Home > c-section, dating, guys, on something, women > There’s Running Into Your Ex and Then There’s This…

There’s Running Into Your Ex and Then There’s This…

When you called me a few weeks ago to tell me you were having a baby, I have to admit, my heart plunged straight into my stomach and I felt every inch of its downward spiral. I believed you from the moment you told me. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt this was real, the news you were sharing with me, and though “Congratulations” weren’t the first words out of my mouth, you were patient with my stutters.

We then talked for an hour about everything that had to do with my new life and your new life. You even playfully suggested I was going to write about the phone call on this blog, but I didn’t. And now, while the details of our conversation still aren’t for public consumption, I will say this: Thank you for that phone call back in May.

If it wasn’t for your foresight to share the news you were expecting, who knows what would’ve happened when I saw you on Saturday?

You came out of nowhere, on 7th Ave, walking in all black everything and your hair worn up like a crown. Your friend was there too, and I think had it not been for her, the chance encounter might have been more emotional, but feelings were kept in check.

For so long I wondered what the moment would feel like. What would I do? What would I say? How would I say it? Then you called me in May, told me you were pregnant, and all those questions about how running into you would play out were replaced by one question: Would I be able to handle the sight of seeing you pregnant?

Well, the question was answered and I think I handled it quite well. Awkward for only a moment, then normal for the rest. It was nothing like I expected it to be. I mean, you really are pregnant. You’re showing, and you carry small (just like you told me over the phone), but man, you’re pregnant with another man’s child and not mine, which is weird when you think about how we used to have conversations about what we were going to name our child.

But those are conversations everyone has with someone they swear they’re going to be with for the rest of their life. So I wasn’t looking at you on Saturday, thinking of our past, and crying foul. There is no harm, so now there is no foul. What exists is the reality things have forever and permanently changed between us, and had it not been for your call to tell me you changed in this huge dramatic life altering way, my knees might have buckled at the sight of you.

Instead, they kept moving forward.

Moving on is always easier said than done. People always told me I still wasn’t over you and I thought they had it twisted, but I didnt know if I was right when I told them they were wrong.

How did I really feel about you? How did you really feel about me? Did you miss me? How much did I miss you? My feelings toward you were a mess of things punctuated by a question mark. And it was the damn question mark driving me crazy. It was the damn question mark that had me convinced I had to see you one more time to figure out the answer to all these questions. Sure I missed you but how much and how bad?

Well, I saw you. You looked good; as beautiful pregnant as I always, always imagined you would. And I felt nothing but good standing there in the hot sun talking to you for a few minutes, but I felt even better as I walked away.

When our lives change forever, we so rarely get to identify the specific moment it happened. Most of the time, such moments pass by without our knowing, and we just wake up one day to see everything around us is different than it used to be. But I am fortunate enough to move on fully aware of the exact moment everything changed. It was this past Saturday.

Before we parted ways, I asked where you were headed, and you said it was to this park in Brooklyn,  coincidentally the same park I was headed to. We both laughed then jokingly said, “Oh no.” Was I really going to run into you twice in one day after not seeing you one time within the last year? Well, it turns out we didn’t, which is fine because as Saturday proved, we’re ready to run into each other for the rest of our lives. There’s no question about it.

Categories: c-section, dating, guys, on something, women Tags:
  • L. Dejean

    wow…this was so poetic & i saw it play out in my head…i felt the emotions behind it too…beautiful post Jozen!

  • Theryl

    Wow! I’m always in awe of your ability to speak your soul in this forum. One foot in front of the other….

  • lild

    wow. i got chills from reading this. you’re so good at putting emotions into words

  • http://www.untiligettoyou.blogspot.com AMuse

    It’s funny… My Ex and I leave less than 4 miles away from each other and hang out/shop in the same places. In over a year, we’ve never ran into each other but at times I wish we would just so we can get over the anticipated awkwardness and move on. This post reminds me that life happens as it’s suppose to. Never too early never too late. You were ready and so was she. Congratulations. knowing you have successfully moved on is such a beautiful moment.

  • http://www.untiligettoyou.blogspot.com AMuse

    It’s funny… My Ex and I leave less than 4 miles away from each other and hang out/shop in the same places. In over a year, we’ve never ran into each other but at times I wish we would just so we can get over the anticipated awkwardness and move on. This post reminds me that life happens as it’s suppose to. Never too early never too late. You were ready and so was she. Congratulations. knowing you have successfully moved on is such a beautiful moment.

  • Ava

    Jozen, this is so spot on! Bravo! You captured the feel and the emotion of such an encounter. Nicely done!

  • Special K

    Although I’m a woman I completely identify with this. I have an ex that, just like you I saw myself being with forever. So imagine the horror of running into him and his current girlfriend (at a mutual friends bbq) not knowing she was pregnant…the luxury of a phone call would have been much appreciated and probably would have eased the blow :-/. Somehow this post makes me feel better about it though. Thanks :-)

  • Trinity

    Jozen. Wow. That’s all I have for you today. :)

  • http://www.ashy2classy.net Darryl Frierson

    This was deep brother!!…Very deep! A lot of men admittedly or not would feel the same way

  • Ru’a’Lu

    Um…wow. That was beautiful. Simply beautiful…

  • MMhmm..

    Wow… This blog made me tear up and it sooo odd you posted this post now… because this weekend I had a few weird encounters with my ex fiancé and his new “friend”… 3 times this weekend… In the oddest places and we now live in two different states and the places we ran into each other were soo damn random… and it been a year and some change since we went our separate ways and I have never seen him in public before.. I thought seeing him randomly 3 time this past weekend was odd and now I see your blog… soo now I am even more… weird out I guess you can call it lol…

  • B

    my ex told me a few weeks ago that he was expecting……

  • SistahChef

    Beautiful Jozen. as usual!

    @ Special K ~ the same happened with me and my ex and I wished he’d had the decency to give me a call as well. His comment later was that he didn’t feel that it was important. Wow! But, such is life!

  • Newbie

    Man reading this blog makes me want to tell yall my business & shout out I understand Jozen.
    But I will jus say thx for being so open & u just helped me pin point the day in which my heart finally let go.

  • Miss. Riss

    I hope I can be as brave and calm as you when the day comes that things change for me and my last ex.

    Good to hear you’ve ” officially ” moved on. Cause I swear you never really move on until that ” one more time ” you hear or see from an ex.

  • http://www.thechicagosupperclub.com Alana

    It is always sooo interesting the way things happen like this,everything always comes full cirlce,alot times faster than we expect it to.

  • Teach It

    Nice post Jozen. Very well written.

    Am I the only one who doesn’t think it’s such a big deal to run into an ex? Not to diss Jozen’s entry (thumbs up), but several people posted about wanting a phone call from their ex stating that the new girlfriend was pregnant or wanting the heads up for other big changes. Why?

    Life is in constant motion and as long as you and your ex parted peacefully and you harbor no ill will against him/her…meeting your ex shouldn’t induce stress, anxiety, or a deer-in-the-headlights reaction. :)

  • http://www.twitter.com/_MissE_ Miss E

    Beautifully written – honest and raw.

    I ran into an ex unexpectedly this past April. He was with the woman he cheated on me with, as a matter of fact. I wasn’t sure I was ready. But as he greeted me with a cheek kiss and a hug, I felt it: the glorious snap of forward motion. I felt nothing of the buckling knees I might’ve once felt.

  • Lisa

    Wow, this brings back memories of me and my ex. Despite living literally 5 mins away from him, I’ll probably bump into him once a year and it’s always an awkward moment and sometimes we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other, forget about living with each other! It’s good to see that exes can actually be on good terms.

    Loved this article.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @Teach It
    “as long as you and your ex parted peacefully and you harbor no ill will against him/her…”

    yeah but sometimes you/they do *shrug*

  • dbaby11

    this was a really GREAT POST. i remeber when i rna into my ex at the gas station when i was about 8 months pregnant. i burst into tears!! i still dont know if it was the hormones or the overwhelming rush of every emotion we shared for the two years we were together.

  • Lana

    BRAVO, Jozen!!!

  • Sunkissed404

    Uhh…I am…loving this post right now. I have had these feeling bottled up over the past 5 to 6 months about a guy who I didn’t even think would impact my life the way he has this much later.. I always wonder..If I see him again, would there be a spark? Would he hate me for passing him up for the other guy? Would he be single or married with children?? Good post man.. Wow.

  • http://twitter.com/neicymarie Neicy

    Wow…..

    That was very, very, very well written. I feel like I understood what you were going through. You don’t overplay the emotional gravity of the situation, yet you didn’t underplay it and act all macho either.

    Incredibly great read.

  • http://facebook.com/yesip621 Yesi Jukebox

    You just reminded me of how much I hate having feelings..

  • MochaS

    As usual, a good heart-felt post. I can identify with that initial awkward moment of seeing an ex after a breakup, but I do not think any of my exs has an obligation to update me on their lives. We both lost that “right” once we parted. Once, I was upset when my ex didn’t inform me he was engaged, but only because he was still trying to get back with me (smdh)!

  • Nadira Rae

    Change is definitely inevitable and in situations like this it can definitely be a good thing. Supposedly time heals all wounds (and eventually it does), but moving forward is the hardest part. Beautiful and honest post.

  • Dililah

    Your capability of emotionally connecting and engaging with your readers (such as myself) is a gift and only proves that you were meant to be a writer.

  • sideeye

    @sistahchef..if you two are not together anymore, and from your wording it doesnt sound like you kept in touch with one another all that much.. why should it matter? (shrugs)

    Anyway, I always feel a tad awkward running into an ex only if the circumstances were less than amicable..but I’m always cordial and wish nothing but the best for him, life goes on….

  • natural nubian

    it’s soul-bearing transparent posts like this that solidify the reason why i’ve added you to my ‘favorites’ list. i always describe your blog as refreshing. i, too, received a phone call from my ex about him having a 2yr old daughter. afterwards i realized his phone call was not his way of seeing how i would take the news, but rather his way of extending courtesy and respecting what we had enough to want to be the 1st person to tell me the news.

  • http://www.levelheadedchick.blogspot.com/ Level Headed Chick

    This happens all too often…for men AND women…..glad you walked away feeling “nothing” though…..some of us felt the opposite.

  • Roni

    awesome read and I can definitely relate, although in my scenario I played the role of your ex and called to let the man I once shared everything with know that I was now carrying the child of someone else. Like you, we ran into each other not long after and we actually sat down and talked and like dbaby11, I burst into tears … not because of any lingering sadness or regret but because of the finality of the moment. Life gives us those moments so that we may have closure. Congratulations on moving on.

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  • E-Dub

    Damn.

  • Top5WitnessProtection

    I had the same experience… Sadly the father of her child bailed on her and I felt so bad for her. But her son is great.

  • ChicaGoGetter

    Wow! All I can say. I’ve never had that experience but this is could easily be a page from a script of an amazing movie. Had to post this to FB and share..Kudos.

  • http://casaraelgibson.squarespace.com casaraelgibson

    Nice read. Very visual. Love a heartfelt story.

  • Mischa

    Wow! Jozen, you have me at my desk tearing up! This was so beautiful and unlike some of your posts (great as they are) I think all your readers can relate to this one.

  • Ashleigh

    Man, hold up (as we say in Texas). This is too real. How do you do this? Beautiful.Authentic. Nuanced. Sincere. Refreshing…………….

  • Demi

    I really hope she reads this one :). I’m sure she’d love to hear the things you had to say about her.

  • http://www.wellbehaveddontmakehistory.blogspot.com Miss Malorie

    Wow… wow.

    There’s not much I can say except wow. This was beautiful, and GOD, do I ever understand. Except my barrier to cross wasn’t pregnancy, but marriage to another.

    Still haven’t seen spoken person and the wife, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will see him again, or her and him together.

    I hope if I ever do, I can be as composed as you.

  • E

    Wow. So my ex called me in January telling me his girlfriend is pregnant. Now he’s bought a house and everything for them to live together. Now that was the quickest realization that we would never be. Damn. Nice post, Jozen.

  • Zora Hahn

    I…..freakin’…..loved it! Gotta appreciate the raw emotion and clarity in the way that was written. I felt like I was there standing on the sidewalk in the hot sun with you trying not to pee my pants when she walked up. Excellent, excellent post! Keep em comin’!

  • Rach

    this hit home for me in more ways than one … you really do have a way of playing scenarios out like i’m walking right beside you as you replay what happened .. crazy!

  • Bridget B

    Nice.

  • mimi

    ***applauds***!

  • BrwnButterfly

    *Sniffles, blows nose and clears throat*

    With the exception of “The Truth About Jumpoffs” this might be the best post I’ve read of yours by far. The way you described bumping into your ex, it was like I was there with you on the sidewalk, watching her and her friend stand there. I had a similar incident when I was pregnant with my youngest child, my husband and I bumped into an ex that I was engaged to and it was very awkward. We tried to play it off but it was difficult. Anywhoo….this post was real and it made me kind of emotional. Great job Jozen.

  • Mz. Tae

    I am a strong believer of “once an ex…move on”. Obviously, you’ve been exed for a reason. Too many people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone and honestly, if it took that long for you to see it, then you didn’t cherish it from the get. Move on people…cuz I’m sure if you were the “current”, you’d be a little irritated at the fact that the “ex” just won’t get the dayum point! GTM u know who you are

  • http://www.aaronstjuste.wordpress.com Fallible Sage

    I felt every word of this.

  • TiP

    Beautiful…