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Dumb Things Guys Do – Number 1

Us guys, we’re a peculiar group. Sometimes, I find the things my brethren and I do to be confusing, nonsensical, and frankly, idiotic. No shots at any one particular, no jabs at one group of men over another group of men. I am not without fault when it comes to masculine stupidity, and I feel I have demonstrated this numerous times on my blog.

What I probably haven’t shown is the ways guys are idiots to each other. I love my boys, and I know my boys love me, but every once in a while we have to call each other out on the dumb stuff we do.

So begins an ongoing series in which I share boneheaded and unnecessary dumb things men say and do towards one another. Think of these as loose outlines to a Judd Apatow movie script. I will not break down why guys do these things, or why I do these things, I will just put them out there as discussion fodder, and if you don’t understand, don’t look for me to explain. It’s a guy thing.

Every time one of my boys wants to take me to a fly spot he partied at the week before, I don’t trust him. Why should I when I know his gauge is based on one simple thing: Whether or not he got laid there.

My boy tells me he wants to go some new spot he’s hit up a couple of times. He’ll say things like, “Man, there’s mad chicks at the place.” He won’t say the DJ was great, or the drinks were cheap, he’ll just talk about the girls. “I’m telling you, man, last time I went here, girls were everywhere.”

Then, when we get there, there are actually way more guys than girls. As a matter of fact, there’s like three girls, and one of them is a bartender, so really, there’s only two girls, and as it turns out, my boy knows this girl. He introduces me to her, and the girl’s friend who may or may not be cute, and may or may not be cool. Meanwhile, my boy and this girl he seemingly knows are dancing together harder than anyone else in the club. Finally, after two drinks in me, I tap him on the shoulder and whisper, “Dude, where are all the girls you were telling me about?” He says to me, “Relax, man, they’re coming, but even if they don’t come, the girl’s friend is cute. What’s the problem?” Then he turns around and yells to the bartender, “Hey get my man another round here! He needs to loosen up!”

Hours will go by, still no girls in the place, and even if I’m having a good time, later on, my boy is going to explain to me why he actually chose this spot. We’ll be walking out and he will put his arm around me, and half-drunk, half-sober, he’ll say, “Man I don’t know what happened. There were a lot of girls here last week.”

“Really, man?” I’ll reply.

“Well, not really. There were only a couple of girls, including this one,” and he’ll point to the girl he met up with at the beginning of the night.

See, this is what’s guys do. The criteria men use to judge how good a place is or isn’t is based on one simple question: Did he get laid there.?If he didn’t, the spot is the spot. It may be cool, it may not be cool. But if he did, for at least four weeks, that spot is the best spot in the world to be at. If a man took his grandmother to Bingo, and he somehow miraculously got laid by the hot woman picking the balls out of the machine, guess where he’s going for the next month or so?


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  • Yesi Jukebox

    LMAO I really wish that you would warn us before we read your funny stories.. I can’t be here at my desk bursting into laughter like a crazy person.

  • Yesi Jukebox

    By the way if no one has told can catch the World Cup live from or

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  • Cheekie

    lol, I chuckled at the play on words at the end. “Bingo.”

    Entertaining post.

  • brbuddy! Being a bit older than you & female, I find you to be refreshing, witty and transparent!!! Also, if you didn’t already know, your quotes should be trademarked!!! 🙂

  • BoomShots

    From your boy’s POV he may have just misjudged what was going down at said spot. Women are more likely to be at spot on the second and fourth weekend of the month, pay weekend. Also if the bartender is a hot dude or they getting 2 for 1 drinks plus if there is cover and they get in free before a certain time. Or least of all that party your boy was at was being promoted specifically to chicks. Speaking from years of nightlife experience that is typically when and how you get mad amount of chicks in a spot.
    Its like me telling my boys they were mad chicks at the relationship conference from last week and they say tell me when the next one is so we can roll through and the next one turns out to be a sausage fest. They would be giving me the side eye, wouldn’t they??

  • L. Dejean

    This was funny but my friends are notorious for doing this to me…i’ve done it to my friends too but i know when there will be a fair amount of dudes (due to the event i.e. frat party, lol)!

  • Yesi Jukebox

    @BoomShots Here is the problem I see.. a guy invites his boy to the club where there was an abundance of chicks, and a bunch of other guys who were there do the even if there ends up being a lot of chicks they will be outnumbered by the excess of guys lol. I’ve seen it happen actually.

  • Teach It

    @Boom Shots

    Got it down to a science, huh?

  • Leo knows best.

    This is true sadly.

    i’ve been duped many a time.

  • mimi

    LMAO! And this is an example of how simple men are. Girls gage a “fly spot” by soooo many different things. Are they a bunch of guys, what kinds of guys (ie profession… can they dress… what kinda dress), are the drinks cheap, IS THERE SITTING ROOM FOR WHEN OUR FEET HURT AND WE STILL WANT TO BE CUTE, whats the music? Oh yeah and how do the men act… are they savages, do they stare a hole in your forehead and your ass? LOL

    But this was cute.