Dumb Things Guys Do – Number 1
Us guys, we’re a peculiar group. Sometimes, I find the things my brethren and I do to be confusing, nonsensical, and frankly, idiotic. No shots at any one particular, no jabs at one group of men over another group of men. I am not without fault when it comes to masculine stupidity, and I feel I have demonstrated this numerous times on my blog.
What I probably haven’t shown is the ways guys are idiots to each other. I love my boys, and I know my boys love me, but every once in a while we have to call each other out on the dumb stuff we do.
So begins an ongoing series in which I share boneheaded and unnecessary dumb things men say and do towards one another. Think of these as loose outlines to a Judd Apatow movie script. I will not break down why guys do these things, or why I do these things, I will just put them out there as discussion fodder, and if you don’t understand, don’t look for me to explain. It’s a guy thing.
Every time one of my boys wants to take me to a fly spot he partied at the week before, I don’t trust him. Why should I when I know his gauge is based on one simple thing: Whether or not he got laid there.
My boy tells me he wants to go some new spot he’s hit up a couple of times. He’ll say things like, “Man, there’s mad chicks at the place.” He won’t say the DJ was great, or the drinks were cheap, he’ll just talk about the girls. “I’m telling you, man, last time I went here, girls were everywhere.”
Then, when we get there, there are actually way more guys than girls. As a matter of fact, there’s like three girls, and one of them is a bartender, so really, there’s only two girls, and as it turns out, my boy knows this girl. He introduces me to her, and the girl’s friend who may or may not be cute, and may or may not be cool. Meanwhile, my boy and this girl he seemingly knows are dancing together harder than anyone else in the club. Finally, after two drinks in me, I tap him on the shoulder and whisper, “Dude, where are all the girls you were telling me about?” He says to me, “Relax, man, they’re coming, but even if they don’t come, the girl’s friend is cute. What’s the problem?” Then he turns around and yells to the bartender, “Hey get my man another round here! He needs to loosen up!”
Hours will go by, still no girls in the place, and even if I’m having a good time, later on, my boy is going to explain to me why he actually chose this spot. We’ll be walking out and he will put his arm around me, and half-drunk, half-sober, he’ll say, “Man I don’t know what happened. There were a lot of girls here last week.”
“Really, man?” I’ll reply.
“Well, not really. There were only a couple of girls, including this one,” and he’ll point to the girl he met up with at the beginning of the night.
See, this is what’s guys do. The criteria men use to judge how good a place is or isn’t is based on one simple question: Did he get laid there.?If he didn’t, the spot is the spot. It may be cool, it may not be cool. But if he did, for at least four weeks, that spot is the best spot in the world to be at. If a man took his grandmother to Bingo, and he somehow miraculously got laid by the hot woman picking the balls out of the machine, guess where he’s going for the next month or so?