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It’s A Facebook Relationship Status Update, Not A Baby

Okay folks, I know I’m a little behind today, and I’m sorry for the delay, but I’m a busy man over here. I have ESSENCE FESTIVAL coming up in three days, so office time is limited and therefore, extremely important.

Still, I have a lunch break today, so let me go in on this particular thing I’m starting to see people do on Facebook that is getting on my last nerve. It’s not so much the people who are doing it so much as it is the reaction to the people who are doing it. So yeah, those people, whoever you are, pay attention. I have something to tell you.

All you girls out there who want to leave a comment on your girlfriend’s wall after she announces she is “In A Relationship”, cut it out. Stop. Enough with the “Yeaaaahhhh girl!” and the “Awwwwww”‘s. Save some of that for when you actually see them in person, or the phone call you two are going to have. I mean, that is your real-life friend, right? You do have her phone number, right? You do see her every now and then in real life, right? If your answer to any of these questions are no, then guess what? You have no business commenting on their relationship status update, even if it’s a happy one.

And all you guys out there who want to leave some subliminal message on her status update, with something like, “Another one bites the dust” or something smart like that, you cut it out too.

This is what Facebook has done, it’s reduced the significance of a relationship to something as trivial as a few clicks of the mouse, not because of the relationship status option itself, but the audience replying to the update.

The option of a person’s status has been given since the days of the AOL Profile, so really, we’re not looking at something entirely new here. What is new is the freaking comment section to follow it, so now, whenever we do want to casually update our relationship status just to make sure our profile is accurate with up-to-date information, we look like we’re trying to get the attention of others. And others are giving attention to us when in fact, we may not really want people to praise us just because we’re no longer screwing with other people (according to the status), just one.

As a result, girls are now pining for their men in real lives to represent on Facebook if for no other reason than to get blown up on their wall by all their girlfriends and show up in the time line of their former man who may or may not have lost a good thing. Meanwhile men are being pressured to do something they know really has no bearing on their actions. We’re pretty sure Beyonce said if we really like her we’ll put a ring on it, now we have to put a relationship status update on it too? Fine. Whatever makes her happy and gives the guy more time, we don’t care, because if we’re the type of man who creeps, we’re not doing it on the Internet, we’re doing it in real life. Everyone knows a real side piece doesn’t get the friend request.

If girls really wanted to gloat about their recent takeover of a man’s life, they would know the whole Relationship Status update thing is so 2006. With all the limited profile options, such information can now get hidden, so if he’s the type to creep, he knows how to appease your wishes while at the same time making himself look available. In 2010, the real relationship signifier has now shifted over into the Profile Picture. Any man can put down he’s in a relationship. That ain’t about nothing. But if a man puts up a profile pic of her with another girl, he’s making it loud and clear: Game over.

Quit commenting on a person’s simple old Relationship Status. If they’re in a relationship and you’re genuinely happy for them, call them or email them on the side. Don’t comment on it because the only thing I care about less than so-and-so now being in a relationship, is the person who is happy so-and-so just got into a relationship.

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  • S.X.


    that was well said, people definitely needed to hear this. well, read this lol.

    only thing i hate more than people commenting on a new relationship is people commenting on or “like”-ing a facebook breakup. that blows mine…

  • Tonya Love

    I agree on that real friends message. I rarely talk to my close friends via Facebook. After all the texting and phone calls, it’s overkill.

    side note: California girl going to Alabama while you are at Essence. So not looking forward to that heat. 🙁

  • Tamia W


  • **inquiring mind**

    Well d@mn son! Tell ’em how you really feel… this must of hit home- yikes!

    Anyway about that “Everyone knows a real side piece doesn’t get the friend request.” Uh, the game is to be sold not told (word to Darryl Frierson) lol

  • goalawal

    Hey! i’ve been away for 2 weeks.. where is everyone at?? Some comments to read would make this post much more meaningful at this moment…..

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  • ~TruthHurts

    you can block someone from seeing ur relationship status now on fb too. This guy i went on a date with had me on his limited profile and come to find out he was “in a relationship” with me blocked but he forgot to block my girl so i saw it anyway. Men have got to do better!

  • J. Danielle

    I agree! And I’m one of the women who have opted out of displaying her relationship status on facebook. My close friends already know whether I am or whether I’m not in a relationship. And my not-so-close friends shouldn’t be concerned.

    Also, this may come as a surprise but guys also pressure girls to change their relationship status. I know because my EX-boyfriend pressured me on the whole “making our relationship facebook official” for weeks (Should’ve known then that I’d have to give him the boot! smh).

    And we’d be remiss not to mention the men and women who change their relationship status every week purely for the attention! So sad…

  • Black Girl

    True, true! You broke it down in every sense of the word. Hopefully a lot of folks that do this will READ and TAKE HEED! Great post, I’m officially a “FAN”, but not on Facebook, lol.

  • P.A.

    “…now we have to put a relationship status update on it too?” LMBO!!! I love it!

  • Tunde

    yeah relationship or not. i hide the option on my facebook page. i really don’t need people that much in my business. if someone asks depending on who they are i have no problem telling them if i’m single or in a relationship. most times people just want to be nosy. that’s what i don’t have time for.

  • BoomShots

    Stil not on FB and still planning not to be.
    Let’s try this experiment, having a relationship without a FB update?
    Maybe we too far gone to even recall when that was done. I thinks it saves you from the obvious humiliation when the relationship status is downgraded.

    We have to really get over continuing to live our personal lives with audience partcipation!!

  • Yesi Jukebox

    I have to completely agree with you on this one. I absolutely hate all the comments people leave, it’s really not necessary to say anything!

  • Yesi Jukebox

    @BoomShots “We have to really get over continuing to live our personal lives with audience partcipation!!” Ugh I completely agree with you here, its okay to post a pic here and there but the constant status updates about the significant other make me want to vomit lol

  • Natasha

    Perfect!!! LOVE you for this. There is too much attention whoring and I am over it!

    My lil cousin just posted her relationship status of some dude that we(the fam) has no clue about. She got comments for all her little friends asking who he is blah blah blah. *roll eyes* My cousin then comments that no one knows who he is and that is how she likes it. Booo. So a few days later she then shows who he is by linking her facebook page with his. LOL. It said his whole name and link to his facebook page. When we talk on the phone I don’t even bring it up. It’s silly. If you serious about dude them why get attention on the computer when you can tell fam and friends. I don’t get it.

  • Sunkissed404

    OMG…I soooo was talking about this to my friend yesterday. I know this chick that got engaged, posted engagment pictures immediately, and tells the world EVERYTHING!! To make it so bad, we were real tight back in the day. Now, when I talk to her, she’ll be like..” You saw what he wrote on my wall, right?…Go to my wall…Then, call me back.” WTF??!! What facebook does for me is shows me how narcissistic some are when they find someone who will give them a little bit of attention…Wow!!!

  • Kady

    I keep it hidden also, but it really makes me sad when I see married FB freinds change there option from Married to single. You really don’t need to announce that to the world. Facebook relationship updates was officially killed when the youtube parody came out. The further up in my career I get, the more desolate my facebook gets, my page is basically read only, with status updates here and there.

  • KB

    This cracks me up. I thought I was the only one. The other day a friend (an actual, close friend) changed her relationship status and mentioned her “hottie” boyfriend. Another friend commented, “Congrats on the hottie BF, honey!!!!!!” I was like: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! are you KIDDING ME?? Congratulations???? Is that really necessary? It’s not like she graduated from Harvard or won the Nobel Prize or…had a baby. Sheesh. I just feel like there are far more worthy things that deserve some form of acknowledgment or accolades…being in a relationship is just not one of them.

    I never put my relationship status on FB, whether I’m in a relationship or not. And I’d definitely *never* say: “It’s Complicated.” That’s just doing way too much.

    I have two friends who no longer speak because one would get annoyed that the other wouldn’t read her blog…so she refused to discuss anything that she’d previously written about. She’d say, “I don’t feel like talking about it, go read my blog.” My other friend is not so much into the internet (including blogs, facebook, twitter and the like). So she was like, “Fine, you don’t want to talk to me like a NORMAL PERSON?? Have it your way.” They haven’t spoken in something like two years.

  • A.Smith

    Facebook has forever altered how we share personal info with people. It’s cool but mostly scary. Those “girl, did you see (enter subject/action) on facebook??” phone calls have become normal — that’s not ok.

    I still remember people in dorm rooms trying to figure out if someone was gay based on what they said they were interested in.

    I don’t have my relationship status up for this very reason. Got in a huge fight with the ex about changing his and when it was all said and done — still wasn’t happy (cause the relationship status wasn’t the real issue) All that got me to thinking about why we have that mess up there in the first place and I decided to take mine off.

    I too have seen a few engaged/married statuses go back to single and that’s hella awkward. Just one more reason not to have all that up there.

    I say that in my life you can tell who I talk to mostly offline because those are the people I rarely talk to on facebook. What’s the point? I told ’em everything already. And if any of my close friends were to begin directing me to facebook or a blog for exclusive updates on their lives, that’ll be my cue to keep it pushing.

  • MyzDevyneOne

    I feel you.
    I’m happily dating someone now, but he isn’t on FB.
    As I have 2 profiles, I’m simply in a relationship with myself. Keeps folk outta my bidness. LOL

  • ashleigh

    The Truth as always!! Definitely why you’re one of top 10 men to follow on Twitter 😉

  • brownivyx

    Totally…just seems like a way to piggyback off the attention of someone else.

    FB is not a place to air out personal biz. Personally, I don’t see the point of even putting my status up period (unless my SO absolutely insists which, if your post is any indication, no guy ever would). I use it to 1) keep up w/ the friends and acquaintances I *don’t* see/speak with/give my number to 2)advertise my side gig 3) put pithy and irreverent little status updates and vid links.

    Real talk about real life should be reserved for the offline World…and maybe twitter. You can talk about anything on twitter.

  • talia

    like, love, engaged, open, whatever.
    it’s none of my business so i skip the comment section and keep it moving to my inbox.
    however…i do get a little red when i see status updates that read like journal entries. announcing that you went to jail last night, or need to find a way to chase out the weed in your system because you have an interview tomorrow, gets no handclap from me. instead, i’ll click like just to get your attention and then leave a comment with a number to a help hotline.

    jozen, i like your 7th paragraph. it says it all.

  • sunkissed404

    They haven’t spoken in 2 years!! Are u kidding me?….
    I seriously have a problem with my friend posting something to facebook every 5 minutes, like it’s twitter….She even puts down when she and her fiance are eating…Last week, she was like “Wooooh Babeeey..U put it down last night…and I bet the neighbors know my name;)”. Sooo, it’s official.. I haven’t spoken to her since because I think she’s weird and is losing it. Nothing is sacred anymore..

    I had on a ring in one of my profile pics…that was clearly, costume jewelry, and one of my classmates left a comment on my page like “Are you tryna hide something from us?? Are you married?” …(Worried somebody gon’ get married before her.)..and if I was, I would not be announcing it to the world….weird!

  • hypocrit

    the author of this blog frequently provides details of his life and relationship experiences right here on this site so what difference does it make whether someone shares relationship info on facebook or on a blog?! it’s the same friggin’ thing in my opinion! duhhh!!! people that are “out there” with their personal information tend to be exhibitionists in some way or another. if these exhibitionists want people to notice them then more power to them but don’t be hypocritical about it and don’t recommend what others should do. let people live their lives and do what makes them happy. if you don’t want to see certain facebook updates or know what the comments say then DON’T READ THEM. the fact that it bothers you means you’re still peeking. stop peeking and mind your own. peace.

  • Nadira Rae

    This is hilarious and SO on point! I’ve heard of actual stories (of real people) ‘battling’ via fb relationship status updates (i.e. two people were seeing each other, it didn’t quite work out, all of a sudden the guy is then ‘in a relationsip’…the girl then tries to out-do him a week or so later and she’s now ‘engaged’…etc). I mean….SERIOUSLY?!?!? (and these people were in their 30s!!!) What is this world coming to….WHO CARES anyway! Like you said, if your ‘real life’ friend has found happiness, you can convey that off the fb main stage. Don’t even get me started on the ‘It’s Complicated’ option….why even bother???…and WHY are you broadcasting that to everyone??? Foolishness.

  • Nadira Rae


    I had a similar ‘ring’ experience (right-hand ring I bought myself, solitaire so it looks ‘engagement-ish’ but I’ve had it for YEARS). Chick I went to college with asked me the same thing (and I’d seen her in person before, wearing the ring before she made this comment). Why do people feel the need to bring attention to things or get in your business? It wasn’t even a close-up, so why are you staring at my hands? PLUS if it’s on my right hand, CLEARLY I’m not engaged…go that way please! Thanks. Lol.

  • Shan

    Will you be at the Essence Fest for business or pleasure? If business, where will you be? It would be great to meet you in person.

  • Dash

    You use the word ‘girls’ instead of ‘women.’ Maybe that’s why there is so much ado about virtual titles. ‘Boys’ is written nowhere in this post. Just ‘men.’ Very interesting. And disturbing.

  • IceQueen

    I have a friend like this too she lives her life through Facebook, last week she told me she couldn’t meet me as we had planned as she was so busy preparing for her holiday and her Mum was coming to see her on the Saturday night etc.
    So I thought OK but something told me she was lying then she had updated her status saying how her and her man were chilling drinking wine, the Saturday night she was out and it was Sunday her Mum came round……did she think I wouldn’t see her Fb or does she think it it two separate things?!

    Facebook has really made or brought out narcissitic, attention seeking qualities in people and it is worrying.
    I do not have my relationship status up at all and I won’t fullstop if a man doesn’t like it he can jump…it no ones business

  • Miss. Riss

    Two thumbs up!

    I saw someone comment, congratulations on someone’s relationship status and i was thinking since when is ” congratulations ” appropriate for a relationship. Not a baby (like you said) or even an engagement.

    I will admit I will say congrats on a change over to married or engaged. Cause most of my friends that got engaged hated getting 69 calls about their engagement, so fb makes it a lil easier. LOL

    either way great post.

  • Sunkissed404

    @Nadira Rae
    lol…Right. It was on my right hand, but she was soooo worried I was married. what an idiot!
    Every time my cousin goes out to the club, she takes pictures of herself with hot guys…who don’t know that they’re going to end up in a photo with her on her profile Dyiiiiing to get attention!! Before she had facebook, I thought she was the coolest chick ever…Now that I see that she’s an attention whore in desperate need of the opposite gender’s attention, I have fallen waaay back. I have a very simple facebook page…Simple is good.

    -SMH- The nerve of her…lol And people wonder why there are so many break-ins and break ups. Typical facebook post “Yaaaay..I’m going to Jamaica for a week! Woo hoo!!”…Ummm, hopefully you have somebody watching your house for the week…

  • Yesi Jukebox

    @hypocrit Jozen’s blog is actually quite different from someone changing their relationship status on facebook and everyone commenting on it. His problem, along with plenty of us commenters, is that people change their relationship status on facebook like it’s their underwear and then they have friends congratulating them or in the event of the status changing to “Single” they saw “aww, that sucks”. Jozen tells us about much more than his relationships with women and we certainly give better feedback than a “Congratulations” or “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”

  • HoneyMoney

    you can always change your relationship status and the delete from the wall so it doesn’t show up on the feed for people to comment on it. Easy, peasy.

  • MissMina

    LOL! Yes no one likes to downgrade. I would sooner want to cancel my facebook page then to have to change my status to single and hear all of the pity comments.

    But to add to the list of things we hate people do on facebook – I hate when people break up and then every status for weeks or months is some self empowerment message really meant to indirectly send a message to an ex. Like “I am stronger now and I don’t need a man to define me” Really? But yet you are still silently checking his facebook and hoping he;s checking yours.

  • Tiffany

    I am always cracking up when people go congrats to someone being in a relationship. Mine has never changed whether I was in a relationship or not. Like you said it’s just FB and not a life changer. And if you are that good of a friend you already know and don’t have to check out my status.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  • **inquiring mind**

    What an ironic name?

    I wouldn’t dare try to sway you from what you believe (you’re obviously very passionate about it… maybe even telling on yourself a bit, no? I digress), but try taking your own advice huh and “don’t be hypocritical about it and don’t recommend what others should do”… (oh sh!t was just being hypocritical too… I’VE BEEN INTO THE MATRIX- lol)

    But seriously, I’m just sayin – smh

    @Yesi Jukebox Can I just concur? Preach.

  • Ren

    Damn, bitter much? This is one blog don’t particularly agree with. Yes, I do understand that the relationship status “update” calls out for attention, cause if I was good friends with someone, they’d know about it firsthand- but what about the people/family living in other countries who have no idea what you’re up to?

    A simple status lets them know, “damn, she’s getting some.”

  • Ren


    hahaahha, I totally agree with this. Which is why I’m a big girl and move past the drama and continue fishing elsewhere. And hide his updates as well so I’m not tempted to take a peak….

  • Violet

    @Dash: Cosign! This is bothersome and always has been for me! Doesn’t seem to hold the “girls” he collectivizes or wishes to in high esteem.

  • **inquiring mind**

    @**inquiring mind**

    🙁 I meant “I’ve been PULLED into the matrix” #FAIL

  • Brooklynite

    As many before me have said Jozen…..PREACH! Well said….(and in my B.I.G. voice)…”Ain’t no more to it”

  • Top5WitnessProtection


    I think women make a bigger deal about it because relationships at our age (27+) are suppose to be serious with the possibility of marriage. Most guys will not put in a relationship on their status unless they are really serious. If i guy puts in a relationship and status and who that person is with well he is really declaring to the world he is serious… Or he was mentally raped by his girlfriend to do it… Lesson here ladies it is Mental Rape to make your man do something he does not want to really do… NO means NO…

  • citygirl22

    Top5WitnessProtection :Jozen:
    If i guy puts in a relationship and status and who that person is with well he is really declaring to the world he is serious

    REALLY????? Is FB the new gauge of relationship seriousness????? That anyone could make such a statement, and believe it, underscores Jozen’s point.

    @hypocrit, I must agree with Yesi that revealing information in a blog is completely different from divulging one’s relationship status on Facebook. Jozen is a professional writer, and shares about his life and relationships because that is the subject of his blog. He could have just as easily chosen to write about food, or careers, or investing, or any number of other subjects. Therefore, your comparison is completely arbitrary.

    Furthermore, Jozen’s revelations have a purpose. Unlike the random status update, they are thought-provoking insights meant as fodder for intelligent discussion. His work is thus no different than that of a musician sharing his music, or a dancer displaying her artistry. It surprises me that someone who cannot appreciate the distinction would even bother to post.

  • mimi

    LMAO… sooooo who did you stop seeing that put up a status? Or which one of your exes is nowin a relationship and it caught your eye.

    LOL. I feel like it’s not that serious, Jozen. I’m not pro telling your business online. And I never change my relationship status— keeps people minding someone else’s business and not mine. However, people that do, i mean whatever. So long as the same person doesnt change it every month… IDC! 🙂

  • Tea

    I agree wholeheartedly and have nothing more to add. 🙂

  • spchrist

    I don’t have a problem with someone commenting on my relationship status…as long as they are respect. It sounds like your headed to the Essence Music Festival. I’ll be there too.

  • Fallible Sage

    I think the whole thing is ridiculous. The people who know you know if you’re in a relationship or not, they don’t need social networking confirmation. Relationships are difficult to cultivate, and there’s nothing sadder than the merry go round that is the on again off again FB relationship status… that walk of shame is more heartbreaking than probably the actual ending of the relationship.
    During my last relationship I removed the status from my page all together. So it’s just blank, doesn’t say single or relationships. That way, no matter what’s going on in my life, it’s always right and never needs editing. Which was fortunate too because that relationship only lasted 7mos. Walk of shame avoided. Women get really serious about the status though, like it’s some kind of digital branding to stave off would be online lecherousness… dumb. Whoever I do decide to commit to will just have to understand that I don’t do the relationship updates thing. Great Post.

  • Ebony

    Yeah, I’m a bit surprised at how much this irritates some people. I guess I could go either way. I however, do think being in a relationship is just as exciting and applaudable as graduating from Harvard. But then again, I have two degrees and have been single for too long to count….it’s all good;)

  • pt lover

    “Everyone knows a real side piece doesn’t get the friend request.”

    Classic line, especially for these days and times.

    I’m a big fan! Keep up the great work.

    PT Lover