The Inconvenient True Confessions of a Broke Man
Of all the ways my ex displayed her anger towards me after we broke up, there was one move she made that was so low, even she had to apologize for it.
I wasn’t aware of what she was saying about me to her friends once we broke up, nor did I care to ask, but in one of our post-conversation breakups, my ex revealed to me she told her friends how much (or, rather, little) I made at my job.
“Well, that’s low,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “And I’m sorry, but I was just so angry with you and that’s all I had. I knew it would hurt you.”
Even though at the time she told me about this, I was in a much better financial state, her intent was successful. It did hurt me, but not because I was embarrassed by my old salary. The real reason it stung is because when my ex and I were together, she knew how uncomfortable I was with sharing my finances. It wasn’t until she saw an eviction letter on my door when we were living together that I told her the whole truth, and even then, I had to be coerced.
This post isn’t about the noble acts of a broke man, or to tear down men with money. A good man is a good man no matter how much he makes.
What this post is about is the difficulty of being honest when we are broke with women who may or may not care in the first place.
Ladies, sometimes, when a man’s phone is ringing off the hook and he’s not picking up, it’s because bill collectors are calling him. Sometimes, a man would love to take a woman out to a fine restaurant, because he likes fine restaurants too, but he can’t afford it. Sometimes, he would love to take a woman on a trip to some island, but he can’t afford two round-trip tickets.
Sometimes, ladies, your man is broke, struggling just to make his own ends meet, and while he won’t admit to it, I will be more than happy to on his behalf.
If I can choose what if anything people can gain from the story I just shared about my ex, it would be to pay attention to how close the relationship is between a man’s pride and his wallet.
I know this post is about one man, but I’m sure plenty of men can relate to having financial woes and the effect it has on their dating lives. They won’t share it with me, and ladies, they damn sure won’t share it with you, but trust me, out there, there are more broke men than rich men who have more time to spare than change.
Say what you want about Kanye, when the man said, “Having money’s not everything, not having it is,” he was definitely onto something. I can go out with a little money in my pocket and show a woman the time of her life, but when I’m truly broke — when my bank account looks like the last four digits of my social security number with a decimal point in the middle — you can forget about me doing anything.
I have seen women go out with absolutely no money in their pocket, and party like rock stars, but most men I know would never do the same. Whenever I don’t have the funds, I simply call it a night, unless one of my boy’s practically begs me to roll with him and insists on buying the drinks, and even then it’s still a challenge. My issue isn’t with my boy covering for me, because I know if the tables were turned, I would do the same. My issue is with the paralyzing effect having no money has on me.
When I have no money, I don’t even want to approach a woman out of fear that I will have to find a way to magically make a conversation turn into a drink. Even if the drinks don’t cost me anything and I can put it on my friend’s tab without her knowing, what if we get a bite to eat after the party? What if she wants to go home with me and sleep with me? Kind of difficult when I don’t even have the money to purchase some condoms.
If all of this sounds extreme, well trust me, it has been, at some point in my life, an extreme reality I have to deal with, and yet, because it’s something I am easily embarrassed by, I keep it to myself. What happens as a result is women I date think there’s something else going on with me.
She thinks I’m inviting her over to dinner because I want to get her in my house. She thinks I would rather take the subway because I’m cheap. She thinks I let her pay half the bill because I’m one of those guys who believes in some new kind of chivalry.
She is often more wrong than right.
Sometimes, the inconvenient truth is, whenever I offer up an activity that seemingly looks cheap on the outside, it’s probably because I have no money on the inside. All I really have to spend on her is my time, and if that’s not enough to cover both of us, the time we spend will have to wait. That is the truth she can’t know right now.
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