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Poppin’ The Questions 8

Still not sure Poppin’ The Questions does anything for my writing, but I’m going to keep it up because people hitting my inbox with more questions and I do enjoy receiving them. Also, sometimes I can use the break from a more traditional post. I hope you all enjoy it.

And as always, real questions, from real people I don’t know. Really.

Is bad taste in music a big turnoff for you? Would you date a woman who didn’t care for jazz?

More than bad taste in music, a woman who has no appreciation for music is kind of a turn-off for me. If she’s the type of woman who just listens to the radio, I feel like our conversations would hit a lull. A woman doesn’t have to be into jazz because it’s not the easiest music to get into, and I’d rather be with someone who says they’re not into it, than someone who acts like they’re into it to come off as culturally aware. They just have to appreciate music beyond a functional purpose. I go to two or three live shows a week and live music is absolutely one of my favorite things to do, so I need a woman who appreciates it just as much as I do.

Your blogs are very insightful to me. You make being single “fun”….Do you honestly think you will find the right woman to settle down with one day?

I hope when I get married, I also make monogamy look fun. I don’t try to glorify being single so much as I try to show life is good no matter the cards we’re dealt, and I’m thankful to be able to play another hand. I love life in all its forms, whether I’m single or in a relationship. As for whether or not I will find the right woman to settle down with one day, one can only hope. One can only hope.

Would you ever date a girl who “smashed a homie”?

My first instinct is to say absolutely not, but I’ve grown up a little. The thing about this situation is, if you’re active enough in the dating world, you’re going to come across some overlap. It’s happened to me a couple of times. I’ve wanted to date a girl who used to date a guy I’m cool with or who did some things with another guy I know, and what I’ve learned is this: Letting another man get in the way of the moves I’m making is childish, not only that, if women can handle the pressure of dating a guy who used to sleep with one of her friends, a man should be able to do the same.

Do you think you could ever go back, change your approach to a chance encounter, and turn a “booty call” into a relationship? If so, HOW!? 🙂

I suppose there’s a always a chance to take things to another level, if I wouldn’t discriminate against a woman who used to “smash the homie” why would I discriminate against a woman who used to smash me? So yeah, there’s a chance that could but how? I don’t know

What is it about women from the Bay Area that you like?

Umm, does everything count as an answer? Just kidding. I think the real reason I have a deep appreciation for women from the Bay is because I’ve had so many different types of relationship experiences with them. My best female friend is from the Bay. My former boss, who I also consider a mentor, is from the Bay. The last girl I fell in love with is from the Bay. So I have seen them in all these different capacities and it’s made me see the common thread between all of them is their strength. They breed them strong out there, which is not to say there aren’t strong women from other areas, it’s just, I’ve seen the strength of Bay women in so many ways, I can’t help but immediately get into the next woman I meet from there.

Short-time reader, first time enquirer. Always curious about who/what writers are reading. Who’s your fave author and what’s on your summer reading list?

Right now I’m reading Trey Ellis’ “Home Repairs”, and Helena Andrews’ “Bitch Is The New Black”. I know the latter may seem like an odd choice, but I appreciate Helena’s hustle to get to where she’s at, and I kind of know her personally. She’s supported my blog so I want to support her book. Besides, it’s not the “relationship” book everyone thinks it is. It’s a memoir, and as a writer of color, nothing would please me more than to see “BITNB” get the kind of accolades we see from other books like “Eat, Pray, Love”

What do you do when you don’t want to write?

I write. This isn’t a luxury for me it’s a living, so even when i don’t want to write, I probably have to anyway. It’s like asking a doctor what does he do when he doesn’t want to operate, I’m pretty sure he operates anyway if he’s asked to do it. But, it should be said, I do give myself days off, usually on the weekends, so it helps me a little bit. But next week, I’m going to be reporting from the Essence Music Festival, and I’m sure there will be times when I don’t want to write. Oh well.

What was your best and worst pick-up line? One that you’ve actually used, not just one that you thought of using.

My worst pick-up line is, “Hi.” If I don’t have anything of substance to say, I should just be quiet and not say anything at all. It’s not that I need a line so much as I need to say something that will start a conversation. As for my best pick-up line, why would I divulge such information? Kidding. Honestly, my best pick-up line isn’t planned, but I will share this much. I usually do approach a woman and ask her if the outfit she’s wearing was her first choice. And I absolutely will continue to use that even after sharing it here. I find it to be a great way to start a conversation, and if a woman disagrees, she probably doesn’t want to talk to me in the first place.

The commentors are pretty interesting. Do you consider any of them crazy? Hilarious? Someone you would be friends with if y’all ever met?

None of my commenters are crazy, and a few of them are absolutely hilarious. I definitely would be friends with all of them off the strength of their support, but they’d have to be people I get along with too.

Have you ever met Drake in person? Also, do you think you resemble Drake?

I’ve met him once, and I absolutely do not think we look alike, although he did give me a look like he was looking into a mirror. Weird. Anyway, people say I resemble Drake, but that ain’t nothing but a light-skin-guy-who-expresses-his-feelings sort of thing.

Do you read horoscopes?

No, but I do buy the hype around my sign. I’m a Cancer, so that whole sensitivity thing, yeah, I got that in spades in addition to other Cancer traits.

Do you think you’d be married today if you would’ve stayed in your hometown instead of moving to NYC?

Probably, which is why I’m glad I moved to NYC.

Alicia Keys & Swizz Beatz – what do you think of it all? The relationship? Rumors of Alicia being a home wrecker? Baby & engagement news?

If you listen closely to Alicia’s last album, a lot of the songs have a subliminal forbidden love undertone to them. So while I don’t bother with the he-said, she-said of the gossip sites, I do listen and I definitely hear something in the music. As for the baby and engagement news, it was a smart move by Swizz. I mean, do you have any idea how musically talented that baby is going to be? I’m on Amazon right now already placing a pre-order for their child’s debut.

Are some men just unable to resist temptation from the fairer sex or is it just a case of them refusing to resist temptation? Would I be naive in thinking that a serial cheater might change his spots and leave his doting girlfriend for me??

Okay three, not two, questions in one.

The first: I’ll put it to you like this. As someone who has cheated on girlfriends past, cheating is a result of a fundamental character flaw, that being selfishness. Whenever I meet a man who has never cheated, it makes me feel weak for having cheated. It’s like, where’s the discipline? I do think cheating is more about what a man is willing to do and not do, rather than some larger life force at work.

As for your second question: The only thing naive about believing a serial cheater can change his spots is if you believe you’re the reason he will do such a thing. Men change on their own.

Third question: I have no idea if a man is going to leave his doting girlfriend for you but I will say this. You deserve to wait as long as it takes, even if it takes years. To me, people who are trying to make something happen with someone taken are like the walk-ins of life. You didn’t have an appointment, player! Don’t be mad it’s taking so long. If you didn’t schedule something in advance, you just need to sit there and be patient, and if you can’t wait that long, leave.

What do most men think about single mothers? Does having a kid lessen their chances with someone?

I’m sure it drains the pool a little bit, but you’re not talking to someone who discriminates against such a thing. As someone who has dated women with children, I can honestly say they’re just as difficult as women without children and it has absolutely nothing to do with them having children. Absolutely nothing.

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  • Level Headed Chick

    My worst pick-up line is, “Hi.”- This is the best pickup line ever followed up with a smile. I wish more fellas would realize that.

  • **inquiring mind**

    “…it was a smart move by Swizz. I mean, do you have any idea how musically talented that baby is going to be? I’m on Amazon right now already placing a pre-order for their child’s debut. ”

    Bwahahaha… I hate you for this.

  • dbaby11

    SIGNED ,

  • Tiffany

    @dbaby11 Yeah me too, after one of my fav blogs NWSO kinda tore into “baby mamas”, though people read into it a bit too much.

    I think “hi” is the easiest pick up line especially if you can follow it up with a “how are you? My name is yadda-yadda. And a significant question of the moment.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  • Sunkissed404

    lol… Sooo, you are sooooo a Cancer. My brother is a Cancer..and yes… Sensitivity is definitely a trait;) But, on the flip side…Most Cancers seem to be very passionate about…everything.

    ” What is it about women from the Bay Area that you like?”
    – I have heard all my life that I sound like I’m from somewhere other than Georgia…My brother’s friend told me I sounded “Valley-Country” when I talk…. Ummm, yeah…Where they do that at?

  • Demi

    I love these posts…that is all :)…

  • Sunni B

    I had to laugh at the question about the Drake comparison! While talking to my friend before I read today’s post, I compared you to Drake. Wait…I don’t think you look anything like Drake, I compared your personas. I thought it was rare to find men who can express their feelings about women, love, and relationships so freely, but between you, Drake, and my boyfriend I have discovered I was wrong. I appreciate both yours and Drake’s ability to be honest, contradictory, and emotional all the while being great at your craft. It makes you, both of you, relatable and entertaining.

  • dbaby11

    yes tiffany i follow that blog as well and that is why i appreciate jozen ‘s answer. the reality is at my age most of my peers have children. it is what it is.
    …. turning a booty call into a relationship…… true answer most guys wont dedicate the time. once you have been placed in the catagory it will take alot for a man to reevaluate you

  • citygirl22

    LMAO… I knew there was a reason I was moved by you (“you” being effortlessly conveyed through your words). I am a Capricorn, and Cancer men are my weakness!!!

    Not that I fully buy into the whole horoscope thing. Im jus sayin’.

  • mentos

    Love the walk in analogy…btw…don’t b made if you don’t get what u paid for since u didn’t make an appointment any way 🙂

  • BoomShots

    One man’s booty call is another man’s prospective relationship!
    If you get to caught up in the lesser details of how you meet the person and under what circumstances just understand you re limiting your options. some folks are fine with that, even the dude who does not prefer to date women with children.

    I like the honesty of the answers today, not in total agreement but I appreciate the rationale. Yo Alicia/Swizz, remember Karma is a MF’er!!

    As for the cheater, I grew up in a culture where cheating is greatly tolerated and I have to say while I never have, I am truly not opposed to it. I have been lucky enough to be able move on when I got those urges.

    Whats up with the Jazz snobs though??
    I can appreciate Jazz but its not my favorite thing to listen to but so many pseudo intellectuals seem to have it as a pre-requisite. Most of the just do name dropping anyways, referencing albums or artist

  • Michelle

    yayyy, my question was answered. i wasn’t looking for a definite answer because of course there is no right or wrong answer, but more of an idea of what men think when it came to my situation. appreciate it jozen. will be sure to keep the questions coming 🙂

  • mimi

    @Level Headed Chick

    Agreed! so long as the breath doesnt smell like something died in his stomach and his teeth dont lok like **gasp** 🙂

  • mimi

    Oh yes, That Bay area thing is baffling to me. Maybe due to the ones I’ve met. I have one homegirl from there adn she is cool… but majority were just ghetto as hell. (Sorry to anyone from there.)

  • Ashleigh

    lmao @ the walk-in analogy and pre-ordering baby Keys debut on Amazon. Glad to hear you are reading “BITNB”. Im only in the second chapter but Helena deserves recognition for her work. The book is brilliant!

  • Simply

    Each post I read (and I’ve been reading for a while now), you remind me more and more of one of my close guy friends. Then you say you’re a Cancer and it becomes a bit more eerie, except he’s the dark-skinned, dreadlocked version.

  • Nadira Rae

    ‘You didn’t have an appointment, player!’….that LITERALLY made me laugh out loud. Possibly one of the best analogies I’ve ever ‘heard’…touche sir!

  • Tea

    “I don’t try to glorify being single so much as I try to show life is good no matter the cards we’re dealt, and I’m thankful to be able to play another hand. I love life in all its forms, whether I’m single or in a relationship.”

    I’m just letting you know that I will be using this as a key message. I try to say this all the time, but never have I been able to do it so eloquently. All that to say, I feel you!

  • sg

    I appreciate the Bay Area women comment being from a woman from the bay. The funny thing is, is that we are always talking about how much we prefer/appreciate men out on the east coast. Damn if only….