Trust Me, It Was News To Me Too That I Am ‘Very Nice To Look At’
Smart, charming, funny, clever on Twitter, I already knew all of those things about myself, but ‘very nice to look at’? When I read those words in the humbling write-up done by Geneva S. Thomas and Leslie Pitterson in their article “The Top 10 Men To Follow On Twitter”, all I could think about was my 7th grade self.
The young kid who swore he wasn’t nice to look at in the least bit, who cared about how he dressed to compensate for what he believed was a lack of physical appeal still lurks somewhere inside of me. So whenever I get praised for my physical appearance, I think back to the first time I was told differently.
The moment happened, as I suggested, in 7th Grade. The conversation was a casual one about something to do with personalities and had all the air of kids who wanted to act like they knew about people and the world but in fact knew nothing. As I started off my two cents with something about “being ugly” or “not being cute”, this girl in our group cut me off.
“Who’s ugly?” she asked.
“Umm, I am,” I said.
What she said back are words I never forgot. I still remember the girl’s name, first and last, who said it to me, but I won’t divulge that. I’ll just repeat what she said to me.
“Oh please, Jozen. You’re not ugly. You’re cute.”
Might I add, the girl who said it was cute too, the kind of girl who dated older boys. So to get her co-sign had me rushing straight to the bathroom after class and checking myself out in the mirror. When I looked at what I saw, I thought, “Hmm, maybe she has a point.”
But even as a full grown adult, I sometimes take a look at myself and think, “Eh, not today.” The only difference is when I have a bad looks day these days, I know it’s not a permanent thing. And, more importantly, I know how to compensate for it by turning on other things like my charm or wit.
Let me break down for you all what I see when I look in the mirror. I see an acquired taste. I’m no one’s type, never have been. Even if I am cute, most women who have dated me have said they have never dated a guy who looks like me, which is a nice way of saying they have never dated a guy who looks like a security guard or a delivery man. That’s right. Because my Puerto Rican genes are the most dominant I have the look of a janitor who knows how to dress. I’m also just around 6’0 and because I like tall women, sometimes I strike out with a woman I want. When I drink alcohol, my face gets flush red, which means for the most part I avoid drinking during the day or in well lit areas where people will say things like, “DAAAAMMMMN!” And even though people say when everyone’s drinking no one really cares, I definitely care.
Oh my face is kind of fat, my Asian genes have made it impossible for me to grow any scruff along my jaw lines and give me these slanted eyes that make everyone question whether or not I’ve been smoking some funny cigarettes. My hair is a big mess of Asian-African-Rican genes and I could use some more muscles. It’s like when God made me he said, “You wanna look good? It’s going to take work.” So yeah, trust me, I don’t wake up looking like God’s gift. That doesn’t come until after the shower.
I say none of this for anyone to feel sorry for me, so please, no pouty-faced comments saying things like, “Aww Jozen, you’re cute” or “Oh Jozen, you definitely look so good I would sleep with you without knowing your last name.” I don’t want to hear any of that (well, maybe the second one, but you can email me that on the side), because I’m not writing this to throw some pity party. All I want to do is shed light on a dirty little secret us men have.
Men care about the way we look, we just don’t let it stop us from approaching the women we want. But the idea that men don’t care about whether or not they’re good looking or don’t assess such things, is ridiculous. Oh, we care just as much as females do, and we shouldn’t be considered metrosexuals because of it.
For years, men have been going to the barbershop to get their haircut once a week. Back in the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s when men were supposedly men, those guys always made sure their outfits were crisp, clean, and fit just so. And since the first moment man was able to see himself in a reflection, he’s always given himself a once over just in case the next woman he ran into was his future wife.
That being said, ladies, don’t be afraid to tell a man he is ‘very nice to look at’ if you feel so inclined. We may not need the ego boost, but men like compliments too and not necessarily the ones about how smart we are. Instead, every now and then, when you see your man getting ready for work or something like that and he looks at you to say, “How do I look?” Look him in the eye and say, “Damn fine.” Trust me, it’ll be a good look.