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Poppin’ The Questions 7

I’m hungover today folks, and it’s days like this that I’m happy I started the “Poppin’ The Questions” series.

Just a reminder, these are all very real questions from real people who I don’t know. I hope you enjoy the answers as much as I enjoy receiving the questions. Oh, and just so you all know, anytime you want, you can ask me a question by going here.

Now, let’s get into it, shall we?

You voice is deep. Do you think a voice can turn someone on? Have you ever turned on a woman with your voice? You seem to know the right things to say, do you think you win with women partly b/c of your voice?

The weird thing about my voice is it doesn’t really have the same effect on people in person as it does on the phone. Case in point: One day I called up a very good friend of mine and she almost hung up on me because she wasn’t convinced it was me. But yeah, my voice is one of my more winning qualities. Every girl I date likes it, and it’s helped me get a little bit more out of women I have interviewed. Lauren London and Serena Williams were two very memorable phone interviews because they both complimented me on my voice. What’s weird is when people say they didn’t expect me to sound the way I did. Clearly, they thought my looks beget a high octave voice. Glad to prove them wrong.

When are you gonna include a button to notify us when someone leaves a comment? I enjoying reading the comments on your blog.

Hear that commenters? Props to you all for being my better half, bringing people back with your wit and originiality. I actually met Boomshots, a frequent commenter, at the Modern Day Matchmaker event, and I feel bad I didn’t buy him a drink. So if you’re reading this Boom, next one’s on me. Anyway, as for adding the comment notification feature, my business partner Jermaine and I will definitely look into this. Thanks for the suggestion.

Who is your favorite male lyricist in the game right now. Why?

People are going to burn me at the stake for saying this, but honestly, I am listening to a lot of Drake. One of the reasons is I just did a pretty big story on him (details to come), but the other reason is the dude just knows how to put words that rhyme to my situation.

To wit, here are a couple of lines from “You Know, You Know” a cut not on Thank Me Later, but available out there on the internet.

“I’m always left wishin’ I could’ve done it in person/my apologies to all of the ones I was hurtin’/I got new girls but none of their love is for certain/and call old girls but none of their numbers is workin'”  See that? The way you might had to have lived in the ‘hood to relate to Jeezy, you had to have gone through some stuff with some girls to relate to Drake.

Zetas, AKAs, or Deltas?

For all my readers who aren’t up on the Divine Nine and the history of black fraternities and sororities, this question is the kind of question black people who went to college usually ask one another at parties just so they can make small talk. It is also a question that can get you hurt, depending on your answer, but since I’m not scared I’m going to answer truthfully.

I love them all, but most girls I have dated are AKAs. My most complicated relationships have been with Deltas. The nicest girls on the planet are Zetas. And I can’t forget about SGRho’s, but I don’t know enough about them to say anything about them. But don’t take my frequent dating of AKAs as some sort of a preference. It’s more of a coincidence. Since I’m not in a frat, I don’t have any allegiance to one sorority over the other, but I must say, I do love sorority girls.

As you are a lover of NYC, name me a interesting/cool place to hang/chill out. I am a Londoner about to spend my birthday out in the Big Apple.

This all depends on what you want to do. I’m an okay tour guide when it comes to the city, but I usually rely on my vast network of well-connected friends to steer me in a certain direction. Hopefully you have some people out here who know the lay of the land and can put you on, but if you don’t and you do need some help, leave me a message on Facebook and I’ll do what I can.

So I went through my boyfriend’s text messages. I know that’s a big NO-NO but he is very flirtatious in nature and has lots of friends that are girls and some of the messages are not kosher. Like how hot a girl looked last night and how he’s going through withdrawals from not seeing another girl. I know in my heart of hearts he’s not cheating, but should I approach him about this knowing he is big on privacy? How do I get him to stop being so suggestive to other girls?

First off, your heart of hearts doesn’t know anything about what he’s doing. This is a situation in which you need to use your head of heads. I’m sorry to come off so abrasive, but this kind of stuff blows me because I have experienced it. If you were looking for a reason to not trust your man, congratulations, you found it. Now the next step is tell him you did this. But know this, it could end badly, as in, it could just end. When a girl I was dating went through my email and found my emails I sent to another woman, she confronted me about it and I then left. Never came back. People like to think these things need to be discussed, and sometimes they do, but a lot of times, they don’t. Work with him if you want, but do so at your own risk.

So, I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon considering I’m only in my mid 20s, but I feel like every guy I date is freaked out/turned off at the fact that I’m not so experienced (almost at all). I just want a bit of action in my dating life…what do I do?

What do you do? You do it. Over and over again. Do it. Remember practice makes perfect.

Some people recommend going out and meeting new people to get over your ex. Some people recommend finding someone else of interest. What do you do to get over your ex?

The method I suggest to anyone trying to get over a break up is real simple. Wake up, go to bed, and repeat everyday. It’s really the only way. There is no substitute for time.

Have you ever been shy about asking someone you dated to be with you?

Absolutely not, but I have been shy about asking a girl out on a date, which surprises me every time it happens. I honestly don’t get why some women still have this affect on me, but they do. Just goes to show you, every man meets their match in the form of a woman.

How long do you date a person before you start expecting her to cook for you?

The first date would be nice. Don’t be holding off the culinary skills acting like you’re Paula Deen when you’re more like Paula Abdul. For me, it’s really a matter of if you like to cook. Much like sex, if you like to cook, you should be doing it right away. If you’re holding off, you’re only setting yourself for some expectations you may not be able to meet.

What do you think of the Lil Kim/Nicki Manaj beef?

Before I answer this question, let me just say how much I appreciate people taking me seriously as a person who writes about more than just relationships. I’m not an expert on hip-hop, just like I’m not an expert on relationships, but I write about both extensively, so it feels good to know some people recognize that. Now, onto the questions…

Lil Kim had absolutely no grounds for going after Nicki Minaj, and by doing so, she’s somewhat tarnished her legacy by acting like whiny old lady on the porch telling the kids to get off her lawn. Lil Kim is a freaking legend, and nothing Nicki has done can measure up to something like Hard Core. The Queen Bee should have just let Barbie fall and stand up on her own, instead, she’s only helped Nicki on her path towards stardom.

When I broke up with my ex, I saw him out with a girl who looked Just.Like. Me…Have you ever dated a girl who strongly resembled an ex?

I can’t say that I have, but my boys would beg to differ. For me, if I date someone who looks like an ex of mine, it’s like getting an upgrade on an old model. I’m kidding. Pay no attention to what your ex’s new girl looks like unless they’re ugly. Then, crack jokes. If they look like you, I hope they’re pretty.

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  • Tamia W

    I am new to your blog and I must say I enjoy everything you post! A lot of what you talk about I’ve experienced and I love you take on things … Looking forward to more !!! As for this post the part about looking at your man’s text messages… I’ve been there and I know how it feels, AND you are so right when you said if you want to work it out do so at your own risk!!! You don’t ever really know what the truth is and when you find something like that we as women tend to doubt first and ask questions later… But I will say not to make irrational decision if he is worth it to you take the time and think things over and communicate as well. If not keep it moving not all things are meant to be !

  • **inquiring mind**

    uh, just in case anyone was wondering (ya lil gumshoes you-ha!) the voice question (#1) is definitely NOT mine… #asyouwere

  • Sunkissed404

    lol…Hung over,huh? It be like that sometimes man.lol

    – On the favorite male lyricist…I figured it would be Drake, somehow… I love him as a lyricist. He’s intelligent and actually raps about real life situations. Something you can listen to in 10 years and still relevant. Nickelodeon or not..The boy is bad..

    Zetas, AKAs, or Deltas- Smart answer.lol My entire family is in the Sigma/Zeta movement, with the exception of my brother who is a Q. I’m not Greek..but used to want to be. *shrugs*

    -I once dated a guy who, once we broke up, started dating a chick who looked sooo close to me, that I knew he still had feelings for me.lol It was definitely and ego booster. LMAO.. *patting self on back*

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    I’ve really grown to love these questions posts. Very entertaining.

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  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

    Great post. There is def something to a man that can turn a woman on by speaking. I have talked to a few on the phone that would drive me nuts and lust for them. There is nothing even better than meeting sad guy and he is fine as hell. Unfortunately that’s when all those first date rules sometimes fly out the window. Nothing like a deep sexy voice saying your name, unless the voice is that of the woman, then you have problems.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • dbaby11

    i agree with the whole button of notifications thing.. it would make me feel like less of a stalker when i check back and read additional comments! im just sayin….lol
    as for the voice question.. interesting… your right from your appearance never would have figured you for the “barry white type”
    and for the record you are so right on nicki and kim!!but lets be honest, based on what she’s done to herself kim is a junkie for attention and what better way to gain some than by dissing the chick at the top of the popularity list right now….im just sayin!!
    and as far as the text messages thing i didnt agree with the whole dont look thru my phone/email thing until it happened to me( an ex went thru my phone). i was so livid not because i had anything to hide but i feel it was invasive and he had no trust in me. so yes, when u have to resort to snooping then there is a bigger issue at hand. lack of trust. and if theres no trust you need to LIG IT(LET IT GO)!!!

  • Sunkissed404

    @Sunkissed404
    Heeeeyy!! I just re-read what you said about dating someone who looked just like your ex..

    ” For me, if I date someone who looks like an ex of mine, it’s like getting an upgrade on an old model. I’m kidding.” – You betta had said u was kidding (twisting neck around and giving you the-Oh, no he didn’t face through the computer screen.lol) …

    For the record, my ex’s new girlfriend resembled me…But she had contacts, fake hair, and was just…fake.lol She actually was a downgrade..>Everything she had that was fake, I had when I woke up bright and early in the morning.lol Kinda sucked a lil bit. “Poor baby”

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    Are you sure you weren’t the one asking him about his “Deep Chexy Voice”? lol

    @Tiffany
    Yeah, it’s always a pleasant surprise to meet a guy that you didn’t expect to have a deep voice to have one. I once laid eyes on the most beautifullest man I ever saw..ahem, that day, and he just kept smiling. When he finally started speaking, he sounded like Chris Tucker in Friday.. Aaaaaahhhh!! Turned.Off.Completely. Guh-bye. lol

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Sunkissed404
    lol… you rude! and no it wasn’t me, it was missing that element of sarcasm and disrepect that I just can’t shy away from lol (I’m kidding- I’m a sweet girl… *evil grin*sometimes bwahahahahaha).

  • Dani T

    As far as go lyricist, I highly recommend listening to J.Cole…that is if you haven’t already

  • Sunkissed404

    @**inquiring mind**
    :) I sorry… E-Hug…Wait, you’re squeezing too tight!! Sheesh!

  • Ashleigh

    I live for the entertainment and brilliance of Poppin the Questions responses! Next time one of my friends starts talking about using their heart of hearts or knowing deep in their heart that their man is faithful, I’ll tell them to use their head of heads. Love it! lol

  • Miss. Riss

    On the ex looking like you….

    I never understood caring about that. Who cares what his next chic looks like, you should be caring about what your next dude is gonna look like.

    I love your honesty that your provide when people write in on thier relationship situations. I don’t think I would ever ask one, but its good to know I’d get some solid advice if I did.

  • Julie

    About the whole dating someone that looks like your ex…apart from that, I’ve noticed lately that people tend to date people that look like them. Does anyone else see what I’m seeing? I dated a guy about 5 years ago that I recently saw again. We started communicating etc. and he told me that back then he was going to committ to me instead of casually dating but the day that he was going to do that his ex girlfriend email him and wanted him back. So he went back to her, but they broke up a few months later.

    Fast forward to a year ago…I start seeing him again somewhat–really it was super casual, then his ex comes back and he straight up said, if he was to start dating anyone, (cause he wants to be a bachelor) it would be her not me because “he knows her”. I’m like okay …of course my feelings were hurt a bit, but deep down I knew I would never really want to date him seriously again for a million other reasons. Then the kicker… I see her and him at a party and THE GIRL LOOKS LIKE HE COULD BE HIS SISTER. And then I started thinking about all the chicks he ever felt were “pretty” and they look just like her and just like him…LOL!! He’s basically enamored with himself! LOL And then I started looking around at couples that I know and even celebrity couples and they resemble each other, with of course a few exceptions. So interesting…

  • Violet

    I’m all but certain this will happen once the book is out, but please give consideration to having UIGM mixers/meet & greets/fan club meetings, etc. An evening of personal interface and your live pontification would be swell. That’s my vote.

  • Violet

    Oh and can we get some vidjos? An occasional vlog would be fun.

  • Mia

    @**inquiring mind**
    You’re right it isn’t yours, because it’s mine.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Sunkissed404
    @Mia

    See there… I told you that wasn’t mine. Now everyone that thought it was (Kissed I’m looking at you lol) *Talib Kweli voice*POLOGIZE! lol

    Not that it wasn’t a good question- it was- I just don’t want everyone (and by everyone I mean Jozen) to think I’m fascinated with his voice. I mean there’s more to a man than his voice… like his shoe and wallet size- whoa O_O!

  • **inquiring mind**

    @**inquiring mind**
    o_O dat don’t look right

  • L. Dejean

    “And I can’t forget about SGRho’s, but I don’t know enough about them to say anything about them.”
    As an SGRho, let me know what you would like to know about us and i shall tell you (sans secrets)! My org was the ONLY D9 sorority founded at a PWI! #proudmoment #dontjudgeme There are TONS of sorors in NY and if you’d like to meet some, let me know…RHOyalfest is later this summer if you’d like to be surrounded by pretty poodles, then would be your chance! ;0) You can hit me up on FB! That question is one that is asked when people either went to HBCUs or are apart of the D9…folks that went to PWIs (Predominately White Institutions) don’t really tend to ask that question unless they are apart of the D9!

    And my favorite place to take people when they come to NY is Chinatown, i love Chinese culture, especially the food! Liberty Avenue in Queens is great to experience the Indian culture (the Saris are expensive there)…Little Italy is near Chinatown so thats another cool place to go! Everyone likes going to Times Square (me included, D&Bs is my joint) and if folks like Macy’s they should go to the one on 34th street! If the person goes out to Long Island, they should try to go to the Hamptons, their beach is gorgeous! Those are just a few ideas!

  • http://liferequiresmorechocolate.com Tiffany

    @Sunkissed404 exactly, your voice can not be higher than mine.

    When it comes to the ex looking like you, I can honestly that has never happened for me. I haven’t anyone like anybody else. They are all different colors, heights, and weights. As for my exs dating someone that looked like me, well he did it twice, just to spite me. And now I am kinda dating her brother, which drives him crazy.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  • Mischa

    Re: the new girl looking like the ex,.It could just be that dude has a type that he likes. Maybe you,the ex look like the ex before you!

    Chinatown is definitely great! Great Dim Sum and if you are into knock offs, there are tons of those. If you can, try to fit in a Broadway show. I went to see West Side Story and it was great. While I was there I saw a play being advertised with Terence Howard in it. I had no time to go, but that would have been awesome! I LOVE him! But whatever you do, it will be loads of fun!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14609144495895919568 sunkissed404

    @Tiffany
    Oooh… Kinda dating her brother..lol I love it! Tid for Tad…and then you close with “Peace, Love…etc”..Hilarious. lmao

  • http://www.facebook.com/ericabholla Erica B Holla

    Hi Jozen, just wanted to let you know that your blog comes up in my daily conversations a lot more than I would have anticipated. It seems like many of the things people (especially young men) talk to me about relate to something hilarious/intriguing/valid that I read here. Thank you for that, and keep up the good work!

  • AnnMarie

    Hi Jozen,

    I’m a long time reader and this is my first time commenting. It’s so freshing to hear your point of view. I’m glad you started the “Poppin the Question” series, it’s a nice change of pace.
    I agree with Tiffany, a deep voice is sexy, however what he says with the voice can make it erotic. As for checking your man’s email, texts and etc, it’s never a good sign. Either trust your head or leave.
    Thanks for all the great posts.

  • http://www.avenue8.com MissMina

    Ok I had to speak up about the girl and the text messages. Can I be plain as someone who checked the phone, saw shadiness and stayed, and who checked the next man’s phone, saw the shadiness and bounced – immediately.

    #1 Trust you female intuition, if you are normally not distrustful (like me) but you are driven by the urge to check up on him, its bc u know something that you don’t know you know

    #2 My rule of thumb is if you have the balls to check his phone, you should have the balls to confront anything you find. It takes some humility, but you going thru his phone is clearly the lesser offense than telling him some chick “he’s going thru withdrawal”. You don’t have to take an accusatory tone, but believe that he is “big on privacy” for a reason.

    #3 If he really loves you, and u don’t come off like a psycho, he will try to cover his tracks. If you are expendable, he will pull a Jozen and walk out. I believe a man will always fight for what he wants, if he doesn’t fight for you, find someone who will

    #4 Put your foot down and value yourself!! You should know you are a woman who deserves a man that will show some restraint out of love and respect for you. Whoever said that being a flirt was ok??? Would he be down with you texting other dudes???

    I don’t mean to be harsh, but I wish someone would have said it to me before I let a couple of years go by before I said “Damn, I should’ve just looked at the signs”

  • http://www.experiencecollette.com Collette

    On the text message / e-mail thing:

    It’s wrong to search someone’s private messages. However, if you suspect that he’s cheating, it’s natural that you did it. So don’t beat yourself up. Unfortunately, I have to say… you missed the point.

    The inclination that drove you to search was all you needed… You suspect he’s cheating, and he probably is. So you need to move on.

    -Been There Done That

  • mimi

    **laughs** Yeah, I couldn’t picture you with a deep voice. Deep voices are the best card to have in 1st phone conversations. fact.

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re answer to the sorority question…the 1st part I just busted out laughing at my desk! SO TRUE!!! It is a question black people who’ve gone to college ask to make small talk. LMAOOOOOOOOOO. I knew this but seeing it written was so funny to me.

  • citygirl22

    MissMina :you going thru his phone is clearly the lesser offense than telling him some chick “he’s going thru withdrawal”.

    I could not disagree more. Invading someone’s privacy is one of those actions that invalidates any grievance you could possibly lodge against the person for what you find. It’s like unlawful search and seizure… no matter what evidence is in your hands, the end does not justify the means.

    Please do not allow this woman to think her behavior is acceptable. It’s a flagrant relationship FOUL! Think about the following: 1) Relationships must have a foundation of trust. Once you have violated a partner’s trust, how can you expect them to trust you/be open with you? 2) You cannot MAKE someone be faithful. You can only be the best possible person in the relationship and hope that they value you enough to be honest. You have the freedom to leave if you feel unfulfilled. 3) It is absolutely unreasonable to expect a mate NOT to have friends of the opposite sex. It is also unreasonable to expect that every one of these friends has a history (with your mate) that is strictly non-platonic.
    What will you do? Search the phone of every man you date, to make sure no messages are inappropriate? Is your man in preschool?

    This woman stated that she knows her boyfriend to be flirtatious (yet she chooses to be with him). She also stated that she “knows in her heart of hearts” he is not cheating. If that’s true, then anything on his phone should be deemed completely harmless. So, the question remains, WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE LOOKING FOR????????

  • Fallon

    The comment about how to get over an ex was right on time for me! Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks!