Home > dating, guys, women, Work > The Inconvenient True Confessions of a Broke Man

The Inconvenient True Confessions of a Broke Man

Of all the ways my ex displayed her anger towards me after we broke up, there was one move she made that was so low, even she had to apologize for it.

I wasn’t aware of what she was saying about me to her friends once we broke up, nor did I care to ask, but in one of our post-conversation breakups, my ex revealed to me she told her friends how much (or, rather, little) I made at my job.

“Well, that’s low,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “And I’m sorry, but I was just so angry with you and that’s all I had. I knew it would hurt you.”

Even though at the time she told me about this, I was in a much better financial state, her intent was successful. It did hurt me, but not because I was embarrassed by my old salary. The real reason it stung is because when my ex and I were together, she knew how uncomfortable I was with sharing my finances. It wasn’t until she saw an eviction letter on my door when we were living together that I told her the whole truth, and even then, I had to be coerced.

This post isn’t about the noble acts of a broke man, or to tear down men with money. A good man is a good man no matter how much he makes.

What this post is about is the difficulty of being honest when we are broke with women who may or may not care in the first place.

Ladies, sometimes, when a man’s phone is ringing off the hook and he’s not picking up, it’s because bill collectors are calling him. Sometimes, a man would love to take a woman out to a fine restaurant, because he likes fine restaurants too, but he can’t afford it. Sometimes, he would love to take a woman on a trip to some island, but he can’t afford two round-trip tickets.

Sometimes, ladies, your man is broke, struggling just to make his own ends meet, and while he won’t admit to it, I will be more than happy to on his behalf.

If I can choose what if anything people can gain from the story I just shared about my ex, it would be to pay attention to how close the relationship is between a man’s pride and his wallet.

I know this post is about one man, but I’m sure plenty of men can relate to having financial woes and the effect it has on their dating lives. They won’t share it with me, and ladies, they damn sure won’t share it with you, but trust me, out there, there are more broke men than rich men who have more time to spare than change.

Say what you want about Kanye, when the man said, “Having money’s not everything, not having it is,” he was definitely onto something. I can go out with a little money in my pocket and show a woman the time of her life, but when I’m truly broke — when my bank account looks like the last four digits of my social security number with a decimal point in the middle — you can forget about me doing anything.

I have seen women go out with absolutely no money in their pocket, and party like rock stars, but most men I know would never do the same. Whenever I don’t have the funds, I simply call it a night, unless one of my boy’s practically begs me to roll with him and insists on buying the drinks, and even then it’s still a challenge. My issue isn’t with my boy covering for me, because I know if the tables were turned, I would do the same. My issue is with the paralyzing effect having no money has on me.

When I have no money, I don’t even want to approach a woman out of fear that I will have to find a way to magically make a conversation turn into a drink. Even if the drinks don’t cost me anything and I can put it on my friend’s tab without her knowing, what if we get a bite to eat after the party? What if she wants to go home with me and sleep with me? Kind of difficult when I don’t even have the money to purchase some condoms.

If all of this sounds extreme, well trust me, it has been, at some point in my life, an extreme reality I have to deal with, and yet, because it’s something I am easily embarrassed by, I keep it to myself. What happens as a result is women I date think there’s something else going on with me.

She thinks I’m inviting her over to dinner because I want to get her in my house. She thinks I would rather take the subway because I’m cheap. She thinks I let her pay half the bill because I’m one of those guys who believes in some new kind of chivalry.

She is often more wrong than right.

Sometimes, the inconvenient truth is, whenever I offer up an activity that seemingly looks cheap on the outside, it’s probably because I have no money on the inside. All I really have to spend on her is my time, and if that’s not enough to cover both of us, the time we spend will have to wait. That is the truth she can’t know right now.

Categories: dating, guys, women, Work Tags:
  • http://www.dear-whoever.com Ev

    This is one of the most honest posts I’ve ever read.. It’s so hard for a man to come to terms with his financial problems, while at the same time trying to live up to the expectations of women: that we will someday be providers. With women slowly but surely climbing up the ladder of spending power, it’s a little disconcerting that men don’t have as much leeway in dating when it comes to their wallets. Trust, I know the feeling. And ladies, it’s the most embarrassing and low feeling on the planet…

  • @fiskforever

    Wow. This explains so much. Reading this shows me that I should have been more empathetic to some of the men I’ve dated in the past. My only question is: what about the men who spend their money on frivolities and then want to honestly PLAY broke? Is that just poor/perfectly human immaturity when it comes to finances or is it something deeper?

  • http://signedmissyoung.blogspot.com miss young

    Sometimes I consider his “brokeness”, but if he never even hints towards his lack of finances and he is SUPER prideful and cocky about everything as a way to cover up his “shame”, I will treat him like he is the richest man in the world. I’m not bleeding pockets or asking for money, but if I want to go out somewhere…I will say so.

    Great post!

    signed,

    miss young

  • dbaby11

    i absolutely loved this post. i did !i did ! the last two paragraphs offer insight and believe it or not think back to certain moments in my past! an “ahhh_haaaa” moment. thanks a bunch!;-)

  • http://www.levelheadedchick.blogspot.com/ Level Headed Chick

    This is why I heart your blog, its so genuine and you really pour the crevices of your inner self into it. It’s takes a lot of balls to be as honest with yourself to the world….Thanks.

  • Theryl

    I’m sure it was difficult to even write this post. But as a woman, when we are in relationship with a man, or even aspire to be, we wanna help. In it’s truest definition, a woman is to be a helpmate to her partner. That means we HELP. But our help often falls on deaf ears, or starts an argument, so we just don’t bother. Yeah we liked to be wined and dined, but we are nurturers. Nothing wrong with letting us pick up the slack.

  • Julie

    Definitely insightful! I’ve dated a wide range…men with money, men without, men who live on credit and pretend to have. I’m intuitive enough to know when “he” didn’t have, but it was okay with me. I love being pampered, taken out, etc. but I can roll on the cheap side too–as long as the company and the connection is there. And I’ve known with whom I can offer to pick up the tab/split the bill/ tell them “you can get it next” and with whom I don’t even bother for fear they would feel “less of a man”. Interesting the latter are guys that have not lasted long….

  • Miss. Riss

    This post hits me in the heart, hard. My ex had financial issues for a large portion of our relationship. And while I would NEVER share the severity of his situation with anyone while we were together or after, it had an extreme impact on our relationship.

    What I find funny about dating relationships and the impact of money is that when it comes to men, even if the woman is soooo okay with it and willing to put down whatever he can’t, he still can’t function successfully in the relationship. Sometimes its not the lack of funds that leads the termination of the relationship, its how the person is dealing with thier lack of funds and how honest they are with thier mate.

    If we’re a team, tell me what you’re bringing to the court, so I can know what I need to bring for us to win the game! If I don’t know, we’re bound to lose…

  • http://www.thechicagosupperclub.com Alana

    I understand this and I respond to honesty very well.The first thing I think when a man invites me to dinner at his house is “he thinks hes bout to get laid”.Unless I know the man really well and we’ve been kickin it for a minute I’m not going.If he says “hey I’m broke but I can afford to invite you over and cook”,then thats completely different.We’ve all been broke befor we as adults who depend on ourselves only financially know what its like.I’m not gonna stop liking you because your broke and don’t get paid till next week.

  • Demi

    Another good post :). Very honest. I just wanna say one thing, though. A few of us women could not care less how much money you make. It’s your drive that is sexy to us; the passion for what you do. Do you think there’s an independent woman on this planet who was not, at some point in her life, broke as all hell? We’ve been there, too!

    For some of us, taking a (free!) walk around the park with great conversation is a better date than one where you spend $100-200 trying to show us a good time. And for those women who don’t see things that way? Shouldn’t they get the same advice that’s always given to us when men only want the booty while we’re sitting around wanting more?

    Some women just realize that society’s stereotypical depiction of men as providers can be met even without having lots of dough! No amount of expensive dates, flowers, and gifts can make up for the way a man makes me feel when he’s holding me at night, or when he takes the stress away by just listening to what I have to say and telling me everything will be alright. Last time I checked, that’s providing, too. I hope one day broke arse dudes can figure this one out :).

  • BoomShots

    Been there too many times in my life and happens to be one of my pet peeves in dating the woman who claims money is not that important but has a lot of suggestions about how to spend yours and then distances herself at the slightest hint of troubled finances. The few times in my life I have hit that financial redline, I am like a social tortoise in a shell, head and feet tucked in and not going out unless its very necessary. I am not even gonna front and leave my home without at least cab fare to get back home.

    Once dated someone at one of those points in my life, right off the bat told her funds were tight as I was trying to get a business off the ground. I learned there are some innate difficulties developing a relationship under financial constraints not because the money is important but because like Jozen noted, inviting someone to your home early on in the dating process is a tricky thing. She seemed to be ok with my limited budget and volunteered to pay for me attending some performances she was involved with which was the sum of anything she did ever pay during the period we dated. We never really worked out, some of which was finance issue but also we had different lifestyles. But it came back to me that she was telling others that I used her. It made me angry because we spent most of our times together at my expense (her crib was a mess) and other than the performances, half of which I had declined to attend, she never really had to go into her pocket.

    I am not mad at a woman who thinks financial stability is important because I have adapted that value too. I am going to let her slide as much as she lets me slide. I did my penance in my broke days and if it gets back to that, hopefully it don’t I can do them again. Its easier too when you were never Big Willy or trying to ball in the spot, because you got lower to fall. One of my boys who had frequent bouts of employment between unemployment was known to wine and dine dates and their friends…but also got a reputation for disappearing before the bill showed up. Funny thing is wife is the one picking up the bills now, much to her chagrin…guess she fell for the Jedi mind trick.

  • http://hobdragon.com HobDragonDotCom

    Can I offer you some hard dap or a man hug? What’s your policy on reposting this gem you have just dropped? Women have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA on this right here and they think that their “live for today” attitude with partying broke is universal. I have been this guy you describe and I did everything that you stated. Get out of my head! Wow, this is golden.

    Thank you!

  • **inquiring mind**

    I’m sorry, couldn’t read past It wasn’t until she saw an eviction letter on my door when we were living together without saying something first… I couldn’t imagine living with someone and coming home to that. That sh!t is scary.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @@fiskforever
    I say it’s bad finance management… $.02

  • ~TruthHurts

    Men are the best lovers when they dont have money. Women get more love when he’s got less $$$. MEn get more creative and more interesting. Its the true way to tell if a man is into you if he spends the little he has just to prove his love. Good post!

  • Sunkissed404

    You know what?? I love your transparency. You’re one of the realest and realist guys I’ve Never met… I definitely respect your ability to provide a reason and remind women like myself understand. I have to admit, I have criticized men before for inviting me over to their house to watch a movie, as opposed to taking me out…forgetting about the money aspect. I’ve often contradicted myself saying “All I want to spend is quality time”, but truth is….after the 3rd week, I’m looking like wtf??

    I’m remembering an interview 2pac did years ago when he told photographers and cameras. “I’m a man. You can watch me when I cry, You can watch me when I’m happy..When I’m up, when I’m down..Because I’m a man”… The realist ish I’ve ever heard. Thank you for being real…

    See…That’s why I come to your blog! lol As long as you continue to keep it one-hunned (even tho my one-hunned is different than yours), I’ll keep reading. Hats off!

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Demi
    *cosigning* Damn girl! You took the words right out my mouth… but I’m sure I’ll find some more- HA!

  • **inquiring mind**

    Oh here they are…

    Well, I’m at a loss of words (slightly). Jozen this post was great, really. Not because it was poetic or it was brilliantly written or anything but because there really is so much truth here that I can’t help but respect it as an ADULT (man/woman bullsh!t aside)…

    I think it’s so important men are somewhat truthfull about their financial situation… if it’s gonna hold THEM back emotionally. We’re not mind readers… it’s not fair. And not just that, all of us aren’t going to judge you… you’ve already proven yourself your toughest critic (most of you do).

    I know it all boils down to that need to provide and I doubt anything I say is gonna make the feeling of not being able to provide “as a man” any less confounding, but I/we do understand that times get rough and y’all should know that… and never forget it.

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    Yea, i’ve definitely learned that it doesn’t matter what his girl thinks a man is not ok with being broke (unless he’s a golddigger I guess)

  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

    I dated a broke man once. I knew he was in hard place, transitioning to e new job and from a break up that left a foreclosed house in his past (yeah that’s no good).Anyways I didn’t mind not going out or having him not spend his tight funds on me. When we would, we’d plan it out. I think I had ore fun sitting watching him cook and them packing it up and finding a great spot by the lake or in the park. We would even hope into the back of his truck, “the Green Monster” and just chill with some music, a bottle of wine for me and a beer for him. When we did spend money he always made it special. Sistas gotta stop looking at the bankroll and starting looking at who the person is because the money may not last.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    “She thinks I’m inviting her over to dinner because I want to get her in my house. She thinks I would rather take the subway because I’m cheap. She thinks I let her pay half the bill because I’m one of those guys who believes in some new kind of chivalry.

    She is often more wrong than right.

    Sometimes, the inconvenient truth is, whenever I offer up an activity that seemingly looks cheap on the outside, it’s probably because I have no money on the inside. All I really have to spend on her is my time, and if that’s not enough to cover both of us, the time we spend will have to wait. That is the truth she can’t know right now.”

    If a woman really cares about a man, she wouldn’t assume all these things about him. She would be supportive of him, because a man needs a strong woman behind him sometimes. She will have no problem taking him out to a movie or paying half the bill, because in my opinion she should want to do these things from time to time anyway. I have been in this situation before and believe me sometimes all we want to do is sit back and watch a movie with you. If I really like a guy, we can just go for a walk and an ice cream cone from mr softee and I will be happy! lol

  • hamptonUcritic@gmail.com

    jozen, i love you like cooked food.

    the main thing you missed – men hate being broke & not feeling like a man, who can provide…..so they sometimes feel insecure about not having it -THAT in return impacts the relationship.

    women always get the blame for this! the 2nd sentence of your paragraph – “she would be supportive of him, because a man needs a strong woman sometimes” – i think that is the problem.. what if a woman wants a strong man. why not encourage your brothers to step your game up – have a SIDE HUSTLE.. work 3+ jobs.. instead we have to tell the woman to settle on something important to her. A man who can provide so she can support the home & be nurturing .. NAH.. she has to bring in the money, cook, clean & ride him ’til he falls asleep. I’m OVER IT..

  • Kady

    Eviction notice!!! what didn’t you do to your ex? I’m afraid to hear anymore of your confessions. I hope your more responsible these days, because young Jozen sounds like a mess!
    But I have to say I’m usually aware of the income Gap between me and the men I date, truth is, if a woman cares a lot about money, she wouldn’t date the borderline broke, men are way too sensitive about money.

  • Briana

    Had this issue with the man I’m with right now. The experience was so stressful to say the least. He’s two years older than me, and it was so strange seeing someone who truly wanted to take care of me struggle (internally) because they couldn’t. I think I did the right thing by not pressing him, trying to understand, and letting him know that in some instances I really gave no crap about him not having cash. If I had money I would pay to do what we wanted to do (succeed’s sometimes, but not always).
    But it sucks to have to tippy toe around someone else’s pride. With women it doesn’t seem as serious. But the experience, and actually getting through the experience (he can provide – enough – now), has definitely made us stronger. Has also helped our ability to compromise and value each other even more than what we can materially provide.

    My point: I hope that more women learn how much it means to stick by their man when things get tough, especially financially. I think that it hurt’s their pride when they can’t provide, but it hurt’s even more when you leave because of it. Especially when you leave something (someone) good.

  • Violet

    Thank for sharing. Your transparency is both refreshing and appreciated and would be to any “good woman.” You may want to consider the communication of your less than favorable financial status and other points extreme vulnerability as filters for potential mates. A good woman would embrace your situation as a part of your journey. She would love the opportunity to unleash her creativity
    on your dating dollar dearth. Clue her in and she may surprise you with cheap or free adventures. Leave the details out and a good woman would be disappointed in your lack of disclosure and view it as a slight to the intimamcy between you. Share your heart just as you did today.

  • EBONY

    So….Jozen, if u were still broke, but you met a phenomenal woman who knew but was willing to foot the bill. Could your pride handle this arrangement? Would it motivate you intensely to get your stacks up? Would you ask her if you all could limit your activities to free things? Or would you put the relationship on pause, and get right back when your finances approved? of course, knowing there’s no guarantee she would still be around.

  • http://www.teaandsuch.blogspot.com Tea

    I’m a woman and I hate going out without money in my pocker (or my bank account too). My girls seem to think I’m crazy, but if I want White Palace Grill after the club… that’s what I want. I also don’t like walking around looking thirsty. It SUCKS!!! All this to say, [I think] I feel you.

  • goalawal

    The Inconvenient True Confessions of a Broke Man as goalawal… I’m broke… Shit, I moved my mother in with me since August 17, 09.. she has been unemployed for a yr (she collects a unemployment). I pay 1320 for rent not including utilities in Silver Spring and not including the other miscellaneous bills i gotta handle. Now, this affects my dating.. Cant bring a lady home cos i just will rather not and i cant afford to spend like i would like to cos i got major bills… S>B DC young professionals do totally 2 many happy hour events.

    Nevertheless, God has been good and blessing us…. this experience has made me more responsible than ever thou my social life tends to suffer based on when u ask me. I’ave in the past told chics i live with my mother (instead of saying i have a roommate like my boys advised or that my mother was living with me) and that i was living on spare change and some fell off but many held me down. I cooked for them at their apartments and we had lots of creative fun that was very rewarding.

    But i’m a MAN and not having MONEY IS A MAJOR ISSUE… Last week, i traveled was busting it up with a girl i liked, we went out to eat and the bill came up close to 168.18(dont ask what we ate) i was so prideful AND yes stupid that i paid 4 it in full instead of even thinking of asking for half… sure she aint get to see the bill but is Chivalry to be put to death cos i’m broke.. probably!

    So, i am renewing a VOW to myself (thanks to your blogpost). If i dont have it in my pocket, then i aint got it.. i’m wearing my broke stamp w/ pride and will challenge myself more to continue to be creative and expect more from our women. they do understand and can appreciate a brother that’s committed to other financial responsibilities…

    Thanks for your post… Can’t pay you for it but maybe you will consider our sincere comments as equal value… AND then drop that book so i/ we can support.

  • Let’s be real

    This brings me to the point I was trying to make with some people a couple of weeks ago…

    There are a LOT of good women around, but not every woman is a good woman. A lot of women value what you can spend on them, where you can take them and all that. That’s not a good woman if she can’t support you when funds are LOW.. Yes, it’s great to be pampered and taken care of and SPOILED, but reality is, sometimes at 25-30, and even a little after that, some guys just cant do it. Not because they don’t want to, but because they are stuggling. I know a few of people who are super hard-working, but there isn’t a lot of monetary rewards…at least not YET.

    I’m in NYC, so struggling is a totally different ball game up here! Folks move up here with NOTHING, to make something! (I did), so no, folks aren’t “ballin”-Let’s be real here.

    And some of these women expecting all this and that “buy me this, take me here” can’t even do it for themselves!!!

    In my adult life, I have lived by this: “If I can’t do it/buy it/get it for myself, I can’t EXPECT someone else to do it for me…”

    And some of those women are the same ones complaining that there are no good men out there…

    They’re out there, some of them are just broke right now..

  • SHA

    This was an EXCELLENT read. Ima put it up there as one of your best.

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com/blog Dewan W. Gibson

    Being broke is hard, but hiding it is even more difficult. I’m fresh out of a relationship and also getting financially reestablished after a six month party/sabbatical. I let women know the following from the start:

    1) We can see movies on Tuesday because that’s $5 night. 2) My primary mode of transportation is a scooter, until I can get the transmission on my car fixed—sometime in early August. But I do have an extra helmet; you are welcome to ride on the back. Hold on tight. 3) When I take you out, don’t see it as an opportunity to experiment with food and drinks you normally wouldn’t buy for yourself. None of that silly s**t like putting top shelf liquor in a mixed drink 4) Unfortunately the closest we’ll come to eating out is happy hour at a nice restaurant. 5) When I get myself together in these next few months I’m gonna hook you up big time, provided you’re still around. Be patient. Enjoy my home cooked meals and free activities.

    Damn, that feels liberating.

  • BoomShots

    Here is another POV that I neglected to add in my first comment but I seen it too many times to not add it and I don’t intend to burst anyone’s bubble but its a dilemna of many a broke dude. We know dollars is not everything and we are wary of women who onlywant to us for the dollars we can spend on them. But truth is if I got you broke, there is a small part of me that says I can do much better when I get a few dollars. So when my fortunes change I may want to upgrade. I know many a college love stories that ended due to those factors.

    We feel better so we assume we can do better. I have seen it!!

  • http://feliciapride.com Felicia

    Good post. I think there are probably a lot of brothers (and sisters) who share your experiences. But I wonder if honesty about finances is something you’re working on or want to work on or is your inability to share something you accept as just a part of who you are (as a man)? I guess I wonder what’s next, because this seems like a pretty powerful epiphany. But will there be progress?

  • Brenda

    Excellent post. This brings back memories…I remember coming from a date with my ex and going to his apartment — and I’m pretty sure an eviction notice was on his apartment door. He grabbed it really quick and stuffed it into his pocket, and tried to act like it was nothing. It wasn’t until later that he admitted his money issues. It makes me realize that there is a lot of pressure on guys to have themselves together financially should they want to step to a woman. The guy I’m dating now was up front with me in that he couldn’t spend the way he wanted to because he had recently moved from another city and was catching up after dealing with moving expenses. I admired his honesty and it helped me be more creative as far as low cost/free date ideas.

  • http://www.mauricegarland.com Maurice Garland

    shied…when i dont have money, im nowhere to be found. i be at home like a mahfuggah. im not “broke” now but being there taught me how to save money. ill go out every once in a while…but shied, i cook at the crib alot more and ive slowly built a nice little bar so if you trying to drink, we doing it at the house…which works in my favor now because i stay in the city and we can just take our buzzed asses somewhere free and dance and socialize or whatever. that “broke” shit also taught me to really step outside of myself and use the face card everyonce in a while…i hate asking people for shit…but sometimes ill be like “ay brah, its me…you know what it is”. but yeah good post man, you be on it. you rep for the dudes that dont be on that stupid/dog shit 24/7…very classy player.

  • Sunkissed404

    @BoomShots
    Oooh…You mighta stepped on a few toes on this one. But you spoke the truth! I have heard it too many times…only experienced once tho’…Won’t ever let it happen again.

    I know exactly what you’re talking about. I dated a guy who had his car repossessed, and therefore, he was always available…to me. We chilled all day, spent what I like to think was quality time, and kicked on that Anthony Hamilton ish.. “If you’re cool..I’m cool, we’re cool”. But, I always wondered if this situation would be the same if he had more money to blow. Met another dude who was all about this “I don’t appreciate him if I can’t kick it with him when he broke…. but chilling was only convenient to him. He would be up and out with his cousins and homeboys all day, but go home and call me like “whachu doin’?…Ummm, no.

    This definitely made me think… People say they don’t let the money change them…But if some guys get you when he’s broke and you stuck around, he might think he doesn’t have to do much to satisfy you when he does have it…Hhhmmmmm.

  • Sunkissed404

    @Maurice Garland
    LMAO @ “Shiiieeeed”… I can almost hear you saying it.lol

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Sunkissed404
    I don’t know why but this on that Anthony Hamilton ish.. “If you’re cool..I’m cool, we’re cool”. had me CRACKING-up!-smh Niqqas can be so trife!

  • **inquiring mind**

    @BoomShots
    LOL… I think Kanye said it best when he said “… you stay right girl/and when he get on he leave yo’ @ss for a white girl” … somethin like that *shrug*

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    lol..Right. Girrrrrrrl, hard times! That song to me is a HAM. I love A. Ham, but when I heard that song, I was really annoyed…because I knew there would be some dude who would try to get by..and what may have started out as good intentions can become a problem REAL quick. I was tryna understand, but I was not totally convinced the quality time situation woulda been the same if he had the money…and that’s not cool. Boom hit it on the head.

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    Oooh…Don’t even do it! They ain’t ready for that one.lol

  • L. Dejean

    @Dewan W. Gibson
    is this place that shows movies for $5 a place in NY? if it is, i just got SUPER excited! I love going to the movies but I can’t afford it these days, *deep sigh*

    Shoot, i’m broke right now too-transitioning from being in AL to back in NY (needless to say, i live with my fam), i’m a grad school student & and am working towards finding employment (not easy just coming out of undergrad). It is not easy to admit for either side and what is needed is understanding. I don’t believe it is necessary to live “high off the hog” when you are dating, i think there is much fun to be had in simple activities that will bring people together rather than separate them.

    This was a great post!

    Oh and order condoms online from sites like condom man, that way it is cheaper AND you always stay strapped…that’s to anyone, lol.

  • http://www.imperfectenjoyment.com/blog Dewan W. Gibson

    @L. Dejean

    I’m in San Diego, but I imagine you can find a five dollar movie somewhere in NYC. If worse comes to worse create your own double feature, buy one get one free. Just be sure to walk with confidence when you sneak into the second film lol.

    As for the condoms just go to Planned Parenthood or any community clinic, all you can use for free.

  • http://www.girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com doowaditty

    love the honesty in this one! id be lying if i said that money isn’t an issue at all. and i would say, we don’t care if u spend money on us or not, long as we know u got money to take care of yourself … but i ain’t even gonna front, i love shiny things and hawaiian sunsets every once in a while. but i think when a man starts to pay more money than ATTENTION … or spends more money and less TIME … that’s when $$$ starts to not matter as much.

  • L. Dejean

    @Dewan W. Gibson

    Damnit, i got hella excited for a hot second…oh well! That is true, the people aren’t always watching…i haven’t movie hopped in a WHILE (since HS)!

    I have no clue where a planned parenthood is in brooklyn…i’m celibate at this moment (*deep sigh*) so no trips are needed at the moment (until i find someone that is).

  • http://womanofcolor.wordpress.com brownivyx

    Great post. This is the very reason, I think, that many women say they want a man who is financially viable-it’s seen as a shorthand to avoiding a lot of relationship pitfalls down the road…not because they actually care about what is on his bank statement, but because, more often than not, a man who is not comfortable within his means feels like less of a man. And, as many women know, this internal struggle tends to manifest itself in some *very* unpleasant ways. And no woman’s love and affection is strong enough to bridge that gap at a certain point.

    It must be said though, that in 2010, this feeling of unworthiness does not only apply to men. Though women do have more than a bit more financial flexibility in this regard, many women do not *enjoy* being the damsel in distress or being saved…and honestly, some of us don’t really have the luxury. The few times I have been briefly unemployed in the past decade or so have been great blows to my self-esteem, and I’m pretty sure the men I was with at these times didn’t find me to be great company, regardless of whether or not their “help” was available in the situation.

  • Blade

    This was an excellent post– not much else to mention that the above commentators haven’t touched on. Nonetheless, good job. Perfectly written.

  • afro

    Beautifully honest post Jozen…

  • Jhon da Analyst

    Dave Chappelle in “Half Baked” takin Mary Jane out on a date….

  • http://satcpsychology.wordpress.com Vivienne

    My ex said something when we broke up about me “never knowing when he didn’t have money” but him always knowing when I didn’t. I was like, “Yeah you know, because I say it.” I felt like he expected me to read his mind even when he didn’t say anything.

    You all are some interesting creatures…