find the girl saying yes, I know it’s probably because she recognized the confidence I had with each approaching step.


Quit playing hard to get, start playing hard to keep.

Yesterday I tweeted the following sentences: “Girl, I’m not chasing you. I have asthma.” I don’t really have asthma (hopefully anyone who does isn’t offended), but what I was trying to say is I don’t have the time or the energy to chase after a girl and try to wear her down. Women who think playing hard to get will find themselves not gotten sooner than later.

Ladies, let a man have you, but do so on your own terms and watch how long he stays around. Now, he may bounce after the first sentence of back talk, but if he does, just let him go ladies. My point is, let a man work for the power he wants because honestly, it’s all we ever really want. Power.  It’s the difference between a woman who stays until a man has to tell her to go, and a woman who leaves on her own accord. The latter is getting called back before the former.

Categories: dating, guys, on something, women, Work Tags:
  • HoneyMoney

    That’s good stuff right there.

  • Cheekie

    Dayum, this was a great post. Love the advice to both sexes!

    I wish the tours were taped! But whatever, I know I’m going to the upcoming one in the Chi!

  • ~TruthHurts

    Thats probably the best piece of advice ive heard for ladies in a while. Luv it!

    P.S. I missed the panel discussion yesterday is there a link to chk it out?

  • Tierra

    Dammit, Jozen! You’re gonna have all the fugly men swerving out of their fugly lanes! Look, a man knows when he’s a 3. (By the way, I don’t think you’re an 8. I’d give you a 10). A 3 should not be approaching a 9. In fact, this annoys the hell out of women so much and makes us question ourselves. I don’t know what I rate and don’t care, but I know that men and homeboy with the Karl Kani and gold chains on had no business talking. At. ALL.

  • **inquiring mind**

    Oh Jozen bye… I’m so used to you being sometimesy with these d@mn posts #ain’tnobodystudyingyou

    Nice advice… glad y’all had a good time.

  • goalawal

    Brief but very clear… About to go quote you on Facebook….

  • 05girl

    But man, can we get a recap of the night somewhere?
    I like the advice. Yet I’m bothered how it contradicts other men who say that we shouldn’t let men be so easy (for example, don’t be too available, etc.. basically play the game). I hate playing games though, so of course I like this.

  • Yesi Jukebox

    Light post but still good..I like the advice to both parties.

  • Crystal ;-)

    Good Advice!!!

  • Demi

    Awwh, I know the event was so much fun! Oh, and that last sentence in your advice to the women? PREACH, Jozen, preach!

  • sunkissed404

    Wow…Taking notes.

  • booboonotthefool

    Good thoughts! Wish I could have seen the broadcast. (I gave it about 15 and tapped out). I’ll try to check out the archive

  • Violet

    Valuable to say the least. Thanks for pressing through the fatigue.

  • Trenee

    I swear you’re some sort of genius! Just when I think I’ve heard your best insights…

  • L. Dejean

    iGiggled at this sentence: “Girl, I’m not chasing you. I have asthma.” (my sister has asthma but i don’t so I’m not offended)! I liked your advice and as i told you at MDML, i tweeted your advice to the ladies. You did a great job & i can’t wait to read more of your blog!

  • Talia

    …good advice…quick question..are there any exceptions to the rule? i’m convinced that a certain calibre of woman can get you to buy an inhaler.

  • Aprille

    “That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

    I feel like that’s what you are trying to say!

  • 36 yearl old PICKY BLACKMAN

    There is an article in the “BLACK WOMEN SEE FEW BLACK MEN AT THE ALTER”
    Ladies, I think serious, you need to just, and please excuse me “SHUT UP AND LISTEN”

    1. Unless you are going to ask me to marry you, “SHUT UP AND LISTEN”

    2. If you have men telling you what is their apprehension with getting married: attitude, weight, sex, hair, career, ambition. And seemingly, he is not going to get married without these things in his package, if you want to get married, “SHUT UP AND LISTEN”

    It may sound harsh, etc, etc, but on a real intellectual level, “SHUT UP AND LISTEN” Then when you finally do get married, you don’t have to shut up, but you still have to LISTEN!

    You may not agree with everything we men are saying here, so here is what you do. Take the majority of the advice we are giving you, NO BACK TALK, “SHUT UP AND LISTEN” and run with it. You may find yourself married SOONER THAN LATER!

    I’m gonna tell a few things right now.

    When I see a woman, here are my apprehensions on approaching her seriously:

    Is her hair real, does she work out and eat healthy, is her attitude going to be apprehensive or congenial and inviting.?

    I can see those three things, well at least two of them from looking at you in 5 to 10 seconds.

    If you do not pass that 10 second test…….

  • spchrist

    I was at the Modern Day Matchmaker event and I liked what you had to say over all the other panelists. An event like that should be repeated.

  • Alisha

    Excellent point for the ladies. This is coming from someone who used to live for “The Chase.” I’ve learned better. Thanks!

  • mimi

    I’m still salty that I bougt a ticket for the show and didn’t end up in attendance. I had a prior engagement on Friday that I had to be at. I hope it was a good time.

    That advice to the fellas… is ehhh ehhh… because as a female sometimes we think “what the hell was he thinking trying to talk to me?” and get irritated. LOL! But I’ll take that at face value.

    The ladies’ advice was perfect. Definitely a quotable.

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